At the Speed of Life
by Reese M
Summary: Alex and Olivia have a life outside of work really they do, just ask their daughter. But their jobs are still right there in their world as well. This story is a continuance of "An Unexpected Life". AO
1. Chapter 1

This is a continuance to "An Unexpected Life" so you should really read that first. :)

* * *

Running through her day in her head, Alex was making a mental list of whats and wheres. She would be in court most of the morning and then dealing with the rookies in her bureau, which of course meant another day of dealing with Jim. The man irritated to her to no end and it had only gotten worse since she'd adopted Allie and actually married Olivia. The blonde sighed as she ran a hair brush through her hair then swapped it for her glasses. As she padded in her stocking feet past the adjoining bathroom in her and Olivia's bedroom she called out, "Liv! You're going to be late!"

There was some muffled replied that she barely caught but it made her smile none the less. Stopping at her daughter's door she eased it open to peek in at the still sleeping child. Ah the joys of school holidays. Allie still had the rest of the week to enjoy before having to go back to the second grade. Easing the door closed again she made her way into the kitchen.

"See, showered and ready." Came Olivia's voice as she entered the kitchen a few moments later. "And you wonder why I went back to short hair."

Alex smiled as she watched Olivia getting her morning coffee. She'd liked Olivia's long hair, but had to admit this was her favorite look. Short hair, fitted slacks, button up blouse over a tight t-shirt, and leather jacket. The first time Alex had walked into the squad room and seen Olivia standing there, looking like that, she went weak in the knees. Even now all these years later the look still made her swoon.

"What?" Olivia asked as she turned around to find Alex staring at her with the tip of her glasses in her mouth. God she loved those glasses. There was nothing sexier then Alex Cabot in those damn black frame glasses.

"What?" Alex repeated with a smirk. "I'm not allowed to admire my wife?"

Olivia's brow went up as she slide closer to the blonde sitting at their kitchen table. "As long as mine doesn't mind when I ogle her first thing in the morning."

That made the blonde laugh. "You watched me get dressed and took a great amount of pleasure in it."

Brown eyes grew bright as Olivia smirked. "Why do you think I needed such a long shower?"

Alex accepted the kiss that was meant to keep her from replying and deepened it. If this got any more playful they'd both end up late, so she had to force herself to pull away from those wonderful lips. "You're going to be late."

"So are you." Olivia teased.

"Waiting on the babysitter." Alex replied as she licked her lips. "And don't forget Allie's appointment. I've asked Elizabeth for some extra time so we can talk to her."

Olivia nodded slowly then kissed her wife again quickly. "How do you do that?" She asked as she put the cap on her travel mug then set it on the table by the chair her jacket was hanging from.

"Do what?" The blonde ADA asked as she got to her feet and headed for the kitchen door.

"Make the most mundane tasks sound sexy." The brunette replied as she grabbed her cup and jacket and followed.

Alex didn't reply she simply grinned then headed back towards their bedroom to get her shoes.

Olivia blew out a slow breath then chuckled as she shook her head. Sneaking down the hall she slipped in to give Allie a kiss and leave her a note on the dry erase board over her desk. As she stepped back into the hall she managed to literally catch Alex in her arms. "I need to run a quick errand this afternoon before Allie's appointment, but I'll be there."

"Alright," Alex replied then kissed her wife goodbye. Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door and she smiled warmly as she let Mrs. Margolis in. "Good morning, Carlotta."

"Good morning dear," The older woman replied.

"Allie's still asleep but should be up soon." Alex said as she finished putting her briefcase together. She'd already kissed her daughter and left her own little note, so all she had to do now was make it to court on time. "I should be home around two."

"Alright," Mrs. Margolis said as she walked Alex to the door. "Have a good day."

"Good work people." Cragen said as his people peeled off their flack jackets and vests.

They'd been working a prostitution case for over a week and half and had finally gotten the break they'd needed. Although Olivia hadn't expected gearing up to raid the prep's house, she was still glad they'd nailed the bastard. Checking the clock on the wall against her watch she sighed. If she got her paper work done she could still make it out early but not as early as she'd have liked.

After processing the prep, making arguments for the victims, and taking statements Olivia was practically running out the door. She'd never make it up there and back if she took a cab so she decided to sign out a police sedan since technically she was still on call. She waited until she made it to the independent living community Sally lived in to call Alex to let her know she was running late, but would be there to talk to Elizabeth.

"Hello Detective Benson." The home nurse greeted when she opened the door after Olivia had knocked.

Olivia smiled. "Hi Carrie." She replied then followed the young woman in. She smiled as she watched Sally walk slowly across her living room and then ease into her chair. "I hope you don't mind me stopping by like this."

Sally waved her hand and tisked at the younger woman. "You're family dear. You can drop by whenever you'd like."

"I'll get you both some tea." Carrie said then disappeared into the kitchen.

"You're looking good Sally." Olivia said as she took a seat near her daughter's grandmother. "Stronger then you were a few weeks ago."

"The doctors think I'm pushing myself to hard." The old woman huffed. "What do they know? I've known this body a lot longer then they have."

Olivia smiled at that.

"So what did you want to talk to me about Mamele." Sally asked after Carrie had given them their tea.

"Well," Olivia said, suddenly unsure of how to approach the subject. She'd had it all worked out in her head when she'd come up with the idea. Finally she decided to just say what ever came to mind. "See, Alex's family has this long family history that they're all aware of. Stories about people and events and stuff. I don't have that. I know very little about my mother's family and nothing about my father's." She paused a moment to collect her thoughts then looked up at Sally. "I want Allie to have her history. The story you told us about your family and about the first time you saw a Christmas tree, and about who you are and where you came from and who she is."

Sally smiled and nodded. She understood. "You'd like me to record my stories in some way, so that Allie will always have them."

Olivia nodded. "Alex and I can and will give Allie everything we can, but there's just some things we can't."

"I have always kept a journal." Sally said as she glanced over at a small desk where a leather book sat. "It was hard for awhile when I couldn't hold a pen, but I can write again so I've begun to catch up so to speak." Then she looked at Olivia again. "They will all go to Allie of course. Everything I have will go to her."

"Would you consider recording your stories, audio or video, or something like that?" Olivia asked carefully. "Something so she'll have the sound of your voice."

Sally looked at the younger woman for few long moments and then nodded. "It's hard on the heart when you wake up one morning and realize you can no longer remember the sound of your mother's voice, yet you can still her hear words."

Olivia nodded as she looked down into her tea. New Year's Eve, it had been the first time she could remember her mother's voice without the fear in it, without the terror she heard in the audio of her statement to the police.

"For my Allie," Sally said as she leaned over and placed her hand on Olivia's knee. "And for you, I will do this."

Olivia smiled warmly, lovingly, at the older woman. "Thank you Sally."

Alex looked at her watch again and sighed. Where was Olivia? Allie's session was almost over and they were due to talk to Elizabeth as soon as it was.

"Sorry I'm late." Olivia said breathlessly as she suddenly popped into the room and into the chair beside Alex.

"Call?" Alex asked. If she weren't apart of Olivia's work world, she'd be really annoyed at it. No wonder Elliot and Kathy had issues.

Olivia shook her head. "Ran out to talk to Sally." She began to explain and the paused when the office door opened and Allie came bouncing out.

"All done getting my head shrunk." The girl said cheerily.

Alex rolled her eyes. She hated when Allie called it that. "Mommy and I need to talk to Elizabeth for a few moments, baby girl. Can you sit out here with Jackie for little while?"

Allie looked over at the doctor's assistant and then back at her mother. "Alright Mama." She smiled brightly. "I brought my DS."

"Which means you took it to school." Alex looked at her daughter as she rose to her feet. "We'll talk about that at home."

"So," Elizabeth Olivet asked as she closed her office door and waved at a pair of chairs. "What's on your minds?"

Alex and Olivia exchanged looks as they sat and then Alex explained. "Well, Olivia and I have started talking about making some changes in our lives."

"We've agreed to talk about talking about it." Olivia added in.

"We'd like to start thinking of having another child." Alex went on.

Elizabeth smiled as she leaned back in her own chair. "And you want to know if Allie's ready for it?"

Both Alex and Olivia nodded.

"It's only been a year since this all started, barely a year since she came into our home." Alex said. "We don't want to push anything if she isn't ready. We'll wait if we have too."

"Have you talked to her about it?" Elizabeth asked.

"No," Olivia answered. "We wanted to see if it was a good idea first. She's not having as many night terrors now, just normal kid nightmares from time to time. She's doing well in school, and she's excited about taking art classes this summer and violin lessons on the weekends, and softball with Casey this spring."

"She's alright about us going out, but we still have to call in." Alex picked up as Elizabeth just listened. "She still doesn't trust anyone outside her little circle, and she's still very leery of men other then her uncles and a few people in our building. She still worries that Olivia or I are going to leave her, but only after something stressful has happened or she's had a night terror."

Elizabeth smiled. "Sounds like you two just said about as much as I could have told you. Allie's adjusting well to her new life with the two of you. She feels safe and secure and willing to taking tiny steps outside her safety zones as long as she knows you're there if she needs you. The trauma from her grandmother's attack we're still working on, but at this point in her progress it's a totally separate issue."

Again Alex and Olivia shared a look before Alex asked, "So it's alright to talk to her about the idea of another child?"

"I think she'd make a great big sister." Elizabeth smiled. "Just watch and wait for the right time to bring it up. You two know your little girl well. Trust yourselves."

Olivia smiled, "Thanks Elizabeth."

"It's what you pay me for." The other woman teased and then laughed. "Besides, it's what friends do."


	2. Chapter 2

Her anger was bubbling and if Trevor Langan didn't shut up soon she was going to throw something at him. Not only was he a headache in the courtroom but his kid was still picking on Allie. Maybe we should have let her deck him again after that last comment, Alex thought as Langan finished questioning her last witness.

"Ms Cabot?" The judge asked.

Alex stood, "Prosecution rests your Honor."

"Very well," The judge said as Alex sat down. He looked over at the defense table and said, "Mr. Langan call your first witness."

Langan was barley finished saying the name when Alex shot up again. "Objection your Honor! That name is not on the defenses list of witnesses."

"Dr. Miller is an expert in the field…"

"You're Honor, they already have an expert on their list to try and counter what Dr. Huang has already testified too." Alex broke in, her face beginning to flush. She really hated when Langan played dirty, and yet there was a thrill about it. She loved getting into the courtroom and really battling it out with her opposition.

"Dr. Miller is not a physiatrist, or a profiler, or even a medical doctor." Langan said in that cool tone of voice that just grated on Alex's nerves. It really didn't help her option of him that he'd also hit on both her and Olivia at one point. God how she loathed this man. "He's a theologian who's testimony goes to the working functions of Mr. Cannon's religious beliefs."

"A religious defense?" Alex exclaimed with a roll of icy blue eyes. "I still object your Honor."

The judge banged his gavel. "Overruled, Ms. Cabot. Dr. Miller may testify."

If she didn't get a chance to blow off some steam she'd end up in a cell for contempt in about five minutes. "Then I ask for a recess, you Honor. The prosecution had no idea the defense was calling this witness and we need time to prepare a cross."

The judge looked down at the clock on his desk and then nodded his head. "Agreed. Court is adjourned and will reconvene at nine a.m." He said then banged his gavel again.

Alex was so tense that the muscles in her shoulders were starting to ache as she put everything back in her brief case, but all anyone saw was the ice queen, cold, calm, controlled A.D.A Cabot.

"Does he always do that?" Jessica Rossi asked as she walked with Alex towards the doors.

"Try to blind side the prosecution?" Alex replied as she walked with a kind of regal grace that was solely meant for the courtroom. "Yes, and it annoys the hell out of me. Though since he's done it so often against me I was kind of expecting it…"

"Alex?" Jessica said as they entered the hall outside the courtroom.

"I want all there is to know on this Dr. Miller. If we have too we'll call our own religious expert on our second go round. In fact, I want one in the gallery to hear what this guy says…" Alex went on.

"Alex?" Jessica tried again.

"There is no way in hell Trevor Langan is going to blindside me and win this case out from under…"

"Alex!"

Alex turned sharply to pierce the dark haired young attorney with icy blue eyes set behind dark framed glassed. "What?"

"Your kid," Jessica said calmly. "She goes to a private school, wears a uniform, really cute for a blonde haired blue eyes Jewish kid?"

"Yes, but she's only half Jewish, her birth mother was…." Alex paused then blinked. "Wait, why?" But before her junior A.D.A could answer there was a tug on her suit jacket. Turning Alex looked down and blinked again.

"Hi Mama." Allie said brightly.

"Um, hi?" Alex said still caught off guard. It was only one in the afternoon and Allie should still be in school. Looking up icy blue eyes meet eyes just a shade darker. "Serena?"

"Gas leak, so they sent the kids home." The other blonde former A.D.A said with a crooked smile. "Apparently I was the only one on the emergency contact list who answered her phone."

Alex blinked again as she shifted out of her hard as ice Alex Cabot persona into a warmer version of herself that still wasn't quite Mama Alex warm because of where they were. "Casey's prosecuting a case that Olivia's testifying in so their both in court and I was just in…"

"Yeah and now it's my turn." Serena cut in. "I'd take Allie all day if I could but I have to be in family court in a half an hour, and I couldn't get a hold of your neighbor."

"Mrs. Margolis went on a bus trip to Atlantic City with the senior center." Allie informed the adults. "She said she felt lucky."

Alex smiled a real smile that made Jessica blink. "Then it looks like you get to come to work with me for the rest of the day baby girl." Alex said as she looked down at her little girl. "Might not be much fun though. Mama's going to be kind of busy."

"That's ok Mama.. I brought…"

"Allison Cabot, did you take your DS to school again?" Alex asked with one hand on her hip as the other gripped her brief case.

Allie giggled. There were stages of trouble and she could tell how much she was in by the number of names her mothers used. Allison Cabot was fairly safe, she'd have been more worried if her mama had used Benson-Cabot. "Nope, you said I couldn't do that anymore. I was gonna say I brought paper and my color pencils and my homework."

"Oh," Alex said with a soft chuckle. "In that case I apologize for interrupting."

"S'ok, Mama." Allie said brightly.

"As much as I love watching this gooey side of you, Cabot, I have to run." Serena said before crouching down and giving her goddaughter a hug. "See you this weekend Squirt."

"Ok." Allie said. "Thanks for picking me up Aunt Serena."

"Anytime Squirt." Serena replied then headed down the hall towards family court.

It wasn't until then that Alex remembered she wasn't alone. She glanced over at the dark haired woman beside her who had the oddest look on her face. Then she looked at Allie. "Allison, this is Ms. Rossi, she's one of the A.D.As in my bureau."

Her mama had used Allison rather then Allie so she knew to be more formal then usual. She was eight, not stupid. She knew this was one of the people who worked for her mama not with her. She looked at the woman and offered her hand. "Hello, Ms. Rossi, it's nice to meet you."

Jessica took the offered hand after the touch of shock wore off. Kid was awfully polite and formal, but then again this was Cabot's kid. "Nice meeting you too Allison."

As they walked back to their offices Alex went over what she wanted Jessica to do without missing a beat. She didn't even bother to take in the odd looks she was getting as she walked with her daughter's hand in her own as she rattled off instructions. It was however, creeping Jessica out.

"Alright baby girl," Alex said in the privacy of her office. "I need you to stay in here ok? I'll be in and out a lot but I'll be in the area. If you need me for something just step outside the door and ask Eleanor to get me, ok?"

Allie looked to see who her mother was pointing out and then nodded. "Alright Mama." She replied then helped herself to her mother's desk chair.

Alex smiled then laughed a little. Allie looked adorable sitting behind her desk like that. "The remote for the stereo is in my desk drawer but you have to keep it low. Don't answer the phone if it rings and if anyone comes looking for me tell them to…"

"Ask Eleanor." Allie said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm eight Mama, not a baby. I'll be ok."

Alex laughed, walked over and kissed the top of Allie's head. "Ok baby girl. I'll be right back and we'll call in some lunch, ok?"

"Ok." The girl replied as she opened her backpack and took out her phonics workbook.

"Alex," Jim Steele said harshly as he flung open the office door and walked in while looking down at the case file in his hands. "We have to talk about this. The evidence is weak, we need to make a deal. I don't care if you think pleading this guy out will make the stats around here look bad. It's more important we get this ass…." He'd finally looked up and blinked when he saw a very small blonde sitting behind Alex's desk. It was the creepiest feeling, the kid looked like Alex down to the black framed glasses. "You're a kid."

"Um, yes sir." Allie replied with her head titled to the side.

"What are you doing in here?" Jim asked as he came closer to the desk. "This is a private office. How'd you get in here? You really shouldn't have those glasses on they're not yours."

"Um, actually they are." Allie said and then titled her head the other way. "You must be Mr. Steele."

"Yeah," Jim said looking more then a little confused. "Who are you?"

Allie looked at the framed pictures on her mother's desk and then up at the man standing in front of it. Yeap, her mommy was right, he wasn't very observant. "I'm Allison Benson-Cabot."

"You're Cabot's kid?" Jim asked.

The girl nodded which caused her long blonde hair to dance around her shoulders.

"You still shouldn't be wearing those glasses." Jim huffed.

"Why not?" Alex asked from her open doorway. "They're hers." She smiled a little at her daughter then crossed her arms to look at Jim. "The lenses are just plain glass. They were part of a Christmas gift." It had been Casey's idea to add the glasses to the junior lawyer kit Serena had put together. Now whenever Allie did her homework while Alex worked at home, she insisted on wearing them when Alex did. Olivia nearly had a memory card full of pictures cause of it.

Jim looked between Alex, who was wearing her glasses, and the kid. It was eerie and he was starting to wonder if the kid was actually adopted or if Alex had some skeletons in her closet.

"Was there something you needed Jim?" Alex asked still leaning against her door frame. She was enjoying the befuddled look on her colleague's face. Olivia would be loving this.

"He wants you to make a deal on his case cause he doesn't think he can win it." Allie said before Jim could open his mouth.

Jim blinked, his cheeks flushing with annoyance and perhaps a little embarrassment. Not to mention from the sudden slap to his ego. He opened his mouth to reprimand the girl but before he could get a word out she'd started again.

"What?" Allie asked at the look on the man's face. "There's two reasons to make a plea deal. To get a bigger bad guy or because you don't think you can win. You got a bigger bad guy?"

Jim blinked again then looked over at Alex who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "How old is she?"

"Eight." Alex said.

"And a half." Allie added.

"How does she know…."

"My Mama's a lawyer, Aunt Casey's a lawyer, Aunt Serena's a lawyer, and Mr. Branch is a lawyer." Allie answered even though the question was aimed at her mother. "I pick things up."

Alex was still grinning from ear to ear.

Jim just shook his head and then looked pointedly at Alex. "We need to talk about the Quinn case."

"No," Alex replied as she finally came fully into the room. "We don't. You find the evidence and witnesses to strengthen the case and you take it to trial. I am not giving in on this."

"Alex be reasonable…."

"Bet my Mama could win it." Allie piped in.

Alex really wanted to laugh but instead she gave Allie a look. "Careful Allison before you cross a line. Mr. Steele is still an adult."

"Yes Mama." Allie said then looked at Jim. "I'm sorry." Then she muttered under breath as she went back what she'd been doing. "But she still could."

Outside the office it was taking a lot for Christina and Brain to keep from laughing as they passed the half open door. Jim Steele getting dissed by an eight year old Cabot clone was just too priceless.

"Ok, does anyone else think that's like some twilight zone thing or what?" Nick asked as he joined the others who were standing around peering though the windows of Alex's office.

"I think she's cute." Christina said with a crooked smile.

"Jim doesn't seem to think so." Jessica added.

Brain smirked. "I think he'd be the kind to eat his young."

Jessica gave Brian a look that he totally missed.

After Jim left the office Allie looked up at her mother and asked, "Is he always like that?"

Alex nodded. "Pretty much."

That explained a lot. No wonder her mama came home stressed out.

"Homework done?" Alex asked as she came over to stand beside her daughter.

"Almost." Allie replied. "I got distracted."

"Oh?" Alex asked.

Allie pointed to the windows. "I was watching out there."

Alex chuckled as she looked out the window to see her juniors scatter like mice. She raised a brow then smirked. They'd never seen her outside her icy persona, they must all be in shock. "What do you say we call in some lunch and we'll finish our work together?"

Allie smiled brightly. "Ok!"


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard enough finding space in Manhattan for people to live in let alone their stuff. When Olivia and Alex first bought their apartment they thought it would be just the two of them, but that was still two people's worth of stuff. In the end they each ended up storing, tossing, or giving stuff to make room for each other and new stuff. As Olivia unlocked her storage locker she couldn't help but think that maybe if they were going to go ahead with this bigger family thing that maybe they should think of moving out of the city.

As she contemplated this new thought that had popped into her head, one of many since she and Alex started thinking of maybe adding a second child to the mix, she scanned the space for the box she was looking for. Talking to Sally and hearing that the older woman had kept journals all her life made her remember that she use to do the same thing. She didn't have anyone to confide in so she did a lot of writing to get things out. Sliding a crate of stuff out of the way she pulled the trunk she was looking for out and unlocked it. After opening the lid she simply stood there looking at it's contents. Mostly is was stuff from her childhood, stuff she'd found in her mother's apartment when she'd gone to clean it out, and stuff she'd dragged around with her early on in her life. Finally reaching inside she started sorting things out. She actually wanted the few pictures she had of her and her mother to take back to the apartment. Allie had been asking more about her mother and what she was like, and Olivia was a little more willing to share what good memories she had.

After putting the photos into the gym bag she'd brought along she started looking for her old journals. They weren't anything special just notebooks and such, but she was hoping that reading them would help clear some things up in her mind. After putting the notebooks in her bag she closed the trunk and locked it again. She turned to leave, but then stopped and stood there for several long minutes. There was a box in the back of the small room that she'd never looked through before. It was a box of her mother's stuff that Olivia had found in Serena's closet. At the time she didn't care what was in it and half expected to find a bottle of booze hidden inside, but now, now things were different. Olivia was different.

Adjusting the bag on her shoulder she turned around and went to get the box. With it tucked safely under her arm she headed back out to her car. She put the bag and box in the trunk and then locked the storage locker back up. She was just sliding into the driver's seat when her cell phone rang. "Benson." She said as she closed the car door and stuck the key in the ignition. "On my way. I'll be there in ten." Reaching for the red light that came with the sedan she opened the window, stuck it on top of the car, and took off.

When she arrived at the scene she found a hostage team outside an all to familiar brownstone. Getting out of the car she carefully made her way over to where Elliot and Cragen were standing. "What happened?"

"Father broke the restraining order. Broke in this morning, cut the mother up, then went upstairs" Elliot replied. "Then came the call from a neighbor about hearing a gun shot."

"When the uniforms got here they called in a hostage team but she refuses to talk." Cragen added in. "They called us when they ran the brownstone's address and Dolan's name came up because of the restraining order."

Olivia took a few seconds to think and then headed over to where the negotiator was. She flashed her badge then asked, "Do you have a direct line into the house?"

"Yes," The man replied. "but she ain't talking."

Picking up the cell phone that was laying on the car hood she pressed the send button. The phone just rang and rang, so she started to walk closer to the perimeter. "Justine!" She yelled as she pushed her way past uniforms. "Justine, it's me! It's Olivia! Pick up the phone Justine!"

There was a quick flicker of movement in one of the upstairs windows and then finally a voice came over the cell phone. "Detective Benson?"

"Yeah sweetie," Olivia said easily as she moved so she was standing right in front of the window where the curtain had moved. "It's me. What's going on? Talk to me sweetheart."

"He was going to do it again." The trembling voice said. "He came into my room. He was going to hurt me again."

"Justine, listen to me." Olivia said firmly. "Where did the gun shot come from?"

"I took it from the hall closet." The girl's voice replied. "I hide it under my pillow. He was going to hurt me again. I don't want to do it any more, I don't want to do it."

As the girl was explaining Olivia could hear the father in the background. Along with calling the child, his child, whom he'd been molesting every name in the book he was also shouting that she'd shot him and still had the gun on him.

"I know, Justine, I know." Olivia said.

"He took his pants off. He was gonna do it again. I'm gonna make him stop now." The girl said.

"No!" Olivia said calmly but firmly. "Justine, don't do anything. Let us take care of him. That's our job, sweetie, mine and Ms. Novak's."

"What is she doing?" The negotiator asked as Olivia went under the yellow tape and headed for the steps of the brownstone.

Cragen watched and replied, "What she does best."

"Justine," Olivia said into the phone. "I'm going to come inside now, alight?"

There was no reply. Olivia closed her eyes, took a breath and drew her own gun as she set the cell phone down. She checked the door and sighed again when she found it unlocked. Easing inside she looked around carefully, already sensing Elliot at her back as she began to climb the stairs. "Justine." She called out as she took one step at a time. "Sweetheart, I'm coming up ok?"

"Stupid little bitch!" The father yelled. "You gonna shot you're ol' man? You think you got the stomach for it? Got that cop bitch to back you up now, you gonna do it? You think they're gonna help you now? Huh? You're the one they're gonna lock up not me you little slut."

"Justine!" Olivia called out. "Don't listen to him." She crept over to the open bedroom door and took a quick look inside before lingering near the edge. "I'm right here, Justine." The girl was on the far side of the room backed into a corner with a gun drawn on the man bleeding all over the floor near her bed. She was dressed in nothing but a night shirt and socks and after scanning the room quickly, Olivia tightened the hold on her own gun.

"Justine." She said as she let the girl see her. "Justine, put the gun down."

The girl shook her head causing her tight brown curls to dance around her shoulders. "He'll get up. He'll hurt me. He'll kill me."

"Fucking little bitch." The father said as he held his hand to the bullet wound in his side. "I get my hands on you and I'll cut your fucking little throat."

Olivia eased into the room a little more with her own gun drawn. "Justine," She said carefully. "I'm going to come over to you, ok. I want you to give me the gun."

Again the girl shook her head. "He has a knife, in his pocket, he cut my Mom."

Flashes of the scene outside played in Olivia's head in a dizzying pace. "Sweetie you're mom's fine. She's outside with the paramedics and police." She eased a little closer. If the father jerked at all towards either her or the girl, she knew the girl would pull the trigger. Pointing her own gun at the bleeding man she stop at a safe distance. "Justine, my partner's right outside the door. You're father can't hurt you. He won't move I promise." She inched closer and held out her hand. "Give me the gun."

Elliot watched from the doorway. Yeah, he knew she could handle herself and that these things normally turned out for the better, but he really wished Olivia would stop putting herself in the middle of things like this, but she seemed to have a knack for it.

The girl looked between her father, Olivia, and Elliot. She was terrified and frozen in place.

"Come on sweetie put the gun down." Olivia said as she carefully watched both her and her father.

Tears fell down the girl's face. "I don't want to do it any more." She cried. "I don't want to do it anymore. It hurts. It always hurts. I want to make him stop."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. "We're going to make him stop, Justine. We're going to put him in jail and he'll never be able to touch you again. But I need you to give me the gun and we need to get him to a hospital."

"You'll go to jail too." The father spat. "For shootin' me."

"No you won't." Olivia said. She really wished the guy would shut up before she shot him herself. "It was self defense, Justine, but you really need to give me the gun now." She'd inched close enough to hold out her hand and waited.

Justine looked between Olivia and her father and a moment later started to hand the gun to Olivia.

Olivia seen the father's movement out of the side of her vision, but Elliot had seen his muscles tense. Just as Olivia took hold of the gun the father jerked forward, Justine screamed, and Elliot tackled the guy. Olivia put the gun she'd taken from the girl in her holster, then put her arm around Justine while holding her own gun on the father while Elliot knocked him in the head and cuffed him.

Alex paced the floor of the apartment endlessly as she bit her thumb nail. She'd heard about what happened and even though she'd talked to Olivia she needed to see her, to physically hold her and know she was ok. When she heard the locks in the door clicking she stopped and faced the direction Olivia would be coming in from.

"Hey beautiful." Olivia said tiredly as she set her bag and box down on the table closest to her.

Alex walked over with long strides, wrapped her arms around Olivia and kissed her. Her heart was pounding in her chest and in her ears and when she pulled away she punched Olivia in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Olivia complained as she rubbed where she'd be hit. "What was that for?"

"Scaring the hell out of me." Alex replied and then kissed her wife again, this time more passionately.

When they pulled away this time Olivia smiled. "What was that for?"

"Being good at what you do." The blonde replied with a smirk.


	4. Chapter 4

Once a month as long as the weather was nice Allie and her class got to go to the big library with the lions out front, and she loved it. As she walked with her best friends, Rachel and Molly, the girls giggled and whispered until they got to the room their teacher was leading them too. It was full of what looked like newspapers. As they all filed in and found chairs to hang their coats on Allie took the moment to look around. Wow, she thought as she turned in a circle, who knew there were so many newspapers?

"Alright everyone," Miss Lewis called out after everyone was semi-settled. "Everyone take a seat for a moment please." She waited until the children were seated and then smiled warmly at them. "How many of you look at your parents newspapers?"

Allie and several others raised their hands.

Miss. Lewis smiled. "How many of you look at more then the comics?"

Allie's hand stayed up. When they had breakfast in the mornings and had a little time her mama let her read the paper with her, and on Sundays all three of them went through the papers. Of course there were things they wouldn't let Allie see, and some of the stuff was meant for older readers, but she still loved it. It made her feel kind of like a grown up.

"That's good." Miss. Lewis said as she walked among the tables of second graders. "Newspapers are great ways to find out about current events. They tell us the weather, and sports scores, and what's going on in our city and around the world. They're also good for learning about history too. That's why we're here." She indicated the room. "In here we have newspapers from not only New York but other cities and even other countries. Some of them go back years and years, and they have even older ones on what's called microfilm." She paused a moment and smiled then shushed a couple of whisperers before going on. "What I want you guys to do is look around, very carefully so we don't ruin the papers, and find interesting stuff from the old newspapers."

Once they were allowed to look around Allie, Molly, and Rachel headed over to where some of the older New York papers where. Allie looked around at the papers hanging from spools and over to some shelves with the name of the newspaper on them. "Why would anyone what to know about other places?" She asked her friends. "New York is the best place ever."

Her friends agreed and continued their explorations of the New York papers.

Wandering over to the shelf that was labeled "New York Ledger" Allie started looking through the piles. She wondered if she could find something with her mothers in it. She knew that sometimes they ended up in the news cause of their jobs, so it would be really cool to find something with either of them in it.

After looking for awhile Allie was about to move on to one of the other papers but decided to go through one more stack. Three papers in her mama's face was suddenly smiling up at her and it made Allie giggle. She pulled the paper out of the pile and looked at the picture for a little while and smiled, her mama was even wearing her glasses. She couldn't wait to show her classmates. She bet T.J. Langan's dad was never on the front page of a New York paper. Then she looked at the big bold white words that were even underlined. "No leads on slain A.D.A."

She wasn't sure what slain meant but the cover said to see page six, so Allie turned to page six. She read the article the best she could and even though there were words she didn't know or understand, she got the ones that mattered. Words like shot, and killed, and dead, and funeral. She didn't understand. Why did the newspaper say her mama was dead? Her mama was just fine. She looked at the article again and wondered if maybe it was one of those joke papers her Uncle John read, but it wasn't, her mothers read the Ledger.

"Allison." Miss. Lewis said softly as she came over to where Allie was standing. "Didn't you hear me? It's time to take your paper back to your seat."

Allie looked up at her teacher, still unsure of what to make of the what the newspaper was saying.

The look on the child's face caused Miss. Lewis some concern so she asked softly, "May I see what you've found, Allison?"

"My Mama's on the cover." Allie said as she turned the paper around. "But the news part doesn't make sense."

Miss. Lewis looked at the headline and somehow managed not to cringe. She remembered seeing that all over the news when it had happened. Of all the newspapers in the library Allison had to find that one. "I know you must have questions, Allie." She said gently as she took the paper and replaced it in the pile. "But they're questions only your mother can answer. Why don't we go over and see what your classmates found, alright?"

Allie just nodded and went over to where Rachel and Molly were sitting.

"Blow another case like this one Mr. Potter and you'll be prosecuting traffic violations, you got me?" Alex snapped at the young man standing in her office. Nick just nodded as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Go clean this up before the press has a chance to blow it up."

Alex watched as the young lawyer left and then took her glasses of and pinched the bridge of her nose. When her cell phone rang she snatched it up and barked out, "Cabot." Without looking at the called ID. The voice on the other end made her look up and her expression change instantly. "Mrs. Kendra. Is Allie alright?" As she listened to the headmistress of Allie's school, formerly her own, her head dropped again. "No, no we've never told her about that. She's only eight, we've never seen a reason too until she was older if at all. Yes, yes of course, I'll be right there. Thank you."

How do you explain mob hits and witness protection to an eight year old who's just settled into a new family after a traumatic experience of her own? They'd talked about it, wondered what they'd say if it ever came up, but to be honest Alex had been hoping Allie would never find out. After telling Eleanor she was leaving for the day she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket as she headed for the elevators.

"Liv," She said softly when her wife answered her own cell. "can you get the rest of the day off? Yeah, it's Allie. I'm pretty sure she's going to need us both. Her class was at the library and she came across an old issue of the Ledger. Yeah, that one. Alright, I'll see you there."

Thankfully it was the end of the day anyway. If she'd had shown up to take Allie out early it could have caused Allie to be more alarmed over this then needed. Alex stood with the other parents and adults who were waiting on the younger kids and smiled when she saw Allie come out with her class.

As soon as she saw her mother standing there Allie ran over to her and hugged her. Seeing that newspaper had made her feel funny and she hadn't really been able to focus on much for the rest of the day. One of her mothers always tried to pick her up from school, but most of the time it was Mrs. Margolis. Now she knew that there was something about that paper and it made her feel worse.

"Come on baby girl," Alex said as she kept an arm around the girl. "Lets go home, ok?"

Allie nodded. She wanted to ask her mama about the newspaper but she wasn't sure how. The whole ride home all she did was look at the back of her mother's head and from time to time they'd catch each other's eyes in the rear view mirror. When they got home she went straight to her room and changed, not saying a word. She even walked right past her mommy.

Olivia blinked then looked at Alex.

"She hasn't said a word." The blonde sighed, sagging into her wife's arms as Olivia hugged her. "I'm gonna change then we need to go in there and try to explain my death to our eight year old."

Olivia nodded and then waited until Alex was in the bedroom before going over to the box she'd pulled out of the back of their closet, the one she kept hidden behind her gun's lock box. She huffed at herself as she realized she had a hidden closet box just like the one of her mother's she still hadn't had the courage to open. She pulled out the folded up copy of the Ledger and stared at it. Just as they had that day in the park the memories came rushing back.

"You kept that?" Alex asked as she slide her arms around Olivia from behind. She looked over her wife's shoulder and noticed what else was in the box. A funeral program and other newspaper clippings and a blood stained silver band that she picked up and held out. "I wondered where this went."

"I have issues about disconnecting from my past." Olivia said half teasing half meaning it.

Alex smiled crookedly as she hugged her wife tighter. "I know. I still have both of the driver's licenses for Emily and Tiffany." She turned Olivia around and looked into deep brown eyes. "It happened, Liv. We can get past it, stop fearing it, but we'll never forget it. It's impossible."

Olivia thought about that a moment and then nodded. "I think I'm really starting to get that."

They stood there a moment simply looking at each other and then Alex took Olivia's hand and lead her to Allie's bedroom door. She knocked softly and waited for Allie to say they could come in, but there was no reply. Alex sighed, not a good sign. She closed her eyes for a moment and slightly hoped their daughter wasn't in her closet. She still hid in there after a night terror or when she was emotionally frustrated. Opening the door Alex sighed in relief when she saw Allie sitting on her bed.

"Hey baby girl," Alex said softly as she went over to sit next to her daughter. "Mrs. Kendra called me today." She didn't see a reason not to just go into it. Allie got frustrated when they tried to dance around things, so it was better to just tackle the problem. "She told me that you went to the library and saw something that upset you."

Allie nodded as she looked up at her mama. "There was a newspaper with your picture on it. We were suppose to find something interesting and then show the class what we found. I thought it would be cool to find something with you or Mommy."

"And you found this one?" Olivia asked as she unfolded the paper and handed it to Allie.

"Yeah," Allie said as she once again looked down at the picture of her mama with her glasses on. "But the news part, they stuff inside, it doesn't make sense." She looked up at her mama then. "It said that you were dead. That someone shot you."

Alex licked at suddenly dry lips as she glanced at up at Olivia who was now sitting on Allie's other side. She looked down at the paper and then up at Allie. "I wasn't really dead, baby girl, but someone did shoot me."

"It said there was a funeral." Allie said softly, her eyes showing her confusion. "It even had something Mr. Branch and Cap'n Don said about losing you."

"At the time Arthur and Don thought I was dead." Alex said uneasily.

Allie looked more confused. "Why did they think that?"

"Because Mama was trying to put a very very bad man in jail and he got very angry at her." Olivia said as she took the paper and folded it up again.

"So he shot you?" Allie asked jerking her head to look at her mama.

Again Alex licked at her dry lips. The memories were flashing in her mind faster then she could think of how to explain them. "He didn't, but he had someone else do it."

"You were really truly shot?" Allie asked in a near panic.

Alex nodded as she reached out to sooth Allie's hair back in a manor she knew was comforting to her little girl. "In my shoulder." She said and then pulled at the neck line of her t-shirt aside so Allie could see the scar. "It hurt, and I lost a lot of blood, but Mommy and Uncle Elliot were there with me and they got me to the hospital and the doctor's took care of me."

"Like when Mommy was hurt, and Uncle John got shot in the butt." Allie said.

John was never going to live that down, Alex thought before nodding.

"But why did the paper say you were dead?" Allie asked as she looked between her mothers. "Why didn't you tell them she was ok, Mommy?"

"Because I didn't know at the time." Olivia said honestly. "I thought she was dead too."

Ok now she was really confused. "I don't understand."

"Because the bad man was still very angry with me, baby girl, we needed them to think I was dead so I could be safe." Alex explained. In some odd way it was actually helping to say all this out loud. It was normally something they all skirted around. Like she'd just told Olivia, it happened, it's over, they've moved on, but it really was something that would always be there. "And to keep everyone I loved and all my friends safe, they had to think I was dead too."

"Even Mommy?" Allie asked.

Alex looked up at Olivia as she answered, "No. I was breaking the rules but I couldn't let Mommy think I was dead. I knew it would hurt her to much." Though at times she wondered if letting Olivia know she was alive and out of reach wasn't worse. "She and Uncle Elliot were the only two who knew."

"And you never told?" Allie asked her mommy.

Olivia shook her head. "Nope, never told anyone."

Then Allie looked at her mama again. "But now your not dead and everyone knows it was all pretend?"

"Yeap," Alex smiled a little as she continued to do all the little gestures she knew were calming and comforting for Allie. "Mommy and Uncle Elliot found the man who shot me and I came back and helped them and Aunt Casey put him in jail. But the really really bad man was still mad at me so I had to leave again."

"Is he still mad at you?" Allie asked, again near panic.

"No baby." Alex said quickly as she pulled the girl into her lap. "You know how New York has police and then the country has police too?"

Allie nodded. "The Feds." She replied. "Mommy says they're idiots with sticks up their…"

"Yeah," Olivia cut in really quick. "that's just me being sarcastic Allie-Cat. It was the federal agents who hunted down the really really bad man and made it safe for Mama to come home."

"Are you sure?" Allie asked as she wrapped her arms around her mama's neck.

Olivia nodded. "When they found him he tried to get away and was shot. He died."

"For real died, not fake died like Mama?"

Alex hugged Allie tight and kissed the top of her head. "For real dead, baby girl."

"So your safe?" She knew her mothers jobs were dangerous. She learned that real fast when her Mommy had been stabbed, but she didn't know that sometimes it was so dangerous that they had to pretend to be dead.

Alex nodded. "I'm safe, and Mommy's safe, and your safe." She said as she looked into Allie's eyes. "I would never, ever, do anything that would put us in that much danger ever again. This isn't something you need to worry about, baby girl. It all happened a long time ago and it's all over and done with now. It's in the past."

"But you still put bad men in jail." Allie said as she stared into her mama's eyes. "What if another one…"

"It won't happen baby." Alex said cutting Allie off. "I'm a lot more careful now. I have way to much to live for now and I'm not going to do anything that will put that in danger."

"Allie, do you remember what I told you after I came home from the hospital and you were so scared I'd get hurt again when I went back to work?" Olivia asked.

Allie nodded. "You asked me to trust you."

"I need you to trust me too, baby girl." Alex added in. "Can you do that? Can you trust me when I say that no matter what we'll be ok?"

She had to think about it. It did happen a long time ago and her mama was here and safe, and her mommy went to work everyday and came home safe. She chewed on her bottom lip and then finally nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

Alex sighed, closed her eyes, and held her little girl close. She knew this was all a lot to take in and even though Allie was a smart little girl, she was still just a little girl. It would take time for her to process all of this, and she wouldn't be surprised if they'd just set her back three steps. They'd handle it though, whatever backlash this had, whatever came next, they'd deal with it. When she looked up and met Olivia's eyes she knew she was thinking the same thing.


	5. Chapter 5

Why couldn't she open it? It was just a box, just a stupid box that her mother kept in the back of her closet, so why couldn't Olivia open it? Sitting in the middle of her bed, legs folded under her, elbows on her thighs and her head in her hands she stared at the box. It wasn't anything special, it was just a plain wooden keepsake box, it didn't even have a lock on it. She'd had no problem showing Allie the pictures she'd brought home, she'd even smiled and felt a bubble of pride when Allie had said how beautiful Serena was. She'd even started looking through her old journals, which was a lot harder then she though it would be, but she was still looking through them. So why couldn't she open this goddamned box?

"Hey." Alex said softly as she came into the bedroom. She'd been standing in the doorway for several minutes just watching Olivia stare at the box set in front of her. When her wife's dark eyes took on that familiar flicker of anger and frustration she decided to make her presence known.

Olivia looked up at Alex then over at the clock on the bedside table. She'd been sitting there for nearly forty minutes. Turning back to her wife who was walking towards her now, she blinked and shook her head a little to clear it. "Hey." She replied and then craned her neck to see if Alex had been followed. "You've lost your shadow."

Alex smirked as she sat on the edge of the bed. "I've been abandoned for batting cages and pizza with Aunt Casey."

Olivia actually sighed in relief. Ever since they'd had to explain Alex's time in witness protection, Allie had become very clingy. She had to know where they were if they were out of her sight, otherwise she seemed to perpetually tethered to Alex. "So maybe there's hope we'll get to go out for Valentine's Day?"

"Oh we're going out alright," Alex replied as she crawled up on the bed so she was kneeling behind Olivia. She wrapped her arms around her dark haired detective then rested her chin on her shoulder. "So you'd better keep in mind that dinner is your half of the night to plan, the rest I have covered."

"What are we doing?" Olivia asked with a smile as she leaned back against the blonde. It had taken a lot for her to get use to this position, to be the one held so protectively rather then the one holding, but now she accepted the gesture willingly, sometimes even wantingly.

"If I told you that it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" Alex teased. She looked down at the box then. It didn't take a detective to know what it was, or rather who it was linked to. She could read so much in Olivia's eyes that she wondered if her wife was aware of how much she actually said in a single look. "What do you think she kept in there?"

Olivia looked down at the box again and shook her head. "I have no idea." She didn't question how Alex knew, but it helped a little knowing that she did. "I found it when I cleaned out her apartment; after finding the twenty odd bottles of booze she had hidden all over the place. By the time I found this I was so numb I just didn't care anymore. It's been in my storage locker with the rest of what I kept of hers ever since."

"Why now?" Alex asked gently.

"I honestly have no idea." Olivia replied as she crossed her arms over's Alex's. "I went to get those pictures for Allie and a couple of other things and I was just about to leave when I remembered it was there. I really have no idea why I grabbed it and brought it home."

Alex tightened her hold a little more as she shifted so she had her legs around Olivia as well. This caused Olivia to relax against her a little more. "You'll open it when you're ready, Liv. With everything that's happened, all the changes in our lives, it's not a huge surprise that she's been on your mind."

"I guess so." Olivia said as she moved the box to Alex's hope chest which was at the end of their bed. Then she leaned back, still letting Alex hold her, as they stretched out a little more comfortably. "Do you remember the night Serena brought the foster applications for Allie?"

"Yes," Alex replied softly.

"Are you still scared of failing?" Olivia asked.

Alex thought about it for a few moments and then finally nodded. "Yes." She answered honestly. "But, I know that all we can do is our best. I know that I'll make mistakes, but that's alright as long as I learn from them."

"You don't like making mistakes, Alex." Olivia said as she shifted them so they were looking at each other.

"I know." Alex smiled. "But I'm only human and we're both playing this parenting thing by ear."

"Do you think we're doing alright?" Olivia asked with a trace of fear in her voice.

Alex nodded without hesitation. Reaching out she brushed at Olivia's hair as they laid next to each other quietly. She could tell Olivia was lost inside herself again and would wait until her wife was ready to go on. It was obvious the brunette was trying to work out some major issues, and it frustrated Alex that she couldn't just fix everything, but she accepted it. All she could do was be there for Olivia to help keep her from drowning.

"I wonder if she'd ever wanted a real family." Olivia said suddenly. "Did she want to get married and have children? She was so involved in her career; would she have given that up?" She paused a moment as a memory flickered hazily in her mind then she snorted. "She told me once she was worried I'd get swept up in my job and never have a proper life. She'd asked me once if I'd wanted to have a family."

"What did you say?" Alex asked as she caressed Olivia's cheek.

Olivia smiled the crooked little smile she always got when she talked about her mother. "That I had her." She snorted again. "We were so entangled, so dependant, co-dependant that Elizabeth and George could build careers on just analyzing the two of us, and I swear to God that song on the radio the other day was about me and my mother."

"Which song?"

"Because of you." Olivia replied.

The two of them fell silent again. Olivia working things out in her head, and Alex simply being there to anchor her down. After several long minutes Olivia finally looked up and into Alex's eyes. "Ya know I just thought of something."

"What?" Alex asked.

"You started working as our A.D.A a few months before my mother died." Olivia said softly as she smiled a little. "We didn't really start to get along until after."

"We got along." Alex protested.

Olivia laughed. "You were prissy but sexy as hell. You drove me nuts."

Alex playfully poked at her wife, noting that she was trying to work something out and lighten the mood at the same time. This normally meant that Olivia was reaching her limit.

"Does it sound awful that it feels like I had to loose her in order to have you?" Olivia asked in an almost child like voice. "I had to shed the bad so there'd be room for the good?"

"No baby," Alex replied, while trying to kept the lump in her throat out of her voice. "It doesn't sound bad. It sounds like you're making peace with a lot of stuff you've been avoiding."

Olivia nodded. "Do you think she'd hate me for thinking that?"

"I think your mother loved you the best way she knew how when she was alive." Alex answered. "And that she understands that you needed to move on and move past her in order to be happy."

Olivia smiled a little. "Allie thinks she's my guardian angel now."

"Maybe she is." Alex said as she wiped a tear from Olivia's cheek. "Maybe she's trying to make up for not being there when she was alive."

"Maybe." Olivia admitted.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a huge smile on Olivia's face as she walked into the squad room and over to her desk. She was tired sure, but it was a good kind of tired. She and Alex had had a great night out, and she was feeling lighter then she had in weeks. Walking over to her desk she draped her jacket over her chair and then headed over for coffee. She grabbed two mugs, one black and one black with sugar. The straight up black coffee she set on Elliot's desk then settled into her own chair to work on some paperwork. A few minutes later, just as she'd known he would, Elliot walked in.

"Thank God," He mumbled as he grabbed his mug. "I needed this."

Olivia smirked. "Had a good night then?"

Elliot nodded, "Kathleen stayed with Dickie and Elizabeth so we actually got to go out for once. Took Kathy to dinner at Mesa Grill."

"Alex and I went there once." Olivia mused as she made a face. "Will never go back."

"Why?" Elliot asked with his own odd look. "You love southwestern food and I have to admit it was pretty good."

Brown eyes narrowed as Olivia held her mug just in front of her lips as if she'd stopped pre-sip. "The night we went the owner was there. I didn't like the way he kept looking at Alex."

That made Elliot laugh out loud. "And you tell me I'm possessive and jealous?"

"Shut up." Olivia replied after taking a drink off coffee. "So after dinner?"

"I surprised Kathy with the tennis bracelet…"

"Told you she'd love it." Olivia cut in.

Elliot rolled his eyes then went on. "And she surprised me by telling me she's pregnant again."

That nearly made Olivia spray coffee through her nose. She looked up at her partner from across the their desks with a questioning look on her face.

Elliot shrugged his answer, "Yeah, I guess it good news."

Olivia blinked as her head jerked back a little. "Well, congratulations then."

"Thanks." Elliot replied and then asked, "What about you and Alex?"

"We had dinner at Savory, then Alex surprised me with Jeff Dunham tickets." Olivia answered with a bright smile.

Elliot snorted. "You spent Valentine's Day watching a ventriloquist?"

Olivia grinned as she nodded. "Not the whole night, the Savory was very romantic, and afterwards we went to Alex's favorite jazz club for drinks; but yeah we went to see a ventriloquist. She knew he's my favorite and grabbed tickets without me even knowing he was in town."

Elliot just shook his head and chuckled. "And Allie was alright with you going out?"

"Pretty much. Caroline stayed with her." Allie was still being very watchful when it came to the two of them, but she was starting to realized that everything really was alright, or at least Olivia hoped she was. "Had a minor panic attack when she woke up and we weren't home yet, luckily we were in the cab on our way home so we got there in time to smooth things out before it got to bad." Olivia paused a moment then added, "One of us will have to pick her up from school but neither of us are sure of what our days will be like."

"We can grab her if we're free." Elliot offered easily.

Olivia smiled at her partner. "She'd like that. She thinks it's "utterly cool" when I show up at her school with my gun and badge."

"I'm tellin' ya, Liv," Elliot warned her as he picked up a case file. "She's gonna be a cop."

Over her dead body. "Na, she's to much like Alex. Have you seen the glasses?"

Standing outside the school with Molly and Rachel, Allie laughed at the silly Valentine Molly was showing her. Molly's dad was an artist so he'd made the Valentine just for Molly. But as she talked with her friends she kept watching for one of her mothers and was starting to get a little nervous. It didn't help any when Molly's mom picked her up and she was left with just Rachel. What if Rachel's sister came for her and her mothers weren't there yet?

"Aww what's the matter," T.J. teased as he came over to where the girls were. "It looks like the baby's about to cry."

"Go away, T.J." Allie said as she glared at him. She hated TJ Langan, as much as an eight year could understand hating someone, and the feeling was mutual.

"No." T.J. replied and then for good measure shoved Allie a little.

Blue eyes narrowed as Allie put her hands on her hips. "Don't push me."

"I'll push you if I wanna." T.J. replied then shoved Allie again.

Why was this kid such a jerk! She huffed at him then stomped his foot.

"Ow!" The brown haired boy yelped. "I'm gonna tell my Dad!"

"Ooooo," Allie teased as she pretended to be scared. "You're gonna tell your looser Dad a girl stomped your foot. Big deal."

That pissed T.J. off. "My Dad is not a looser!"

"He is too." Allie replied. "My Mama just beat him in court. He's a big ugly looser."

"Is not!" T.J. yelled and then shoved Allie again.

"Is too!" Allie shouted and shoved back.

"Your mom cheats!" T.J. shot back.

"She does not!" Allie shoved him harder this time.

"Um, Liv?" Elliot said as they pulled up. "Look."

Olivia looked out the window to see Allie and the Langan kid at it again and sighed. Hopping out of the car she noticed Allie getting ready to throw a punch so she quickened her step and managed to get there just as Allie yelled out.

"Yeah well my Mommy can kick your Dad's ass!"

"Allison." Olivia said from behind her.

Allie flinched and turned slowly to see her mother standing there. Then she put her hands on her hips just as Olivia had done the same. "He started it!" She huffed. "And it's true! You could beat up his dad."

"Haha," T.J. laughed. "You're in trouble now."

Pricing blue eyes turned back to stare at the third grader. "Eat bugs and die butthead."

"Ok," Olivia said putting a hand on Allie's shoulder. "That's enough. Come on Allie lets go."

Elliot, who'd followed Olivia just in case, smirked at the boy. "She really could take him ya know."

"Oh that helped." Olivia sighed as they went back to the car.

"Yeah, well I'd pay good money to see it too." Elliot laughed.

Allie sat in the back of the car with her arms crossed and her face in a tight scowl. T.J. Langan was such a big jerk and she had no idea why. She'd never done anything to him, he just decided to pick on her. Man, boys were so stupid. If she got in trouble over this, she was going to put a worm in his milk at lunch tomorrow.

"Maybe it's some kind of weird transference thing." Alex offered as she changed out of her suit and into a pair of jeans and a sweater. "We can't stand Trevor so Allie can't stand his son."

"Well whatever it is, it needs to stop." Olivia replied. "Before she gives him another black eye."

Alex couldn't help it, she laughed.

Olivia look at her wife and shook her head. "You're laughing again!"

"It's still funny!" Alex replied but then became more somber. "But your right it needs to stop before it gets out of hand."

Getting up off the bed where she'd been sitting watching Alex change, Olivia snorted. "Elliot thinks he likes her."

"Oh god, now there's a terrifying thought." Alex shivered.

"She's eight, Alex." Olivia said as they headed for their daughter's room.

"So?" The blonde replied. "Billy Kipling use to push me on the playground and we ended up dating in junior high."

Olivia stopped, turned and stared at her wife. "You dated in junior high?"

"Group dates," Alex explained and then laughed. "And most of the time while he was trying to put his arm around me, I was checking out Emma Monahan."

"Ok," Olivia said before knocking on her daughter's door. "Tomorrow I buy and install a dead bolt on this door and paint the windows shut."

Alex laughed until she heard Allie say come in and then she quickly tried to look like the stern mama again. "Baby girl," She said as she and Olivia came to sit next to the girl. "We need to talk about you and Trevor Langan."

Allie half sighed half huffed. "Mommy already took away my DS and my Wii game for a whole week."

"Yeah," Olivia said as she titled the girl's head up. "But we need to talk about why the two of you keep bickering."

"Cause boys are stupid?" Allie offered.

Olivia wondered if there was any way to keep her thinking that until she was like thirty. "Allie-Cat."

Allie sighed. "I never did nothing to make him pick on me he just does."

"Have you ever asked him why?" Alex asked.

Allie looked at her mother like she'd asked something stupid again. "Why would I do that?"

"To find out why he's picking on you." Alex replied.

What part of boys are stupid did her mothers not get? "He'll just say something stupid."

"I still think the next time he picks on you, you should ask him why." Alex persisted.

Allie sighed as she looked at both her mothers and knew she wasn't going to convince them of boys utter stupidity. "Ok fine, I'll ask, but he'll just say something stupid. I'm tellin' ya."

"Boys won't always be so stupid." Olivia said then mentally smacked herself for saying it.

Allie doubted that.

"So no more shoving matches?" Olivia asked.

"Aright." Allie said.

"And no more swearing." Olivia added.

"That slipped." Allie defended herself.

"And you talk to Trevor next time he picks on you?" Alex asked.

Allie sighed. "Yes."

"Ok," Olivia said then nodded towards the doorway. "Wanna come watch Justice League before dinner?"

"Yeah," Allie said as she hopped off her bed and headed towards the living room. She'd ask him since she told her mama she would, but she was still putting a worm in his milk at lunch.


	7. Chapter 7

The lunch room was full of chattering, giggling, and loud first, second, and third graders. There were kids sitting at tables with their respective classes and some still in line getting their lunches. Allie, with Molly and Rachel on either side of her, watched as the third grade table seemed extra active. Apparently T.J, who she was know convinced the J stood for jerk, was handing out red and blue envelops. In their grades that could mean one thing; birthday party.

"Are you really gonna do it?" Rachel asked as she watched Allie watching T.J.

Allie nodded, smiled, then reached into her pocket. She'd been able to find three really fat worms that morning when she'd gone with her mommy to walk Max. Since it was her job to hold the poop baggies, she decided to use one to put the worms in and then shoved it into her coat jacket before her mommy could see her. Now all she needed was the right moment.

Deciding she'd rather have chocolate milk then white, Allie slipped out of her seat and headed back for the counter. She wouldn't have time to get the worms in his milk, but it was easy enough to drop them on top of his chili. She smiled sweetly as she kept walking past T.J.'s table, then past T.J. "Mrs. Ellen, may I have a chocolate milk instead please."

"Why'd you'd put worms in my lunch!?" T.J demanded twenty minutes later on the playground.

Allie blinked bright blue eyes. "Who me?"

"Yeah you," T.J. said with a shove.

She was about to shove him back but remembered she'd promised her mothers she wouldn't do that any more.

"You put worms in my lunch!" T.J. repeated.

"You got me in trouble!" Allie shouted back with her hands on her hips.

"You shoved me and called my Dad a looser!"

"You shoved me first and said my Mama cheats!"

"You said you're mom would beat my Dad up!"

Allie was about to shout back then laughed. "So did my Uncle Elliot."

T.J. narrowed his eyes. "You touched worms."

"Yeah so." Allie replied.

"But you're a girl." T.J. said looking oddly at Allie now.

What the hell did that have to do with anything? "Yeah, so?"

"You're weird." T.J. said.

Blue eyes turned icy and narrowed. "You're a jerk."

"I am not!" The eight year old boy replied in his own defense.

"Yes you are!" Allie batted back. "If you're not a jerk then why do you always pick on me?"

T.J. blinked, looked at Allie for a few long moments and then without thinking said. "You're pretty."

The look on Allie's face would have sent her mothers into roars of laughter. It was, without a doubt, Olivia's WTF look. "Huh?"

The boy blushed as he looked around quickly to see if any of his friends had heard. He hadn't meant to say it, he really hadn't meant to say it to Allie, and with her friends around no less. "You touched worms, and you know who Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne are, and you play Pokémon, and you hit really good, and you like baseball… You're kinda cool, ya know, for a girl and all."

Blue eyes that still held a touch of icy color blinked. "You said I was pretty."

T.J. swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, yeah, that too."

Allie stood there staring at him and then did the only thing that came to mind…..

Sitting across from Elizabeth Donnelly at the little bistro down the street from the court house, Alex listened as her old bureau chief and mentor express her concerns over Alex's choices. It wasn't anything new really, they'd always tried to meet for lunch a couple times a month, and Elizabeth always felt the need to express her option.

"You've been taking a lot of risks, Alexandra." Liz said as she sipped her wine.

Alex smiled as she toyed with her own wine glass. "That's nothing new, Liz."

"You've been forcing a lot of risky cases to trial rather then making deals." The older woman said.

Alex was still smiling. "Nothing new there either, and it's not like it hasn't turned out well. For every ten cases I force to trial, we win seven."

"Yes," The blonde former SVU A.D.A., SVU bureau chief, and now judge said with a smirk. "but it's those three you've lost that will come back to bite you in the ass down line. Besides, you need to watch your back now that there's a new man in the big chair."

"Jack McCoy doesn't scare me." Alex replied as she poked at her salad. "The only reason he's finishing out Arthur's term is because of his seniority. If you hadn't turned on us and opted for the other side of the bench it would have been you."

That made Liz laugh. "Yeah, the concretive good old boy was going to hand over the rains to a liberal woman."

That made Alex raise a brow. It was no secret on the legal playground that Arthur Branch had been grooming her for the D.A's seat.

"Timing my dear," Liz replied to Alex's unasked question. "First, distance from Nora Lewin's terms. Second, I may be liberal, but you're…"

"A lesbian." Alex said matter of factly.

Liz nodded causally. "I warned you when you went public with your relationship with Detective Benson after your returned that it would be an obstacle on your political path."

"I'm not naive enough to think that my private life won't play a part in gaining and losing votes. But I don't have time to pander to bigots and homophobes." Alex replied in a very confident voice. "What I'm hoping is that my record will speak for it's self. What do most New Yorker's care who's in their D.A 's bed as along as they know she'll bring down the law as hard as possible when it really matters."

A slow, almost shark like, smile spread across Liz's face. "That's my girl." She said proudly, but then pointed a knowing finger at Alex. "But you still need to watch out for McCoy. He might not have wanted the job, but he's in it and he'll be out there wanting to make a name for himself while keeping his own ass covered."

"I survived Nora Lewin, I survived Aruther Branch, and I survived you," Alex said with a smile that was nearly as predatory as Liz's. "I can handle Jack McCoy."

They talked a little while longer before Alex's cell phone vibrated on the table. She wouldn't have answered it, since she wasn't due in court or waiting on any verdicts, but when the caller id came up with the name of Allie's school she snatched it up from the table. "Excuse me, Liz. It's Allie's school, I have to take this."

Liz simply nodded.

"Hello," Alex said softly so she wouldn't disturbed to many people around them. Alex listened carefully to Mrs. Kendra's voice on the other end and then sighed as she reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Yes, of course. I understand. I'll be right there."

After seeing Alex end the call, Liz raised a brow. "Is everything alright Alexandra?"

"Since when do eight year olds carry on vendettas?" She asked as she waved down a waiter so she could pay for lunch. "My daughter seems to have one against Trevor Langan Junior."

Like Alex, Liz found that incredibly funny. "Perceptive kid, she'll make a great prosecutor same day."

Allie sat alone outside the headmistress' office again. She stared down at her feet as she swung them back and forth and wondered which of her mothers Mrs. Kendra had reached. Did it really matter? She was in so much trouble it wasn't funny, and yet she couldn't help but smirk.

"Allison Naomi Benson-Cabot."

Aww crap. Allie thought as she looked up to see her mama standing there with her arms crossed. It was one thing to have her mama call her that and look mad at home when she was all relaxed and stuff, but when she did it dressed in her work clothes and with her glasses on it was a whole different feeling of dread.

"What on Earth happened?" Alex asked as she came over to crouch in front of her daughter. "Didn't we just talk about this last night?"

"Yeah," Allie said as she tried not to look her mother in the eye, but as she felt a gentle grip on her chin as she was forced to do just that.

"What happened?" Alex demanded in a soft, yet clearly firm and unmistakably stern tone.

Allie swallowed. "I put worms in his lunch."

"Allison!"

"Then on the playground he asked me way and we started fighting and I asked him why he was picking on me, just like you said I should." The girl said quickly in her defiance.

"And what did he say?" Alex wanted to know.

Allie got that confused look again as she replied, "He said I was pretty."

Alex blinked, then asked more in shock then a raised voice. "So you gave him a black eye?!"

"I didn't know what else to say!" Allie replied.

After talking to Mrs. Kendra and finding out Allie had been suspended for two days, Alex walked down the hall with her daughter at her side, her mind trying to figure out how to handle this. She and Olivia would have to deal with this, Allie would have to be punished, but there was a part of her that really did want to laugh.

"Hey Allie!" T.J. called out as he ran out of the nurse's office. He ran over to where Allie and her mom had stopped and smiled. "Hello Ms. Cabot." He said to Allie's mom before looking at Allie and handing her a red envelop. "Here."

Allie looked at the envelop and then up at T.J. "What is it?"

"I'm gonna be nine in two weeks." He said as he held out the invitation. "I want you to come to my party if you're allowed." He glanced up at her mom and then back at her. He knew a mad mom look when he saw one.

Allie blinked as she took the invitation.

"It's a superhero party." T.J. explained. "Everyone's coming dressed up like a superhero. You'd make a really cool Supergirl."

"Trevor," Called out the nurse "go back to class."

"Gotta go." He smiled. "Bye."

Alex watched her daughter carefully as the girl stood there holding the red envelope with what she could only describe as Olivia's WTF look. Now she really wanted to laugh, but knew that she couldn't, not yet. She had to deal with her daughter's behavior first. She'd laugh when she explained the expression on their daughter's face at this moment, to Olivia later.

"Come on, Allison." She said as she retook her daughter's hand. "We have a lot to talk about at home."

Allie just nodded slowly and let her mama lead her down the hall. Ok, so not only were boys stupid, but they were weird as hell and made absolutely no sense.


	8. Chapter 8

Kinship analysis. It would be a long shot. What would the chances be that she'd get a hit off the system? Chances weren't any better then any of the other long shots she'd taken, so why not? But then again, if by some miracle of miracles she did get a match off the system, why would that match be in the system in first place?

Olivia sighed as she stared at the laptop in front of her. The test was all she could think about since Melinda had mentioned it so she'd been researching it. Could it be yet another way for her to reach out into the dark and see if she could pull out something about her past? It was more important then ever that she find out about where and from whom she came. She and Alex wanted to start looking into ways of having that second child that was on both their minds. Sure, there was another adoption, but when she'd told Alex about Elliot and Kathy her wife had wondered out loud about what it would be like to be pregnant. And then that got her to wondering what it would be like to be pregnant, to feel a tiny life growing inside her, but there was no way in hell she'd blindly subject an innocent child to her so far screwed up DNA.

If she did find something, someone, and it proved her genetics were bad then that would be one less option they'd have to consider, and if she didn't get anything then she'd still be right were she was. Wondering if she could risk having a baby or if they should just focus on Alex if they went that route.

After sitting on the couch for another fifteen minutes, Olivia uncurled herself, shut down her laptop and walked into her and Alex's bedroom. Pulling her crime scene gear out of the closet she took out what she needed, took samples of her own DNA, put her gear back then grabbed her coat.

"Hi baby," Alex greeted as she walked in the door.

"Hi Mommy." Allie said brightly as she struggled out of her winter coat.

Olivia smiled, helped Allie with her coat, kissed the top of her head, kissed Alex, and then headed out the door. "Call, gotta run, back as soon as I can. Love you both."

Alex stood there for a moment then blinked. She looked down at Allie who just shrugged and said, "Bad guy."

"Hey Olivia." Melinda said as the detective walked into her office. "I still don't have anything for you on the Concord case."

Olivia gave the M.E. her best professional smirk. "Not here about that." She said as she pulled the samples out of her coat pocket. "Actually got something else for you. A cold case I'm working. Do you think you could run that kinship analysis on these?"

Taking the samples from the detective Melinda looked them over and nodded. "Sure, as soon as I get the results I'll let you know."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." She smirked again, then shoved her hands in her pockets and headed for the door. Once she was back outside and alone she sighed. Well, there it was then. She'd either know something or nothing, she just wished she knew which she wanted more.

Deciding she wasn't quite ready to go home yet since Alex had an annoying habit of knowing when she was up to something, Olivia simply started walking. When she finally stopped to get her bearings she had to close her eyes and force down the sudden dizziness. The Velvet Room was across the street from where she stood, and at the corner, stairs leading down to the subway. When she opened her eyes she looked up at the sky and asked in a whisper, "What do you want from me now?"

Crossing the street Olivia went into the one place she promised herself she'd never go. The last place her mother had ever been alive. She paused just inside the door to look around and then made her way over to the bar. Where had she been sitting? Olivia wondered. What had it been that night? Vodka? Gin? Anything as long as it burned and numbed the world?

"What can I get ya?" The man behind the bar asked.

Olivia blinked, having been lost in her thoughts. "Whatever's on tap is fine."

The man nodded then walked down to where the taps were. A few moments later he was sitting the beer in front of the young woman.

Olivia stared at the amber liquid in the glass for several seconds before finally taking a drink. When she put the glass down she realized that the barman was still looking at her. "Something wrong?"

The man shook his head, "No, you just seem familiar. You been in here before?"

"Na," Olivia replied then took another drink from her beer. "Just decided to stop for drink before heading home."

She sat there for ten minutes just looking around.

During those same ten minutes the barman had kept watching her. Finally he came back over to her, meeting her eyes and then narrowing his own. "You're eyes."

"What about them?" Olivia asked a little self defectively. The man had to be older then Cragen, so she really hoped he wasn't trying to hit on her. Just in case she made sure to place her left hand on the bar so her wedding ring could be seen.

"They remind me of someone." The man said as he replaced her half finished warm beer with a new one.

Something gripped at Olivia's heart painfully.

It was the flicker of pain in the chocolate brown eyes that finally did it. "I'll be damned." He said as he took Olivia in. "You're Serena's girl."

It took everything in her not to shot off the bar stood and bolt. She somehow managed to keep a very cool expression as she finally replied, "Excuse me?"

The white haired man nodded as he continued to look at Olivia. "Yeah, you're Serena's girl." Then his face became more grim. "I know it's been awhile, but you have my condolences."

"Thanks." Olivia replied. She really wasn't sure what to say or do. It had been a very long time since anyone had recognized her as her mother's daughter.

"So you still a cop?" He asked as if catching up with an old friend.

Olivia blinked, but that was her only sign of surprise. How would he know that? Or even remember? It had been well over ten years since her mother's death. "Yeah," She finally replied.

"Serena use to talk about you all the time." The man said with a fond smile. "Olivia, right? Yeah, she use to talk about you all the time." He smiled and then his expression shifted as if remembering something. "Wait here, I got something for ya."

Now would be a good time to get up and walk out but for some reason Olivia couldn't get her body to move. What could this guy have for her? How could he even remember her mother and what her mother would say in a drunken stupor?

When the man returned he handed Olivia an old well worn book. She took it, knowing it instantly. It was a copy of Emily Dickinson poetry her mother use to carry around. She'd always wondered what had happened to it since it hadn't been found on the body.

"She'd left it here." The man explained. "I was going to give it back to her the next time I saw her." He paused, his voice becoming a little thicker. "I wasn't working the night.. I'd have taken her home if I had."

Olivia looked at the man, really looked at him, and again was surprised. He looked as if he were missing a close friend, someone he cared about, rather then just a regular drunk.

"Name's Ben, by the way." He said with a soft smile.

"Olivia, but you knew that." She replied and then asked. "How? I mean, it's been awhile."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Like I said, it was your eyes. Serena spent a lot of time here, reading that, talking about you. Most nights I'd take her home, drop her off in front of her building and wait until she went inside. I was outta town the night she dead. If I'd been…"

"It's alright," Olivia shook her head as she glanced down at the book and then up at him. Was this way she ended up here? To find out some guy who worked behind the bar, who kept her mother's glass full of whatever she was drinking, had a thing for her mother? To get some stupid book back? Or was it really something more? She couldn't shake the feeling that she was at the start of something that would either make or break her, and it scared the hell out of her. "Look, thanks for the book. I should get going." She nodded a little, put the book in her jacket pocket and pulled out some money for her drinks. "My kid doesn't sleep well till I get home."

That made Ben smile. "You got a kid?"

Olivia nodded. "Little girl, eight years old."

"She got those eyes too?" He asked with a warm look.

Olivia shook her head. "They're blue."

"Color isn't what I meant." Ben replied. "You read volumes in Serena's eyes."

She'd have to take his word for it. She never really bothered looking after awhile. All she ever saw when she looked at her mother was guilt, anger, resentment, once in awhile she thought she saw more, she thought she saw love, or at least what Serena Benson could muster up as love.

"It was good to finally meet you Olivia." Ben said.

After leaving the bar Olivia hailed a cab home. It was late when she finally made it into the apartment, and even though she knew Alex was still up, the place seemed so quiet. After handing up her coat and taking the old book from her pocket she went to Allie's room. She eased the door open and smiled at the sleeping form of her daughter. Walking over she covered Allie up from where she'd kicked off her blankets and then kissed her head. She was just about to slip out of the room when she looked down at the book in hand. Walking across the room Olivia slipped the book in among the books on Allie's shelf. There was an unbreakable innocence between her daughter and her mother, a purity that couldn't be tainted because Allie wouldn't ever truly know Serena Benson; she'd appreciate the book a lot more than Olivia ever would.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked when Olivia finally entered their room.

Olivia smiled. "You're here, our daughter's sound asleep and safe, of course everything's ok."

Alex returned the smile. "God you are so corny."

"Yeah but you love it." Olivia laughed as she headed for the bathroom to take a shower.


	9. Chapter 9

A brother; or a half brother really but what did that matter? However she and Alex had their next child, he or she wouldn't be blood related to Allie but that wouldn't make her any less his or her big sister. She had a brother. Olivia still couldn't wrap her head around it. Simon Marsden, that was his name; he lived in New Jersey and worked at an all night drug store. That was all Olivia knew about him, but she needed to know more, she needed to know what he was like, what his story was. She had called George and asked him to help her out, but he hadn't gotten back to her yet and she couldn't wait. She had an address, that's all she needed for now.

"And then Trevor and I will arrange a marriage between T.J. and Allie." Alex said from across the table once she'd realized Olivia wasn't listening to her. "Liv, did you hear what I just said?" Still her wife stared down into the depths of her coffee, her breakfast untouched. "Liv. Olivia!"

"What?" Olivia said finally as her head snapped up. "What? Oh, baby I'm sorry. I didn't hear you."

"No kidding." Alex replied with a smirk as she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.

"What were you saying?" Olivia asked looking sheepish.

"I was asking if you'd be home in time to go with me and Allie to get her costume for T.J's birthday party." Alex repeated. She'd been talking for nearly ten minutes before she'd realized Olivia was in her own little world. She knew things were getting stressed at work, but whatever this case was it had her wife getting wound a little to tight.

Olivia shook her head. "I doubt it, I'm sorry. This Central Park van case is kicking our asses. We've got nothing and Cragen's getting antsy."

Alex nodded in understanding. She kind of figured it was something like that. "That's fine, baby. Allie and I can handle it. But please, please don't forget to ask for a few hours on Saturday. I really really don't want to go to Langan's alone."

"You won't be alone." Olivia teased as she grabbed her plate and coffee cup and placed them in the sink. "You'll have Allie."

"If I'm keeping Allie from decking T.J. who's going to keep me from decking his father?" Alex asked as she got up and went over to Olivia. She slid her arms around the brunette and could feel how tight every muscle in her body was from the stress.

Olivia smirked, "In that case I'll bring Cragen with me. He's still waiting to see you knock someone's teeth down their throat."

That made Alex laugh.

"I'll ask, I promise." Olivia said then leaned in and kissed her wife. "I have no idea when I'll be home tonight."

Alex reached up to caress Olivia face and smiled. "Just don't forget to call, ok?"

"Ok." Olivia replied. She kissed Alex again and went into the living room where she found Allie putting on her school shoes. "Hey Allie-Cat, I gotta go sweetheart."

Allie ran over with one shoe on and one in her hand. She hugged her mommy tight and smiled. "Be careful."

"Always sweetie." She kissed Allie's forehead then headed out the door.

Since it was late winter and Halloween was long since past the costume shop was pretty empty and Allie had her pick of whatever superhero she wanted to be. She really liked Supergirl, and thought about being her but she didn't want T.J. to think she'd come as that cause he'd said it.

"You could be Wonder Woman?" Alex offered as they went through the costumes in Allie's size.

"She has black hair, Mama." Allie replied as if her mother should have known that. "I have blonde hair."

Alex smirked. How could one child be as girly as Allie and yet be a total tomboy at the same time? "Ok, so who has blonde hair other then Supergirl?"

"Wonder Girl, Emma Frost, Black Canary, Power Girl…."

Her daughter rattled off name after name and Alex had to say no to several. She also made a note to check out Allie's comic books. Didn't superheroes wear clothes anymore?

"This one!" Allie finally cheered just as her mama's cell phone rang.

Alex looked at the caller id and smiled. "Hello Detective." Her smiled faltered quickly. "Yeah, I understand. Alright I'll tell her. Be careful, Liv. Love you too."

"Mommy has to work late doesn't she?" Allie asked as she held out the costume she wanted.

Alex nodded to answer her daughter's question and to approve the costume. "Mommy said she'd call you before bed." Then she held out her hand. "Come on baby girl. Since it's just us tonight lets make an evening of it ok?"

"Ok," Allie replied with a bright smile. She'd gotten really tired of being grounded and was more then happy to be anywhere but their apartment for a little while.

He had a kid, a little boy maybe Allie's age or a little younger. He had a nice house in Jersey, and what looked like a happy family. Olivia hadn't been sure what she'd been expecting, but somehow this wasn't it. As she sat in the car, watching the man who she apparently shared a father with, she couldn't help but want to know more.

She watched him coming out of the house, her mind wondering who he looked like; his mother? Their father? It was dark and she was across the street, but maybe she was actually seeing some similarities between him and herself. She put her binoculars away as she watched him get into his car and then carefully followed. She tailed him all the way to the pharmacy where he worked and watched him there for a little while before deciding she'd better start the drive home. When she got there she found Alex sleep on the couch and it made her smile.

"Come on Counselor," She said softly as she gently woke Alex with a little shake. "Our bed's a lot more comfortable."

"What time is it?" Alex yawned as she allowed herself to be lead down the hall to their room.

"Late," Olivia replied. "It's going to be a long week."


	10. Chapter 10

The next night Olivia watched through the window as Simon played with the little boy. It made her smile a little, watching him playing with him the same way she would Allie if she were working a night shift. He seemed normal, but then why had his DNA been in the system? She really wished George would call her already. When she noticed Simon glance out the window she ducked down, had he seen her? Her heart pounded until he got into his car and left. She still didn't have the nerve to talk to him, but maybe she could find out something from the girlfriend.

Getting out of the car she'd barely taken two steps before she had guns drawn on her. In a spilt second she had her own out, then she heard Elliot's voice, then everything just went to hell.

The house was already full of kids when Alex and Allie arrived. She really wished Olivia had been able to come with them, but she understood the need for her absence. Truth be told it was driving her nuts being out of the SVU loop. It made things a lot easier when she knew what Olivia was up too, what cases she was on, and how she was dealing with them. This one was starting to worry her. Olivia came home later and later every night and when she'd called to tell her Cragen had called them all in to work the weekend, she hadn't heard Olivia sound that pissed off in a long time.

"Hi Allie!" T.J. greeted as he ran up to the girl and her mom. "Oh wow, that's the new Batwoman, right?"

Allie nodded her head and smiled. "Mama even let me get a red wig. I like your Superman costume."

"Thanks." The boy said then remembered her mom was there. "Hello Ms. Cabot."

"Hello T.J." Alex greeted with a smile.

Then the boy turned back to Allie. "Come on! We have kryptonite cupcakes, and bat-a-rang cookies, and Joker Juice."

Allie looked up at her mama for permission and then smiled brightly at the simple nod she got. Then she went off with T.J. to join the other kids. Most of them were third graders, some of them were even already nine, but there were a handful of second graders too so she felt a little more at ease.

"Alex."

Alex fought back a groan and stopped herself from rolling her eyes. "Trevor."

"I'm glad you decided to let Allison come." The dark haired man said as he appeared at Alex's side. "T.J. really seems to like her."

"He had a funny way of showing it." Alex huffed.

Trevor smirked, "Well she had a strange way of replying. I take it she gets that from your detective friend?"

Alex clenched and unclenched her jaw before replying, "Actually, my _wife_ would say she gets it from me."

"Your mom really doesn't like my Dad." T.J. said as they watched their parents from across the room, each with a cupcake frosted with bright green frosting and sugar sprinkles.

"Yeah, well your dad really doesn't like my Mama." Allie replied before trying to lick the frosting off the tip of her nose.

Then they both added, "Grown ups are so weird."

She shouldn't have gone back, but she couldn't help it. Now she couldn't believe she was crying over this, in front of Elliot no less, but in the span of five minutes the little happy family scenario she'd been building in her head had been slashed and hacked to pieces. Simon was stocking women, he was exhibiting all the warning signs of a possible rapist. "Like father like son."

"Maybe it's a mistake?" Elliot asked as he watched his partner. He'd known from the moment she'd gotten in the car something had gone wrong.

She loved him for trying to make it sound as if it were all a mistake, but Simon was showing all the warning signs. She had to face it, she had to face that her brother, like their father, was a predator and no amount of talking to him would change that. She was sure now, she was absolutely positive she couldn't do it, she could never conceive a child. Not with the loaded bullets that came along with her DNA. "What am going to say? Hi I'm Olivia, your dad raped my mom, and the only reason I found you was because I illegally ran my DNA? I shouldn't have done this."

"You needed to know, Liv." Elliot replied. "You were putting a lot of your future on how this all played out." He paused a moment before going on. "I don't see this being an issue with Alex if you're worried about what she'll think." He paused again before asking. "What did she say when you told her?"

Olivia didn't reply she just kept looking out the windshield.

"Olivia," Elliot said in disbelief. "You haven't told her?"

"I can't." The dark haired detective replied.

"You have too!" Elliot said as he turned to look at her. "Olivia, you can't keep something like this from her. You can't bottle this all up and handle it all alone. You were there, you watched me nearly lose everything because that's exactly what I did…"

Hard brown eyes turned to look into softer blue ones. "I can't tell her. She'll ask how I found out and I can't tell her I ran my DNA like that. She's an officer of the court, hiding something like that could cost her her job!"

"And hiding this, lying to her, could cause you your family." Elliot said bluntly. "Liv, you two are just beginning, you got a lot ahead of you, don't blow it by being like me." He reached over and rubbed her neck hoping to somehow comfort her. "Family is everything."

The ringing phone sliced through the still of the room causing Alex to jerk awake. The first thing she realized was that she was still alone in bed, then the ringing caught her attention again. "Hello?" She said sleepily into the receiver. The moment she heard the voice on the other end she was instantly awake. "Liv? Baby, what's wrong?" She glanced at the clock, it was after two am. "Yeah, I'll call Casey. I'll be right there."

Walking into the all night diner a half an hour later, Alex went right over to where Olivia was sitting. She didn't understand what was going on, why Olivia had wanted her to come here rather then just coming home, but she could tell something was very wrong. "Liv?"

Olivia looked up, chocolate brown eyes meeting worried blue ones. Reaching out she gripped both of Alex's hands in her own and could feel the other woman trembling. She'd scared her. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you."

"You call home in the middle of the night an ask me to meet you at a diner." Alex replied. "That's cause for concern in my book." She paused to look her wife over then squeezed her hands tightly. "Liv, what's going on?"

"I blew it." Olivia said softly. They were pretty much the only people there other then the waitress, cook, and a couple late nighters. "I got distracted, misheard Elliot, and blew it."

"The Central Park thing?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded.

When she was working a case as hard as this one it was hard to distract Olivia. Another red flag was going off in Alex's mind. "What distracted you?"

"I got call from Lucy." Olivia replied as she gripped her coffee cup so tight her knuckles were white.

"Who's Lucy?" Alex asked. This wasn't good, it never was when Olivia needed to be lead into telling her something. She was starting to get a tight knot in her stomach, and it only got worse when Olivia pulled her hands away to grip her cup.

"Simon Marsden's girlfriend."

"Who's Simon Marsden?"

There was a long pause as Olivia stared at her coffee. Finally, several minutes later, she looked up at Alex. "My brother."

"Your…" Alex blinked.

If this weren't such a heavy thing she'd be impressed that she'd caught Alex speechless. "He and I have the same father."

Alex sat there just staring at Olivia for awhile before she could even think of what to say. "How?"

"By chance," Olivia said and then locked eyes with the woman she loved so much she ached at times. "Please don't ask for details. I'd tell you, I swear I would, but I can't. I just can't."

"Liv," Alex said as she reached out and retook her wife's hands. "I don't understand."

So she explained, everything but the illegal testing of her own DNA. She told her about watching Simon, about his juvenile record, about getting busted in Jersey, about Cragen ridding her ass over it. She told her about why the police were looking at Simon, what they think he'd done, what he could do. After she'd finished the two of them just sat there for a really long time. Olivia's stomach started to churn and she felt as if she were going to be physically sick if Alex didn't say something soon. So finally she decided to break the silence. "Alex?"

"Why didn't you tell me this as soon as you found out?" The blonde asked, her voice level and a little cold.

Olivia's head dropped, tears stung her eyes. "Honesty? I've been so out of my own head, acting and reacting off emotion and instinct, I just…."

"You're drowning, Liv." Alex said, now with a touch of warmth in her voice. Olivia nodded, and Alex took her hands again.

Several minutes later Olivia looked up. "Alex?"

"Lets go home, Liv." Alex said as she pulled Olivia out of the booth. "We should be there when Allie wakes up and let Casey go back to her own bed."

As they headed out the door Olivia stopped them and pulled on Alex's arm so they were facing each other. "I'm sorry…"

"I know." Alex said. "It's alright, I've got you, I won't let you drown."


	11. Chapter 11

Alex walked the floor of the living room like a caged tiger. Why had she let Olivia go alone? Why hadn't she demanded to go along? Despite knowing what was going on, she still had this lingering feeling that Olivia was going to try and handle this all on her own. She kept trying to tell herself that this was the last piece, that if Olivia could get past this last piece of the puzzle she'd really be able to move on. Yeah, she was pissed as hell when she found out Olivia had been lying and going behind her back and they'd had it out that morning after Alex got back from taking Allie to her violin lessons. But she couldn't over look at least one of the reasons why Olivia went on this quest, and it was really hard to stay pissed off when she kept picturing a little baby boy with dark hair, or a little baby girl with dark eyes.

"Mama?"

Turning Alex smiled softly at the tiny blonde standing in her bedroom doorway. "I thought I put you to bed."

"You did." Allie said as she came over to her mama and hugged her.

"Then why are you up?" Alex asked as she picked the girl up and headed over to the couch. She held her daughter close as she brushed hair from her face.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Why not?"

Allie shrugged. It was hard to explain, but she'd try. "It's to heavy."

"What's to heavy baby?" Alex asked as she soothed her thumbs over the worry lines on her daughter's forehead. Did eight year old's get worry lines?

"Stuff," Allie replied with a shrug then looked around the room. "Where's Mommy?"

Ahhh, now she understood. "Things have been pretty stressful with Mommy lately huh?"

Allie nodded. "Did she go to work again?"

"Kind of," Alex replied. "She'll be home soon."

"Will she come in and kiss me goodnight?" Allie asked as worried blue eyes met worried blue eyes.

Alex kissed her daughter's forehead and nodded. "Doesn't she always?"

"She didn't last night." Allie replied. Getting off her mother's lap she headed back towards her bedroom.

How'd she know that, Alex wondered as she followed so she could tuck her back in. How could Allie tell that Olivia had just come home and gone straight to bed? As far as she could tell she hadn't been awake, and Casey had said she'd never moved.

She'd given up on walking the floor and had settled into the couch with the thought of getting some work done, but in the end all Alex did was stare at the door. When it finally opened she jumped up as if someone had poked her. The moment she saw Olivia's face she knew. "It was him?"

Olivia nodded slowly.

Walking over Alex put her arms around her wife and held her tightly. "What happened?"

"He showed up, thought I was with the Jersey cops watching him, then asked me if we'd met with this odd look on his face." Olivia replied as she held Alex just as tightly.

Pulling back a little, Alex took Olivia's hand and lead her to the couch. "Then what?"

"I muttered something about it all being a mistake a took off." She sat facing Alex on the couch, their hands still clasped together. "I couldn't be sure before but he looks like me a little. His hair's a little lighter, but his face, some of his features, guess I know I look like both of my parents now."

"Oh Liv," Alex said softly as she pulled Olivia closer. "Why didn't you say something to him?"

"What? Hi I'm your sister by rape?" Olivia asked and then closed her eyes. "I'm done, it's over, I don't need this, we don't need this."

Alex ran her fingers through her love's hair as she looked down at her. Olivia had her eyes closed, but she could still feel the tears dripping on her own skin. "It may not be that easy, Liv. He knows you're out there that you're looking for him."

"He thinks I'm a cop out to get him." Olivia replied. "Let him deal with them and I'll just disappear. Never liked Jersey anyway."

Things just kept getting worse and Olivia didn't know how to stop the spiral. Having Alex helped, being able to go home to her and Allie helped, but she could tell she was starting to bring her crap home to them too. Allie had been on egg shells that morning, and Alex told her later it was because she knew something was wrong. God, she wished she'd never started this.

To top it all off Cragen was on her ass. He'd nailed the whole squad, but it was aimed at her. She also knew he wasn't done. Before this was all over with she'd have to deal with him, and so would Elliot because she'd dragged him right along.

She felt like shit as she pulled her keys from her pocket. Allie had gone to a show with Caroline and Alex was working late, so she'd have the place to herself and all she wanted was a hot shower and curl up in bed and hide for the rest of her life.

"Detective Benson."

Her hand went to her gun as she turned. What the hell was he doing here? "How do you know where I live?" This was the final straw, not only was she bringing her personal crap home to her family emotionally, now the crap was following her home physically.

"I followed you from the precinct." Simon said as he held his hands out carefully.

"You're good at following women aren't you?" She asked coldly as she toyed with her key ring. Thank god Alex and Allie weren't home.

"I wanna talk."

"I got nothing to say to you."

"I know why you look familiar."

Taking the newspaper clipping he held out Olivia felt a vise tighten around her heart while it tried to pound in her chest. She was in high school when this had been done, back when she thought she could impress her professor mother by being the perfect student, before the night she'd shoved her mother into a wall to protect herself, before a lot of stuff. Why? Why did this guy's father, no, their father have this? Before she could fully think it through she was inviting him in, asking about the clipping and his father. Figured, the man was dead. Olivia could feel that hope die. She'd never have the chance to face him, to question him, to finally make him pay.

"Do you have a picture of him?"

And there he was, and there she was in his smile, in the way his eyes crinkled, the same things she'd seen in Simon. It was taking a lot for her to stay on her feet at that moment, and though she was glad Alex wasn't there because it meant she was safe, a part of her really wished she were there to keep her from falling. She could feel her lip quiver, the sting of tears in her eyes as she looked at her father, her mother's rapist and before she could stop herself she was telling Simon the truth. "This man raped my mom."

"My dad?"

The disbelief wasn't shocking. Simon looked happy in the picture and clearly he loved his father, but that didn't change what his father did, and it's out come. "I'm his daughter."

"No no no way," Simon repeated. "He was a normal guy, he loved my mom, he loved me…"

"And rapists often live double lives."

"You can't prove a word of that."

"I prove it. You're my brother."

She really wished someone would have told her taking on young lawyers who aren't yet sure of themselves was such a pain in the ass. As Alex made her way towards the apartment door she made a mental note to send Liz some kind of basket, cause she could only barely remember being a young lawyer who wasn't sure of herself and yet she could remember being really cocky.

"She's dead."

"So you're on your own now?"

Olivia was about to answer when she heard the door open and she smiled. She hadn't gotten around to telling Simon about her own family, she'd been to busy finding out about his. When Alex came into view she finally answered his question, "Not any more."

Alex stood stone still as she looked between Olivia and the man sitting next to her. She could see why Olivia had been so shaken the night she'd met him at the bar, he did favor her in a lot of ways. "Hello."

"Simon, this is Alex." Olivia said with a soft smile. "My wife." Then she looked up at Alex. "This is Simon, my brother."


	12. Chapter 12

It took a lot to rattle Olivia. She'd seen so much, been through so much, and normally she rolled with it. She rolled with it unless it became too personal, Alex corrected herself as she watched from their apartment window. Olivia was down on the street with Allie and Max playing and laughing, and she knew that as long as Olivia was focused on Allie or on her, on their little world, she was fine, or at least she was better then the rest of the time. There was something dark in Olivia's eyes, she'd seen it the night that New Jersey captain called and it had been lingering there ever since. It was darkness Alex hadn't seen in a long time and it worried her.

The night she'd met Simon she'd hoped that this would all turn out for the best for Olivia. She knew how badly her love wanted something, anything, from her past no matter how small to be good. She'd thought she'd had that in this new brother of hers, but according to the police in Jersey he wasn't. There was a war raging inside Olivia, to believe in this man she didn't know simply because he was her brother, or to face the facts and realize that he wasn't what he seemed.

Alex smiled when she was spotted in the window. She waved as she watched Olivia and Allie heading for the door to come into the building. Stepping away from the window she walked over to the table where the paper sat and picked it up. There had been a picture of her and Allie at a children's charity event in the society pages and she'd cut it out to put in Allie's scrap book. Then she looked over at the box under the end table by the couch that had the stuff Simon had sent in it. Olivia had put it in once of her case file boxes because Allie knew not to go in those kinds of boxes because they were for work. It bothered Alex as much as it was bothering Olivia knowing that her father had kept track of her, and neither one of them could come up with an explanation that they were comfortable with.

"We're back Mama!" Allie called out as she and her mommy came into the apartment. It had felt good to go out and spend time with her mommy. She'd been so busy with police stuff lately that she'd barely been home.

"I see that." Alex laughed as she watched Olivia help Allie off with her coat and hang it up along with the dog leash. "How was the park?"

"Muddy." Olivia said as she picked Allie up before she could step off the mat near the door. She tossed the girl playfully as Alex came over to help peel off the mud covered boots. "I think someone needs a bath and clean clothes."

"Can I have bubbles?" Allie asked as she giggled.

Olivia tickled her little girl and laughed herself. "Bubbles it is."

Alex watched as Olivia took their giggling little girl into the bathroom and smiled softly a moment later when she heard the water running. Half an hour later Allie was giggling madly in her dry clean clothes as Olivia was drying off with a towel. "What happened?"

"Splash fight!" Allie giggled.

"Well, guess we know who won." Alex teased as she smirked at her wife.

"She had the advantage." Olivia replied in self defense. "She was actually in the tub surround by water."

"I hope the bathroom isn't a total loss." The blonde tried saying firmly but she couldn't hide the giggle in her voice.

Allie shook her head as she made her way over to her DVD stand. "Mommy took the brunt of the force. Then we cleaned up."

"I'm going to put on a dry shirt." Olivia laughed as she looked down at herself and shook her head. "How about we call in for Chinese?" She called out as she headed for the bedroom. "Or Thai?"

Looking up from her DVDs Allie looked at where her mommy had been and then over to her mama. "Mama, is Mommy ok?" She asked as she pulled Fox and the Hound II off the rack. Her mommy had promised to watch a video with her before dinner and she knew that she liked this one, or at the least it was one she hadn't driven her mothers insane with.

"Of course she is baby girl." Alex said as she sat on the couch and held open her arms for the girl. "Why? Do you think she isn't ok?"

"She's sad and mad a lot now." Allie replied as she put the DVD on the coffee table then got on her mama's lap. "Is it because I asked about her mommy?"

It scared Alex at times when she thought about just how perceptive Allie really was. "No sweetheart," Alex replied as she cuddled the girl. "No, it's not because you asked about Serena."

"But Mommy's mommy makes her sad and angry." Allie said.

All Alex could do was nod a little. "Yeah, sometimes she does, but Mommy said it was ok for you to ask her about her mom and she meant it. She likes being able to share all the good stuff with you."

"But there was bad stuff?"

There was a quiver in Olivia's voice that she hoped Allie didn't pick up on. "Yeah, baby, there was bad stuff." She walked over to the couch and sat beside Alex who let her pull Allie onto her lap. "But Mama's right, I do like sharing all the good stuff with you."

"I won't ask anymore." Allie said as she hugged her mommy. "I don't want to make you sad."

Olivia hugged her daughter tight as she closed her eyes against the sting of tears. She was getting really sick of that particular sting. "No, baby, you don't have to do that." Getting up with Allie in her arms she carried the little girl easily to her bedroom and over to her bookshelf. She pulled down the old battered book she'd stuck there and showed it to her daughter. "This book, it's a book of poems that you probably won't understand until you're a lot older, but it belonged to my mother. She carried it with her where she went and sometimes, when I was kinda little, she'd read some of the poems to me."

Allie took the book as if it were a priceless gem and opened it carefully. There was a picture stuck in-between pages and Allie took it out and held it just as carefully. She knew the woman from the other pictures, which meant the little girl who looked to be about her age must be her mommy. "That's you isn't it?"

She'd been surprised to see the photo. Olivia hadn't realized her mother had carried a picture of her around. "Yeap, that's me."

"What's the poem say?" Allie asked.

Olivia scanned it before looking over at Alex in the doorway. Then she carried Allie over to the bed and sat down with her. "A poor torn heart, a tattered heart, That sat it down to rest, Nor noticed that the ebbing day Flowed silver to the west, Nor noticed night did soft descend Nor constellation burn, Intent upon the vision Of latitudes unknown. The angels, happening that way, This dusty heart espied; Tenderly took it up from toil And carried it to God. There,—sandals for the barefoot; There,—gathered from the gales, Do the blue havens by the hand Lead the wandering sails"

Had that been the last poem her mother had ever read? A poem about a broken heart and the release of death? Olivia actually shivered.

"What does it mean?" Allie asked as she put the picture back where it had been.

"It's not easy to explain, Allie-Cat." Olivia said quickly. "You'll figure that out in junior English when you hit high school."

Allie looked up at her mommy and could tell she didn't want to talk about it so she flipped to another page marked with a picture. "That's you in uniform."

Olivia half laughed half huffed. Her mother hated that she'd become a cop. "That's me as a rookie. At least it's slightly better then my high school picture."

"That bad?" Alex asked with a gentle smile.

"Wasn't yours?" Olivia asked in return. She was thankful for the distraction.

Alex laughed. "Yeah, my mother is under orders to never reveal the location of my senior year book."

Brown eyes twinkled for the first time in ages as she winked at Allie. "Sounds like we need to bribe Grandmamma into showing us that picture huh, Allie-Cat?"

Allie nodded and laughed, "Chocolate covered pretzels work every time."

"If you see mine I get to see yours." Alex huffed.

Olivia raised a brow and smirked, the look actually made Alex blush. Thankfully Allie was to busy with the book to notice.

"Why'd you put the book on my shelf Mommy?" Allie asked a moment later.

"Because it's yours now." Olivia said. "I want you to have it."

Allie hugged the book to her chest and leaned her head on her mommy's. "Thank you."

Three DVDs and their normal order of Chinese takeout later, Allie was fast asleep with her head in Olivia's lap. Olivia watched her sleeping and gently brushed at her hair as she leaned against Alex. This felt good, this felt right, and she'd missed this feeling. "Do you think we can keep her this small forever?"

"I think many have tried and all have failed in finding a way to do that." Alex replied softly as she traced a finger tip along the gold chain on the back of Olivia's neck.

Olivia was quiet for awhile as the three of them remained on the couch. Then she whispered, "This is all I ever wanted, all I'll ever need, you, Allie, whoever comes next."

"So we're still thinking of a whoever comes next?" Alex asked. She'd become unsure with Olivia's resent mood despite having Olivia tell her part of the reason she'd wanted to know if she had family out there was so she could feel more comfortable about having a baby.

"Yeah." Olivia answered.

They were quiet again then Alex said, "If it's you, Liv, if you were the one to have the baby, it would be perfect not defective. You know that right?"

Olivia didn't say anything.

"Liv?"

"I'm still not sure." Olivia admitted. "But," She paused a moment and then shifted so she could look at Alex without waking Allie up. "We should find a specialist and start listing our options."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked carefully.

Olivia nodded and then smirked. "Yeah, I'm sure, but I if I have to do it, then you have to do it too."

Alex smiled brightly. "That would make three."

"Three's a good number." Olivia said shifting again. "But lets worry about two and explaining it all to one first."


	13. Chapter 13

Looking up from his computer Munch listened carefully. Normally he'd have smirked, but after what had happened there really wasn't anything to smirk about. "Cabot's coming."

Fin looked up at him. "What?"

"Heels in the hall." Munch explained. "It's Alex."

Now Elliot was looking at him. "How the hell can you tell that?"

"You mean you can't?" Munch asked in return. "Have you forgotten that sound already?" When the other men looked at him oddly he explained. "When Casey's coming, the click is softer but you still get an idea of her mood, if the heels clack like a bat smashing a skull you know to get out of the way. When it's Alex, you get this overwhelming urge to protect your manhood cause she could very well rip them off then shove them down your throat."

"Glad I can still produce that kind of fear around here." Alex said smirking as she walked into the squad room.

Munch grinned, "Good to see you Counselor."

Elliot got up and was walking towards Alex to tell her Olivia had been sent home, but then Cragen's door opened. "Alex."

The blonde smiled at the guys and then headed into Cragen's office. As soon as the door was closed behind them she asked, "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know," Cragen replied as he leaned against his desk. "But I'm worried about her, Alex. She kicked the shit out of that prep this morning."

"Why didn't you call me as soon as that federal agent showed up asking for her?" Alex demanded. "And why the hell did you let her go off with him?"

Cragen understood Alex was concerned and he was use to how she handled stress like this, so he didn't loose his own temper. "I couldn't stop him, he had the right to take her in for questioning."

"Questioning over what?" Alex asked sharply.

"Her brother's disappearance." He replied. "Apparently they think Liv helped somehow."

Icy blue eyes flashed angrily. "Bullshit, she'd never…"

"She illegally tested her DNA to find him, Alex." Cragen cut her off. "She hasn't been acting herself since. I was hoping you could tell me what's going on with her."

That's why Olivia couldn't tell her. If she'd known, as an officer of the court, she'd have been bound to turn her in. Alex would never have done it, which would have been risking her own career. Damnit, Olivia! Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "It all started when we started thinking about having more kids. She needs to know she won't be dooming a kid by genetics, and she needs to finally put her past to rest."

"Well lets just hope she doesn't crash and burn while doing it." Cragen replied.

She was half way to the FBI building when her cell phone rang. Snatching it up she sighed in relief at the number that appeared. "Liv, where are you? What's going on? Cragen said…."

"He tried to call me, Alex." Olivia's voice came over the line. "He told his wife he had a little girl."

Alex didn't know what to say. "Olivia, the feds…"

"Are after Simon, I know, I'll explain everything later." Olivia cut in again. "But this isn't about Simon anymore, Alex. I need to look into this, I need to know who he was."

"Your father." Alex said as she pulled over so she could focus on talking rather then driving.

"Yeah," Olivia said. "I need you to hold on a little longer, baby. Just a little longer and I promise I'll tell you everything."

Alex bit her tongue to keep from saying she already knew most of it. "Alright. Are you coming home?"

There was a flicker of pain and fear in Olivia's reply. "Of course I am, baby." She paused a moment before saying it again, hoping Alex caught what she really meant. "_I'm,_ coming home, I promise."

After checking with the M.E. in Jersey and talking to Joe's boss, Olivia went through her mother's case one final time. Or at least she hoped it was for the last time. She found two other reported attacks, the details were identical to her mother's. Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, so she'd gone to George. Anger, depression, the pills and booze stopping it at only three, she had to face it, she had to face that her mother had been telling the truth this time. Especially after speaking with the other two victims.

She knocked on Casey's door and then went in when she heard her friend call out.

"Liv?" Casey stood as soon as she saw the dark haired woman come in. "Hey, you ok?"

"Getting there." Olivia said as she handed Casey the files, statements, and a copy of the results of her DNA test.

"What's this?" Casey asked with a shake of her head.

"A cold case you can finally close." Olivia replied with a tremor of emotion in her voice. "The rapes of Jane Willet, Amanda Donahue, and Serena Benson."

Casey looked at her friend and then down at the files. Sitting at her desk again she went through what Olivia had given her and then looked up again. "Joseph Hollister."

Olivia nodded. "It's all there, including Ids from the surviving victims."

The redhead looked up at her friend again then got up and went to stand closer to her. "You've been waiting a long time to put an end to this. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I know the truth," Olivia replied as she let her friend take her hand comfortingly. "I've even accepted it, really accepted it. There's no more glimmer of hope that my mother might have lied. I am a child of rape," She paused then her watery eyes taking in those of her friend's and she actually smiled a little. "But I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown woman with a life, a love, and a child of my own. So yeah, Case, I'm ok. You can stop worrying now."

Casey smiled. "Well, at least I'm one of the list."

Olivia flinched as she nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna talk to them too, but I wanted to get this to you so you could finally close the books on them."

"Conceder it done." Casey replied with a warm, loving, smile.

After leaving Casey's office Olivia went to Cragen's. She would never be able to make up for what he and Elliot had done, but she had to say something. Over the years he'd become more then just a friend, he'd filled that space were Joe Hollister should have been, she just hadn't realized it. After talking to him she headed over to the Velvet Room. Her mother's case was closed, she knew the truth, but she still had questions.

"Hey," Ben called out when Olivia walked in. "You came back. Get ya the same?"

She smiled at him this time. "No. I came to ask you about my mother."

"I thought you might." Ben said then set a glass of draft on the bar anyway. "What do you want to know?"

"Did she ever mention my father?" Olivia asked straight out.

Ben had to think back on that one. Sometimes Serena went off into things he never fully understood, but thought he got the idea. "Twice, I think, once when he tried calling you and again when she saw him watching you during a basketball game."

Olivia wasn't sure which to be more surprised over, her father being at one of her games or her mother. "Did she ever tell you about how… I mean about them?"

"No, not really." Ben replied. "What's on your mind kid?"

Kid, Olivia nearly snorted. "Just can't figure out why my Dad would keep track of me is all."

"Even if there was bad blood between him and Serena, doesn't mean there had to be between him and you." Ben said as he watched the young woman's eyes. So much like her mother's and yet there was the light he'd never quite seen in Serena's. "Though, if Serena kept him away from you she must have had her reasons."

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, I guess she did." She sat there a moment and then smiled at the old guy again. "Thanks, Ben."

"Anytime kiddo." Ben replied. "Serena was a special woman, she was just a little to lost."

Olivia nodded, her eye catching the glint of her wedding rings. "She didn't have someone to keep her from drowning." Then she looked up at Ben, "Or at least someone she'd let."

"She had you." Ben said.

Olivia shook her head, "I wasn't enough either."

She wanted to go to one last place, but she was worn out and she didn't want to keep Alex worried any more then she already was so she went home. A vacation faraway from here with her two best girls sounded really good about now. As she slipped the key in the lock she heard another noise, and this time she wasn't sure who was on the other side of the door so she drew her gun as she turned.

"Trying to get shot Captain?"

"Julia," The other woman replied. "We need to talk."

There was something about this woman that just didn't sit right with Olivia. She knew it was a risk, she wasn't sure if Alex and Allie were home, but she didn't want to do this in the hall so she opened the door and allowed Julia to follow. Was it really her instincts that was telling her she was missing something, that something was out of place with this whole mess between this woman and her brother; or was she feeling it simply because Simon was her brother. She'd been using that as an excuse a lot lately.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have treated you the way I did." Julia was saying. "I get it, I'm single too, you meet…."

"Problem with that statement Captain Millfield," Came a voice from behind the woman. "Is that she isn't single."

Julia looked behind her at the blonde woman standing there with her arms crossed and wearing dark framed glasses. There was a ring on her right hand and then she turned back to look at Olivia and saw that she had a ring on as well.

Olivia noticed what the other woman was looking at and then held up her hand. "You're really not very observant."

"You're.." She looked at Alex again and then at Olivia.

"A lesbian in a long term committed relationship complete with wedding vows and eight year old?" Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I am."

Julia looked confused. "Then what's you're connection to Marsden?"

"He's my brother." Olivia replied.


	14. Chapter 14

The tension in the room was almost palatable. Olivia had come home after talking Simon down and getting the truth from Millsfeild and as soon as they were alone in their room she told Alex everything. The blonde had just sat there listening not saying a word which caused a tight knot to form in Olivia's stomach. When she was finished she stood there at the end of the bed and simply looked at Alex who was sitting up against the headboard.

After several long minutes Alex finally broke the silence. "You went behind my back and cashed out one of your CDs to help your half brother, whom you just meet and barely trusted, flee from the law." She repeated as she stared up at the dark haired woman who simply nodded. "You willingly took that risk. Olivia, you could have been arrested, sent to jail, you could have lost everything."

"I realize how lucky I am, Alex." The dark haired woman said as she came over to sit on the end of the bed. "The Feds aren't going to charge me, but when I go to IAB to tell them what I've done, I could still loose my job. I know that I nearly spiraled out of control to the point of self destruction, but I had to go with my gut. I had to see this all through."

"So the risk was worth it?" Alex asked.

"No, not if I loose the most important thing over it." Olivia replied softly. "Let them take my badge tomorrow, but if I've broken us, if I've lost you…"

Alex watched as tears welled in her wife's eyes and some of her anger and fear subsided. She didn't quite reach out for Olivia but she did relax her posture so she wasn't sitting there so rigidly.

"I'd have told you everything if I could have," Olivia said. "But it would have been putting you at risk too and I couldn't do that." She inched closer when she saw Alex relax but still kept space between them. "It's done, Alex, it's over. There is nothing in my past holding me back anymore." Then she got up and went over to their closet. "I'll prove it."

Alex watched carefully as Olivia pulled her mother's box from their closest and brought it over to the bed. She sat it between them and then Alex watched as she opened it without any hesitation. The look of confusion on her love's beautiful face was definitely better then the look of horror she'd been expecting. "Liv?"

"They're letters." Olivia said as she lifted one of the envelopes out of the box.

Reaching in Alex pulled out another envelope and looked at it as well as the one Olivia held and the others in the box. "They're all addressed to you."

"She wrote me letters?" Olivia asked not understanding this at all.

"Maybe she was doing the same thing you'd been doing in your journals." Alex offered as she replaced the letter.

Olivia shrugged. "Maybe." She bit her bottom lip then opened the letter in her hand.

Alex simply sat there watching as Olivia's eyes grew dark and then seemed to lighten as tears filled her eyes. Reaching out she brushed them off her checks before they had a chance to drip onto the paper in her hand. She was a little surprised when Olivia handed her the letter before picking up another.

For well over an hour the two read through Serena's letters to Olivia and when the dark haired woman finally looked up and spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. "She must have written these while she was sober."

"She loved you Olivia." Alex said softly as she put the letter she'd read back in it's envelope.

Olivia nodded, "But she hated me too. I reminded her of the rape, of her loss of control…"

"Which is why she tried so hard to control you." Alex reached out and again wiped tears off her wife's cheeks. "Those were her issues, Liv. She didn't know how not to feel some of those things."

"What's that old saying?" Olivia asked as she stared down at the box and the letters it contained. "There's a fine line between love and hate."

Alex collected the rest of the envelops and put them all back in the box before moving the box so she could sit next to Olivia. "Only when you're as confused as your mother was. Yes, they're both very strong emotions, but normally it's one or the other." She gripped Olivia's chin so they were looking at each other now. "I can be mad as hell at you and pissed off beyond belief, but that doesn't mean I hate you, I could never hate you. I love you, Olivia, and nothing could ever change that."

"Not even me being incredibility reckless?"

"I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt that you were willing to risk what we have." Alex replied. "But I know you still love me, and Allie, and we love you."

"Can we put all this behind us and move past it?" Olivia asked as she stared into those blue eyes she loved so much.

"Can you move past all of this?" Alex asked in return.

Olivia nodded without hesitation. "The past is the past and all that matters is the here and now and soon to be."

"Then we'll get past it." Alex replied as she leaned forward and kissed Olivia softly.

Alex paced up and down the hall as she bit her thumb nail. Elliot sat on the bench across from the closed doors where Olivia was meeting with IAB. The click clack of Alex's heels had been annoying at first, but now he thought he'd go nuts if she stopped. When they did his head shot up. He watched as Olivia walked out and stood as she came over to them.

"Liv?" Alex asked carefully.

"Suspension no pay and it goes in my jacket." Olivia told them.

Alex sighed in relief. She knew how crushed Olivia would have been if she'd been fired.

"I took all the blame," Olivia told Elliot as she took Alex's hand. "So you shouldn't have to worry about them coming down to hard on you."

"Liv you didn't…"

She cut him off with a nod of her head. "Yeah, I did. This was my mess and all of you just got swept up in it. Besides, Cap'n was right, I need some time. It's only a couple months."

"Allie will be thrilled to have you home." Alex said as she squeezed Olivia's hand before letting it go as they headed down the hall towards the elevators.

That made Elliot smirk. "Oh yeah, Liv, summer vacation with a nine year old who gets bored after fifteen minutes of doing whatever it is you're doing."

Olivia smiled for the first time all morning. "I can't wait."


	15. Chapter 15

The wind blew gently, causing the bottom of her mid-length brown leather jacket to flap a bit as she stood there looking down at the headstone. Olivia had been standing there for a good half an hour trying to get her thoughts and emotions in order. The last couple of weeks had been one long dizzy roller coaster ride that she just couldn't seem to get off of. Or maybe it was more like an out of control merry-go-round, one of the really old ones where you could reach out as you rode by to try and grab a gold ring that was hung just out of reach. Only in her case the only way to stop the ride was to grab the ring, and it finally felt like she had. The out of control spinning had stopped and she could finally get on her feet again, though she was still a little wobbly.

But even now she was regaining a little of her stability. Having Alex there beside her was her saving grace. The shit she'd pulled, cashing in that CD and giving the money to Simon, the sneaking around and lying to find the answers she was looking for, it could have blow up in her face worse then it had. She'd survive her suspension with no pay and the new blemish on her record, but what she couldn't have handled was losing Alex and Allie.

"I've been going back to talk to Ben." She said suddenly. "I wish I'd known the woman he talks about, or the woman in those letters you wrote to me. I wonder why you could never share that part of you with me openly? I guess there was just so much crap between us it was hard to see past it." She paused a moment as she shoved her hands in her pockets and glanced up at the clearing sky. Spring was settling in and summer would be right around the corner. "All that's in the past now. I mean really in the past. I'm done. I've found out the truth and it's all a closed case. I can move on and you can finally rest in peace. All we had then was each other, and even for a while after you'd died. It's different now, I have a family, a real family." She glanced down at the headstone again. "And you're even apart of it, but you no longer have control over me. My motivations are totally different now because now I do what I do for them; for Alex, and Allie, and whoever comes down the line." She laughed a little at her next thought. "Ya know, in a way, I actually feel lighter now."

Alex was curled on the couch reading the paper when she heard the door open. Things had been pretty tense between her and Olivia, but they were finally starting to even out. She realized that if it had been her and Christian she'd have done the same thing in regards to helping him in any way she could, but she still wasn't sure if she'd have done it all behind Olivia's back. Then again, she could also understand that Olivia had been trying to protect her. Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. There was no point in thinking about all of it again, it was done it was over, and they were moving on.

"Hey beautiful." Olivia said easily after hanging her jacket up and coming into the living room.

Alex smiled softly. "You were up and gone early this morning."

Olivia nodded as she came over to sit beside her wife. "Went to my mother's grave."

That caused a blonde brow to raise as Alex took her glasses off and turned to look fully at her love. "And?"

"And," Olivia drew out with a smile. "For the first time ever, it felt good to be there with her."

Leaning forward Alex kissed Olivia softly.

"I had an idea on the way home." Olivia said as she pulled Alex into her arms.

"And what was this idea of your's?" Alex replied as she happily snuggled down. God this felt good. She'd missed this, the simplicity of just being together, alone before their daughter woke up and the day really got started.

"We need a vacation." Olivia replied as she shifted them on the couch so that Alex was between her legs as well as wrapped in her arms. "We need to get away from New York and all the crap of the last few months and just be the three of us."

Alex laughed and leaned her head back against Olivia's shoulder. "Ya think?"

Olivia tickled Alex and then leaned her head down to kiss her. "On occasion I've been known to."

"Did you have any place in particular in mind?" Alex asked, then bit back a giggle as Olivia brushed her hair back, her finger tips brushing her neck. She closed her eyes at the warm breath of air the danced over her ear and down her neck. Then she really did laugh. "Are you serious?"

"Yeap." Olivia replied with a bright smile.

Alex sat there thinking it over for a while and then finally nodded. "I think getting away would be a good idea. Spending time together could give us a chance to gage Allie's feelings about us having another baby." But then she looked up at Olivia and asked, "You really want to go there?"

"She'd love it." Olivia replied.

Something told her that Olivia would love it too. She hadn't gotten to do a lot of things growing up that Alex had the privilege of, and if she could give her this simple experience then she'd do it without question. "I'm not sure that's how the disciplinary board imagined you spending your suspension."

Olivia laughed.

It was good to hear her wife laugh again and it made Alex smile. "Alright, alright, we'll see about making plans for when school's out. We'll make it a birthday present." Then she sighed and snuggled into Olivia again. "Which reminds me, we need to start thinking about planning a birthday party."

"Has she said anything about what she wants?" Olivia asked as she rested her chin on Alex's shoulder.

Alex tired to shake her head but got little movement thanks to Olivia's head being so close. "Not a word." She replied out loud. "I thought she'd have come up with something, especially after having so much fun at T.J.'s party." She paused then and elbowed Olivia. "You still owe me for making me go there without you. Trevor wasn't bad but his new wife kept giving me dirty looks."

"She must have seen you in that red dress too." Olivia smirked. "I should still kick Trevor's ass for that."

"Only if I can watch." Alex said with a laugh and then shifted gears again. They talked so easily about such things, shifting between one thing to another. It felt good to have the ability to be so at ease with someone like that. "We really should ask Allie about what she'd like to do. Her birthday's only a month away."

Olivia blinked at the idea of a party that would take a month to plan. "How hard could it be to plan a kid's birthday party?"

"You have no idea." Alex said and then blinked. "And neither do it for that matter."

The dark haired detective laughed. "So in other words we call your mother and Kathy and ask."

"Pretty much." The blonde replied and then sighed when she felt lips on her neck. It was just a simple kiss but it always managed to derail Alex's train of thought. "Be careful Detective." She warned in a low voice that sounded almost like a purr. "You really don't want to start something we can't finish."

"We need the practice." Olivia whispered into Alex's ear.

Alex had to bite her cheek to keep from moaning. "Practice for what?"

"Making a baby." Olivia replied.

Bright blue eyes snapped open and Alex wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or not, but she did know that if Olivia kept this up they'd end up back in bed and it was hard to tell when Allie would be up. "You are aware that we can't do it that way, right?"

"I know," Olivia said as she put her chin back on Alex's shoulder. She smiled a smile that lit up her eyes as she replied, "But that doesn't mean we can't still have the fun."

"Not this morning we can't," Alex said as she reluctantly pulled away from her lover.

Olivia pretended to pout. "Why not?"

The blonde pointed with her glasses at the still sleepy eyed eight year old who was just coming out of her bedroom followed loyally by her cat. "You already have a date with another blonde, a bowl of cap'n crunch and the Legion of Superheroes."


	16. Chapter 16

Sitting on the park bench Olivia watched as Allie played on the monkey bars. She was kind of getting use to this, being able to take Allie to school every morning and pick her up every afternoon, spending time in the park watching her play without worrying that her phone was going to ring and she'd have to rush Allie home then off to whatever crime scene was waiting for her. She really did need this, she needed the chance to balance out her worlds.

"There you are."

Olivia looked up and smiled in surprise when she saw Kathy standing there. "Kath?"

"Your doorman said you'd brought Allie here." Kathy said as she sat next to Olivia on the bench.

The dark haired woman gave her partner's wife a quick once over. She seemed fine, so her mind began to run through other reasons why Kathy would come looking for her. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine." Kathy said with a smile and then glanced down. "Everyone's doing great." Then she looked up at the other woman and smirked. "Elliot's worried about how you're dealing with the time off. He sent me to spy on you."

That made Olivia laugh. At least he wasn't having her tailed by undercovers again. "You can tell him I'm doing better then fine." She replied as she turned back to watch Allie who had moved on to playing tag with a couple of other kids. "It's been nice being at home."

Kathy looked in the same direction as Olivia and smiled. When she'd first met Olivia she'd never pictured her as the motherly type, but then again when she'd first met Olivia she wasn't all that sure this new woman in her husband's life wasn't a threat.

"Although I'm pretty much at the point were quiet self reflection while Allie's at school and Alex is at work is reached it's limit." Olivia laughed. "I may need to pick up a new hobby."

"He'll be happy to hear that he hasn't lost you to a full time domestic life." Kathy teased.

Olivia laughed again. "For such a macho cop he sure the hell is a mother hen isn't he?"

Now Kathy was laughing. "You think that's bad? You should see him at home when I'm pregnant, it's starting to get to the irritating as hell point and I still have months to go."

Kathy and Caroline had pretty much become their quick reference guides on this whole parenting thing, which Olivia was more then grateful for. It was nice to include Kathy as a friend on her own and not simply because she was Elliot's wife. "El said Kathleen's not taking the news so well."

"She's a teenager, she doesn't take anything well." Kathy replied. "The twins are getting use to the idea and Maureen's fine with it. Kathleen will come around, she really doesn't have a choice in the matter. That's a plus in being the parent."

Olivia thought about it for a few seconds and then nodded. "It's not that we're going to let her decided if we're having another child, it's more like when."

"That's still an awful lot of power to give a little girl." Kathy said without missing a beat. She was well aware of what Olivia and Alex wanted to do and she thought it was a great idea. They'd done well by Allie, who could have very well become a problem child because of her experiences. "I can see why you'd want to make sure she was alright with the idea, but if she isn't you shouldn't let that stop you."

"Alex and I both have appointments with a specialist next week." Olivia replied in response to the unasked question of if Allie's not alright with the idea of a sibling will they drop the idea all together. She and Alex had talked about that and decided that they'd go ahead with it and work through Allie's reasons.

Kathy smiled at that, her smile growing brighter as she tried to picture either woman pregnant. "So you're going with having a baby rather then another adoption?"

Olivia nodded. "That's the plan as it stands. It's just a matter of choosing who goes first."

"If you come back just to leave again on maternity leave Elliot may pull what hair he has left out." Kathy teased, causing Olivia to laugh. "But it sounds like he'll have to deal with it at some point."

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "We both want to know what it's like and figure three's a good number, especially given the age difference that's going to be between Allie and whoever's up next."

Kathy nodded, "You'd be surprised at how little that age difference will make other then Allie's more likely to be even more protective. My sister was like that, there's ten years between us and sometimes it was like I had two moms around."

Olivia laughed. "Yeah just what the baby would need another mom."

The two women were quiet for a while as they simply sat and watched the children play. Olivia had a feeling that there was something else on Kathy's mind so she waited her out. She didn't have to wait long.

"How's things with you and your brother?" Kathy asked carefully.

Olivia shrugged. "Still awkward but we're getting to know each other."

Kathy nodded, bit her bottom lip and then said. "I think Elliot's jealous."

That made Olivia blink and sit back a little straighter as she turned her head to look at the dark haired blonde. "Of what?"

"He's always considered himself kind of a big brother when it comes to you." Kathy told her as she glanced over at her.

"Simon could never replace what Elliot means to me, Kathy." Olivia replied as she thought this through.

Kathy nodded in understanding but was still smirking. "I know that, you know that, and Elliot knows that deep down, but he nearly lost us both last year. He's just a little unsure of his stability."

"I'll talk to him." Olivia said before calling out, "Allie, knock it off before you get hurt." Then she went on. "Without him knowing I'm talking to him about it."

Allie looked over when her mommy called out and smiled when she saw her aunt sitting there too. Running over she stopped just short of giving the woman a hug because she was kind of muddy and didn't want to get the woman dirty. "Hi Aunt Kathy!"

"Hi sweetie." Kathy replied with a bright smile. "Having fun?"

Allie nodded. "Are you coming to my birthday party?"

"Yeap, Uncle Elliot and I will be there." Kathy said with a nod.

"Cool!" Then she turned to look at her mommy. "Can I go over there and play soccer with Molly and Diana?"

"Stay where I can see you." Olivia replied then watched the girl run off. She was going to be caked with mud but that was ok, mud washed off.

"So you and Alex managed to plan the party huh?" Kathy asked without trying to snicker.

Olivia glared at her and then laughed. "Yeah, luckily she's a pretty simple kid. She wants a few friends, all her aunts and uncles, and a karaoke machine."

Kathy laughed as she rested a hand on her stomach. "I'll buy that child anything she wants if she can get Elliot to sing karaoke."

That made the dark haired detective laugh as well. "Oh now that I'd have to see."


	17. Chapter 17

The apartment was a decent size but no where near big enough for ten eight and nine year olds, even if they had moved some stuff into the bedroom to get it out of the way. The coffee table had been moved to make room in front of the television for Allie's DDR mats. A karaoke machine had been set up near the stereo, kid sized chairs had been set up to keep the kids off the living room set, and there were snacks on the dinning table. The cake, a large pink and green sheet cake with a photo of Julia Murney and Kendra Kassebaum (Allie's favorite Elphaba and Glinda to date) laser icing copied onto it, was safely stashed in the kitchen. The apartment had been decorated with pink, green, blue, and orange balloons and streamers because those were Allie's favorite colors, and police crime scene tape because she'd thought it was funny when Elliot had done it for Dickie and Libby.

Alex, Olivia, Serena and Kathy were all standing by the snack table watching as kids played games or sang along to Hannah Montana and High School Musical songs on the karaoke machine, or had dance contests or played whatever video game was currently running.

"You know we're going to end up getting one of those now don't you?" Serena asked as she watched Casey playing baseball on Olivia's Wii with Kimmie from upstairs. "Doesn't she have enough of a baseball obsession?"

"Could be worse," Kathy snorted. "Elliot won't stop playing the bowling game. He says he won't stop until he scores higher then the twins."

As if his wife's saying his name made him suddenly appear, Elliot came up behind them. "Would someone remove this or will I require surgery?"

All the women turned to see Allie riding on Elliot's back, her arms around his neck and her legs locked around his waist.

"I'm not getting down until you sing." Allie said as she smiled brightly at her mothers and aunts. She'd been bugging her uncle all day and her latest way of making him cave was the longest piggyback ride ever.

"I don't sing." Elliot said yet again.

Allie just smiled. "Come on Uncle El! Uncle John did it!"

Elliot cringed. "Yeah and hearing Munch sing Be Our Guest has scared me for life."

All four women couldn't help but laugh at both the look on Elliot's face and the memory of John Munch doing his best Sebastian the Crab impersonation. Alex had been worried over the party for well over a week, but so far everything had been great and Allie was having a wonderful time.

"Come on Stabler," Casey teased as she joined the adults and Allie. "Give in a little."

"How about we bowl on the Wii again?" Elliot asked the small head next to his own.

Allie shook her head as best she could. She was having so much fun. Kimmie had gotten to meet her school friends, and T.J. had come, and even Cap'n Don had shown up. "Nope, karaoke."

"Fin didn't have to do karaoke." Elliot replied as he tried to get Allie off by tickling her, but she wasn't budging.

"Uncle Fin rapped." Allie informed him.

"Yeah," Fin said as he snatched up a juice box. "You ain't gonna let Munch be top uncle are you? Man even did that DDR thing with his boney a…" Fin stopped when he got several looks from several of the surrounding women. "self."

"That," Munch said with a huge smile. "is because I rock."

Elliot groaned. He was getting shown up by guys who didn't even have kids.

"Please Uncle El!" Allie tried again and the smiled devilishly. "I'm gonna start getting' heavy."

Kathy laughed as she watched Elliot trying to dislodge the girl. "We've all done it, El."

Elliot glared at his wife. "Who's side are you on?"

"Mine." Allie said brightly as she craned her neck so she could look at her uncle's face. "It's my birthday."

Kathy laughed harder, "She's right, El."

Elliot huffed.

"Hey Allie!" Molly and T.J called together from across the room. "Come look at this!"

Allie smirked. "Uncle El."

There was no point in holding back the fits of laughter as Elliot piggybacked the girl across the room to where her friends were.

"He's going to end up carrying her all afternoon." Olivia said holding her sides.

Alex shook her head as she wiped tears off her cheeks. "She'll have to give in for cake and presents."

"Twenty bucks says she finds a way to do both and still cling to him." Fin added.

As the others talked and laughed Olivia slipped away from the group. She watched as her friends laughed, as Alex and Casey teased, as Allie continued to laugh and play with Elliot. She'd had this all along and never knew it, but now she saw it as bright as day. Ever since Alex had come back the darkness got lighter, then Allie came and now she wondered how she could have lived so long without this. She'd longed for a family and there it was right in front of her.

"Thanks for inviting us."

Olivia smiled as she turned to look at Simon. "You're Allie's uncle, Tyler's her cousin or will be when you and Lucy get married."

"Still," Simon said with a warm smile. "Things are still pretty new between us, and with all the trouble I caused I'm sure your friends don't…"

"They'll get over it." Olivia cut in. "And I got myself into that trouble. I could have turned you down."

Before Simon could say anything a sound from across the room caught everyone's attention. Standing there next to the karaoke machine with Allie still around his neck was Elliot.

"At words poetic, I'm so pathetic That I always have found it best, Instead of getting 'em off my chest, To let 'em rest unexpressed, I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar, But if this ditty is not so pretty At least it'll tell you How great you are.  
You're the top! You're the Coliseum. You're the top! You're the Louver Museum.  
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss You're a Bendel bonnet, A Shakespeare's sonnet, You're Mickey Mouse. You're the Nile, You're the Tower of Pisa, You're the smile on the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop, But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!"

"Oh! My! God!" Olivia said as she came back over to where Alex and the others were standing, all open mouthed. "She got him to do it!"

"And she got him to do Cole Porter no less." Kathy replied in utter shock.

Casey simply held out her hand while Fin, Munch and Serena all handed her ten bucks.

"Double or nothing on her getting Cragen to play DDR." Fin said as he stared in amazement.

Alex just glared at them from behind black framed glasses. "Are you really betting on my child's ability to manipulate people?"

"Yeah," Fin said with a laugh. "Kid's got skills."

"I'll give you all of it for a copy." Casey laughed as she pointed to the camera in Alex's hand.

Several hours later after all the kids had gone home and after Casey, Serena, Kathy and Elliot had helped clean up, Alex stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching her daughter try and hide a yawn. It had been a great day, she hadn't heard Allie laugh so much before and it made Alex feel as giddy as the girl felt.

"Wanna give it to her now?" Olivia asked as she came up behind her wife.

Alex smiled. "If we tell her now she'll never go to sleep."

Olivia laughed, "We don't have to be anywhere tomorrow and there's no chance of me getting called away."

"You just can't hold it in anymore." Alex laughed as she turned and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. Moments like this made all the awful stuff worth it, everything, even loosing Alex Cabot for awhile, because now Alex Cabot had everything.

Olivia grinned as she leaned in and kissed Alex. Then she grabbed the blonde and pulled her towards the couch were Allie was. "Allie-Cat," She said as she sat on the couch, pulling the girl into her lap. "Did you have a good day?"

"It was the best!" Allie said still hyped from the day more then the cake, ice cream and other party sugars. "Uncle Elliot was so cool. I'd have given in for cake and presents."

That made Olivia laugh until Alex joined them on the couch. "Do you think you can handle one more present?"

"You and Mommy already gave me by present." She pointed to two porcelain dolls, one that looked like Elphaba and the other Glinda.

"Yes," Alex said with a smile, "but those are just for you. This present is for all three of us."

Allie looked from her mama to her mommy before asking, "What is it?"

Alex handed her a brochure.

The new nine year old looked confused as she looked over the brochure. Then it slowly began to dawn on her what her mothers were saying, or at least she hoped it's what they were saying. "Are we going to Disney World?"

"As soon as school's out." Olivia said just before Allie sprung, wrapping her arms around both her and Alex. Within seconds the three of them were in the middle of a tickle/kiss war with Allie, as always, cheating by using the couch pillows as shields.

Olivia woke up several hours later when she felt a hand smack her cheek. Forcing her eyes open she saw Allie spread out between her and Alex and smiled.


	18. Chapter 18

There should be a rule on the books that says that every NYPD officer has to go to one of the Disney parks at least once during their careers. It was the most relaxed place Olivia could ever remember being too, even while chasing a nine year old around. They'd decided to stay at the Grand Floridian because it had character meals, kid activities, in suite babysitting and a spa. She and Alex had wanted this to be as much a vacation for them as it would be for Allie.

To see a place like this through the eyes of a child was a gift. Since their arrival there had been a brightness in Allie's already bright eyes, a purity in the experiences that she shared with her mothers through those eyes. Olivia smiled, guess Ben had been right, Allie did have her eyes. For the last three days everything had been a new experience, a new sight to see, a new emotion to express, a new thrill around every corner. Every night when they finally got Allie in bed she simply crashed, and yet every morning she was up and ready to go as if she'd been asleep for a week. Olivia had to admit she was feeling the same way. It had been a long time since she'd felt that really good tired at the end of the day.

Yeap, Olivia thought as she glanced down at Allie, best idea she'd had in a very long time.

It was just the two of them for a few hours while Alex was enjoying a little alone time at the spa. They'd just come out of the Finding Nemo attraction, Allie's hand firmly in hers as she was drug to whatever was next on the nine year's list of must dos, when she decided it was time to pull a mommy. "Ok, Allie-Cat. I think we should grab some lunch."

"Aww…" The small blonde started to complain. She wanted to go over to the Turtle Talk with Crush exhibit next, but then her stomach growled. "Ok, maybe food isn't a bad idea."

Olivia laughed as she pulled the girl to her and hugged her. "Food is never a bad thing."

After finding a place to eat Olivia sat and listened to Allie go on and on for about twenty minutes not stop. That she got from Alex, Olivia thought as she smiled and nodded at the appropriate times. When their food came Allie settled down enough to eat, but when she didn't' start right back up after the waitress had taken their plates Olivia looked up at her. The girl was looking off in the distance and for a moment Olivia figured it was just another random character, but when she turned to see what Allie was watching so intently it took her by surprise.

Across the room was a family with four kids, one of which looked about Allie's age. She was playing with a smaller little girl who looked to be about three. She was helping the toddler eat and making her giggle as she giggled herself. Turning back to Allie, Olivia noticed she was still watching them. Well, she thought, Elizabeth said we'd know when the right time was. "What ya lookin' at Allie-Cat?"

"Nothin'." Allie replied then reached for her glass of chocolate milk.

Olivia looked over her shoulder in a way Allie wouldn't miss and then smiled when she turned back. "The baby's cute."

"Sure if you like babies." Allie replied.

"You don't like babies?" Olivia asked casually. "You were excited when you found out Aunt Kathy and Uncle Elliot were having a baby."

"Never been around babies." Allie said as she looked back over at the sisters.

Olivia glanced back as well. "Must be nice."

"What?" Allie asked looking at her mommy now.

"To have brothers and sisters." Olivia said as she turned to look at Allie. Chocolate brown eyes watched bright blue ones very carefully as she brought up the subject she and Alex had wanted to bring up for a while now. "I always wanted a brother or a sister growing up."

Allie titled her head to the side as she looked at her mommy. "You have Simon now."

"Yeah, but it's not the same." Olivia replied. She paused as the waitress put down the small dessert she and Allie were going to share and her cup of coffee. "Not like Mama and Uncle Christian and Aunt Meredith."

The girl thought about that for a moment and then shrugged. "Yeah, guess that would be different." She looked over at the family again and titled her head the other way. "Guess it could be cool."

"Having a brother or sister?" Olivia asked. For some reason she felt as if she should hold her breath as her pulse actually quickened.

"I guess so," Allie replied then turned her attention back to the slice of cheesecake. "But it would depend."

"Depend on what?" Olivia asked then unknowingly bit her bottom lip.

Allie's eyes went wide then, "Mommy look! It's Cinderella!"

Before Olivia could say a world Allie was up and across the room with her little autograph book and she knew full well she was expected to follow with the camera. By the time they were done with the princess appearance and paid for lunch, Allie was back into full gear. With her hand once again in her daughter's Olivia was pulled towards the talking turtle thing Allie was now chattering about.

"She's out cold." Alex said as she came up behind Olivia who was standing on their small balcony over looking the lagoon. When she'd told her mother about what Olivia had wanted to do, Caroline insisted on adding to the vacation fund. "There is no way to really enjoy that place on the salaries of civil servants." The older Cabot had said. It had made Alex laugh because it wasn't really a dig at their jobs, but another way for her mother to spoil her daughter.

"She had me all over Epcot." Olivia replied with a chuckle. "And we still didn't see everything."

This was heaven, Alex thought as she wrapped her arms around Olivia and rested her chin on the other woman's shoulder. "She wants to do the World Showcase tomorrow."

Olivia nodded, "We stopped by there today for lunch." Reaching around Olivia pulled Alex so she was in front of her and then wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. "Got a bit of information you might find interesting."

"Oh?" Alex asked with a sigh as she leaned back against her love's body.

"She was watching a family with a couple of kids," Olivia began. "We started talking about having brothers and sisters."

Alex's eyes lit up as she turned to look at Olivia. "What did she say?"

"She said it would depend." Olivia answered as they moved back into the sitting room. They curled up together on the couch, their fingers interlaced, and a look of concentration on Alex's face.

Finally Alex asked, "Depends on what?"

Olivia shrugged. "Didn't get a chance to ask. Cinderella has rotten timing." Alex gave her such an odd look it made her laugh.

Alex huffed at the laugh and then settled into Olivia's arms again. "Well, I guess a "it depends" is better then a no." Olivia nodded and then the two sat quietly for a little while. After getting to the point of comfort where she was dozing Alex asked, "Liv, are you sure it's alright if I go first?"

"I'm sure." Olivia replied.

They'd gone to the fertility specialist, had their exams, and started working out their plan for conception. It was kind of unconventional in a way, more so then normal since they were a lesbian couple which made in unconventional to start with, but they'd both felt so strongly about how they wanted to do it. Sure it would have been easier to simply go with donor insemination, but they'd chosen to with in vitro fertilization with a twist. They would both start treatment to increase egg production and they would both have eggs harvested. The twist was that Olivia's eggs would be fertilized first, then implanted in Alex's uterus, and when they were ready for child number three Alex's eggs would be fertilized then implanted in Olivia. They'd already started the treatments and Serena was already working on the legal mess their choice would make given New York's laws on biological vs. birth mothers. So it was all just a matter of time now.

"I need to get myself stable in the unit again." Olivia went on. "I've been in and out, back and forth, for over a year now. I'll be taking family leave when the baby's born as it is, and if I were to go first I'd be riding a desk for another year."

Alex nodded. They'd talked about this before, but with everything Olivia had gone through to prove she wasn't a genetic threat Alex just had to keep checking. "You know the hard part comes when we get back."

Olivia nodded this time. "Finding a donor."

"Made more difficult because we want the baby to be half Jewish." Alex sighed, it was a sigh of frustration but also of wishfully thinking.

"It'll be another connection for the baby and Allie." Olivia said as she played with Alex's hair.

"We need to tell her Liv." Alex said as she closed her eyes.

"I know." Olivia replied. "We'll tell her flat out when we get home."


	19. Chapter 19

It was one of the things she could remember her mother teaching her how to make, which was why Olivia hardly ever made stuffed cabbage, but it was one of Allie's favorites so she'd gone back to making it when she could. She and Alex had decided that morning to tell their daughter about their baby plans, and Olivia figured making her favorite things for dinner would help. After all she always took huge news better on a full stomach.

"That's bribery." Alex said from the kitchen doorway as she watched Olivia putting the hot pan on a cooling pad on the counter.

"No," Olivia replied with a smirk. "It's encouragement towards a good mood."

Alex rolled her eyes. "We're acting as if we're trying to butter her up to ask permission to do this." The blonde said as she took her glasses off and came fully into the kitchen. "We're not asking her, Liv, we're telling her."

"I know." Olivia replied with a shrug.

Allie had known all day that her mothers wanted to talk to her. She heard them talking this morning but couldn't make out what they were saying, and then when she'd come into the kitchen they stopped. She watched them carefully during dinner, one of her favorites especially how her mommy made it, yeah something was up.

"Allie," Alex said as the girl helped clear the table.

Here it comes, the girl thought. "Huh?"

"We want to talk to you about something baby girl." Alex said and then added, "And don't say huh."

Allie rolled her eyes. She followed her mothers into the living room and sat between them on the couch. Whatever this was it was big and they were worried about how she'd react. She'd gotten good at reading that because sometimes she overreacted especially when something scared her. "So what's up?"

Olivia looked at Alex before looking at Allie. Why the hell did she fell so nervous? "Well, we wanted to tell you about something we've been thinking about, something we've started working on."

"How would you feel about having a baby brother or sister?" Alex asked carefully.

Allie looked between her mothers. A baby? That might be ok, but what if they wanted to have a baby. Panic stirred in Allie's belly. If one of her mothers had their own baby what would happen to her? And if they had a baby what if that made them sick like it did her birth mother? "I don't know. Why?"

Alex looked up at Olivia. Had she seen that flicker of something in Allie's eyes? The worry in the chocolate pools across from her told her she had. "Because Mommy and I have talked about it and we're going to try and have a baby."

"Oh." Allie replied. She didn't know what to say or how to feel other then scared. A brother or sister would be cool, she'd thought about having one, but now she wasn't so sure. If they adopted a baby that would be ok, sure she'd like a brother or sister then, maybe. She just wasn't sure.

"Allie-Cat?" Olivia said as she titled the girl's chin up. "You ok?"

"Yes." Allie replied.

"So what do you think sweetie?" Olivia went on as she brushed at Allie's hair. "Would you like to be a big sister?"

Allie shrugged. "I don't know, I guess so."

"Baby girl…."

"Can I go practice now?" Allie cut her mama off. "I need to practice for my lesson tomorrow."

Alex glanced up at Olivia who just shrugged and then nodded. "Sure baby, go ahead." She watched as Allie got up and went into her room and then she sighed. "That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for."

"Me either." Olivia said as she moved closer to Alex. "But it probably wasn't what she was expecting, she just needs time to process it."

"Did you see that look in her eyes?" Alex asked still looking at where her daughter's form had last been seen.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah. It almost looked like fear."

That made Alex frown as she brought her legs up to curl under herself as she leaned against Olivia. Why would Allie express fear over the thought of a baby brother or sister? She was the baby in her family, so she didn't have anything to draw from, and Olivia had been an only child. She sighed, it looked like she'd have to ask for advice yet again. Would she ever get to a point where she'd just know?

"What do we do now?" Olivia asked as she wrapped an arm around Alex and drew her closer.

"We go ahead with our plans." Alex replied. "And we help Allie however we can if this turns out to be upsetting for her."

Over the next several days they watched Allie carefully and since she seemed fine, they tried bringing up the baby again. They told her that it might take time to have the new baby and that it was a complicated process, and that they wanted to involve her as much as they could involve a nine year old, but Allie just shut down again, shrugged it off, said cool and ok, and I guess. When they asked her what was wrong she'd say nothing and find a reason to leave the room. At this rate she'd be a concert violinist by the end of summer.


	20. Chapter 20

Although she went back to work with a lighter and fuller heart, Olivia still ended up with a lot on her mind. Allie, Alex, what her choices had done to the people around her. They'd nearly lost Cragen as their CO, she'd have a hard time forgiving herself for what she'd nearly done to him. But once he was back where he belonged she began to feel a sense of renewal. She and Elliot picked up as easily as they always did, there was fresh blood in the squad with Chester around, so when the cases started coming she dove right in.

"Hey Lake," She called out as she picked a file up off her desk. "I need to run this down to the lab, stick around to catch?"

"Sure thing," The young new detective replied. He'd just leaned back in his chair, Olivia gone no more then five minutes, when a beautiful blonde walked in. Chester shot to his feet. "Can I help you?"

Alex looked the new guy over from head to toe before replying, "Is Detective Benson around?"

"She just stepped out." He replied as he stepped towards her. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yeah," Fin said from the crib stairs. "You can stop lookin' at her like that."

Alex tried not to smile or smirk. Casey had told her about the new detective's attempt to hit on her, and since she apparently didn't scream victim he was obviously trying to be smooth.

"You lookin' to get your ass kicked?" Fin asked Chester as he joined them.

"What I do this time?" Chester asked.

Fin narrowed his eyes, he still wasn't over the whole Casey thing. She was like the kid sister around there and no one tried to pick up his kid sisters. "For one you don't bother looking at fingers for rings before openin' you're mouth."

Alex held up her hand, still fighting a smile.

"Second," He fought the urge to smack the kid in the back of the head. "This is A.D.A. Alexandra Benson-Cabot."

Chester blinked, "Benson?"

"What?" Olivia asked as she came into the squad room. She smiled when she saw Alex and then looked at Fin and Chester and busted out laughing. "You didn't try hitting on her did you?"

Chester blushed. "Hey how was I suppose to know?"

"Try lookin' at the pictures on her desk." Fin said then dragged the kid off.

Alex watched them go and then finally allowed herself to laugh. "So that's the transfer from Brooklyn."

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, he's good, he just doesn't have the rhythm around here yet."

"Are you ready?" Alex asked as she watched Olivia grab her coat.

"I feel like a chicken." Olivia laughed as she signaled Cragen she was leaving.

"Scared?" Alex asked as they walked out of the squad room and down the hall.

Olivia laughed. She was nervous as hell, but not really scared. "No, it's the whole laying eggs thing."

Alex looked at her wife for a few moments as if she couldn't believe Olivia had just said that and then laughed as the elevator doors opened. "Thanks Liv, just the mental image I needed."

"You're welcome." Olivia replied with a snort.

Taking a file out of her briefcase, Alex opened it as they walked out of the building and towards the curb to grab a cab. "So we're positive about this donor?"

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, his physical description matches Christian's so that should factor into genetic looks. Plus, he's Jewish, well educated, medical history was clean, he'd been tested for Tay-Sachs and came back negative."

"But you still wish we had a name for you to run through the system." Alex said with a knowing smile as they got into the cab. She gave the driver the name and address of the NYU fertility center and then sat back in the seat. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so nervous, and she was actually a little scared. Sure this was what they'd been preparing for, but now that it was really about to happen she was feeling overwhelmed. What if they couldn't find any viable eggs? She and Olivia were both in the thirty-five to forty age range, which wasn't all that bad, but still on the far end of fresh grade eggs. Great, she thought, I'm thinking about chickens again.

Olivia could tell Alex was nervous, she was too, so she reached over and took the blonde's hand and squeezed it. There was no guarantee that the implantation would work the first time, or even the second or third. A woman's body naturally sees an embryo as a foreign object, like a virus, that shouldn't be in the body. What would happen when that foreign object wasn't something the body had produced it's self? What if none of the embryos implanted? How many times could they go through this before it started weighing to heavily on them? Knock it off Benson, Olivia scolded herself, you gotta think positive; little blue lines and plus signs positive. "So I'm overly careful."

"You ran background checks on Mrs. Margolis and we've known her since we moved in." Alex laughed. "Not to mention the checks you did on the staff at the fertility center."

"I want to make sure the people I'm intrusting with my loved ones can be trusted." Olivia huffed.

Alex laughed which helped her to relax a little.

Casey stood on the outside of the batting cage watching Allie as she got ready to swing. She'd been able to get the afternoon off so she could stay with Allie while Olivia and Alex were at the clinic. Her friends were worried about their daughter's reaction, or rather lack there of, to this whole process. They'd found that sometimes when Allie couldn't open up to her mothers she found it easier to open up with her or Serena.

"Feet a little further apart." Casey said with a smile as she watched Allie adjust her stance and then swing. "There ya go."

Allie thought it was so cool that her Aunt Casey had volunteered to couch her little league team. It was a co-ed baseball team for nine year olds and since most of them were pretty new to baseball the team was kind of sucky, but it didn't matter. Her Aunt Casey made it fun for everyone and even if they lost, which was most of the time, they still got ice cream afterwards. Kimmie was on the team and so was Mrs. Margolis' grandson Michael, which made it even cooler. But what Allie loved most was this, when it was just her and her aunt who was also teaching her how to play softball. She thought it was silly that in school girls could only play softball, but then again she thought a lot of things were silly and didn't make very much sense.

"Can we go to the park and play catch next?" Allie asked as she swung. She swung a little to hard and it made her spin, which made her giggle before she planted her feet again. The next ball that came at her she hit then she stuck her tongue out as if it were the mechanical arm's fault she'd missed the one before.

"Sure kiddo." Casey replied as she opened the gate after the last ball had been thrown. "We have all afternoon and then we're meeting Aunt Serena for dinner."

Allie took her helmet off and handed it to Casey as she asked, "Are Mama and Mommy working late?"

"Not exactly." Casey replied as she put the bat back on the rack and then handed Allie her water bottle and picked up her gym bag. "They had a doctors appointment."

"At the baby place?" Allie asked as they walked out of the fitness center and headed towards the park. She'd really really hoped that her mothers would change their minds about this baby thing, but it just wasn't gonna happen.

Casey nodded as she looked at the girl walking beside her. "It's still going to be awhile before there's a baby, but they went there today so the doctors could start helping them make the baby."

"Why do they have to make one?" Allie asked, her mood turning sour as they walked. "Why couldn't they adopt or something."

That triggered a red flag so Casey decided to see if she could draw a little more from her goddaughter. "Would them adopting another baby have made you more ok with having a little brother or sister?"

Allie shrugged as she nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Why?" Casey asked as they could cross the street.

"Because." Allie replied.

"Because why?" Casey asked as they entered the park.

Allie shrugged. "Just because."

She could get rapists and murders to crumble on the stand, and yet she was getting stone walled by a nine year old. What was wrong with this picture? Ok, so direct questions weren't working so maybe a little leading was in order. "Did you know I have a younger brother?" Allie shook her head as she looked up at her and it made Casey smile. "Yeap, and when my mom first told me she was going to have him, I wasn't so sure I wanted a little brother."

"How come?" Allie asked. "Were you worried it would hurt her?"

Casey caught the slip. "No, I wasn't worried about that. I was worried that if my mom and dad had another kid that they'd love me less."

"That's silly." Allie said as she reached for the gym bag to get her glove and a ball out. "Thay'd have loved you both," She went on and then as she walked towards the clearing where they could toss the ball she added, "You were both real."

That made the red head blink. Real? She understood the "getting hurt" part because she knew Allie felt it was her fault her birth mother was sick. Allie didn't understand what postpartum psychosis or bipolar disorder was, or that her birth mother had been ill long before she'd gotten pregnant and had Allie. She'd have to tell Alex that Allie was worried that if she had a baby she'd get sick too, but she still didn't get the real part.

"Real?" She finally asked flat out.

Allie nodded as she put her glove on then looked up at her aunt. "You need your glove Aunt Casey, I wanna practice pitching."

She had that same look Alex got when a conversation was over and she wasn't going to say another word on the matter, so Casey knew she was getting all she was getting for now. She'd talk to Alex and Olivia later, maybe they'd get the real comment. It was probably so obvious she was just looking right past it.

"So this is what happens next," The slightly over weight dark haired woman across the desk from them began. "We'll take the top grade eggs from the ones we harvested today and prepare to fertilize them. Alexandra, the embryos created from your eggs will be stored in cryostorage. They'll be perfectly fine in status and when you're ready to use them Olivia will simply undergo the same procedure you will. Now, as for that procedure, three days after we fertilize Olivia's eggs you'll come in and we'll implant at least three. Given your age that's the average number we use to insure that at least one will implant it's self into the uterine wall. We'll also store several of Olivia's eggs incase we need to do a second attempt." She paused a moment and then smiled at the pair sitting across from her. "Now we've gone over all the risks, statistics, and possibilities. Are we still a go on this?"

"Absolutely." Both Alex and Olivia said together.

The doctor smiled brightly. "Then I'll see you both back here in about a week."

* * *

Just a little note, Spring semester starts Monday so the updates won't be daily, but I promise at least once if not twice a week for sure. And who knows, maybe extras on weekends. 


	21. Chapter 21

So there it was then. The doctors were busy making the baby that would go inside her mama. They'd talked about her being worried about her mama getting sick like her birth mother because her Aunt Casey had a big mouth. They told her that when a mommy is having a baby her body changes, and sometimes after the baby is born it takes time for her body to go back to normal so she acts a little different. Mama said she could be moody while she was pregnant and after the baby was born, she said it was due to hormones and stuff, that she might be a little more moody then she is when she's on her period. That of course made Allie want to stop the conversation right then and there, she didn't like talking about all that girly stuff and was hoping it would never happen to her because it sounded gross and uncomfortable.

Her mothers also told her that her birth mother was sick before Allie was ever born, and that she didn't have to worry about that happening to her mama. That made her feel a little better, she didn't want her mama to get sick in her head too. She didn't want her to leave her baby the way her own birth mother had left her. But there was the problem, the baby would be her mothers real baby, it was going to be part of her mommy and her mama was going to carry it and give birth to it. A real kid would be more important then a fake one right? Besides, this one would be a baby, they'd get to start from the beginning with it and it wouldn't have all the messed up stuff that Allie had, it wouldn't have to see Dr. Olivet, or hide in closets when it got scared. It would end up being a better kid for her mothers anyway, so it was good that her mama was going to have a baby, at least for them.

Where did she fit now? She wasn't their real kid, she was fake, she was just adopted. Maybe they won't want her around now that they're going to have a real baby, Allie thought as she sat on her bed clutching her teddy bear and scratching Arthur's ear. Or maybe she should have talked to her mothers when they asked her what she was feeling, but she couldn't put it into words so she got mad, yelled at her mama after trying to stab a brussel sprout that slipped and went flying across the table, and got sent to her room.

She'd been pouting ever since, wouldn't talk to her mothers, wouldn't even look at them when they came in to talk to her. She was scared and angry and lost and not being able to say all of that was really pissing her off. Being angry had lead to her current thoughts, if they wanted their own real baby fine, she'd just leave so she wouldn't be in the way. After her mothers had come in to say goodnight she put some stuff in her backpack and in her gym bag then hide them under her bed. She knew her mothers always looked in on her before going to bed so she waited for that to happen.

In her bare feet she slipped out of her room and walked carefully to the front door. She very carefully unlocked the door, hugged Max, petted Arthur, then opened the door and slipped into the hallway.

Olivia couldn't sleep. Her mind was working over time trying to sort through everything. Her own emotions were all over the place, then there was Allie and what she was feeling, and she had to think about taking care of Alex and about everything that would be happening within the next few weeks. As she laid there, her arm around Alex who she didn't think was any closer to sleep then she was, something suddenly didn't feel right. She was about to get up when Max started barking.

"If he's barking at another pigeon on the ledge outside the window I'm getting him a muzzle." Alex groaned as she sat up. "He's gonna wake up Allie."

That was not a pigeon on the ledge bark, that was an alarm. "Stay here." Olivia said firmly as she got out of bed. She paused for only a second to consider getting her gun, but it wasn't that kind of bark and the feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't giving off that kind of warning. Slipping out of the room she crept down the hall, she could see Max standing by the door but before she could get to him she noticed Allie's bedroom door was wide open. Glancing inside she saw that the room was empty and a kind of fear she'd never felt before suddenly gripped every molecule of her body. She went in and checked the closet to find that Allie wasn't in there either, that's when she yelled out, "Alex!"

Alex came running and when she saw Allie's empty room she grabbed Olivia's arm so tightly her nails dug in. "Where is she?!"

Olivia scanned the room, taking note of what was missing and then headed for the front door. "She couldn't have left more then a few minutes ago."

"Left?" Alex asked in disbelief as she followed her wife without hesitation. "Why would she runaway?"

Olivia didn't know and before she could even think of an answer she was out the door and heading for the elevator. She'd only barely registered the phone ringing before she'd left and Alex picking it up.

"Yes," Alex said, the panic clear in her voice and then came the sigh of relief. "Thank you, yes, we'll be right down."

By the time the elevator doors opened and she'd stepped inside Alex was at her side.

"She asked Frank to call her a cab." Alex said as she they rode down to the lobby.

"Why?" Olivia asked as she ran a hand through her messy hair.

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose. "We missed something."

Olivia bit back the 'ya think?' comment that dangled on the tip of her tongue. As soon as the doors opened she headed for the front doors. Sure enough there stood Allie with Frank the night doormen. She had her backpack on her back and her gym bag at her feet. As her heart restarted she tried to figure out which she wanted to do more, hug the girl or spank her. "Allison!"

Allie jumped. She looked over at her mothers who were coming towards her and then up at Frank. "You didn't call me a cab you called my moms!"

Frank just smirked, "Whatever it is kid, it ain't worth running away from."

Before Allie could replied she was swept up in her mommy's arms and hugged tight. She could feel her mommy's heart pounding and she was shaking a little bit. When she felt her mama's hand on her head just before she felt the kiss, she could tell it had been shaking too. For the first time since she'd come up with this brilliant plan she actually thought about how her mothers would feel. They must have been really scared when she wasn't in her room.

With her arms still wrapped tightly around her daughter Olivia looked at Frank and said, "Thank you so much."

"Not a problem Detective." The almost elderly man replied. "Little Miss. Cabot wouldn't be the first kid who's tried to run away. Though I have to admit she's the first one to politely ask me to call her a cab." He smiled at the two women and tipped his hat. "Good night Detective, Ms. Cabot, little Miss. Cabot."

Olivia didn't let go of Allie until they were back in the apartment. Then she sat on the couch and stood the girl right in front of her. She placed her hands on Allie's upper arms and looked the girl right in the eye as she asked, "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

Allie swallowed. Her mommy was really mad and from the way her mama was standing, she was too. "Leaving."

"Why?" Olivia asked. When Allie tried to look away she made the girl look at her again. "Allison, I asked you a question. Why were you leaving?"

Allie was somewhere between feeling guiltily for scaring her mothers, scared about getting in trouble, and oddly enough still really pissed off. "Because."

Alex moved so she was sitting next to Olivia. Her heart was still racing and for a few moments she'd actually felt dizzy form the adrenaline rush. "No," Alex scolded. "we're done with games and tip toeing around what's bothering you. Do you have any idea how scared we were when we saw you were gone?"

"I didn't mean to scare you." Allie said as tears welled in her eyes and her cheeks flushed.

"Then what did you mean to do?" Alex asked a little more sharply then she'd meant too, but the idea of Allie actually making it into Manhattan at midnight alone scared the hell out of her. "Why on Earth were you running away?"

Allie was feeling flustered, her emotions doing that dizzy dance in her head. She wanted to tell her mothers how she was feeling but she couldn't figure out how, so she just said whatever would come out. "Because you're gonna have a real baby and you won't want me anymore!"

"Allie," Alex said as she reached out to cup her daughter's face. "You are our real baby."

"No I'm not!" Allie yelled then jerked hard to get out of her mommy's grip and away from her mama's touch. "I'm just adopted!"

It was like the planets had just come into perfect alignment and both women felt the sudden urge to smack themselves in the head. How could they have missed something this huge? They never once thought about how an adopted child would feel about a new biological child because they never thought of Allie as being adopted, she was simply their daughter end of story.

"Oh Allie." Olivia said as she reached out for the crying girl but Allie pulled away from her again. "Allie-Cat," She tried again as she got up and then knelt down in front of the girl. "Baby, being adopted doesn't make you any less our baby then the baby Mama and I are trying to have. You're still going to be our little girl, we're still going to love you as much as we do now, nothing can ever change that."

"But this baby will be a part of you and Mama." Allie said softly.

Alex got down to wrap her arms around Allie. "You're apart of us too, baby girl. We're not a family because of how we got here, but because we love each other."

"You're our daughter, Allie." Olivia added. "Forever and always and nothing and no one can ever change that."

"Not even a real baby?" Allie asked.

"There isn't a real versus fake here baby." Olivia said. "When the new baby comes it will share half of my genetics which simply means I'll be it's biological mother. Mama will be it's birth mother because she's gonna carry it and then have it when it's ready to be born. What's gonna make us it's mommy and mama are the same things that make us yours; we're going to love it and take care of it and raise it to be a good strong person just like we are with you."

Alex watched the emotion play out in Allie's eyes and waited to see if the girl understood. "Baby girl, the reason we didn't know this was bothering you so much is because Mommy and I don't think about you being adopted."

"You don't?" Allie asked as she let her mommy wipe tears off her cheeks.

"No, we don't." Alex replied. "Because Allison Naomi Benson-Cabot was born in our hearts, and that's all that matters to us, that we love you very very much."

Allie had to think about it for a little while but finally it made sense and she suddenly felt like someone had just taken something very heavy off her shoulders. She started to cry again as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck first and then Alex's. "I'm sorry I tried to runaway."

Alex pulled the girl over to the couch and set her between her and Olivia. "Baby girl, you have to come to us about how you're feeling even if you don't understand it, or know how to express it. I promise we'll do our best to help you try and understand and we'll work through it together. Alright?"

"Alright." Allie said softly. They simply sat there for a little while letting everything even out and settle. Emotions had been running high and everyone's thoughts were racing. Allie was snuggled between her mothers on the couch, both seemed reluctant to let her go which was fine with her, but then she yawned.

"It's really late Allie-Cat." Olivia said when she saw the yawn. "Lets get you back to bed."

Allie nodded and reached out for the hand her mommy was offering her. Then she looked up at her mommy and asked, "Am I in trouble?"

Olivia nodded. "Oh yeah, big time trouble, bigger then T.J's second back eye trouble."

"But we'll deal with that in the morning." Alex added as she helped Allie change back into her night gown. "Right now we all need to get some sleep."

Back in their own room Alex and Olivia spent the rest of the night taking shifts. One would sleep while the other one kept checking on Allie. They were both going to be tired as hell, but neither felt secure enough to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

It had been one sleepless night but Olivia felt as if she'd been awake for a week. She knew it was more from the gamut of emotions that had been rushing through her body since she'd first heard Max barking then the actual lack of sleep, but as she walked into the squad room she knew she had to shake it off.

"You look like hell, Liv." Elliot said as soon as he saw his partner's face.

Olivia gave him a dirty look. "Gee thanks." She huffed at him before going over to the coffee station. After getting her coffee she paused a moment to take a look up at the board to see if anything had changed overnight, but all that did was add to the fear she'd felt last night.

"You ok?" Elliot asked with concern when Olivia came back to their desk and sat down.

"Not really." Olivia admitted so only Elliot could hear her. "Allie tried to run away last night."

That caught Elliot off guard and he actually blinked as his head jerked a little. "Why, what happen?"

"She thought that we wouldn't want her once the baby came because she's adopted." Olivia explained as she rubbed her temples. She was getting a headache and the day had barely started. "We totally missed that as an issue."

"It's not your fault, Liv." Elliot replied. "How were you suppose to know when Allie couldn't even figure it out." When Olivia looked up at him he went on. "She needed something big to push her into vocalizing what she was feeling, trying to run away was her way of asking for help."

Olivia thought about it and then nodded. "I know, it's just that there's a guy out there kidnapping and raping little girls," She pointed to the board as she kept eye contact with her partner. "And mine tries to runaway. El, when I found her room empty… I haven't felt terror like that since the night Alex was shot."

"All right people lets see where we stand on this thing." Cragen said as he came into the room, cutting off the rest of Olivia and Elliot's conversation.

"I knew it had to be something that was staring me in the face but I just didn't see it." Casey said as she handed Alex a cup of coffee. "Maybe if I'd made the connection she wouldn't have tried that particular way of getting your attention."

Alex wrapped her hands around the cup as if she were trying to absorb the warmth. She'd spent most of the morning with Allie, reassuring her and keeping an eye on her. She'd been so scared that if she turned around that when she turned back Allie would be gone. "We didn't see it either, Casey. We kind of figured it was an older child worried about a new baby, but it never dawned on us that it had anything to do with her being adopted."

Casey nodded. It was hard to think of Alex and Olivia now without thinking of Allie, it was as if the girl had been with them forever and not just a year and half. "How was she this morning?"

"I don't think she'd factored in how Liv and I would feel, so guilt over scaring us so badly was written all over her face when she woke up." Alex replied then sipped her coffee. "She didn't sleep well last night. Liv and I kept getting up to check on her and each time she'd be tossing or turning or whimpering. I wanted to wake her up, but Liv said it was better to let her get some sleep."

"She's a sensitive and expressive kid, I'm not surprised she got so frustrated when she couldn't find a way to tell you." Casey said as she watched her friend carefully. "I'm sorry I couldn't be much help."

Alex looked up at the redhead and smiled, "Casey, you were a big help."

Casey blushed, unsure of what to say so she was thankful when her office phone rang. "Novak." She said into the receiver and then listened to the voice on the other end of the line.

All color drained from Casey's face which caused Alex to become much more alert. During their time working together as well as through their friendship, Alex had learned to read Casey and what she was getting now wasn't good. When the redhead hung up she asked, "What's wrong?"

Stunned green eyes blinked before Casey looked up at Alex and replied, "Elliot's been hurt. They're taking him to the hospital now, Liv's with him."

She and Elliot had seen a lot in each other over the years. They knew the good and the bad, they'd seen each other at the top of their game and at rock bottom. They disagreed and fought, but that was ok, they were allowed to see different sides of things because there was always respect between them. Their partnership had bloomed into a friendship that extended past their badges, they were apart of each other's families. That's why she'd been there with Kathy waiting, because she wanted to be there for both of them, she wanted to make sure Elliot was alright and look after Kathy for him.

As Olivia stood at the window to his room watching him and Kathy she couldn't remember ever seeing him so vulnerable and scared. She was still dealing with the scare from Allie's stunt, and now she was watching Elliot processing the fact that he couldn't see. She'd have still been scared to death over the thought of Allie out in the streets alone, but the case had heightened those fears, and now the same bastard that had lurked in her thoughts all night had seriously hurt Elliot. He was going to pay for this and she was going to made damned sure of it.

"Liv?" Alex said softly as she came up behind Olivia. The expression on Olivia's face as it reflected in the window said it all. Stepping closer Alex put her hand on Olivia's shoulder and squeezed.

The tears of anger and fear that had been welling in her eyes were easier to hold back now. Olivia reached up and put her hand on top of Alex's as they stood there. Her mind slowed down a little, her thoughts becoming more clear, but then she saw the blood on her shirt, Elliot's blood and her anger flared again. "I'm gonna get the bastard who did this to him."

"Go do what you have to do, baby." Alex said as her eyes met the brown ones being reflected back at her from the glass. "I'll stay here with Kathy and El. I'll call you if anything changes."

Olivia simply nodded. At this point Alex was the only one she'd trust to look out for Elliot, so she had no problem walking away from the window and heading back to the precinct.

After making sure Kathy knew she was there Alex took a few minutes to run to the deli down the street. Then she stopped at her car, grabbed her briefcase and laptop bag and headed back inside. She set herself up in the small open lounge across from Elliot's room and that's where she stayed.

"You don't have to do this." Kathy said weakly when she finally came out of Elliot's room. He'd fallen asleep and the nurse "advised" her to take a break. Kathy was a nurse, so she knew she was being tossed out.

"It's just as easy for me to work from here as it would be in my office." Alex replied as she picked up a still hot cup of decaf herbal tea and handed it to the other woman. "Plus, no annoying junior A.D.A's to baby-sit."

"And you promised Olivia you'd stick around here and baby-sit us instead." Kathy replied after taking a sip and trying to smile.

Alex took her glasses off and leaned forward so she could really look at Kathy. "I've been where you are, Kathy, last year when Liv had been stabbed. Only I'd been so scared and angry that I nearly screwed up a friendship I hold very dear."

"That was a rocky time, Alex." Kathy replied as she picked up a bear claw and picked at it. "Elliot and Olivia were at odds, dealing with their own issues, it just spilled over to you and him. I understand how you felt, I'd have been angry too." She paused to look over her shoulder. "I am angry. All Elliot tries to do it help, to make things right and safe, and this is how he gets repaid."

"We all go into this knowing we're going to get the short end of the stick." Alex said as she glanced over at Elliot through his window. "The ones who go in looking for some kind of glory are the ones who don't last."

She could feel the tension in the apartment and it was making her uncomfortable. It felt like an itchy sweater that she couldn't get off without help so she decided to see if she could get it. Slipping out of her room Allie padded into the living room. Her mama was sitting at the desk up against the wall working. She looked worried and tired and that made Allie feel bad again, but somehow she knew that it wasn't her mama that was making things ikey feeling. After scanning the room she turned around and headed back down the hallway. Her mothers' bedroom door was open and she could see her mommy sitting in the chair by the window. She had that really tight look on her face that told Allie that her mommy was very upset.

Stepping into the room she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Mommy?"

Olivia turned away from the window and was actually surprised when she saw Allie standing just inside the door. "What's the matter sweetie?"

Allie fidgeted with her fingers as she looked at her mommy and then down at the floor. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No baby," Olivia said, her mood shifting, becoming a little softer. "Come here."

Allie did as she was told and went over to her mommy who picked her up easily and set her on her lap. There were advantages for being kind of small for her age, it meant she got to be babied a little longer then her friends who were to big or heavy for their mommy's to pick up. "You still look mad."

"I am, but not at you." Olivia said as she brushed hair out of Allie's eyes. "A bad man hurt Uncle Elliot today." Olivia saw the panic in Allie's eyes and cut her off before she could ask. "He's going to be ok. The doctors are going to let him go home tomorrow and then he just needs to rest so he can get better."

"Did you get the bad man?" Allie asked as she looked into her mommy's eyes.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, we got him."

"Then how come you look all upset?" Allie asked. "You caught him, and now Aunt Casey will put him in jail."

That was the problem. Olivia wasn't sure what Casey was going to do. This case was hitting a little to close to home for her friend, but she couldn't stand by and let that jeopardize this bastard getting what he deserved.

Allie could tell that her mommy didn't really want to talk so she snuggled into her arms and just let her mommy hold her. She knew that sometimes when their stuff at work was really hard on them, cuddling with her always made them feel a little better.


	23. Chapter 23

She'd expected to be called to his office sooner or later, Alex just wished it had been when she didn't have so much crap going on. Sitting there in front of Jack's desk listening to him rant about the Maddox, Lott, and Craig cases all she could think about was Olivia, Elliot, Allie, her appointment at the center on Friday. Why did Jack have to pick now to puff up his chest and try marking his territory?

"You could have just as easily lost those cases as won them, Alex." Jack said as he pushed the files away. "You need to be more aware of the risks you're taking."

"Taking risks and stepping over the line most are to scared to cross is what I do, Jack." She replied as she leaned forward a little. She had her legs cross and her glasses in her hand. It was a posture she used a lot to show confidence. "We put criminals behind bars, that's our job, and I'm damn good at it."

Jack narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward. "Those stunts might have worked when you were working SVU, Alex, but….

She smiled then, a very smug smile as she cut him off. "What's the average conviction rate for a New York prosecutor? Forty-four percent? You have a very small handful of prosecutors who's rates are double even triple that, Casey's at seventy-one percent. Mine's seventy-four percent. The figures speak for themselves."

Jack's eyes went hard. "This isn't about just you, Alex, you're not just an A.D.A. anymore."

"No, I'm not." Alex said evenly as she met his gaze. "And I take that into consideration every time I make a decision. I know what the people under me are capable of, even if they don't. If it takes a push from me to point them in the right direction then that's what I'm going to do. If they're cases are about to blow up in their faces, I step in. I know when to let go and when to take control. It's why every one of my juniors' conviction rates have gone up, and it's way Arthur gave me this job." She stood then, straightened her skirt and picked up her briefcase. "Are we done now? I have to be in court in an hour."

Jack nodded as he sat back and sighed. Just as Alex reached the door he called out, "This isn't Arthur's office anymore, Alex. You'd do well to remember that."

Alex smiled a predatory kind of smile as she turned back to look at Jack. "I'm well aware of that, and I've always had a great deal of respect for you, but we both know where you'd rather be." She opened the door and took a step then paused. "If by chance you do decided to run for you own term, Jack, I wouldn't get to comfortable in that chair if I were you."

Don't provoke him, Liz said. Don't loose your tempter, Olivia said. Alex snorted, what fun would it have been if she'd just chatted with Jack? She needed to take a stand and let him know where she stood, now he did. She had a very satisfied smile on her face as she waited for the elevator. That smiled changed, softened, when the doors parted open. "Liv?"

"Hey," Olivia said as she stepped out of the elevator.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked, suddenly concerned about why her wife would come looking for her.

"Everything's fine." Olivia replied.

"Then why'd you…"

Olivia gave Alex a lop sided grin and shrugged. "Need to talk to McCoy" She said simply. "I'll stop by your office when I get a chance."

Why on Earth was Olivia meeting with Jack McCoy? Alex wondered as she got on the elevator. The only high profile case she could think of that would get McCoy covering all bases was the Picard case. She knew Olivia was hell bent on putting this guy away, she even knew that in her anger Olivia was agreeing that he should be sent back to Louisiana, but shouldn't she be talking things through with Casey instead of Jack? Poor Liv, she thought as she headed to her office, she would have to pick then to talk to Jack. Hopefully he wouldn't take her posturing out on Olivia.

Casey had been right, she had wanted Picard punished for what he did to Elliot. She was right about that taking away from what those little girls deserved. But this had been just as personal for Casey as it had been for her, and it had put them on different sides. Her mind kept going back to finding Casey on the floor after she'd been attacked in her office, she'd wanted to nail that bastard just as badly as this one, the only difference had been she and Casey had been on the same side. The only thing Olivia could hope for now was that their friendship was strong enough to withstand what they'd both done.

"Why'd you rat me out to the D.A.?"

She knew this was coming. She was the only one other then Serena who knew about Charlie, and that was the only thing she truly regretted, breaking that confidence. But Casey had broken her trust, "Because you threw the case."

"I had no choice after you sold out Picard to the Feds." Casey replied.

Was that hurt or simply anger in her friend's eyes? "Casey, I'm as guilt as you are. You were right, I wanted revenge."

Casey nodded slowly. "For Elliot." She knew first hand what Olivia's loyalty was like, she'd experienced it herself countless times. "Is he ok?"

"He'll be back to work next week." Olivia said as she put her coffee down. She couldn't stand this tip toeing on eggshells they were doing, but she didn't want to make the crack in their friendship any larger. "How about Picard?"

"The judge ruled him incompetent." Casey was gripping the handles on her briefcase so tightly her knuckles were white, but she didn't want Olivia to see her hands shaking. "Louisiana can't touch him now."

An uncomfortable silence drifted between them as they simply stood there. Finally Olivia took the step they were both dancing around, she made it personal. "Do you think he'll ever get better?"

Casey shrugged as she took the opening Olivia was offering. "I don't know. I thought Charlie would get better."

"What happened?"

"I got a call form the morgue about six months ago." She hadn't told anyone this other then Serena, and the only other person she'd even consider telling was the woman standing in front of her. "A john doe clipped by a passing cab, no ID on him, but my business card. It was Charlie." Her lip quivered, her attempts to hold it all in failing quickly. "Maybe he'd be alive if I hadn't made him leave."

Olivia took a step closer, her first impulse to hug and comfort her friend, but she was still unsure of where they stood. "Casey, you had to save yourself." She waited, looking for some sign that her friend would accept the olive branch she was offering, but then Casey's cell beeped. "What?"

"Picard made a noose out of his shirt and tried to hang himself in lock up." The redhead replied.

That was it, she didn't care that they were in the middle of the squad room, or that they'd both twisted things to get what they wanted, all that matter now was that her friend was hurting. Olivia took the steps that closed the distance between her and Casey and hugged the younger woman tightly, protectively, as if a single hug could undo the last few days and make it all better. The fact that Casey was allowing it, that the younger woman not only accepted the comfort but returned the hug, told Olivia that they couldn't take back the last few days but they could move past them.


	24. Chapter 24

Looking up from the legal pad she'd been taking notes on Alex noticed that Allie was still staring at her. She'd been staring at her ever since she and Olivia had gotten back from the fertility center. Putting her pen down and taking her glasses off, Alex folded her arms and smiled. "Is there something up my nose?"

Allie giggled, "No."

"Then why are you staring at me as if I'm a clown fish in a fish tank?" Alex asked as she crooked her finger, signaling her daughter to come to her.

Getting up off the couch Allie walked over to her mama and then looked down at her stomach. "Is it in there?"

"Is what in where?" Alex asked. She was trying really hard not to laugh. She knew what Allie meant, they'd told her where they were going and what was going to happen, sort of. IVF wasn't something you normally explained to a nine year old.

Allie actually poked her mama's stomach gently. "The baby." She answered. "Is it in there?"

"Not exactly." Alex replied as she tried to figure out how to explain what was happening. Allie was still such a little girl, and hopefully still at least three years from puberty, that reproduction hadn't been a topic they'd tackled yet. As far as Allie was concerned it was a mama and mommy thing and she didn't need to know.

"I thought you and Mommy went to have the baby put in your stomach." Allie asked as she looked up into her mama's sparkling blue eyes. She was getting use to the idea, but was still a little unsure. She no longer feared loosing her mothers love or them not wanting her, but now she wondered what it was going to be like having a baby in the house.

Leave it to Olivia to be working when this topic came up. Alex took Allie's hand and lead her over to the couch. She watched the girl sit with her legs curled under her and her eyes focused solely on her. "They didn't exactly put a baby in my stomach, baby girl. What they did was place three fertilized eggs in my uterus. Now we have to wait and see if one of the eggs will attach it's self and grow into a baby."

Allie titled her head, a small blonde brow raised in question as she thought that over. "Eggs are what mommy's have that make the baby."

"Right." Alex replied.

"What does fertilized mean?" Allie asked.

Alex really really wished Olivia was there to help her out, but it didn't seem that Allie was going to wait. "It means that the doctor put a sperm cell into the egg. That's how a baby is made, when an egg is fertilized by a sperm cell."

"Where does sperm come from?" Allie asked.

Alex blew out a breath that caused a strand of blonde hair near her cheek to flutter. "It's the other half of making a baby so it comes from the father."

"So the baby's gonna have a dad?" Allie asked.

"No," Alex replied. Great, now she had to explain what a sperm bank was. Olivia was so getting the cold shoulder just out of principal for making her do this alone. "They used sperm that Mommy and I picked from a donor."

That made Allie scrunch her nose. "You mean like when you and Mommy donate blood?"

"Something like that." Alex replied. She really needed to steer this conversation in a different direction.

"Ok," Allie said before Alex had a chance to switch topics. "So the doctor's put the eggs in your stomach and now we have to wait for one to hatch and grow into a baby?"

Hatch? Alex's face was turning red from holding back her laughter. This was meant to be a serious conversation but Allie just had this way of wording things sometimes, that it made it hard not to laugh. "Something like that," She finally managed and then turned serious again. "Baby girl, you need to know that this might not work this time and Mommy and I might have to try again. So we can't get our hopes up until we're sure I'm pregnant, ok?"

Allie nodded, "Ok. When will we know?"

"I can take a test in about a week or so." Alex replied as she brushed at Allie's hair. That sounded so far away, a week, how was she suppose to wait that long? Here she was telling Allie not to get her hopes up, when she'd already begun herself on the ride home. Deciding she needed a distraction from her own thoughts she focused on Allie again. "Baby girl, you haven't really said much until now. Is there anything on your mind?"

The smaller blonde bit her lip. Ever since the runaway attempt her mothers had been asking her about her feelings a lot, and she understood that they were just being careful, that they didn't want her to get so upset that she'd do something stupid like sneaking out of the apartment at midnight again. "No, not really."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked.

Allie nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Ok," Alex said as she put an arm around the girl and drew her close. "You'll come to us if you do, though, right?"

"Yes, Mama." Allie replied as she snuggled. "I promise."

Olivia was tired and tense when she finally made it home. Elliot was back, and she knew he was alright when he told her to stop acting like a mother hen and then mumbled about the women in his life. She couldn't help but smile as she walked into the apartment, that smile growing when she saw Alex on the couch. Allie was asleep with her head on Alex's lap as Alex combed her fingers through Allie's hair.

She'd heard the door open and turned her head when she felt those familiar chocolate eyes on her. The look on Olivia's face make her smile as well. "She dozed off about ten minutes ago while listening for an egg to hatch."

The brunette opened her mouth to reply, but then suddenly realized she had no idea how to reply to that. She titled her head in a oddly familiar way and then blinked. "Huh?"

Alex laughed gently so she wouldn't wake her sleeping child. "She wanted to know if there was a baby yet. I ended up explaining things as best I could."

Olivia laughed as she shrugged out of her jacket and undid her holster. "So you told her the eggs had to hatch?"

Alex waited until Olivia had gone to the bedroom to put her gun in it's lock box and then came back out. "No, she came up with the hatching idea. I wasn't sure how to explain implantation into to uterine wall to a nine year old."

"See," Olivia teased as she carefully adjusted Allie so her feet were in Olivia's lap. "Chickens."

"Don't start that!" Alex warned in a soft but unmistakable Alex Cabot tone. "The entire I was laying there when they were harvesting my eggs I kept hearing clucking in my head."

She couldn't help it, Olivia laughed and it only got worse when Alex hit her with a pillow.

"If it's a boy chicken we could name him Foghorn." Chimed a tiny sleep laced voice.

"Or Chicken Boo." Olivia added.

"Or Chicken Little." Allie giggled.

"Or Super Chicken!" Olivia laughed and then clucked the old cartoon bird's battle cry.

"You're both incorrigible!" Alex huffed playfully, and then hit Olivia with another pillow before tickling her daughter who laughed in between clucks.


	25. Chapter 25

As consciousness slowly returned to her Olivia reached out across the bed as she did every morning to pull the warm body beside her closer. It was, in her option, the best way to greet the day. It was also in those moments that she silently thanked whoever was out there for the woman in her arms and the girl down the hall.

When she didn't find Alex beside her Olivia opened her eyes slowly to confirm what she'd discovered buy reaching out. She was alone and from the coolness of the sheets her hand caressed, she'd been alone for awhile. Olivia actually pouted at being left alone, but she figured Alex had gotten up to check on Allie or had just awoken early and didn't want to wake her since she'd been out on call late last night. Sitting up, Olivia stretched and glanced around the room. The bathroom door was closed, she smiled a little as she got up and walked over to it. She listened for running water figuring she'd take advantage of the chance for a shared shower, but it wasn't running water she was hearing. The sound that came through the door made her heart speed up and her blood chill.

Olivia knocked on the bathroom door but all she got was more sniffling, so she carefully opened the door and peaked in. Alex was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, tears silently running down her cheeks until she sniffled again. Chocolate brown eyes took in the woman carefully, traveling from her watery blue eyes to the box she was holding in her hands. The disappointment was crushing when she realized what the box of tampons meant, but her first concern had to be Alex.

"Baby?" Olivia said softly as she came completely inside the bathroom.

Alex looked up, her own disappointment glimmering in tear filled eyes. "I started in the middle of the night, right on time." She said softly, then sniffled. "It didn't work."

Olivia went to Alex and knelt down in front of her. She took the box out of Alex's hands so she could wrap her own around those of her love's. Alex was trembling. "It's alright, baby." She said softly as she let go with one hand so she could reach up and wipe the tears off Alex's face. "The chance of it working on the first try were pretty high, we knew that. We'll try again as soon as we can."

"I'm so sorry, Liv." Alex said as she leaned into Olivia's touch.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Olivia replied as she got up and pulled Alex into her arms.

Alex looked into Olivia's eyes and then looked away again. "You're disappointed."

"So are you." Olivia said as she turned Alex's head so they were looking into each other's eyes.

"What if it never works, Liv?" Alex asked, her voice laced with fear, pain, and longing. "What if I can't have your baby? What if exchanging eggs just won't take?"

"Then we switch to plan B." Olivia said simply.

Tears welled in Alex's eyes again. "But I want to have your baby, Liv, and this is the only way we can…."

Olivia pressed her finger to Alex's lips to quite her. "Then it will work. We just have to believe it will and be patient." She held Alex's eyes for a moment before leaning in and kissing her softly. "We've survived car bombs, gun shots, mod hits, witness protection, stabbings, and the tantrums of a very small blonde with to much of our attitudes for our own good. We'll get through this, we'll try again. You've just started your cycle we can try again in fourteen or so days if you want"

Alex swallowed the knot in her throat. "I want to, as soon as possible."

"Then that's what we'll do." Olivia said softly as she kissed Alex's forehead and then pulled her close. She felt the first sting of her own disappointment welling in her eyes, but she held it back. They wanted this to much to give up. It will work; it has too, please God let it work.

Allie knew her mothers were sad and that they'd both been crying. They kept telling her to come to them when she felt sad so they could work through it, so maybe she should go to them when they're sad too. Walking up to her mama she wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight.

Alex was a little startled, but then smiled a little when she looked down at the top of her daughter's blonde head. "What's this for?"

Allie looked up, blue eyes meeting sad blue eyes. "You've been crying."

"I'm ok baby girl." Alex said as she leaned down and kissed the top of her daughter's head.

"But you were crying," Allie repeated. "And you and Mommy look sad."

There were times when Alex wished Allie weren't so perceptive, but they were purely selfish reasons. She didn't want to dwell on the failed attempt, she wanted to think, to plan out when she could go in for a second try, but Allie needed to know. Walking them over to the couch Alex pulled the girl onto her lap and cuddled her. "Mommy and I are sad because we're disappointed."

"How come?" Allie asked and thought about it for a moment and frowned. "Is it because of the eggs? Did they not hatch?"

Alex nodded, "It didn't work this time, but we're going to try again."

Allie frowned a little more, "Is it because I didn't want a baby?" She asked as she reached up and played with the ends of her mama's hair. "Cause I changed my mind. I'm ok with us having a baby now."

Was it possible to fall in love with a child every time you looked into their eyes? Apparently it was. Leaning in Alex kissed Allie's forehead and cuddled her a little tighter. "No baby girl, it's not because of anything you did, or anything mommy and I did, it just didn't work. But we're going to keep trying until it does."

"What will it be like, Mama?" Allie asked as she laid her head on Alex's chest. "To have a baby around?"

"Well," Alex had to think about it. To be honest, she'd never really been around babies either. She'd kind of felt lucky that she'd gotten to have her first go at being a mother with an older child. "Things will be different. Babies need a lot of attention because they're very small and can't do anything for themselves, but I don't want you to worry, ok? Mommy and I will always make time for you and if you ever feel like we aren't, then you need to come tell us ok?"

Allie nodded. "Ok,"

"We're all going to be in this together, baby girl." Alex went on. "You're gonna be the baby's big sister. He or she is going to look up to you, and he or she is going to love you so much."

That made Allie smile. She was getting use to the idea of being the big sister. She'd get to be like Maureen, and her Aunt Meredith, and Aunt Casey, and even her mommy was a big sister now. But she was still a little leery and had questions. "Mama?"

"Yes baby girl?" Alex replied.

"If the baby is a girl will I still be your baby girl?" The small blonde asked as once again blue eyes met blue eyes.

Alex hugged Allie tight and kissed her forehead. "You'll always be my baby girl no matter what, forever and always." She kissed her daughter again and then tapped the tip of her nose with her finger and smiled. "Even when you're a moody teenager who tells me your to old to be called that, and that it's embarrassing."

Allie giggled.

"I love you baby girl." Alex told the girl as she caressed her hair.

Allie smiled, "I love you too, Mama."

"Thank you for making me feel better." Alex added.

Allie snuggled into her mother's arms and smiled just a little more. "You're welcome."


	26. Chapter 26

She could hear her mothers getting ready for work and wanted to catch them before they left. She'd even set her alarm so she could get up in time. Crawling out from under her blankets, Allie went over to her closet to get the gift shop bag she'd been hiding in there. She'd asked her grandmamma to take her to the card and gift shop where she'd gotten everyone's Christmas presents, because there was something she needed to get for her mama. It hadn't take much of her allowance, maybe four comic books worth but it was worth it. With bag in hand Allie ran out into the living room just in time to see her mama getting her briefcase and her mommy her leather jacket.

"Wait!" She called out as bare feet slapped against the hardwood floor.

"What are you doing up so early?" Olivia asked with a smile as the girl came towards them. "You only have a few more days before you have to get up early again for school."

"I know." Allie replied as she came to a stop. "But I wanted to give Mama something for the doctor's appointment this afternoon."

A blonde brow raised in curiosity as Alex reached for the bag her daughter was offering her. Opening the bag and peering inside sent Alex into a fit of laughter. Reaching in she pulled out one of those collectable bean stuffed animals; in this case a tie-dyed rooster.

"It's a good luck chicken." Allie exclaimed with a bright smile and even brighter blue eyes. "So that this time one of the eggs with hatch into a baby."

It was the sweetest thing Alex had ever gotten, but she still couldn't help but laugh. Crouching down as best she could in her skirt the blonde wrapped her arms around Allie and hugged her tight. "Thank you baby girl." She said then kissed her daughter's forehead.

Olivia was leaning against the wall from laughing so hard. Only her daughter would come up with a lucky chicken. "It's a lucky chicken huh?"

Allie nodded her head. "Yeap, I took it to Hebrew school and had Rabbi bless it for good luck and then I took it to Nana Dette's brother, Father Brendan, and he blessed it too."

"Sounds lucky to me." Alex said before giving Allie another kiss.

"Make sure to take it with you, ok?" Allie replied.

Alex nodded. "I promise, he'll be right there with me and Mommy."

Allie smiled brightly then gave each of her mothers a hug and kiss goodbye before settling on the couch to watch cartoons.

Never in his life had he ever expected to walk into Alex Cabot's office to find framed pictures drawn in crayon and water paints, but he'd gotten use to that. But now; now there was a toy on the ice queen's desk. "What the hell is that?"

Alex looked up from the file she was reading. She glanced at Jim and then down at the tie-dye rooster, and then returned her icy gaze back to Jim. "It's a lucky blessed chicken." She could tell he was going to ask what the hell that meant so she cut him off. "Is there something you needed?"

"The old Alex Cabot who didn't have toys on her desk and refrigerator art on her walls?" The man replied, ignoring the dirty look he was getting. Then he handed her a folded blue legal notice. "The deference wants a seven-thirty hearing on the Drake case."

"Let them," Alex replied, still glaring at the man. She was getting more then a little tired of his digs over her personal life. He just couldn't handle that the pre-SVU Alex, the young politically ambitious Alex, had only dated him for the visual effect. At the time she'd been new to the D.A's office, and was uncomfortable revealing her orientation. That Alex was well aware of the hindrance being a lesbian was to her up and coming political career as well. Working SVU causes a person to grow up, to step out of their comfort zones and forcibly look at reality. When the rumors started that Serena had been fired because she was a lesbian, Alex had taken a stand with Arthur telling him the truth and informing him that there were several more of them amongst his ranks, but he'd told her his choice had nothing to do with that. And then of course, there was Olivia. For Olivia, she'd even admit to going to a Barry Manilow concert. "But make sure it's done by someone from our pool of shrinks."

"If she's found incompetent…"

"She won't be." Alex replied as she glared at him. "I've watched her in interviews, she'll never pull it off."

"Did you even hear a word McCoy said?" Jim asked her.

Alex continued to glare. "This isn't Jack McCoy's bureau, it's mine. If you're going to continue having issues with the way I run it, I'd be more then glad to authorize a transfer to somewhere more cut and dry, somewhere more by the book and safe, white collar maybe?" She'd have to apologize to Casey for that one later.

Jim narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to reply but then came the knock at Alex's office door.

"Am I interrupting?" Olivia asked as she stuck her head in.

"Not at all," Alex said as she smiled at Olivia while at the same time still glaring at Jim. "We were just finished unless Jim would like me to start that paperwork?"

Jim, for his part, mumbled something about finding the right shrink and then left.

"Um, what was that about?" Olivia asked as she came into the office and shut the door.

"Jim being Jim." Alex replied with a sigh. "I was this close," She barely separated her thumb and forefinger, "to asking him if he wanted Allie to try his case and then offer him second chair."

That made Olivia laugh and the mental image was just too cute. "You ready to go?"

Alex nodded as she got to her feet and started getting ready to leave for the rest of the day. After she put files and pads into her briefcase she picked up Allie's chicken and stuffed it in Olivia's jacket pocket. At the odd look she got she simply smiled, "I don't want to forget it."

As she undressed and slipped on the paper gown Alex kept going over facts, stats, and rates in her head. She wanted to keep this in perspective, she didn't want to get her hopes up to much, not like last time. She kept telling herself that some couples did this for years before it finally becomes successful, and for some it just doesn't work at all. It wasn't as if this was their only option, but she really wanted this to happen. Stepping out of the tiny changing area she smiled at Olivia as she got up on the table and sighed.

Olivia leaned down and kissed Alex softly as she took her hand. "You ok, baby?"

All she could do was nod and close her eyes. She was nervous and scared and her heart didn't know if it wanted to race or pause between beats.

"Alright Alex," The doctor greeted as she came into the room. "We ready to try this again?"

"Yes," Alex replied. "More then ready."

The doctor prepared what she needed while Olivia helped Alex into position on table, but just before the doctor began Alex's head shot up. "Wait! Liv, the chicken, get Allie's chicken."

Olivia nodded while the doctor looked oddly at the two. The brunette walked over to where she'd put her jacket, fished out the beanie toy and then brought it back over to Alex.

Taking Allie's lucky chicken from her wife Alex placed it on her stomach and then laid back against the exam table again. "Ok, now I'm ready." At the odd, yet amused look she got from her wife she added, "For the next week and half everywhere I go the chicken goes."


	27. Chapter 27

Glancing over at Kathy as they talked to Elliot, Olivia found herself wondering would it would be like when it was Alex she was taking to doctors appointments. What was it like to hear your child's heart beating for the first time? What would it be like to see that tiny form on an ultrasound screen? Would she even be able to tell a tiny developing foot from a hand? "No problem." She replied when she heard Elliot's voice say her name as she stopped at a red light. She glanced over at Kathy again before watching for the light to chance. Her friend was close to her due date and there was no mistaking the fact that Kathy was pregnant. How was Alex going to look pregnant? Would she be as big as Kathy was? Would she show early into the pregnancy? Would she carry high or low? As the light changed and Olivia moved forward, she knew one thing for sure; Alex would be absolutely beautif……..

"I can't get a hold of Alex." Casey said into her cell phone as she practically ran down the court house steps. "She's not in her office, she's not due in court, she isn't answering her cell phone, the apartment phone…." She didn't want to leave a message, she didn't want to scare Alex not with the clock ticking down to finding out if the last procedure worked. The last thing the redhead wanted to do was cause her friend any undo stress. "Is Olivia alright? Ok, yeah I'm going to keep…" Casey paused as she saw Alex getting out of a cab. "Found her. Are you kidding? How do you expect… Alright I'll try."

Alex smiled as she handed the cab driver his fare. She'd been in a pretty fowl mood all morning, but she was feeling much better now. As she turned to head inside she saw Casey coming towards her, her smile grew but then faltered when she saw the look on the redhead's face. "Casey?"

"Alex," Casey said with an almost scolding tone. "Where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you."

"I was at a… consultation across town. Guess I forgot to turn my phone back on." The blonde replied as she narrowed her eyes. "Casey, what's wrong?"

How the hell was she going to say this without alarming the other woman? "First let me tell you that Olivia's fine…"

Alex's heart stopped. "Casey! What happened?!"

"There was an accident." Casey replied.

There were fire trucks, firemen, police, an ambulance; the scene was utter chaos and Alex could feel her heart pounding, she could hear it in her ears as clearly as high heels on the marble floors of the courthouse. "Let me through!" She yelled as she left Casey behind in the chaos. "Let me…" She saw Don closing the back doors of the ambulance, a cold sweat suddenly covered her body as she yelled out, "Don! Don!"

Cragen turned to see Alex pausing her way through the throng of people and went right over to her. "She's fine, Alex." He reassured her before looking at Casey. "I thought I said to keep her away from here."

"Yeah, you couldn't even have done that." Casey replied.

Don had to give her that one, he'd known Alex would show up sooner or later. "Olivia's alright, Alex. The impact hit Kathy's side of the door. They just took her to Mercy, Olivia's riding with her." He looked at both women before adding, "She's in labor."

"On God." Alex breathed half in shock over Kathy and half in relief over Olivia. "Don we have to.."

He took her by the elbow before she could even finish. "We'll follow the ambulance. We'll be there in ten minutes."

So tiny, so fragile and yet the little guy had survived one hell of a delivery. He had his father's will, that was for sure. As Olivia watched the EMT she preyed that this brand new little person wouldn't have to use that strong will to deal with growing up without his mother. Come on Kathy, she thought as she held the baby close to her, come on.

Seconds felt like hours as they raced towards the hospital and Olivia wasn't even sure if she was breathing, not until she sighed when Kathy's heartbeat came back. When they pulled in front of the emergency room she kept the baby held close as the EMTs got Kathy off the bus before following. She wasn't surprised when she saw Cragen's car pull in a few seconds behind them with it's siren and lights going, but she was surprised to see Alex and Casey getting out of the car. For just a few seconds her eyes locked with Alex's, and then she was swept away into the ER herself.

He'd nearly lost them both. In one single moment in time he nearly lost the two women he loved most in the world. A drunk driver nearly took his wife, their child, and his best friend. His anger bubbled in his belly, but it was being contained by his fear. As Elliot burst through the doors he caught sight of Olivia and thanked God, then he ran into Kathy's room.

Alex watched as Elliot ran past. She could understand his need to get to Kathy, but she'd also seen his relief in seeing that Olivia was ok. She knew first hand how good that relief felt. When Olivia came back over to stand next to her she grabbed the brunette's hand, sure that she'd never let it go again. She wondered, needing the lighter thought to clear away the dizziness from adrenaline rush, if Olivia would consider spending the rest of their lives handcuffed together.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Alex asked for the hundredth time since they'd gotten home.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she slipped her favorite old t-shirt on over her head. She was sore as hell but other wise she was fine, though she'd have been in worse shape if her airbag hadn't deployed but she tried not to think about that. "I'm fine, baby." She said yet again. Between Alex and Allie, who'd panicked for a moment and then became instantly clingy when they'd told her what happened, she'd been saying that all night long. "I'll be stiff and sore as hell in the morning, but other wise I'm fine."

"I wish I could prosecute that drunken son of bitch myself." Alex said, her voice sounding like a cold growl.

Olivia went over to her wife and took her hand, leading her over to their bed. It had taken an hour to get Allie to sleep and there was no way of telling how long it would be before she was in bed with them. "Conflict of interest, baby."

"I know." Alex sighed as she got into bed and then pulled Olivia close to her. Nope, never letting go, she thought, bringing up the handcuffs first thing in the morning.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asked as she played with Alex's hair. Her body was starting to relax, her emotions settling, and sleep was coming on fast but she had to make sure Alex was alright.

"I'm better now." Alex replied as she held Olivia a little more tightly but carefully so she wouldn't add to the soreness. "Though I would appreciate it if you'd stop scaring the hell out of me."

"Sorry," Olivia said sheepishly and then kissed Alex softly.

They were quiet for awhile as they simply laid there cuddled together, needing the closeness and comfort of each other. They'd both been reminded yet again, that it only takes a moment, a flicker of time, for lives to be changed one way or the other. Finally after awhile Alex broke the stillness, "What was it like? Helping Kathy?"

"It all happened so fast it's pretty much a blur." Olivia admitted as she fought off a yawn. "But holding the baby, so small, so innocent and brand new, knowing that he had a whole life time ahead of him, that was pretty cool."

Alex smiled, then leaned in and kissed Olivia softly. She rested her chin on top of her love's head, content in that moment to simply listen to her breathing and to feel the thump of her heart against her arm as she held her. "Liv," Alex said softly, "What would you think of maybe doing it again? Only without so much drama?" She waited for a reply as she bit her lip, but none came. "Liv?" She asked and then looked down at her love's face. Alex laughed. Olivia had fallen asleep. Leaning down she kissed her wife gently and then shifted slightly so they were laying down, and then got as close to Olivia as was physically possible. "Goodnight," She whispered in Olivia's ear and then closed her own eyes. "I love you, even when you scare the hell out of me."

Though she was sleep, Olivia smiled.


	28. Chapter 28

As she reached across the bed for Alex, Olivia groaned. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck, every muscle in her body was sore; then she remembered what had happened. It hadn't been a truck but she had been hit, and hard. For a moment her heart pounded as the accident played through her mind, but those thoughts were quickly replaced when she realized the other side of the bed was empty. She sighed softly as she rolled on to her stomach and then groaned again, the movement reminding her of her body's objection to any kind of mobility. She needed to get up, but she didn't feel like it so she reached for Alex's pillow to cuddle, but as she reached for it she felt something soft as well as something hard and round on it. Opening one chocolate brown eye to see what was on Alex's pillow she found herself face to face with her wife's beanie chicken and a plastic Easter egg.

Olivia closed her eye, counted to ten, and then opened both eyes. Yeap, she wasn't seeing things. Lucky chicken and a toy Easter egg. Sitting up with a grunt she reached over and picked both things up, and holding one in each hand she looked between the two. With a shrug of very sore shoulders she put the chicken down and opened the toy egg, which if she'd been more awake and aware she'd have realized was half pink and half blue. Inside the egg was a folded up piece of paper. The hand writing was clearly Alex's, but the message apparently was from the chicken. "You owe me one. LBC." She read out loud, a look of utter confusion on her face.

Alex heard Olivia coming down the hall and looked up from her laptop and smiled. She wondered if Olivia realized how sexy she looked in the morning, with her short hair in a chaotic mess and her police academy t-shirt only coming to her thighs. Alex allowed her eyes to travel down those long tone bare legs before finally looking up into sleep clouded brown eyes. "Good morning."

"What time is it?" Olivia moaned as she came over to sit on the couch next to Alex. She curled up next to the blonde and then pulled the throw off the back and wrapped it around herself.

"A little after ten." Alex replied. "I figured you needed the sleep. How are you feeling?"

"Like I was hit by a car. Oh wait, I was." Olivia teased, smirking at the sour look she received from her wife. "It's nothing a hot shower and a couple motrin won't cure." Then she held up the chicken and egg. "I am however kinda weirded out. Apparently your lucky chicken, who by the way is actually a rooster, is laying plastic eggs with notes."

The blonde tried not to smile as she took her glasses off and placed them on top of her now closed laptop as she placed it on the coffee table. Sitting back she cuddled close to Olivia as she took the chicken from her. "And what did the note say?"

"That I owe it one." Olivia replied as she cuddled while reaching for Alex's coffee. Her head felt like it was packed with cotton wool and she was hoping the coffee would help. When it turned out to be herbal tea she made a face that scrunched her nose and forehead.

"What could you possibly own it for?" Alex asked with a straight face that even she couldn't believe she was pulling off. She'd gotten up early to call off and to take Allie to school, and the whole time she tried like hell to find a creative way to start Olivia's morning. This was what she'd come up with after stopping at the corner bodega to get milk and eggs to make Olivia's breakfast.

"I have no idea." The brunette admitted as she put the offending mug of tea back on the coffee table. "I don't remember barrowing money form a beanie baby."

Alex's shoulders were starting to shake from held in laughter. She knew this wasn't fair. Olivia had been through hell the day before and her mind was all befuddled, not to mention her wife wasn't much of a morning person and didn't really start functioning properly until after a shower and coffee. Leaning in Alex kissed Olivia softly, and then smiled. "Why don't you get that hot shower and motrin. I'll make coffee and something light for you to eat."

Olivia thought about it and then nodded. She helped herself to another kiss before getting up and heading back towards the bedroom. Just before she was out of sight of her wife she paused and turned to look at the blonde, "How's Kathy?"

"Elliot called this morning, her and little El are just fine." Alex replied. "He said he'd stop by later to make sure you were alright."

Olivia nodded at that and then went into their bedroom. She pulled out her favorite old sweats and because she felt like it the supergirl t-shirt she'd gotten Alex as a gag gift after she'd won a very public, very tough, case shortly after her return. Then she went into the bathroom and turned the shower on as she rooted around the medicine cabinet for the motrin. "Wondrous little orange pills." She sighed before downing two with a glass of water from the bathroom tap. As soon as she stepped under the steady stream of hot water she could already feel her muscles began to loosen. For a long time she simply stood there letting the water beat down on her until she felt that she would move without to much ache.

As she stood there trying to wash away the day before, her mind began to clear. She, Kathy, and the baby were fine which allowed her to think more then worry. Her mind drifted to the beanie chicken and the plastic egg note. You owe me one, she thought, owe it what? It was just a toy, something Allie had give Alex for good luck when they'd had the IVF done. As the orange ginger scented steam clouded around her, Olivia's thought became more detective like as she pieced things together. Allie had given Alex the chicken for good luck, Alex had been taking the silly thing everywhere with her, it was either in her briefcase, her purse or if push came to shove Olivia's jacket pocket. It sat on her wife's desk at work and on her night stand at home, until this morning when she'd found it on her pillow. Taking a deep breath, the orange ginger scent of her shampoo and body wash suddenly caused her mind to shift. Alex's coffee had been herbal tea. Since when did her "don't look at me until I've had coffee" wife start drinking herbal tea? The only time she did that was in the evenings when she wanted to avoid caffeine as she tried to unwind from the day, or when she wasn't feeling well.

It hit her like the final clue to a long case that she'd just kept over looking. Chocolate brown eyes snapped open as water ran in steams down her skin. No? She thought, but the facts pointed that way. Without hesitation or even sparing a moment to think of grabbing more then just a towel, Olivia bolted from the shower. She wrapped the towel around herself as she headed for the kitchen, leaving foot print puddles in her wake. When she got to the kitchen she found Alex sitting on the counter swinging her feet slightly and grinning. "Are you pregnant?"

Alex laughed, her bright blue eyes growing twice as bright. "Took you long enough to figure out. You're getting slow in your old age Detective."

Olivia blinked. "You're pregnant?"

Alex laughed harder. "Isn't that what I just said? Well," She said with a playfully flippant tone to her voice. "If you need me to spell it out for you Detective Benson, then yes, I'm pregnant."

It took a second for it to sink in and then Olivia's eyes got just as bright as Alex's. She rushed over to her wife and placed her hands on Alex's waist as she leaned in and kissed her. She didn't care that she was getting Alex's sweater and jeans all wet, and from the heat in Alex's returned kiss, it appeared that Alex didn't care either. When they finally broke apart, Olivia's hands moved to cup Alex's face. "You're sure?"

"That's why no one could get in touch with me yesterday." Alex replied as she brushed wet hair off Olivia's face. "I was a couple days late, but wasn't showing any symptoms. I couldn't stand not knowing any longer so I went to the center and Dr. Gordon drew some blood. It's still very early, but my hormone levels prove that at least one of the embryos has made it's self at home in the lining of my uterus."

Olivia smiled as she repeated over and over, "I love you." until she had Alex's lips pressed against her own again.

"I think we should hold off on telling anyone." Alex said later, after Olivia had finally let her go and decided to get dressed. "At least until we're sure it's going to stick. There's still a possibility of miscarriage."

Picking up the beanie chicken Olivia put it on Alex's stomach. "We can't dwell on that, baby. You're pregnant and you're going to stay that way for the next nine months."

"I'm just being realistic, Liv." Alex said softly as they snuggled on the couch. "But you're right, we need to be positive. I just want to keep this between you and me for a little while until we're really sure. I don't want to get Allie's hopes up, only to have to explain what happened if something goes wrong."

Olivia nodded, "How long?"

"At least another two weeks, unless the early symptoms kick in and we have to explain why the sight of her fruity pebbles sends mama running for the bathroom." Alex chuckled.

Sitting curled up on the couch Olivia's mind was all over the place. A baby, their very own brand new little person. Allie would have someone, even after she and Alex were old and then gone, she'd have someone. Would it be a girl? Or a boy? Did she have a preference? She glanced around the apartment and bit her lip. The apartment was a good sized apartment, bigger then they had needed when it was just her and Alex, and still a perfect fit when Allie came along, but would it still work with another child around? When Allie moved in they'd turned their guest room into her bedroom, and the small home office into the new guest room. The only people who ever used the guest room were Casey and Serena when there was a need for them to stay over, or Caroline for the same reason. It could due for a nursery.

Just as her thoughts drifted from townhouses in their price range to names she liked and ones she'd flat out refuse too, she was pulled out of her own head by a knock at the door. Getting up she padded over and looked through the peephole, smiling when she saw it was Elliot on the other side. "Hey."

"Hey," Elliot replied as he came in. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad. Motrin is a wonderful thing." She replied as she closed the door and followed him into the living room. "How's Kathy and the baby?"

Elliot smiled, it was a full smile and not that half smile half lopsided smirk of his. "They're great. We're just hoping Kathy will get to come home at the same time as the baby."

"I'm sure she'll do whatever she has too to make that happen." Olivia said as they went into the kitchen. She got two mugs down and poured them both some coffee. "She was amazing, El."

"That's what she said about you." He replied, now he had that half smile half lopsided grin on his face.

Olivia blushed just a little. "I just did what I had too."

"I wanted to thank you." Elliot said brushing of her brush off. He looked down into his coffee for a moment and then back up at his friend. "I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to her, Liv, or to the baby," He paused until he caught her eyes. "or you."

The way he'd pulled her to him and hugged her last night, it was as if he were pulling her away from some kind of darkness and was holding onto her to keep her safe from it. It hadn't dawned on her until now just how freaked out he had been. "We're all fine, El." She said and smiled. "That little guy of yours, he's something else, could be trouble if the rest of his life is that adventurous."

"Kathy says he'll be trouble simply because of his name." Elliot replied, his smirk shifting into one that meant he knew something Olivia didn't yet.

"Well, like I said last night, just what the world needs another Elliot Stabler." She teased as she leaned against the counter.

"What the world is getting is an Elliot Oliver Stabler." He said with a gleam in his eye.

Olivia choked on a mouth full of coffee.

Elliot laughed, then padded her back until she stopped coughing. "If your going to choke give me that before I ask you if you'd be his godmother."

Brown eyes, slightly watery from choking but quickly welling with emotion, locked with pale blue eyes and then blinked. "El."

"Liv." He replied in the same tone she'd used, his smirk still lighting up his face. "So what'da ya say?"

"I'd be honored, El." She finally replied once the shock wore off.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and hugged her again. The emotions passing between them were heavy, and as he stepped back he added to lighten the mood, "Now all you have to do is give him someone to play with. I mean there's a fifteen year age difference between him and the twins."

Olivia chuckled, "And here we're worried about a nine year gap."

She wished she could tell him, but they needed to tell Allie first and then they'd started telling the rest of their extended family. She had to admit though, and the thought made her smile, that she liked the idea of a mini Benson-Stabler team.


	29. Chapter 29

Sitting in the conference room Alex listened to everyone giving updates on cases and offering advice, and the occasional snipe. She had a headache, and she was starting to wish she hadn't had that bagel with cream cheese and lox this morning because apparently the salmon wanted to swim back upstream. She was just hoping she could hold out until after the staff meeting.

"Sorry I'm late." Brian said as he came in. He dropped a brown paper bag on the table and pulled out a hot dog with the works and then some.

The room quickly filled with the smell of onions, sauerkraut, and if she didn't know any better city smog. In one fluid, and somehow still graceful, move Alex was out of her chair and out the door.

Everyone's head turned to watch as their chief bolted; everyone looking confused as hell.

"What's up with Cabot?" Jessica asked.

"Did she actually look green to anyone else?" Christina asked.

Ok, Alex thought as she also preyed no one would come into the ladies room, this was going to be one of the more annoying symptoms. Or at least the second most annoying if the tender, not in a good way, breasts thing went past the mild discomfort she'd had when Olivia had tried to…. Alex blinked, her train of thought totally derailing as it dawned on her. She was finally showing tell tail signs of pregnancy. They couldn't be sure exactly when the embryo had implanted during the two weeks between the IVF procedure and Alex's blood work, but technically the day of the IVF would be counted as the day of conception, so Alex did the raw math in her head. It was the start of her sixth week, still pretty early but if she remembered what she'd been reading the embryo would really start developing more now. It was like someone had flipped a switch in Alex's brain because she couldn't think of it simply as an implanted embryo anymore, now it was a baby, her baby, her and Olivia's baby. Slowly getting to her feet from her crouched position near the toilet, Alex took her cell phone out of her suit jacket pocket.

"Benson."

Alex smiled at the sound of her wife's voice. "Liv, what's you're evening looking like?"

"Not sure yet," Came the reply. "Why's your voice echoing like that?"

"Because I'm in the bathroom." Alex replied, then titled her head back as another wave of nausea hit.

"Why are you calling from the bathroom?"

"Because I really don't feel like throwing up in my office." Alex replied.

"Why are you…."

Alex smirked. Olivia was about to ask why she was throwing up, but if she was with Elliot, who knew about their attempts, that could have been a give away. "Yeah, that's why." She replied answering the half asked question. "I think we should tell Allie tonight."

"I'll see what I can do about getting home then."

"Good. Gotta go." She said quickly and then snapped the phone closed before she was back in her crouched position near the toilet.

"Alex?" Olivia called out as she came into the apartment. She smiled when she saw Allie on her knees in front of the coffee table working on home work. She shrugged out of her jacket, hung it up, then went to sit on the couch near her daughter. "Hey Allie-Cat." She leaned down and kissed the top of the girl's head. "Where's Mama?"

"In the bathroom." Allie replied as she continued to work out her math problems.

Olivia kissed the top of Allie's head again and then pointed to one of the problems. "Try that one again baby. I'm gonna go check on Mama."

Allie looked at the problem and then nodded, "Ok, just don't say sauerkraut."

"Why not?" Olivia asked with an amused look on her face.

"Cause Mama asked what I wanted for dinner and I said kielbasa, little potatoes and sauerkraut." Allie said, then finally looked up at her mommy with her head titled. "Mama went kinda white then green then went to the bathroom. I went to check on her but she was throwing up and it's rude to listen to someone throwing up, so I told Max to watch her."

"Ah," Olivia said simply as she tired not to laugh. If the thought of sauerkraut and/or cabbage made Alex sick, then having a child who was raised and feed for the first half of her life by a Polish born Russian Jew was going to be interesting. "Good boy, Max." She said with a chuckle as she passed the dog who was obviously guarding the bedroom door. Stepping over to the bathroom door she leaned against the frame as she watched Alex sitting with her back against the bathtub. "Guess we won't be having a certain shredded and pickled vegetable for awhile, huh?"

Alex groan as she shot her wife a dirty look. "Peluso brought a hot dog into the staff meeting, as soon as Allie said the word I could smell it again." Getting up slowly she went over to the sink and splashed water on her face. "Is Allie alright? I didn't scare her did I?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, she heard you throwing up and decided it was rude to listen so she ordered Max to guard you."

Alex had to laugh at that.

Walking over, Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex, her hands resting on the blonde's stomach. "Other then the obvious, are you ok?"

"Yeah," Alex replied as she leaned back against her wife. "It only happened twice, other wise I've felt fine other then being tired. I was a little extra bitchy but I don't think anyone noticed."

"Why don't you lie down for a little while. I'll make dinner, something light, then we can talk to Allie." Olivia said softly as she nuzzled Alex's neck.

Alex sighed and closed her eyes. "Alright, but only for a little while. I really want to let Allie know her chicken worked."

Olivia laughed, kissed Alex softly and then lead her into the bedroom and over to the bed. Then she went back out into the living room and smiled as she watched Allie for a moment. She was really starting to look forward to having another child around. Each time she looked at Allie she fell in love with her all over again, and every time they spent time together she discovered something new about her daughter. She wanted that with the new baby too. "Home work done?" She asked as she came over to where the girl was.

"Almost." Allie replied as she looked up at her mommy. "Is Mama ok?"

"She's fine baby," Olivia replied and then held out her hand. "She's going to lie down for a little while, so why don't you come help me make dinner."

Allie smiled and jumped to her feet. "Ok!"

"Hey," Olivia said an hour late when Allie came back into the kitchen alone. "I thought I asked you to get Mama."

"She's sleeping." Allie replied. "I didn't know if I should wake her if she's sick. Plus, she's grumpy if you wake her up when she's fallen asleep."

Olivia laughed. "Chicken."

"Yeap." Allie replied as she got on her chair at the table.

Knowing how badly Alex wanted to talk to Allie, Olivia decided to be the brave one and wake her wife up from her nap. Sitting on the edge of their bed she brushed lightly at Alex's hair. "Baby." She said softly. "Sweetie, dinner's ready."

Alex moaned as she slowly came around. "I feel asleep?"

Olivia nodded with a bright smile. "Fatigue, you'll probably nap a lot for awhile. Feeling better?"

It took a moment for Alex to take stock of herself but then nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

When her mothers came into the kitchen Allie could tell that you mama was still tired even though she'd taken a nap. She'd looked tired for a couple of days now, and she was starting to worry. "Are you ok, Mama?"

Alex smiled, paused behind Allie long enough to kiss the top of her head, and then took her seat at the table. "I'm fine, baby girl. Just a little tired."

"You should stay home and rest if you're getting sick, Mama." Allie said as she dipped a piece of her French bread in the creamy soup her mommy had made. "If Mr. McCoy gets mad you can always ask for a doctor's note to show him."

The image of handing Jack McCoy a "Please excuse Alex from court today she's pregnant" note made Alex snort. "I'm not getting sick baby girl." Allie looked up at her with a 'I don't believe you' look that reminded Alex of a look she often used, and it made her smile. "I'm not sweetie, I promise. Me being tired and getting sick earlier are just normal symptoms that we'll have to put up with for a while."

"Symptoms of what?" Allie asked as she looked between her mothers, before finally settling her gaze on Alex.

They were going to wait until after dinner, but since she was asking and she'd looked so worried over Alex being sick, Alex decided to skip ahead. "They're symptoms that mama's get when they're pregnant."

Olivia smiled brightly as she watched Allie's reactions carefully. "You're lucky chicken worked."

Allie sat there for a moment, taking in what her mothers were saying. Her mama was going to have a baby, really really have, it was inside her and everything now. That meant she was going to be a big sister, but that also meant she'd have to share her mothers. That thought had bothered her until she figured out that her mothers were the best mothers ever and any baby would be lucky to have them, just like she was. A slow smile spread across her face as her eyes lit up. "When will it be here? What is it? Will it be a boy or a girl? Can we see it? Is it moving? How big is it now?"

Alex had been holding her breath as she waited for Allie to respond and when the girl finally did, she couldn't help but laugh. "Slow down baby girl." She said between laughs. "The baby will come in about nine months give or take a week or three. It's too soon to know if it's a boy or a girl. When we go to see the first ultrasound you can come with us. No it's not moving yet, but it will be soon, but it'll be awhile before we'll be able to feel it. And right now it's about as big a chili bean."

"Wow," Allie breathed out slowly. "That's tiny."

Olivia laughed. She was as relieved as Alex was at Allie's positive reaction, but she knew that that reaction would probably fluctuate for a little while. "It'll get bigger."

"How big?" Allie asked.

"Most baby's are between six and eight pounds." Olivia replied. "Little El was a little more then six."

"And it's gonna grow that big in nine months?" The girl asked.

Alex nodded. "Yeap, and so is my belly."

Allie giggled as she tried to picture her mama looking the way her aunt Kathy had. Then she smiled again, got up from the table and went over to hug her mama. "See, I knew my lucky chicken would work."

Alex laughed as she hugged her little girl. "It sure did, sweetie."


	30. Chapter 30

Sitting at her desk Alex stifled a yawn as she worked on some paperwork. Even with a couple more hours to go in her day her mind was already drifting towards home. She normally wouldn't be this tired so soon in the day but between the fatigue of early pregnancy and being up with her nine year old after a three in the morning nightmare, she was honestly suspired she hadn't fallen asleep at her desk. When her phone rang she reached over as if on autopilot and answered, "Cabot."

The voice on the other end woke her up instantly. It wasn't unusual for Don to call her, but the tone of his voice was what was setting off warning bells. "What's happened?" She listened carefully and was already out of her seat before the police captain could finish. "Where? Give me an address and I'll go straight there." She paused as she crammed stuff blindly into her briefcase. "I don't care Don! Where is she? Thank you."

It was a typical crime sense as far as the chaos. Uniforms, medics, people from the M.E.'s office, but Alex bulldozed her way past. She showed her A.D.A badge when she needed to and made it all the way to the top of the stairs and nearly to the door before she was stopped.

"You can't go in there, miss." The uniform said as he stood in Alex's way.

Icy blue eyes looked up at the man with such a glare that he had to hide a shiver. "Get out of my way, Officer."

"This is a crime scene ma'am I can't…."

She showed him her id. "I'm Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Benson-Cabot, I have full clearance to access crime scenes, and if you don't get the hell out of my way you'll be singing soprano in the policemen's choir."

"It's alright," Melinda called from near the apartment door. "let her by."

The officer had already started to move before the M.E. had said to for several reasons. The detective inside was named Benson which connected her to this woman, and it was well known that people didn't tangle with A.D.A. Cabot unless they were nuts.

"Where is she?" Alex asked Melinda as she pushed the officer out of the way when he didn't move fast enough.

"In there," Melinda pointed into the apartment. "She hasn't moved since it happened, Alex. She's in shock and no one's getting through."

Alex nodded, gave the woman a soft thankful smile, then ducked under the police tape to go inside. The sight of Olivia crouched against the wall like that broke her heart. She walked over slowly not wanting to startle Olivia, and then simply crouched down beside her. Reaching out gently Alex put her arm around Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia felt Alex there more then actually seeing her. Her gaze had never left the place where Lauran had been sitting. The sound of the shot, the spray of the blood, the whole scene played over and over in her head. She could even hear her own scream, but everything around her had become a blur after that. When she felt Alex's arm go around her the fast forwarded scenes in her head stopped and Olivia finally dissolved into deep sobs. She clung to the front of Alex's jacket as she felt the other woman's arms encircle her.

The only thing Alex could do was hold her love as tightly as she could. They sat there for awhile unmoving and without a word before Alex finally started to pull Olivia to her feet. "Come on, Liv." She said softly. She wanted to support her love, she needed too, Olivia was still in shock, but she didn't want any of the uniforms to see Detective Benson crumble. "Lets get you home, baby."

Either out of respect for Olivia or fear of Alex, no one said a word to them, no one demanded a statement, no one stopped to question Olivia about what happened. Alex was able to get her into a cab and back to their apartment without any hassle. As they walked through the front door Alex helped get Olivia's jacket off.

As if the suddenly familiar surrounds had been a splash of cold water, Olivia seemed to jerk out of some of her shocked state. "I should have given a statement."

Alex sigh in relief at the sound of Olivia's voice. "You can do that when you're feeling more up to it." Taking Olivia's hand Alex lead her through the apartment and down the hall towards their room, and their adjoining bathroom.

"Where's Allie?" Olivia asked when she realized they hadn't been greeted at the door the moment they walked in.

"I called and asked Casey to pick her up from school." Alex replied as she turned on the shower and then turned back to Olivia. "She's spending the night with her and Serena."

It wasn't until that moment that Olivia realized her body was still trembling. She was a special victims detective, she'd seen more then most people could ever imagine, so why the hell was she so shook up? She closed her eyes and leaned back against the sink but all that did was give the memory a dark screen to play on so she snapped her eyes open again.

"It'll be alright, Liv." Alex said softly as she started to undressed her wife. "You're still in shock. We'll get you into a hot shower, I'll make you some tea, and I'll be right here while you process what happened." She got a questioning look from her wife as she dropped the other woman's shirt and bra in a pile on the floor. "Don called me. He told me what happened."

"I didn't see it." Olivia said as she used one foot to take the shoe off the other. "I didn't see the second gun. I had no idea. I knew she was thinking about it, I thought she'd do it with the gun on the table, I didn't see the second…."

"You couldn't have done anything, Liv." Alex replied before kissing Olivia's lips softly and pulling her over to the shower. "Go on, you'll feel better after a hot shower."

Olivia nodded numbly and got in under the hot water. As it beat down on her she retraced everything in her mind, physically jumping when she remembered the sound of the gun shot and her own scream.

_Those who fight monsters, should make damn sure they don't become one. _

Alex heard the scream and dropped the tea kettle on the table before running towards the bathroom. Without a thought to the silk shirt and suit skirt she still had on she got into the shower with Olivia and wrapped her arms around the dark haired woman. Despite the hot water Olivia was still trembling, so Alex helped her out of the shower and wrapped one of their large fluffy towels around her. She lead Olivia into their bedroom and then got her favorite tank top and mini-boxers to put on.

After she was dressed and sitting against the headboard of their bed Olivia finally looked up at Alex who was pulling Olivia's old battered blanket from the closest. "You're soaked."

"I'll dry." Alex said as she threw the blanket over Olivia's legs.

"You ruined your blouse." Olivia replied as she fingered the collar of the wet silk shirt.

Alex shrugged. "No great loss. I'm more worried about you then my clothes, baby."

"I'm fine." Olivia said, her voice finally starting to sound a little more clear and less shaky.

"You screamed." Alex said as she brushed at Olivia's wet hair.

Olivia blinked. "I did?"

Alex nodded and then went over to get a towel and some dry clothes for herself.

"I should have seen it coming." Olivia said as she drew her knees up to her chest. "It just happened so fast."

After changing her clothes and hanging her things in the bathroom to dry Alex climbed into bed next to Olivia and sat beside her. She knew at times like this Olivia tended to brood as she sorted things out so all she did was sit there with her, brushing at her hair and squeezing her hand. With their fingers laced together she could feel Olivia holding tightly to her hand.

Alex wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep but when she woke up she found herself still sitting next to Olivia, her head on Olivia's shoulder, and Olivia's on top hers. They'd both be stiff from sleeping sitting up for however long it had been, but at least her wife's slow even breathing let Alex know she was asleep. Lifting their intertwined hands to her lips, Alex kissed Olivia's softly.


	31. Chapter 31

It wasn't the first time her job had caused her to have nightmares, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. As Olivia sat up she rubbed her face and sighed. At least this time she'd only jerked awake, and thankfully not hard enough to disturb Alex. Glancing over at the beautiful blonde beside her, she watched as Alex's chest rose and fell slowly as she slept. What had it been like before; to wake up in a cold sweat in an empty bed? Thankfully Olivia couldn't remember.

Slipping out of bed carefully so she wouldn't wake Alex up, Olivia eased out of their bedroom and headed for the kitchen. She was awake now and probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, and she couldn't just lay there so she opted to make herself some tea and curl up on the couch for a little while. When she stepped into the living room she was more then a little surprised to see she wasn't the only one up. "Allie-Cat?"

Allie turned from the window she'd been looking out to see her mommy coming towards her. "I couldn't sleep." She said, answering the unasked question hidden in her mother calling out her name that way. "Bad dream."

Olivia sat beside the girl on the couch and pulled her close so they could both look out the window at the city lights. "Gangster bears with Jersey accents?"

The girl smiled as she rested her head on her mommy's shoulder. "No, just a bad dream. The kind you don't remember but you wake up feeling scared anyway."

The dark haired detective nodded in understanding as she cuddled her little girl. The images had long since faded, but she still woke up with that shocked, terrified, helpless feeling. "How come you didn't come get in bed with me and Mama?"

"I'm nine, Mommy." Allie replied as she snuggled against her mother. She'd wanted to go to her mothers room, but she figured she needed to stop that with the baby coming and all. Besides, she really was getting to old wasn't she? "I'm to big to sleep with my moms when I have a bad dream."

"You can always come to us when you've had a bad dream, baby." Olivia said as she kissed the girl's temple. "And nine's not all that old," She added. She knew that as Allie got older some of her habits would change, but she wasn't ready for that to start happening already. "Mama and I don't mind when you need to come to us to feel safe so you can sleep."

Allie didn't replay she simple nodded and sighed softly. She'd been to scared to go back to sleep, so she'd been sitting there looking at all the lights, but now that she had her mommy's arms around her she was starting to feel better. "How come you're up, Mommy? Do you have to get ready for work?"

Olivia shook her head and held a little tighter to her little girl. "No, I had a bad dream too."

"What was your dream about?" The small blonde asked as she turned her head a bit so she could look at her mommy.

"Work stuff," Olivia answered as honestly as she dared too. "Woke up with some bad feelings too, so I thought I'd make some tea."

Allie smiled a little, "But found me instead."

Olivia returned the smile before kissing her daughter's forehead. "You're much better then tea."

When she was absolutely sure she could get up without getting sick, Alex finally pulled herself out from under the blankets and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She hadn't been surprised to find the other side of the bed empty because Olivia had been letting her sleep as late as possible. By the time Alex finally did get herself together in the mornings, Olivia had walked the dog, gotten Allie ready for school and was making breakfast. Coffee, she thought as she pulled on her robe and headed for the kitchen, God I'm really starting to miss coffee.

As soon as she'd made it into the living room Alex stopped, a smile growing on her sleep puffy face. Olivia and Allie were cuddled on the couch sound asleep. She wondered when they'd gotten up, but she had a pretty good idea why they'd gotten up. Olivia had been having nightmares about the suicide she'd witnessed, and Allie tended to have bad dreams when she felt stressed or anxious. As she padded over to her wife and their child to cover them up with the throw that had fallen to the floor, Alex wondered how long Allie would feel anxious over the baby. The girl was excited about being a big sister, especially after spending an afternoon with her sister Meredith, but this was still a big enough change that Allie wasn't feeling steady on her feet.

Making a mental note to stop at the book store after work, Alex went into the kitchen to start Olivia's coffee, her tea, and breakfast. As the smell of freshly brewing coffee began to fill the kitchen, Alex took a deep breath and sighed.

"You didn't have to make that." Olivia said as she came into the kitchen stretching and running her fingers through her messy hair. "Tea would have been fine."

"No reason for both of us to go without." Alex replied as she felt strong arms wrap around her. She leaned back against Olivia and smiled when the brunette kissed her cheek.

Olivia smirked, "I'd have just grabbed some at the station after the appointment."

"Evil." Alex teased as she turned in Olivia's arms and then kissed her. "For that, you can finish in here while I get Allie ready for school."

"How come I can't come with you?" Allie asked as her mama brushed out her hair.

Alex smiled softly, "Because it's just a check up, nothing huge, and you can't miss school for that. I promise when they do the ultrasound that will let us see the baby, we'll make the appointment for the afternoon so you can come with us."

"When can we start telling people?" The girl asked next.

Alex gently straightened her daughter's head from it's tilted position so she could put her hair into a ponytail. "Now you sound like mommy." She laughed. She'd wanted to be careful, to keep this just between them until she was sure she was out of the woods. She knew it would be impossible to hold out until the end of the first trimester so she'd agreed to start letting people know after the appointment she had with her OB later that morning. "If the doctor says everything's ok, we can tell everyone tonight, ok?"

That made Allie smile brightly. "Ok."

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as she laid on the exam table. She watched every little thing that the doctor did with a critical eye, and then relaxed when the older woman smiled at her.

"Everything looks good so far, Alexandra." Dr. Kane said as she moved over to a large machine. "It's still a little early to see a clear baby shape, but I would like to run a quick ultrasound to check the progress of the fetus' growth."

Despite the warning that the gel was cold, Alex still gasped a little. She looked up at Olivia who was smiling at her, her love's chocolate brown eyes sparkling as she looked up at the screen of the machine. Alex looked up as well but couldn't tell what she was seeing.

"See this little round shape here, and here.?" Dr. Kane asked as she pointed out what looked like a smudge on the screen. "That's your baby." Then her smile grew as she pressed a button on the machine.

The room suddenly filled with the sound of a rapid heartbeat, and Alex could feel tears in her eyes.

Olivia had been ready for this. She quickly pulled a digital recording device out of her pocket, and at the odd looks she got from the doctor and Alex she smirked, "Our daughter would kill us if she knew she missed this."

Looking up into gleaming brown eyes that shined a little more from unshed tears, Alex squeezed Olivia hand then closed her eyes to simply listen to their baby's heart beating.

"That's a good solid heartbeat." Dr. Kane said several minutes later. "And yes, it's meant to be that rapid. It'll slow to a more normal rate as the baby grows."

"Can you tell what it is?" Olivia asked as she put the recorder back in her pocket.

Dr. Kane shook her head. "Although sex is determined at the moment of conception, and gender characteristics start to develop in the eleventh week, it's still to soon to tell. I don't like to say for sure until at least the nineteenth week, although you can tell as early as sixteen. So you have plenty of time to decided if you want to know or not."

By the time she walked into the squad room after making sure Alex got to her office, Olivia was practically bouncing. She'd almost gone right to Allie's school to play her the recording, but common sense won out and she made it to work without to much distraction.

"Well don't you look like little miss sunshine." Munch teased as the guys noticed her come in.

"What?" Olivia asked as she went over to her locker. "I'm not allowed to be in a good mood?"

"Sure," Fin said as he watched his friend as she moved over to her desk. "But you look like the cat that swallowed the canary. What's up?"

Olivia smiled, caught Elliot's eye and then pulled out the tiny digital recorder. She pressed the play button and smiled even more. Elliot knew what it was right away, she could tell by the bright look in his eyes and the smile on his face. The other guys just looked confused.

"What is that?" Fin asked.

"That," Olivia said proudly. "Is the sound of a small Benson-Cabot heart beating."

"Alex is pregnant?" Munch asked.

Olivia smiled, "She wanted to wait a little while before we said anything, but now she's ready to take out a full page ad in the paper."

"Congratulations, Liv." Elliot said with a huge smile.

"This calls for drinks at O'Malley's." Munch said with a grin as he put his arm around Olivia's shoulders. "On the Captain of course."


	32. Chapter 32

Allie listened to the little device her mommy had given her and smiled. That was her baby brother or sister's heart beating inside her mama. She wondered which it would be, a brother or a sister? Her mothers couldn't agree on whether or not to find out what it was before it was born, so it didn't seem like she'd find out anytime soon. She'd taken the little digital recorder to school for show and tell, and had played it for her class. Afterwards Molly had asked which one she'd wanted, and to be honest Allie wasn't sure. Little El was cool, so maybe a brother? But then again maybe a little sister would be better to start off with. Allie sighed, this was going to be a very long couple of months.

"Abigail?" Olivia said as she and Alex came into the living room from the hall. Alex had been throwing up again, and Olivia had stayed with her until the nausea passed. "Abby and Allie would be cute."

"Maybe." Alex replied. "But that'll be three A names, and do we really want Carmichael thinking we named our child after her?"

"Ok, good point." Olivia thought a moment and then offered, "Clementine?"

Alex stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at her wife as if she were insane. She simply shook her head, "No." Then she walked over to where Allie was and pulled the girl into her lap. "What about Serena?"

"No." Olivia replied quickly. "I've made peace with my mother, doesn't mean I want to name our baby after her."

It had been worth a shot, and Alex figured her wife would shoot it down, but she had to try. "Ok, so what about Justice."

"I am not naming our son Justice." Olivia replied as she joined her family on the couch. "Maybe Justin, I'll compromise on that."

Allie giggled. Now that the baby wasn't a secret they all talked about the baby a lot more. Her mama had even gone to the book story and gotten her some new books about what having a new baby would be like and what being a big sister meant. She'd also picked up a baby name book which had started her mothers on this name ping pong game.

"Andrew?" Olivia offered.

"Another A." Alex replied.

Allie nodded in agreement with her mama. "It should start with an O."

Olivia looked at her daughter, her head titled just a little as she reached out to brush blond hair from in front of blue eyes. "Why an O?"

"Cause," The girl replied as if her mommy should have known. "We have Alexandra and Allison and Olivia, so we need another O. Two and two."

Alex smirked. "I agree."

"There aren't any good O names for girls." Olivia said as she pulled Allie off Alex's lap and started ticking her.

Allie laughed, "Olivia's a good O name."

"Yeah, and it's already taken." The dark haired woman laughed as she tried to avoid small tickling fingers.

"There's Olympia, Ophelia, Oprah. Ozara." Alex said as she flipped through the book. "Two are Greek and two are Hebrew."

Chocolate brown eyes looked up to meet sparkling blue ones as she pinned Allie to the couch gigging madly. "Do you want our child to be beaten up and picked on?"

Alex laughed and then quickly rescued Allie from the tickle monster before the girl could hyperventilate. "We have months to argue over names."

"Would make it easier if we knew what it was." Olivia said slyly.

"No." Alex said firmly. "I'm not giving in on that. I want to be surprised."

This felt good, it felt right, to be sitting there with Alex and their little girl, relaxed, just hanging out, talking about the baby that would soon be joining their family. Olivia was finding herself taking a lot of time to look at her life these days. In the back of her mind she could still hear what Lauran had said about fighting monsters and becoming one. Unfortunately, the young FBI agent had gotten it all wrong. All killing herself did was end her life, the real way of fighting off becoming what they hunted was this; it was having people to love and having people who loved you in return.

Sometimes she felt as if she'd lived several lives within a single life span. The young Olivia Benson wasn't anything like the Olivia Benson who'd first walked into the SVU squad room. And the Olivia Benson who'd watched Alex get shot and then drive away in a marshal's caravan wasn't the same as that brand new detective in the god awful pant suits. She'd been so empty and distant after Alex had left, as if she were living outside herself, and when Alex came back she'd brought Olivia's life back with her. It had taken a lot of work, work she couldn't have done without Alex at her side, but Olivia felt like the person she was now was the person she was meant to be.

"Earth to Mommy." Allie said as she moved in so close she was nearly nose to nose with her mother.

Olivia blinked, "Hmm? What?"

"Mama asked if you wanted to come with us to Magnolia Bakery." Allie said as Alex laughed behind her. "She said the baby wants a cupcake."

Olivia grinned first at Allie and then at Alex. "The baby wants a cupcake?"

"Yes," Alex replied. "Because that would be the only reason to make the trip into the West Village simply for a cupcake."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she stood up. In an easy fluid motion she picked Allie up and flipped her over her shoulder. "And the baby just happens to want to go to your favorite bakery for the very cupcakes you're addicted too."

"Yes." Alex replied again as she got to her feet, an innocent smile on her beautiful face.

"Sure, right." Olivia laughed as she flipped Allie over and set the giggling girl on her feet. "Go get your jacket Allie-Cat. Looks like we're making a cupcake run."

Alex smiled triumphantly. "The first of many I can assure you."

If having red velvet cupcakes for dinner was going to become a common thing, then this pregnancy thing was going to be even way cooler. Luckily the line wasn't too long, she'd seen longer, so she wasn't as antsy as she'd normally be by now. She was however having a hard time not giggling as she pretended not to know her mama.

"This is cheating." Olivia said softly.

Alex huffed. Because of the popularly of the place, made worse after it appeared on some damn show on the food network, they only allowed a dozen cupcakes per customer. Which was the reason she was standing behind Olivia and Allie rather then beside them. Olivia would get a dozen, and then she'd get a dozen. It wasn't that Alex planned on eating twenty-four cupcakes, it was more like their friends seemed to have cupcake radar. She was almost certain that at some point within the next day and half Casey and Serena would be stopping by, and so would Munch.

After getting their dozen, Olivia and Allie went around the corner to wait for Alex. Looking down at her daughter she laughed at the puppy dog look she was getting. "Not until we get home."

Allie huffed in the same way Alex had earlier. "I bet Mama doesn't wait."

Olivia pretty much had the same feeling. Just after Alex had come home it seemed as if they were here every weekend. Between the cupcakes and Mister Frosty, she was honestly surprised Alex hadn't gained ten pounds her first month back in New York.

"Detective Benson?"

Her mind was pulled away from the sudden image of what Alex might look like in a few months as she turned to see who'd called out her name. She worked hundreds of cases a year, some blurred together, some left an everlasting mark. The young woman who was coming towards her was defiantly one of the latter. "Melanie?"

The young woman smiled. "I didn't think you'd remember me."

The girl had been raped by a sick cult leader after her trust fund. He'd gotten her pregnant at twelve, and then tried to get her to shot Olivia after shooting a uniform. She'd be hard not to remember. "Of course I remember you. How are you?"

"I'm doing good." Melanie replied and then smiled as she looked down at the little boy holding her hand. "We're doing good."

Olivia looked down at the child as well and smile. "Is this your son?"

Melanie nodded as she picked the little boy up. "This is Sammy."

"Hi Sammy." Olivia said as she watched the boy hide his face shyly in his mother's hair. "I'm Olivia, and this is Allie."

Allie waved. "Hello."

The young woman, who wasn't really a woman yet she was still just a teenager, looked down at the blonde and smiled before looking up at Olivia. "I didn't know you had children."

Olivia smiled, "One and one on the way."

It was good to hear that Melanie was finishing school and heading to college, and that her family had been a big help to her and her son. Not every case, even if it was one they'd won, turned out so well.

"Anyway," Melanie said several minutes later. "I just wanted to stop and say thank you."

"There's no need to thank me, Melanie." Olivia replied. "I'm just glad everything's worked out well."

"Who was that?" Alex asked as she watched the young girl and little boy walk off.

Olivia smiled. "Just a reminder."

"Of what?" The blonde asked.

"Why I still do what I do."

Alex understood completely and smiled. She'd had a handful of those moments herself.

"So how many cupcakes are left in that box?" Olivia asked with a chuckle as they headed towards the corner to hail a cab.

"All of them." Alex replied with a huff.

Olivia smirked as she reached out to wipe icing from the corner of Alex's mouth and licked it off her own finger. "Cream cheese icing."

Alex blushed. "It was only a taste."

This time Allie huffed. "Mommy said I had to wait until we got home."

"Then you can have the first pick." Alex replied as she put her box on top of Olivia's before sliding into the cab with Allie.

Years of practice let Olivia get into the cab with both boxes with ease. "How come I have to carry both boxes?"

"Because if you don't Mama will eat all the cupcakes and blame the baby." Allie said.

"Good point." Olivia agreed.

Alex huffed, but then laughed.


	33. Chapter 33

There was a tenseness in Alex's face that made people get out of her way as she stepped off the elevator and headed for the squad room. If she weren't hiding behind her professional persona, she'd be a rattled mess. Pushing open the double doors she scanned the busy room for Olivia.

"Alex is here." Elliot said to Olivia as he pointed out the blonde. "And she looks pissed."

She looked pissed, but as Olivia got closer she could see in Alex's eyes that there was something more. "Alex? Everything alright?"

"We're fine." Alex replied, knowing that Olivia was referring to her and the baby. "But I need to speak with you, privately, and now."

Olivia blinked at the tone of Alex's voice, and as she nodded she could feel every muscle in her body tense up. "Upstairs." She replied and then lead Alex towards the stairs that would take them up to balcony over looking the squad room. Once they were up there and alone, Olivia moved closer to Alex. "What's wrong?"

"I stopped by the apartment to pick up a file during lunch." Alex began as she pulled an envelope from her briefcase. "Since I was there I decided to grab the mail. When I got back to my office and went through it I found this."

Olivia took the envelope and glanced at it. "It's addressed to Allie."

"It's addressed to Allison Newman." Alex corrected and then added. "Look at the return address, Olivia."

Before she could even glance the few inches up to the corner of the envelope she knew she wasn't going to like what she found; Alex rarely called her Olivia in private, and when she did it was because she was upset in someway. When she saw where the letter had come from, she suddenly understood. "Bedford Hills Correctional Facility." The brunette said in shock and anger. She could feel it start in her stomach, the warmth of emotion, and then slowly spread throughout her body. "That's where Lauren Newmen's serving out her sentence."

"How'd she find her?" Alex asked, her voice laced with panic and fear that only Olivia would have been able to detect.

"I don't know." Olivia replied. "But I'm going to find out."

She wouldn't have thought she could feel more angry then she did when she walked through the front gates of the women's prison, but after speaking with the warden Olivia was finding it hard to keep it together. What right did Lauren Newman have to try and make amends for what she'd done? She'd killed people, she walked out on her infant daughter, she was a drunk who never once had a thought for anyone but herself. Taking a deep breath, Olivia was able to rein it in just before the visitation room door opened. The look of surprise on Lauren's face was actually quite satisfying, but not as much as telling her off would be.

"What are you doing here?" Lauren asked once she was alone with the dark haired detective.

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from pouncing and on the woman and beating the snot out of her. Pulling out the letter Alex had brought she tossed it and the envelope on the table. "Stay the hell away from my daughter."

Lauren looked at the paper on the table as she slipped into the chair behind it, and then looked up at Olivia. "She's my daughter and I have a right to…"

"No," Olivia snapped in a low tone as she glared at the other woman. "you don't. You gave up any and all rights to her the day you walked out on her."

"I was sick I didn't know…"

Olivia leaned forward, pressing her palms against the cold metal table as chocolate brown eyes narrowed. She knew this woman couldn't touch Allie, but that didn't keep her fear and anger in check. Just the thought of this woman near Allie made her feel sick. "She was three weeks old and you left her alone; you packed your shit and you left. God only knows how long you'd been gone before the woman down the hall heard Allie screaming and went to see what was wrong. You endangered her life and there's no excuse for that."

"No there isn't." Lauren agreed. "But I want my daughter to know how sorry I am that I couldn't be her mother."

"She isn't your daughter." Olivia replied angrily. "She never has been, you never gave her a chance, you don't know a damn thing about her." Dark eyes grew darker as Olivia stared unwaveringly into Lauren's. "What's her favorite color? It's Orange. Favorite food? Stuffed cabbage. Favorite cereal? Frosted mini-wheats on school mornings, and cap'n crunch on the weekends. What's her favorite subjects? Art and history. Who are her friends? What does she think of school? What does she want to be when she grows up?" She fired off before her voice took on more of an edge as she leaned a little closer. "Who does she cry out for in the middle of the night when she has a bad dream? Me and her mama. Who does she come to when she's happy or sad or mad? Me and her mama. Who gets to hear I love you every night before she falls asleep? Me and her mama. She is my daughter, not yours, and you'd do well to remember that."

There were tears in Lauren's eyes but her voice remained even as she asked, "Is there anything else Detective or have you made your point?"

"I want to know how you found her." Olivia replied, her tone easily taking on that sharpness she used whenever she was interviewing a prep, and to her that's all this woman would ever be.

Lauren swallowed. "I saw her picture in the paper." She admitted freely. "The caption had her name, it was easy from there."

"She was three weeks old the last time you saw her." Olivia said as she backed off. There was a knot in her stomach that told her she wasn't going to like the answer to her next question. "How did you know it was her in the paper? Her name isn't Newman anymore, you had no idea she was my daughter, how'd you know her?"

"From the picture Detective Beck gave me."

Her eyes went wide as her head titled in that shocked manner of hers. "Danni Beck gave you a picture of her?"

Lauren simply nodded.

"Don't try to contact my daughter again." Olivia said after a moment of silent seething. "Or I promise you, your life in here will get a whole lot worse."

Lauren watched as the dark haired woman pounded on the door to signal she was finished. "She'll never forgive you when she finds out you've lied to her about me."

"She may get angry when we finally decide to tell her, but she'll understand we were doing what was best for her." Olivia replied. "She knows that we love her and that nothing matters more then that."

The women's locker room of the two-nine was fairly empty so Olivia didn't have any trouble finding Beck. What she was having a hard time with was her anger. Who the hell did this woman think she was? What right did Danni Beck have to give a picture of her little girl to a convicted murder? "Beck!" Olivia yelled out the moment she saw the other woman. There was a look of surprise on Beck's face at first, but it quickly shifted as Olivia approached. Before the other woman could even get Olivia's name out, Olivia had her by the front of the shirt and was slamming her up against the lockers. "You had no right to give Lauren Newman a picture of my kid!"

"She had a right to know!" Danni shot back as she tried to get out of Olivia's hold on her.

"No she didn't!" Olivia shouted as she slammed Danni again. "She gave up all her rights when she left a three week old infant alone in a nearly stripped clean apartment. She gave up her rights when she mowed down half a dozen young women and their small children." It wasn't until she saw Danni's eyes darting around that Olivia realized they were being watched. "What? You expect them to say or do something? You knowingly and willingly put a fellow officer's child in danger. You gave a suspect, about to go on trial for killing several children around the same age, a photograph of a fellow officer's eight year old little girl. And why did you do this? Because you were being spiteful and jealous because my unit wouldn't roll over and take you in the way you wanted. You couldn't be me so you set out to get back at me."

With a hard shove Danni finally got some space between her and Olivia. "That's not way I did it!"

"The hell it isn't!" Olivia spat back and then got in Danni's face. "Stay the hell away from my little girl, Beck. If I ever hear you've been sniffing around her in any way what so ever, I'll come down on you so hard and so fast you won't know what hit you."

"Is that a threat Detective Benson?" Danni hissed.

Olivia shoved the other woman into the lockers again. "Go anywhere near my child Detective Beck and find out."

"You didn't do anything hotheaded and stupid did you?" Alex asked as she watched Olivia move across their room. She'd never felt such anger before, but when Olivia told her about Lauren and Beck she really wanted to shove one of her three inch heels through each of their temples nice and slow. After chalking the violent thought up to raging hormones she settled for taking her anger out in court. She'd make damn sure that legally, neither woman could even breath her daughter's name without a penalty.

Olivia smirked as she sat on the edge of the bed to take her shoes off. "My name's Olivia not Elliot."

That made Alex laugh, which made her relax a little. "You went in there all bad ass, didn't you? All hard as nails cop ready to rip a prep a part."

"I made our wishes more then crystal clear." Olivia replied as she stood up.

Alex smirked at that. Pushing to her feet she walked over to Olivia and stood close. "You went in there with your shield clipped right here," She said in a low voice as she curled her fingers into the front waist band of Olivia's trousers. "so it would be hard to miss. You wouldn't have had your gun on in the prison visitation room, but when you went in after Beck." Her smirk grew as she slid her hand along the waist band until it more at Olivia's side. "You'd have clipped your gun here, that way you'd be able to push your jacket back a little so when you moved the jacket pulled back enough that it showed off the handle and holster."

Olivia smiled as she stared into darkening blue eyes. "And what makes you think that?"

"I know how you work Detective." Alex replied. Ok, so one moment she'd wanting to commit murder with her best Jimmy Choos, and now she was hotter then hell and turned on beyond the point of no return. God she loved being pregnant.

"Do you now?" Olivia asked as she let Alex move in even closer. After the day she'd had, she really needed the release of an evening with her wife, knowing that her daughter was safe down the hall in her bed. She wondered for a brief moment how many times that night she'd end up getting up to check on Allie, just to make sure she was still there and alright.

"Mmmhmm," Alex replied as she licked her lips. "The preps weren't the only things I was observing behind the one way. You have no idea how insane it use to drive me to watch you prowl that room during an interview."

"I prowl?" Olivia nearly laughed.

"Mmmhmmm." Alex replied.

Olivia bit her own lip to keep herself from laughing at the sudden image of herself. "What do you mean use to drive you insane? You don't find me that sexy anymore?"

"Oh, no, it's not that." Alex said as her smirk became more predatory. She pushed at Olivia until the other woman was sitting on the bed, then she slid her hands over her lover's shoulders and around her neck. "It's just that now, I get to do something about it."


	34. Chapter 34

It was just the slightest of curves to an other wise flat stomach, a small still easily concealed under a suit jacket bump, but it was the most amazing thing Olivia had ever seen in her life. Reaching out the dark haired woman gently ran her hand over Alex's stomach. Her wife's skin was so soft and warm, and as she caressed the new baby bump she thought perhaps some of that warmth was coming from the miracle inside. It was another sign telling Olivia just how real this was. Lowering her head she placed a very chaste kiss on Alex's bare skin. 

"Mmmm," The blonde moaned as she slowly regained consciousness. "It's hard to sleep when you do that." 

Olivia blushed a little as she moved closer to Alex so she could wrap her arm around her. "I didn't mean to wake you." 

"I can think of worse ways to be woke up." Alex replied as she shifted so she could look at Olivia. There'd been something new in her lover's dark eyes the last few days, something unfamiliar and yet reassuring. She knew they were both feeling really scared and nervous about the baby, but when she looked into Olivia's eyes and found that gleam she somehow knew everything would be just fine. Reaching up the blonde dug her fingers into messy brown hair and smiled. "How long have you been watching me sleep?" 

The blush on Olivia's face darkened. "Just a little while." 

"Mmmhmm." Alex replied before laughing softly. "You are so sappy." 

"I know." Olivia said with a smirk before leaning down and kissing her wife good morning. 

Without even thinking Allie flung open her mothers bedroom door and launched herself towards their bed. She bounced with a bright smile on her face until her mothers stopped kissing and looked at her. "Hi." She said brightly. "I disruptin' somethin'?"

"Our sleep?" Olivia teased as she grabbed the girl and pulled her close while Alex pulled her tank top back down over her stomach. 

Allie giggled. "You wasn't sleepin' you were kissin'." 

"Well yeah that too." Olivia said as she tickled her daughter. Was this really her life? Was she really happy with a family? Did she really get to sleep beside a beautiful woman who she loved more then her own life, and who loved her in the same way? Did she really get to have this amazing little girl call her mommy and wrap her arms around her neck to hug her? Was there really a tiny baby created from her growing in her lover's womb? Who ever decided that it was alright for Olivia Benson to have the world, had her forever in their debt. 

"So what do you two have planned for the day?" Olivia asked as Allie settled, though still giggling, between her and Alex. 

"We're going shopping." Allie said before Alex could. "Mama needs maternity clothes, and I need a new baseball mitt, and Mama needs stuff for the pregnant lawyers yoga class."

Olivia looked at Alex and somehow managed not to laugh. "Pregnant lawyer yoga class? I thought it was just a maternity class." 

"Apparently there are several lawyers in the class but it's hardly exclusive." Alex huffed. 

Allie giggled. "That's not what you said when you found out. You said it was just your luck to get stuck in a class with a bunch of "damned defensive and corporate lawyer sellouts." and then muttered stuff under your breath that I can't repeat."

That did it, Olivia fell back against her pillows and laughed. 

"Allie," Alex warned, her own laughter showing in her eyes. 

Allie made an "opps" face and then smiled sweetly. "Sorry?" 

"I'll give you sorry." Alex teased as she reached out for Allie, but the girl squealed and before Alex could grab her was jumping off the bed and out the door. "When did she get so quick?" 

"When Casey started teaching her how to slide bases." Olivia laughed as she pulled Alex close again and kissed her. 

After breakfast Alex and Allie headed for their Saturday out while Olivia went off to serve and protect. Alex smiled a little as she thought about Olivia mumbling all morning about working weekends. There'd been a time when they'd both have willing given up their weekends to put in extra time, but now all that extra time had a better use. "I think we'll try for the mitt and yoga stuff first baby girl." 

Allie smiled brightly as she walked along side her mother, her hand in Alex's. She really didn't care what her friends said, she liked holding her mothers' hands. She liked getting hugs and kisses, and all the other stuff her friends said was babyish. She wasn't in a rush to grow up and she really didn't understand why her friends were. "Do you have the paper Aunt Casey gave you with what kinda mitt to get?"

Alex patted her jean pocket and laughed. "Yes baby girl, I got it. Don't worry we'll get the right one." 

Some of her confidence faltered when they got to sporting goods store. Alex had never seen so many baseball mitts in once place before. Though she'd always been physically active, the blonde a.d.a had never really been into the whole sports scene. Unlike Casey who was a down right jock, Alex preferred stuff like rock climbing, jogging and yoga. Pulling the slip of paper out of her pocket she unfolded it, glanced at Casey's neat curling handwriting, and then glanced up at the wall of mitts. Maybe she should have let Olivia handle this one. 

Allie looked up at her mother and laughed. "Here Mama," She held out her hand for the paper, her eyes and smile bright. "I'll get it, I know what to look for." 

"I'm glad one of us does." Alex laughed as she handed her daughter the paper. She followed close behind as Allie made her way down the wall towards the youth sized mitts. There was a real glow of pride in her eyes as she watched Allie pick out several mitts and start trying them on. "How do they feel baby girl?" 

"Good," Allie replied as she narrowed her choices to two and then down to the classic Rawlings mitt that looked just like her Aunt Casey's. "This one." 

Alex smiled, "Do you need anything else?" 

Allie smirked. "Batting gloves?" 

"Alright." Alex laughed. When her daughter's eyes were that bright and open it was hard for Alex to say no to her. Again she followed close behind as Allie made her way through the store. By the time they left the baseball section they'd not only gotten the mitt and gloves, but a softball mitt, mitt conditioner, cleats, several Easton® SKINZ Bamboo kids' short-sleeve crew shirts, and a gear bag. Nope, Alex thought as Allie bounced beside her, not spoiled at all. 

After getting what was on her list for her new yoga class Alex, with Allie's free hand firmly in her own, headed for the check out. She hadn't planned on getting all this stuff so they'd have to stop by the apartment but that was fine, they had the whole day after all. She was working out the agenda for the rest of the day in her mind when she heard her name called out from behind her. 

"Alex?" The man's voice questioned. 

Alex closed her eyes and sighed before turning. She'd known who it was just by the sound of his voice, and as she met Robert's eyes she wondered how she'd managed to go this long without running into him. "Robert." 

"Alex," The dark haired man said with an awkward grin. "You look…" He paused, his grin faltering as he took her in. He'd noticed her wedding ring, then the child who's hand was in hers, and then to the small bump. He blinked as he looked up at her again. "Married?" 

Alex nodded uneasily. "With children." 

Allie smiled at the man who knew her mother despite the fact that she could feel how uneasy he made her. "Hello." 

Robert blinked again as he looked down at the little girl. "Um, hi." 

"I'm Allison." The girl said offering her hand politely. 

The dark haired man that Alex had once been engaged too looked between mother and daughter before taking Allie's hand. "Robert." He replied and then looked up at Alex. "I don't get it, Alex. She's what six..seven…" 

"Nine." Allie corrected. 

"I knew you nine years ago." He went on. "You didn't have a…" 

"I'm adopted." Allie cut in again. She was getting use to running into people her mothers knew, who knew them way back when. They all got this kind of strange confused cat look on their faces when they tried to figure out where Allie'd come from. She figured she'd help them out before some grown up hurt themselves trying to put it all together. 

"Oh." Robert replied as he once again looked from mother to daughter. Only this time his gaze fell on Alex's bump and then shifted to her left hand again before he looked up at her. "I still don't get it." There was a flash of anger in his eyes as he spoke. "When you broke off our… when we broke…" He wasn't sure what to say with the kid standing there. "You told me you were a…" 

"Lesbian?" Allie offered which made Alex snort. Was this guy related to Mr. Steele or were all guys this weird? "She is." 

Alex knew she should say something about Allie verging on the edge of being rude, but she couldn't help it. She really got a kick out of it when her nine year old put grown men in their places. "I am." 

"But your married?" Robert said with a slight sake to his head. 

"This past winter in Boston." Alex replied. "She's an NYPD detective." 

"So you're pulling a Rosie O'Donnell?" He asked, an utter look of disbelief on his face. 

Alex smirked, "No. At no point in time have I ever made a play to take over the View." 

Allie giggled. 

Robert rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." Alex said rather coldly. 

Robert just shook his head. "You've changed, Alex. I didn't even know you wanted kids. You were always about the job and your ambitions. I can't believe you'd give that all up." 

"I haven't given anything up." Alex could feel herself getting defensive and it made her pull Allie closer in a protective way. "I still have my eye on the D.A.'s chair, but I've grown up, Robert. Life's to short and unpredictable to lie to yourself about who and what you are and what you want in life." 

He looked at her, really looked at her and then sighed. "You do look happy." 

There should be a club or a support group for the men that the young, ambitious, stupid Alex Cabot mislead on her way to the political life she'd once thought she wanted. "I am, Robert. I have a wonderful life, and I've paid my dues for it too." 

"Being dead must have been hard." He said lamely. "You're funeral was beautiful by the way. A lot of people missed you." He thought back, his mind picking out one person in the crowd that he'd barely noticed back then. "You're detective, she's with your old unit isn't is? A dark haired, dark eyed woman who looks like she could kick your ass without messing up her hair or breaking a sweat?" 

Alex smiled, her eyes bright at the description of Olivia. "Yes, why?" 

"She sat in the front with your mother." He replied. "She was trying to keep it together but she looked as if someone had ripped her heart out." 

Someone had. Oh, Liv, she sighed inwardly. 

"I should go." Robert said after running his hand through his hair. "It was good seeing you, Alex." 

Alex nodded. "Take care, Robert." 

Sitting across from her mama later that after noon at the Starbucks near their apartment, Allie watched her mother carefully while licking whipped cream off the tip of her nose. Then she asked, "Are you ok, Mama?"

Alex looked up from her green tea smoothie and smiled softly. "I'm fine baby girl." 

"You sure?" Allie asked before sipping her hot cocoa. 

"I'm sure." Alex replied as she used a napkin to wipe whipped cream off her child's face. "Why do you ask baby?"

Allie shrugged. "That Robert guy upset you earlier." 

Alex nodded just slightly. "Yeah, he did, but it's alright now."

"He use to be your boyfriend?" The girl asked carefully as she continued to watch her mother. Allie wanted to know all about her mothers and that included what they'd been like before she'd come alone. 

Again Alex nodded. "A long long time ago."

"When you use to think being gay was bad?"

That made Alex blink as her head jerked up in surprise. She wasn't sure how to reply to that. Sometimes Allie was just a little to observant. Finally she opted for the truth. "I didn't think being gay was bad as in something wrong, baby girl. I've always known I was gay, I just didn't always accept it. Back then, though, I did think it was bad for my career goals."

"Cause people might not want a gay district attorney?" Allie asked. "Because gay people scare people?" 

"Something like that yeah." Alex admitted. "There will be people out there who won't like me because of who I am, but there are fair more important things then what those people think."

"Like what?" The girl asked as she titled her head to the side. 

Alex smiled as she reached over to tuck a stand of blonde hair behind Allie's ear. "You and Mommy and the baby." 

That made Allie smile. She liked being part of the important things in her mother's life. 


	35. Chapter 35

Walking into the squad room Alex looked around for Olivia and frowned when she didn't see her. Glancing down at Allie who was standing beside her she wondered if she could catch Casey or Serena, but then remembered both women were in court which was the whole reason for bring Allie down to the station in the first place. Sighing she looked up again and scanned the room until she saw a familiar figure across the room. "Fin."

Fin looked up from the file he was looking through and smiled at the sight of his friend and goddaughter. "Hey Alex." He greeted as he came closer. "Hey kid."

Allie smiled, "Hi Uncle Fin."

"Where's Liv?" Alex asked as she looked at her wife's empty desk.

"Out on a call with El." Fin replied.

Alex swore under her breath and then checked her watch. "I have to be in chambers in fifteen minutes. I was hoping to leave Allie with her."

"I'll keep an eye on her until Liv gets back." Fin offered. He gave Allie a smile and winked at her before looking at Alex again. "She shouldn't be out much longer, and things here are slow so the kid'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked. She and Olivia trusted the guys with Allie, that wasn't the issue, it was the fact that neither of them really felt comfortable with their nine year old hanging out around the SVU squad room for any long periods of time. They never knew who or what would come through the doors or what would be up on the boards.

Fin smiled again, "Sure I'm sure."

"Alright." Alex finally replied after a long pause. At this point she didn't have much choice. She didn't know how long she'd be stuck in chambers so she didn't want to leave Allie alone in her office, plus she'd be to far from her office to be comfortable. Looking down at her daughter, Alex brushed hair out of her eyes and smiled. "Stick close to Mommy's desk and do what Uncle Fin says, alright?"

"Yes Mama." Allie said as she let her mother fuss over her.

"And tell Mommy to text me so I know she's got you ok?" Alex added before kissing her daughter's forehead.

Allie smirked. "Yes Mama, now go to court before Judge Petrovsky has a cow."

Judge Petrovsky is a cow, Alex thought with a smirk. She kissed Allie again and then thanked Fin before dashing off.

Allie kept herself busy reading comic books until her uncle was finished with his paperwork. She was sitting on Fin's desk learning to play chess when she noticed her uncle raise his head and look at the double doors. There was a woman standing there holding a little girl not much younger then she was. Allie could tell the woman had been crying, and she also noticed the bruises, bloody lip, and torn clothes.

"Stay here Als." Fin said as he got to his feet. He walked over to the woman and asked, "Can I help you?"

The woman looked terrified as she told Fin that the desk sergeant had sent her up. Allie stayed on her uncle's desk as she watched him usher the woman and the little girl into one of the interview rooms and close the door. Hoping down off the desk Allie went back over to her mother's. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the woman. Had she been attacked like Bubbe? She also knew that this was the main reason she wasn't allowed to spend a lot of time at her Mommy's work. Her mothers didn't want her to see this kind of thing, but they seemed to forget she'd already lived through it.

When she heard her uncle's voice calling out for one of the female uniforms, Allie's head looked up from her comic book. She watched as the woman tried to get the little girl to go with Officer Perez, but the little girl just clung harder to the woman. Getting up Allie walked over to where her uncle, the woman, and Officer Perez was. She looked at the little girl and smiled, "Hi." She greeted softly. "I'm Allie, what's your name?"

The little girl looked at the woman, the woman looked at Fin who nodded, and then she in turn nodded at the girl. The little girl for her part sniffled as she replied, "Tia."

"There's a playroom down the hall." Allie said easily. "I was gonna go play with the Bratz dolls, would you like to come play with me?"

The little girl looked at Allie for a long moment before she looked at the woman. "Can I Mommy?"

The woman nodded as she set the girl on her feet. "Sure sweetness."

Allie smiled as she lead Tia to the playroom. When they got there she asked Officer Perez if they could have a juice pouch, and then showed Tia the Bratz dolls. They settled in on the floor with the dolls and simply brushed their hair for a little while. Tia jumped when Officer Perez came back and Allie gave her a soft smile. "It's ok to be scared but you don't have to be. It's safe here."

Tia just looked up at her and blinked. After awhile she finally asked, "Why are you here? Did you do something bad?"

"Nope," Allie replied brightly. "I'm waiting for my Mommy."

"Did a bad man hurt her too?" Tia asked.

Allie shook her head. "No, my Mommy's a police officer, she's a detective. She finds the bad men and arrests them, and she keeps other mommies and kids safe from all the bad people."

"Will that man hurt my Mommy?" Tia asked as she set the doll down and curled into a little ball as she leaned her back against the couch behind her.

"What man?" Allie asked and then blinked. "Uncle Fin?" She shook her head yet again. "No, he's a detective too, he helps my Mommy keep people safe and get the bad guys. He'll help your mommy."

Tia had tears welling up in her eyes. "Will they find my sissy?"

Allie frowned. "Your sister's missing?"

The smaller girl nodded. "Antonio took her."

It wasn't the bustle of the room that first caught Olivia's eye as she and Elliot walked in to the squad room. It was the Hannah Montana backpack that was set up against her desk, and the Spider-Girl comic on her stack of blank fives. She was about to ask what was going on when the Captain and Fin walked out of the Captain's office.

"Hey Liv," Fin called out. "Alex dropped Allie off about an hour ago. She got called into Petrovsky's chambers."

"Where is she?" Olivia asked as she hung her leather jacket over the back of her chair.

Fin smirked. "In the playroom with a vic's kid. Moms didn't want to go into detail with the little girl around so we tried to get Perez to take her but she wouldn't let go of moms, so Allie offered to play with her."

Olivia didn't wait for Fin to say more. She headed right for the playroom, but when she got there she found the observation room door open and George inside. Stepping in she could see Allie and a smaller girl playing on the other side of the glass.

George looked over for just a moment to see who'd come in and then smiled. "She's been reassuring Tia that it's alright to talk to the police about what happened. I think Tia may now where Jada is."

"I just got here, George." Olivia said as she came up to the glass, her dark eyes fixed on her daughter. "What's going on?"

"Mya Jonson came in about twenty minutes ago to report she'd been raped and beaten by her husband-slash-pimp and that he took her oldest daughter, Jada. She thinks he's going to put her work. Tia," He pointed to the little girl. "saw him take Jada out of the building and shove her into a car."

Brown eyes blinked as Olivia looked between George and the girls in the window. "Are you telling me my nine year old is questioning a witness?"

George smirked, "Not officially, but she has been helping the girl relax and as she does she talks a little more." He turned to her still smirking. "She's a…"

"Don't say natural." Olivia huffed. "My little girl isn't going to be a cop."

That made the shrink in George raise a brow and Olivia's friend frown, but George decided not to bring it up just yet. "Allie's really been talking you up so I think Tia would be more comfortable if you were the one to talk to her."

Olivia just nodded then went over to the door and tapped lightly before going in.

Tia jumped and tired to hide behind Allie who smiled brightly. "It's ok, Tia." Allie said as she got up and went to her mother. Hugging Olivia around the middle she looked at the smaller girl. "This is my Mommy."

"Hey baby," Olivia greeted as she hugged Allie back and then looked over at Tia. "Hello sweetheart. I'm Olivia, is it ok if we talk?"

Tia looked at Allie so Allie nodded. "It's ok, Tia. You can talk to my Mommy, she wants to help find Jada." She gave her new friend a smile as she let go of her mother. "I'm gonna go ask Uncle Elliot for a popsicle. You want one?" The girl nodded. "Red, blue or purple?"

"Red." Tia replied as she watched Olivia closely.

"Mommy," Allie called out half an hour later after knocking on Captain Don's office door. "Mama's here, we're going home."

Olivia smiled as she went over to Allie and scooped her up into her arms. She held her daughter close as she carried her easily to where Alex was waiting. "You were a lot of help with Tia today, Allie-Cat." She said before kissing Allie's check. "I'm very proud of you."

Allie blushed as she shrugged a little. "I remember how scary it was when I had to tell you about the man who hurt Bubbe."

"Well I know having you around helped her feel better." Olivia replied as she set Allie on her feet near Alex.

"Are you gonna find her sister, Mommy?" Allie asked as she took her backpack from Alex.

Alex smiled softly. Allie had been filling her in on her evening with the SVU detectives and was just as proud of her as Olivia was. She also knew the issues this was going to bring up for Olivia. Her wife was dead set against their daughter even thinking about being a cop when she grew up. "They'll try baby girl."

Olivia nodded as she gave Allie her jacket. "We're going to do our best Allie-Cat. The information Tia gave us was a big help."

"Can I see her again?" Allie asked.

"I think she'd like that." Olivia smiled. "I'll speak with her mother and see what we can set up."

Allie smiled as she hugged her mother around the neck. "Be careful Mommy."

"Always baby." Olivia said as she hugged her daughter. She kissed Allie, then Alex, then watched until they were on the elevator before going back to join the guys.

Her mother hadn't come home that night and still wasn't home when she got up for school, but Olivia had called which made Allie feel a little better. When the final school bell rang Allie was more then itching to get home to see if her mother was there and if she'd found Tia's sister. She bolted down the school steps and looked for Mrs. Margolis but instead of finding her babysitter she spotting her mother. "Mommy!"

Olivia was tired as hell but she really needed to see Allie so she'd come to get her herself. "Hey baby." She said scooping the girl up. "Good day?"

Allie nodded. "Did you find her?"

"Yeah," Olivia said as she set Allie down and then took her head. "We did, and she's ok. She's in the hospital, but she's ok. Her mother and Tia are with her."

The small blonde beamed as she walked along side her mother. "I knew you'd find her, Mommy!"

Would her little girl always look at her with such awe? Olivia knew that at some point her knight's armor would tarnish and dull in her daughter's eyes, but she didn't want to accept it just yet. "I think we've both earned an ice cream. What'd'ya say Allie-Cat?"

Allie giggled. "Mama doesn't like us having ice cream before dinner and without her."

"What Mama doesn't know won't hurt us." Olivia said with a chuckle.


	36. Chapter 36

Sitting on the couch with Alex curled into her side, Olivia watched as Allie stretched out on the floor near the television. The little blonde was on her stomach, her chin in her hands, and her legs bent at the knee and in the air kicking slightly as she watched her favorite cartoons. As she watched her daughter, the little girl's head titled back in a sharp way so she could see the television, she couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked as she turned her head to look at Olivia.

"Watching t.v. like that was easier when we were her age." Olivia replied as she nodded towards Allie. "We had floor models, not wall mounts."

Alex got the sappiest smile on her face as she thought about a nine year old Olivia laying in front of an old floor model television watching cartoons or better yet Cagney and Lacey. "I always had to watch from the couch in order to see over Christian's head."

Before Olivia could reply their door opened and a voice called out from the entry hall. "Darlings."

"Grandmama!" Allie shot to her feet and headed right for Caroline who was coming into the room.

Caroline smiled as she hugged her granddaughter. "Hello princess."

"Mother?" Alex greeted from her place snuggled into Olivia. Normally she'd get up and greet her mother properly but she was just to comfortable to move.

"Hello darling." Caroline said with a chuckle. "No need to get up."

Alex smirked. "Wasn't planning too."

"We weren't expecting you until tonight Caroline." Olivia said as she watched the elder Cabot make herself at home. "But that's ok, you're just in time for chocolate chip pancakes at the diner."

Caroline pulled Allie onto her lap and wrapped her arms around the girl as she smiled at her other girls. "Actually darling I was hoping to have brunch here. Edna should be here shortly. She wanted to finish off a few things so all she'll have to do is heat things up."

That made Alex sit up and stare at her mother. Edna had been their housekeeper and cook since she was a little girl and was actually partly retired. The elderly woman pretty much just looked after her mother's condo in Yonkers, so if she was making a full scale brunch and bringing it into the city that could only mean one thing. "What are you up to, Mother?"

"Why Alexandra, what makes you think I'm up to something?" The elder Cabot asked as the youngest giggled on her lap.

"A life time of experience." Alex replied as she continued to meet her mother's gaze.

"Well it's nothing dastardly darling so you can stop glaring at me that way." Caroline replied with a huff that was very similar to the way her daughter huffed. "It just so happens that Jacqueline had some free time this morning and I've asked her to stop by."

Pricing blue eyes blinked before going back to staring. "Jacqueline? As in your realtor?"

Caroline nodded. "She likes to get a feel for the people she'll be working with so I though brunch here would be perfect. She'll get to see what you need and get a feel for your style."

"Mother," Alex said as she slowly straightened on the couch.

Before her daughter could protest Caroline held up her hand. "Now, Alexandra, don't fuss. In this market it could take awhile to find what you're both looking for, so it's best to start now. This apartment might do for now, but you must look further down the line."

Alex glared at her mother before relaxing a little and then turning her gaze to Allie. "Baby girl, why don't you get out of your jammies before Edna gets here, alright?"

Allie looked between her mothers and her grandmother before sighing. "You're gonna argue aren't you?"

"No, baby." Alex replied. "We're just gonna talk."

The little girl slid off her grandmother's lap and snorted. "Yeah, mmhmm."

Olivia had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing.

Caroline was rather amused as well and was smiling as she watched her granddaughter head off towards the bathroom. After she heard the click of the door closing down the hall she turned back to her girls. "Before you start let me ask you this; have the two of you been thinking about getting a bigger place?"

"Yeah." Olivia replied before Alex could. "This place'll work for now but we'd like something bigger, especially when this one gets bigger." She laid her hand on Alex's baby bump. "But there's time."

"Why wait?" Caroline asked. "Like I said, it could take a year or more to find a place you all like."

"Because we can't afford it." Alex huffed as she crossed her arms over her swelling chest. "After two IFV procedures, the price of sperm, the cost of keeping my eggs on ice, we simply can't afford to buy a place."

Caroline smirked in a very familiar way. It was the Cabot know-it-all look that Alex got when she knew she had a case in the bag. It was the same smug look Allie got when she knew she could do something and do it well. "I've been having a look at your finances and I think William and I have worked out a way…."

"You did what?" Alex asked, her voice raised a little. "Mother!"

Olivia put her hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed. "Easy, baby, your mother's only trying to help."

"I'm simply a less clouded pair of eyes darling." Caroline said firmly. She was giving Alex her own "Look", one that reminded the younger woman who exactly the mother was and who the daughter was, and that age of said daughter didn't grant her a free pass to such behavior. "You both have assets that pride or emotional ties won't allow you to see."

Blue and brown eyes blinked as both younger women replied, "Huh?"

"If the two of you used what's left in Alexandria's trust fund, money that hasn't been used since law school, and added to it using the money Olivia's mother left her, you'd have a pretty decent down payment." Caroline explained as she pulled an accordion folder from her bag and placed it on the coffee table. "You could then use what you get for this place to decorate the new place and re-pad your savings account."

Olivia looked at Alex before reaching out and picking up the folder. She opened it and took out the plans inside that laid out everything Caroline was talking about.

"There would even be enough to start a college fund for the baby and add to Allie's." Caroline went on. "Beyond that, you both have your investment portfolios to fall back on."

"I don't really have an investment portfolio, Caroline." Olivia said as she handed everything to Alex. "There's my pension, an ok retirement plan, and some savings bonds and such."

Caroline waved a dismissing hand at the younger woman. "Of course you have one darling. All my children have them. I started yours when I created Allie's trust fund."

"I have a trust fund?" Allie asked as she rejoined the adults. When her grandmother nodded she smiled. "Cool! I'm a trust fund baby!"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Allie." She warned as she pointed a finger at the girl. "That money is for your future."

Allie giggled. "I know. I just wanted to see that look."

Alex huffed. "What look?"

Allie laughed. "The one on your face."

Caroline laughed as she pulled her granddaughter close and pointed her own finger at Alex. "Alexandra, don't look so cross with her. She comes by her bratiness honestly."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Alex asked as she planted her free hand on her hip.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh. "I think your mother just called you a brat."

Alex scrunched up her nose and huffed.

Allie giggled and then turned to her grandmother to explain, "Hormones."

That made even Alex laugh.

"Alexandra," Caroline called out as she walked into her daughter's bedroom half an hour later. "Darling, you know I only want what's best for you and your family."

Alex sighed as she finished slipping on her favorite casual skirt. "I know Mother." She replied as she went back to her closet to get her sweater. "I guess you just kind of scared me."

"You've been taking some very large and scary steps in your life." Caroline replied as she came up behind her daughter. She put a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder and smiled softly. "I'm not so old that I don't remember what it was like being a new wife and mother with so much laid out ahead of me."

Alex bit her lip as she turned around slowly. "I've faced down rapists, murders, an entire drug cartel for God's sake, but none of that scared me more then thinking I'm going to screw all of this up."

"You're doing just fine baby girl." Caroline said as she tucked a stand of blonde hair behind Alex's ear.

Alex smiled and then teased, "So is this pay back for all the pushy crap Grandmother pulled with you?"

"You'd better believe it." Caroline teased back.

There was a moan from the doorway. "I'm doomed."

Alex looked over to see Allie standing there and laughed. "You'd better believe it, baby girl. We Cabot women have generations of meddling in our family line."

Allie groaned again and the remembered why she'd come to get them in first place. "A Ms. St. Clare just rang from the lobby. She's on her way up."

"Thank you darling," Caroline said. "We'll be out in a moment." Once her granddaughter was gone and they were alone again the elder Cabot turned to look at her daughter. "If you really don't want to do this I'll ask Jackie to leave."

Biting her lip again Alex thought it over for a few moments. She and Olivia had been talking about it. It hadn't gone past what they'd like if they did decided to move, so there weren't really any plans at all to even start looking into it. But now that it appeared they had a chance to at least explore, what harm could it do? "No, I don't think it would hurt to look in to it. But Mother," She warned after slipping her sweater on. "Olivia and I need to talk about this, it has to be our choice, so no more looking into our finances, no more setting up appointments with realtors or stock brokers or any of that. Alright?"

Caroline smiled softly. "Of course darling."

Why didn't Alex believe her?


	37. Chapter 37

The closer it got to the end of the school day the more antsy Allie got. She sat at her little desk tapping her pencil eraser on her math workbook as she watched the clock, willing it to be three-fifteen. At one point during her social studies lesson her teacher actually had to called out her name to get her attention.

"Is everything alright, Allison?" Miss Lewis asked as the class began to pack up for the day.

Allie looked up from putting her homework in her backpack and nodded. "Yes," She smiled brightly. "I'm just excited. My moms are picking me up so we can go to my Mama's doctor's appointment together. We're going to see the baby on the ultrasound machine."

The dark haired young teacher smiled at that. "That does sound exciting, I can see why you've been distracted all day but I need you to try a little harder to focus next week alright?"

Allie nodded. "Ok."

It took a lot for Allie to stay in line as her class moved through the hall towards the front door, but she didn't want to upset her teacher so she managed. She was whispering softly to Molly and Rachel as they made their way to freedom, and waved with a bright smile to T.J. as they passed his class. Outside on the lawn the small group of friends circled around each other to wait for parents, babysitters and nannies.

"It's so cool." Molly said as they all looked at Allie as she bounced on the balls of her feet. "I never got to go with my mom and dad when they went to the doctor when my mom was pregnant."

T.J. scrunched his nose. "Why would you want to?"

"To see the baby." Molly answered. "I got to see the picture they take, but it would have been cool to see it for real."

T.J. continued to make a rotten face. "Babies aren't all they're cracked up to be. They cry all the time. They smell. They can't really play until they're not baby babies anymore. All the adults fuss over them, forgetting about any other kid that might be around."

"That won't happen with my adults." Allie said with a huff as she put her hands on her hips. "My adults promised there'd always been time for me and that if I felt like I wasn't getting it then I should tell them."

The outnumbered lone boy in the group snorted. "They all say that but wait until it gets here. Your moms will spend all their time with it or sleeping, cause babies won't let anyone sleep. They cry all night long and most of the day too."

"I feel sorry for your little brother." Rachel said as she put a hand on Allie's shoulder while she glared at T.J.

"Why?" T.J. asked.

"Cause you're such a jerk." Rachel replied.

T.J. huffed. "You'll see." He looked at Allie with a look of pity in his eyes. "Having a baby around sucks."

Allie knew better then to listen to T.J. about anything, but she'd met his little brother Kevin. The toddler was a pain in the butt. Then again, Kevin, like T.J. was a Langan and that explained so much. She knew that things were going to change when the baby came, but surely they couldn't be as bad as T.J. was saying. Could they?

"Hey Allie-Cat!"

The little blonde looked up to see her mother standing by their car and smiled. She waved to let her know she'd seen her and then said her goodbyes to her friends. Running over to where her mothers were waiting she hugged her mommy before getting into the back of the car. She squeezed between the two front seats and kissed her mama's cheek before rattling off a hundred different questions about what would happen at the doctor's office.

Alex laughed. "Whoa, slow down baby girl. Sit back and buckle up and I'll explain everything ok?" As Olivia drove them to the medical center Alex told Allie about what would happen when they got their. She explained that she'd have to have blood drawn and that the doctor would checked her over and then they would get to do the ultrasound. There was no hiding the level of excitement in her voice as she spoke. They were going to see their baby for the first time and just the thought of it made Alex's heart race.

Allie held tightly to her mama's hand as they walked into the doctor's office. She looked around, taking in the other people and even a small play area before looking up at her mama as they approached the receptionist's window. "Are you sure I can go in?"

"Yes, we're sure." Alex replied before looking at the girl behind the sliding glass window. "Alexandra Benson-Cabot, I have an appointment with Dr. Kane."

The young woman looked at her computer screen and then smiled at Alex. "She's just finishing up with a patient upstairs, so she'll be down shortly."

Alex signed the billing papers the young girl handed her and then nodded. With Allie's hand still firmly in her own she lead her and Olivia over to a group of chairs in the waiting room.

"You should start thinking about your maternity leave." Olivia said as they sat in the waiting room.

"I know," Alex sighed. "But I really hate the idea of leaving things in Jim's hands. I wish I could talk Casey into taking it but she's happy where she's at right now."

Olivia smirked. "Good cause we really don't want to have to train another A.D.A."

That made the blonde raise an eye brow. "Train? Are you saying Detective that you and your cohorts trained me?"

"Well, no, not like that." Olivia replied as Allie giggled at her side. "We did have to learn to work together though."

Before Alex could reply, a middle aged redhead opened the door and called out, "We can get you set up now, Mrs. Benson-Cabot."

Alex gave Olivia a "you're lucky" look and then pushed to her feet.

Olivia grinned as she took Allie's hand. "Thanks Carol, I think you just saved my life."

The redhead laughed. "Opened your mouth without thinking again Detective?"

Allie giggled. "She's good at that."

Carol looked down at the girl and smiled, "I bet. You must be big sister Allie."

That made the nine year old beam. "Yeap, that's me."

"Ready to see your new baby brother or sister for the first time?" Carol asked as she lead the family down the hall and back towards the exam rooms.

Allie nodded so hard Olivia thought her head would snap off which made her laugh. "I think we've all been waiting for this."

Carol lead them into an exam room and then pointed to one of the chairs. "Well you'll all have to hold out a little longer. First things first, lets get some blood drawn to make sure everything's all nice and level."

"Haven't you figured out how to draw blood without using needles yet?" Alex moaned as she sat in the chair with the flip up desk that Carol was now setting down into place so she could rest her arm on it.

"Sorry, not yet." The nurse teased as she tied the rubber tie around Alex's arm.

Alex moaned and closed her eyes tightly as she took Olivia's hand and squeezed it. "I hate needles."

Allie was fascinated. She'd never really seen adults at the doctors before. Sure, she'd been around when hospice came to help look after Nana Dette, but that was very different. "It's ok Mama, we'll go for ice cream after. Nana use to say that double chocolate mint could put back all the blood the vampires in white lab coats could take."

That made all three adults laugh.

"Alright Mrs. Benson-Cabot," Carol said several tubes of blood and one Garfield band-aide later. "You can change in there," She pointed out a small bathroom. "and there's a sample cup in there too."

Half an hour later Alex was laying on the exam table as Dr. Kane was going over things from her last appointment. Allie was doing her best to be good and to not fidget to much, but now it was just torture. Why couldn't they get on with it all ready? She wanted to see the baby.

"So who's ready to see what this little person looks like?" Dr. Kane asked as she picked up the squeeze bottle full of jelly.

"Me!" Allie and Olivia said together. Olivia pulled the step stool over and helped Allie up so she could see the screen. She stood behind her daughter and wrapped an arm around her middle so she could keep her from falling. Her free hand she gave to Alex who took it and held it tight as Dr. Kane turned on the machine.

"This is going to be a little cold." Dr. Kane warned before squirting jelly on Alex's curving belly.

Alex gasped. "A little cold!?"

Dr. Kane laughed as she pressed the wand to Alex's stomach. "Ok, a lot cold."

All thoughts of teasing vanished as the screen flickered in black and white. The first time the doctor had done this she had to point out where the baby was, but at eighteen and half weeks the tiny Benson-Cabot inside his or her mama's tummy was very clear.

"Wow." Olivia whispered in awe as she looked up at the black and white image of their baby. "That's.. that's our baby.. That's just… wow…"

"It's sucking it's thumb!" Allie giggled as she pointed up at the screen.

There were tears in Alex's eyes as she looked at the screen. Blue eyes outlined the small head, arms, body, and legs over and over as if she were trying to burn the image into her mind. She half laughed half cried as she noticed that the baby was sucking it's thumb.

Leaning down Olivia kissed Alex softly on the forehead and whispered, "I love you." in her ear as they both looked up at the screen. Then she hugged Allie tightly as she smiled, tears welling her own brown eyes.

"We're looking at about seven inches which means little BC here has decided to stretch out those new legs." Dr. Kane said as she looked at the screen. She jotted down some notes in Alex's file and tapped at the machine's keyboard as she smiled. "Seven and half ounces from the looks of it and forming beautifully."

"It looks just like a real baby." Allie mused as she continued to look at the screen. She smiled as the baby moved a little as if the wand the doctor was using was bothering it.

"Sure does," Dr. Kane said as she glanced at the girl. "At this point the baby's all formed and now it's all about growing and getting stronger. It has hair, eye lids, finger and toe nails. It's breathing and sucking, and starting to move. He or she will start sleep cycles if that hasn't happened already, so now's a good time to get yourself on a schedule Alexandra."

Alex just nodded. She was having a hard time thinking of words. All she could think of was the very real baby growing inside her.

"We can also tell it's sex now." The doctor said as she looked at the family.

Alex shook her head. "We want to be surprised."

Dr. Kane nodded then turned the screen away for a moment. She jotted down a few more notes and then turned the screen back around. "Then lets get the baby's first pictures printed up and we're good until next month." She pressed a couple of keys and then looked at them again. "Between now and then you should be experiencing movement very soon. The baby's already moving but as it gets bigger this week and next you'll be able to feel it. This is the easy part of the pregnancy Alexandra, so use this time to prepare for what comes next."

Again Alex nodded.

Reaching over Dr. Kane took the sonograms out of the printing tray and handed them to Olivia.

That evening as Alex laid in bed looking at the sonograms she kept wiping tears off her cheeks as she smiled. She traced the baby's outline carefully with her finger tip and then placed her hand on her belly.

Olivia smiled as she approached the bed. She sat on the edge as she pulled open the top drawer of her nightstand. She bit her lip as she handed Alex a wrapped gift.

"What's this?" Alex asked as she took the present.

"Open it." Olivia replied.

Alex grinned as she tore off the paper and then gasped as fresh tears welled in her eyes. The frame was an aged white with mint green, pink, blue, and yellow footprints and the words "The first time ever we saw your face" under the little window. "Oh Liv."

Olivia smiled as she pulled Alex into her arms. "I know we're waiting to get any baby stuff but I just had to get it."

"It's perfect." Alex replied as she kissed her wife. Then she very carefully placed one of the sonograms into the frame and then placed the frame on her nightstand next to the framed picture of Allie. "It's even more real now, but I still can't get over the fact that we're having a baby."

"I know." Olivia said with a grin. "It feels like I've been given someone else's life by mistake. Like I'm stealing someone else's happiness, but I'm not, it's mine."

Alex kissed her again. "This is your life, Liv. Me, Allie, the baby, we're yours and we're not going anywhere."

Olivia smiled before kissing Alex in return. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I do." Alex replied as she slid her hand under Olivia's shirt. "And I love you too."


	38. Chapter 38

Sitting on the couch Olivia picked another folder up off the stack of folders that Jackie the real-estate lady had just dropped off. She had to admit she was impressed with herself. According to Alex and Caroline, Jackie had been in the business since her twenties and was no older then Caroline was. Over the years she'd become a top notch realtor, best there was, which explained why Caroline worked with her so often. But what impressed Olivia was the fact that she and Alex had managed to stump the old woman. Every time Jackie said Brooklyn or Queens or one of the other boroughs their reply had been Manhattan. They were bound and determined to have their cake and the city too.

"The prices really are cheaper in Brooklyn." Alex mused from across the room. She looked up from her laptop as she slid her glasses off. "Park Slope's listed as having a lesbian friendly neighborhood."

Olivia looked up from what she'd been reading and blinked. "Brooklyn's not Manhattan."

"I know." Alex sighed. She pushed to her feet and padded over to the couch to join Olivia. She took the folder from her wife and tossed it onto the coffee table before laying down and placing her head in the other woman's lap. "But I just can't see us affording a brownstone in Manhattan. We either need to give in on looking in the other boroughs or start looking at larger apartments."

"Apartments don't have yards." Olivia pouted. "I want the kids to have a yard."

That made Alex laugh. "Have you ever seen the size of a brownstone's backyard? They'd have more room to play on a rooftop garden."

"You can fall off a roof." Olivia pointed out. "And even small backyards have real grass."

Alex rolled her eyes and groaned.

Olivia smirked as she combed her fingers through Alex's hair. Quiet moments like this were few and far between with an active nine year old around, but were still possible because Allie was such an active child. Moments like this would be damn near impossible once the baby came, so Olivia wanted to make the most of them. Leaning down she kissed Alex softly as her hand found it's way under the blonde's top. With Olivia's kisses and roaming hands it didn't take long before both women were aroused.

Though her breasts were still tender they were no longer sore to the touch. In fact she rather enjoyed the new sensations she was feeling now and hoped that they would linger even after the baby was born. As she shifted on the couch so Olivia could get her jeans off she faintly registered the ringing of the house phone. She knew one of them should answer it but then she felt Olivia breath between her legs and her mind went all fuzzy. It wasn't until she heard Casey's voice over the answering machine that she snapped out of it.

"Alex? Liv? Someone pick up. Reenie and I are at St. Catherine's with Allie. Did you two know she was allergic to bees?"

Alex's heart stopped and so did Olivia's kisses. Both woman jerked as if waking from a nightmare. Olivia shot to her feet and snatched up the phone. "Casey, what happened?"

Ten minutes later the two of them were on their way to the emergency room at St. Catherine's. When they got to the nurses station Alex nearly yelled at the woman when she asked where Allie was.

It had been the scariest thing ever. One second she was playing in the park with her aunt and the next she couldn't breath. Allie hadn't ever really been hurt or seriously sick so she wasn't really sure what had happened. Her aunt Casey had seen the sting mark on her arm and then said something to her aunt Serena about a bee sting, but Allie hadn't felt it. It wasn't until she looked down and saw the angry red welt that she really began to cry, which was hard because her breathing had become labored. When they got to the hospital the doctors gave her a shot of something and it was making her sleepy, but she wanted her mothers so she kept fighting to stay awake.

"Baby?"

Allie opened her eyes to see her mama coming into the cubical and without understanding way she started crying. "Mama."

Alex went right over to her daughter and wrapped the girl carefully in her arms. "It's alright baby girl, mama's here now. You're ok."

"I am so sorry." Casey pleaded as she looked between Olivia and Alex.

"It's alright, Case." Olivia said as she put a hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "No one knew she was allergic to bees." There really was no need for their friend to feel bad, but Olivia knew she would and probably for awhile. "If you hadn't have had the epi-pen in your first aide gear…" Olivia stopped, squeezed Casey's shoulder and smiled weakly. "Thanks Case."

"Mama I want to go home." Allie whined as she clung to her mother.

Alex soothed back Allie's hair and kissed the crown of her head. "I know baby girl, but we have to stay for a little while so the doctor's can make sure the medicine they gave you is working."

"How long?" Allie asked as she yawned.

"Couple of hours baby." Olivia said as she came over and caressed the girl's cheek. "Why don't you close your eyes and get some sleep."

"I wanna sleep at home." The girl whined.

Olivia nodded her understanding. "I know baby. That's how I feel when I end up in here, but we gotta stick around and let the doctors do what they do so you can get better, ok?"

Allie whined a little but closed her eyes as she rested her head on Alex's chest.

It was late evening before they'd been allowed to bring Allie home. Casey and Serena had stayed with them at the hospital and then called shortly after they'd gotten home to make sure Allie was alright.

Coming out of the bathroom Alex spotted Olivia standing in Allie's doorway. She carefully slid up behind her wife and wrapped her arms around the older woman and frowned. "Baby, you're shaking."

"Just coming down, I guess." Olivia replied, her voice as low as Alex's so they wouldn't wake up Allie. "Seeing her in a hospital bed scared the shit outta me."

"Me too." Alex replied as she hugged Olivia tightly. "It was really unsettling."

Olivia closed the door, but not all the way, then took Alex's hand and lead her back into the living room. Sitting on the couch she pulled the pregnant blonde onto her lap then wrapped her arms around her. "Are you two alright?"

"We're fine." Alex replied as she placed Olivia's hands on her stomach before placing her own over Olivia's. "I guess there's no getting away from stuff like having to rush your kids off to the ER."

"All part of the whole package." Olivia agreed. "I'm just glad we know now. As soon as the pharmacy calls I'll head down and pick up the prescriptions."

Alex nodded, then laughed. "The girl at the counter looked at me oddly when I asked for so many epi-pens."

"One for her to keep in her backpack, one for her sports bag, one for my jacket, one for your purse, one for Casey and Serena to carry and one for Munch." Olivia laughed.

"Do you think we're over doing it?" Alex asked as she snuggled into Olivia.

Olivia shook her head. "When it comes to our children over doing it just isn't possible."

"She won't think so when she's a teenager." Alex smirked.

"Which is why I'm trying to find a way to keep her little." Olivia teased.

Alex laughed. "Need any help?"


	39. Chapter 39

Standing in front of the restored brownstone Alex kept looking up at it and then down at the file in her hands. Something wasn't sitting right and hadn't ever since Jackie had brought them the listing.

"So are we going in or are we just going to stand out here and pretend we know what the inside looks like?" Olivia asked with a playful smile as she stood next to Alex. Truth be told she was kind of excited about looking at the place. She'd never lived in anything but small Manhattan apartments and the thought of having a home in a real house, even if it was a row house, was just another step away from her past.

"I'm telling you Liv," Alex replied as they headed up the front steps. "There's something not right here."

Olivia took the key Jackie had given them out of her pocket and unlocked the door. Ok, she had to admit, she'd been thrown when they'd first pulled up to the house. It was clear that the brownstone had been recently restored, which didn't fit in with the asking price, which is why Alex had her pregnancy panties in a twist. "Lets just give it a look and then we'll worry, ok?"

Alex sighed as she followed Olivia inside. "Liv, it's a restored, updated, Manhattan brownstone in a really good neighborhood at a Brooklyn price."

"Which makes it fit into our price range." Olivia said as she continued to hold Alex's hand. She lead the blonde into the living room and then whistled. Hardwood floors, lots of window light, built in bookshelves, it was all laid out. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow, and it's going for a fourth of what it should be." Alex huffed as she headed off towards the dinning room and kitchen. The dinning room, like the living room had hardwood floors and lots of window light. The kitchen had been completely updated and so had all the bathrooms. There were four and half bedrooms, office space, a finished attic; all in all it was perfect. "There has to be something wrong with it. The electrical, the plumbing, rotten walls, something."

"Or maybe the owners just want to unload it?" Olivia offered as they stood in the master bedroom. "The file says it belonged to a woman who passed, her family let it get run down and foreclosed and then it ended up at auction."

"Bought up by a holding company, restored and updated and then sold just a month ago to another company who now has it on the market for way less then market value." Alex added in. "Something's not right. Casey worked white collar, I'm going to ask her to look into it."

Olivia nodded, a soft smile on her lips. She couldn't help but imagine the room decorated and the sound of kids playing downstairs. "El's brother is a contactor. I'll see if he won't come by and give it a professional once over."

Alex nodded. For now that's all they could do.

"We still have time left before we have to be back at work." Olivia purred as she kissed Alex's neck. "Got any ideas?"

Finally Alex smiled. She turned slowly in Olivia's arms then kissed her deeply before looking her right in the eye and saying, "Roast pork lo mien."

Olivia blinked. "Huh?"

"The baby and I want noodles." The blonde clarified.

The dark haired detective laughed. "That's not what I was thinking but what mama and baby want, mama and baby get."

A couple of days later Alex found herself in Casey's office listening to what the redhead had to say. By the time she left she was utterly pissed. Jumping in her car Alex called her assistant to tell her to cancel the rest of her day and then called Olivia to let her now she was going upstate. By the time she got to Yonkers she'd cooled down, but then she walked into her mother's condo. "Mother! Mother!"

"Really darling there's no need to bellow." Caroline said as she came out of her study. She walked over to Alex and paused. "You look upset dear, what's wrong?"

"You bought me a house behind my back!" The blonde huffed.

Caroline waved her hand dismissively. "I dabble in real-estate from time to time, you know that."

"You bought a brownstone that you knew Olivia and I would fall in love with and then had Jackie present it to us as if it were truly on the market." Alex wasn't entirely sure why she was angry. The only reason she could come up with was her need to do things on her own. She didn't want to relay on the Cabot money, she wanted to relay on herself, and now she had Olivia to relay on. This was their family they were trying to take care of and she didn't want her mother buying them a house.

"You wanted to remain in the city." Caroline said easily. "You and I both know that you'd have never been able to afford to. This was a logical compromise."

Alex crossed her arms and gave her mother "The Look" before biting out. "You tried to trick me."

"Yes, I did." The elder Cabot admitted freely as she crossed her own arms. "Because you're to stubborn to have accepted my help other wise. I helped your brother and sister get their homes, but you I knew would put up a fight. I've always admired you're independence, Alexandra, but sometimes you're just to stubborn for your own good."

"Gee," Alex sniped. "I wonder where I get that from."

"Alexandra Renee Benson-Cabot, don't you dare use that tone with me young lady." Caroline warned. "You have a family now, a child and one on the way with future plans for at least one more. You need your own space. A place you and Olivia can call your own, a place you can all call home. I'm simply helping you achieve that. Now, if you wish to discuss this like reasonable adults, Edna has prepared tea so you may join me if you'd like. If you wish to continue huffing and puffing you can do so elsewhere."

Alex really hated that tone of voice. It made her feel younger then Allie, especially when she was acting as if she were.

Olivia put Alex's well worn copy of Guilty Pleasures down as the blonde came into the living room. She watched as her wife kicked off her heels and peeled away her suit jacket before opening her arms to her. Once she had her love safe in her arms she asked, "How'd it go with your mother?"

Alex looked up at her wife and blinked. "How'd you know I was with my mother?"

"Talked to Casey. She was worried about how upset you were when you left her office." The brunette replied. "So?"

The blonde sighed as she snuggled. "Do you really like the house?"

Olivia nodded. "El's brother says if we don't take it we're idiots."

"If we don't she's still going to leave it on the market for that price." Alex said as she rubbed her nose against Olivia's sweatshirt.

That made Olivia smile as she played with her lover's hair. "Then we should take it before someone else snatches it up."

"We should take Allie over to see if she likes it." Sitting up the blonde searched her love's eyes. She could see some of her own emotions mirrored there. Fear, apprehension, hope, excitement. Maybe she was being selfish to deny her family this chance.

"How's tomorrow morning sound?" Olivia asked with a smile. "After pancakes at the diner."

Alex smiled softly, "Sounds good to me."

"Did someone say pancakes?" Allie asked as she suddenly appeared. Her smile was huge and bright. "I heard pancakes."

Alex laughed hard as she watched Olivia shoot off the couch and scoop their daughter up. A wife, children, a dog, a cat, and now a house. Alex was at a place in her life she'd have never imagined when she was younger, and she couldn't be happier.


	40. Chapter 40

As soon as they walked into the store Alex reached into her purse and pulled out her lists. Over the last several weeks she'd started compiling a list of everything they'd need for the baby, from furniture to clothes to bedding and dippers. They were still going to wait until closer to her due date to get the everyday things and clothes, but Olivia had made a point about figuring out how they wanted to decorate so she'd agreed to order furniture and bedding. They'd also decided that while they were at it they'd let Allie pick out a new bedroom set. Alex had held out on buying the brownstone until she'd seen Allie's eyes light up. Once she'd seen that she knew she couldn't refuse the house.

"So do we pick something neutral?" Olivia asked as they looked at all the bedding samples. "There's an awful lot of brown."

Alex shook off her internal thoughts and scanned the different displays. "We could pick two. One for a boy, one for a girl, and then have Casey or someone pick up the right one after the baby's born. We can use neutral colors on the walls."

Olivia nodded as she went over to a jungle themed setup. It was a lot of browns, creams, and dark yellows. She scrunched her nose and moved on. "White furniture?"

"I think we should go with one of those new cribs, the ones that turn into a toddler bed and then a twin." Alex called out as she looked at a red and black Asian panda display. Then she moved on but paused when Olivia didn't reply. "Liv?" Turning she scanned the area for her wife, frowning when she didn't see her. "Olivia?"

Sneaking up behind her wife Olivia reached around her and jingled a little plush baby with light brown hair, big brown eyes, and a white terry cloth robe with the Johnson's baby lotion logo on it. "Yes, Alrex?" She replied in a sweet little baby's voice. "Did you want someting?"

Allie giggled when her mommy baby giggled.

Alex smiled though she tried to look cross. "I was asking about cribs."

"Oh cribs are very cozy." Olivia said in her baby voice as she continued to dangle the doll. At the look on her wife's face Olivia cracked up. "Isn't it cute?" She asked in her normal voice. "It comes with this whole baby message thing."

"That was a great voice Mommy." Allie giggled. "Do the giggle again." When her mother did, she laughed even harder.

This time Alex laughed too. "Come on you two. We have a lot to do today."

An hour later they'd picked out a white crib set that included matching changing table, dresser, hutch, rocking chair, bedside table, mosses basket, and bassinet. They went with a lavender lacey Victorian theme for a girl and the Baby Snoopy set for a boy and then had them put on hold. After taking paint sample cards from each display Alex checked off most of the baby's list. Then they moved on to the kid's section.

"Any idea what you're looking for baby girl?" Alex asked.

Allie wandered through the different displays with one arm across over her stomach while the opposite elbow rested on it. She tapped her lips thoughtfully with her index finger and she hummed. She wanted something a little older, something more big sister-ish, not so babyish. After about fifteen minutes she narrowed it down to three choices.

"I like the butterflies and dragonflies." Alex said with a smile as she rested her hand on the small of her back. She'd gained more weight and was really starting to feel it.

"The pinks and yellows are pretty." Olivia added. "We could do the walls in yellow strips."

Another fifteen minutes later and Allie had picked out a very classic but dark furniture set which would be set off by the pink and green striped bedding set she'd picked out. To all of that she added matching wall mounts of dragonflies, a painting of butterflies, picture frames, and huge letters that spelled out her name.

"Are you sure about the black furniture?" Olivia asked for the hundredth time as they walked through the park after going to the paint store. Personally she liked the stuff Allie had picked out, but it was so much older then what she had now and she didn't like the idea of her baby getting older.

Allie sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Mommmm," She whined. "I'm not a baby any more. I need older stuff now. Besides, it's not to grown up, I still have lots of little kid stuff too." She smiled at her mother and then caught sight of one of her friends from their building. "Oh, I can I go say hi to Georgiana?"

"Sure baby." Alex said when she noticed the look on Olivia's face. "But only for a few minutes, I'm really tired and we still need to have dinner."

"Ok." Allie replied before dashing off.

Once Allie was out of hearing range Alex turned to look at Olivia who'd lost a little color. "Liv?" She said softly as she put a hand on her wife's arm. "Baby you ok?"

Olivia's lip quivered as she watched Allie in the distance.

"Liv? Baby?" Alex tried again and then turned Olivia so she could see her. "Baby what's wrong?"

"She called me mom." Olivia replied in a broken hearted little girl voice.

Alex looked confused for a moment before it dawned on her. It had always been mommy, not mom, ever since the first day Allie started calling them by those names. "Oh baby." She said softly as she wrapped her arms around her wife. "We knew things like that would start happening."

Olivia huffed. "I don't see her calling her ma instead of mama."

Before Alex could huff out a rely Allie came running towards them with two other little girls. When they were standing right in front of them Allie smiled as she said, "Mama, Mommy, this is Georgie's cousin Kelly. They want to know if it's ok if I come over later to play."

Both Alex and Olivia blinked in surprise. It wasn't that Allie was asking permission to go to a friends, it was the fact that she was using sign language, at least a little, as she spoke.

"What?" Allie asked when she noticed the look.

"You're signing." Alex replied. "Well, kinda, anyway."

"Well, yeah, Kelly's deaf." Allie replied as she used the sign the for the girl's name, which she'd just learned, and the one for deaf.

Olivia blinked. "When did you learn to sign?"

Allie titled her head and shrugged. "I dannaknow. Amy's been teaching me when she's with Uncle John."

"Amy?" Olivia asked. Na, couldn't be the same woman.

"Yeah," Allie replied as she looked at her mother oddly. "You know, Uncle John's girlfriend. She's really nice, and funny, and she makes Uncle John smile. She use to be a doctor, but now she's like Aunt Serena, she's an adocate."

"Advocate." Alex corrected.

Allie rolled her eyes. "That's what I said."

Olivia's jaw dropped. Munch had a girlfriend? He was holding out on them? He was dating the wacko suicide doctor? What the hell?

Allie looked between her mothers before asking again, "So can I go to Georgie's later?"

Alex turned away from watching Olivia's expression and then nodded. "Sure baby girl, but after dinner ok?"

The three girls beamed as Allie replied, "Ok."

"So you wanna explain that look at the park?" Alex asked later when they were alone in front of the television.

The thought of John dating the wacko suicide doctor made her frown. "Just before you came back we caught a case that we thought was a rape case. Turned out the victim was covering up for her own attempt at suicide. Amy Solwey, helped the woman. She'd "helped" a lot of people through her website before she was convicted and sent to prison."

"Is she the one John tried to get to accept a kidney from Casey's black market body part case?" Alex asked as she snuggled against Olivia.

Olivia nodded, still frowning. "I knew he took to her but not enough to like like her."

"She did her time, Liv. You can hold her past against her, not if John's willing to let it go." Alex said carefully. "I think it's good that he's seeing someone. It's better then him completely giving up on love."

"Who said he loved her?" Olivia huffed.

"Who said he doesn't?" Alex asked back.

Olivia reached for the phone. "You're right. I'm going to call and…"

Alex snatched the phone from her wife's hand and then used it to point at her as she gave her a look. "Olivia, don't you dare. John will tell us when he's ready, until then butt out."

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. She was making to such promises.


	41. Chapter 41

The clock on her nightstand said it was three o'clock in the morning. What the hell was she doing awake at three o'clock in the morning? Alex groaned and tried to find another comfortable position so she could go back to sleep, but then what had awaken her in the first place happened again. It was the oddest feeling, so much more then the small movements she'd been feeling. Much more then a twist or a flutter, no this was a full blown kick. Blue eyes went wide and bright as Alex placed her hand on the spot where the baby was kicking, and then she felt the tears as she smiled.

"Liv!" She called out as she reached over and started to shake her wife awake. "Liv wake up!"

Olivia moaned. "Tell Cragen to stuff it I'm sleeping."

Alex giggled happily as she grabbed Olivia's hand and placed it on her stomach. "Liv! Do you feel it?"

It took a moment but then Olivia rolled onto her back and opened one eye. When she felt the second thump she sat upright. "Whoa!"

Alex laughed brightly. "Those are some strong legs."

A lopsided goofy smile appeared on Olivia's face as she continued to feel the first solid movement of their baby. "Whoa."

"Yeah," Alex laughed before leaning in and kissing Olivia passionately. She'd been feeling the baby move for awhile but this was the first time she could share it with someone on the outside.

Olivia pressed her body as flush against Alex's as she could manage with the baby belly, but then jumped back when she got a kick to the gut. That made her crack up before pointing a finger at Alex's belly. "Now look here BC. She may be your mama but she's my wife. No interference."

Alex watched as Olivia leaned in and kissed her stomach. She smiled at the light in Olivia's eyes, and then grinned as Olivia's kisses traveled up her body until their lips met again. She could feel herself being pushed back against the pillows and sighed happily at the warmth of Olivia's hands as they explored her body. She knew this really wasn't helping with the whole keeping a consistent sleeping schedule, but at the moment she really didn't care.

When Alex walked into her office later that morning she still had a bright smile on her face. The baby had settled down after she and Olivia had engaged in their early morning activities, but had become active again while she was taking Allie to school. Allie's eyes had gone as wide as dinner plates when she felt the baby kick and as soon as she'd gotten out of the car she yelled at her friends, who were across the lawn, that the baby was moving and she got to feel it. Alex couldn't help but laugh at the way the girls had gone all gooey and T.J. just scowled. The look had worried her and she was hoping that the boy wasn't filling Allie's head with crap about new babies, but so far Allie's behavior had been pretty normal. She and Olivia had been trying to keep Allie involved and they made time to talk with her, so she was hoping the changes that were going on would go through smoothly.

"Alex," Jim huffed as he barged into the office. "We need to talk about how you reassigned your cases."

Alex looked up from her morning review and frowned at him. "What about the way I handed out my cases?"

Jim helped himself to the chair in front of the blonde's desk. "I think you should give the Barnes case to Rossi."

"And why should I do that?" Alex asked as she leaned forward as best she could. It was slightly more difficult to look menacing while pregnant, but she was managing. "Why the sudden need for me to give your girlfriend a long list of cases? I already handed her two."

A burst of anger flashed in Jim's eyes. "I don't think that Desmond if right for the Barnes case."

"His track record speaks for it's self and his political insight will be an asset." Alex replied as she stared at the man sitting across from her. "I didn't just throw people's names into a hat, Jim. I gave my active cases to the people who I felt could win them. I've worked really hard to get everything lined up so I could spend my maternity leave focused on my children and not worrying that this place is going to hell in a hand basket. So stop trying to poke holes in what I've done."

"You don't think this bureau can run without you?" Jim asked, his voice cold and low.

"I think they can do just fine without me." Alex replied, her voice was just as cold as his was but what really dropped the temperature around them was the cold stare she was giving him.

Jim stared right back. "You don't trust me."

"You're to willing to play it soft and safe for McCoy's sake." She didn't see any point in lying. She hated the fact that Jim would be running her show was she was gone.

"And you just can't seem to stop proving yourself." He huffed back. "There's no reason to take the risks you do."

There was a bit of growl to Alex's voice but it still somehow sounded soft. "I've already proved myself, Jim. It's why I'm in this office, on this said of the desk, with my name etched into the door. I worked my ass off to get here and I did it in the deepest, darkest trenches this office has to offer, and I did it without needing to kiss anyone's ass."

"God I miss the D.A's office." Serena groaned later that weekend as she and Casey sat with Alex and Olivia in their living room. "I'd've loved to seen Steele's face."

Alex smirked as she curled her legs under her the best she could. "You should have seen it when Allie was the one telling him off."

Casey laughed, "They call her Mini-Cabot."

"It's the glasses." Olivia added as she laughed along with Casey.

The women continued to laugh and tease until Serena brought up wanting to give Alex a baby shower. She and Casey had been after the blonde for weeks. "Fine," Alex finally gave in. "Go ahead, but try not to go over board and don't make it to lame."

Olivia sighed, "Finally!"

"I just wanted to be cautious." Alex huffed.

"No, I meant the show is starting." Olivia pointed to the screen. "All the lesbian cackling is great, but now it's time for Jennifer Beals in a bra so shut up."

"Should I be jealous?" Alex teased as she curled into Olivia's side.

Olivia snorted. "You're the one who's seen Flash Dance a million times."

Alex smirked, "Mmmm, your right, Beals in her underwear, time to shut up and watch."


	42. Chapter 42

The apartment was done up in pinks and blues since they weren't sure if the baby was a boy or a girl. There was a table full of gifts and one full of food and drinks. Up beat and at times really silly music played in the background softly so it wouldn't wake up Little El. The guys had all stopped by but none of them had stayed long. Baby showers were just to girly for the macho men. It had taken about a month of planning and frantic emailing, calling, and text messaging, but both Casey and Serena were more then please with how it all turned out. Along with the usual crew of Kathy, Caroline, Alex's sister Meredith, Sally, and themselves; they'd also managed to get Liz and Melinda to come, and even Abbie came down from D.C.

"Who decided it would be a good idea to let the nine year old play DJ?" Serena asked as she watched Allie giggle near the stereo.

"Better question is, which one of you two owned the Spice Girls CD in the first place?" Abbie teased as she glared at Olivia and Alex.

Both Alex and Casey pointed at Olivia.

"What?" The brunette asked as she watched everyone stare at her in different degrees of shock. "Sometimes you just want to listen to something off the wall to unwind."

Serena blinked and then cracked up laughing. "I now have this image of Benson dancing around her apartment alone singing along to wannabe."

It was hard but Alex managed to keep any kind of readable look off her face. Somehow she didn't think her wife would like it much if she let on that the rough and tough Detective Benson sang corny songs in the shower.

A very light blush appeared under Olivia's dark eyes. She glared at Serena as she huffed, "Yeah, well, someone in this room owns not only several ABBA records, but can sing the enter score from the Little Mermaid."

The room filled with feminine laugher as Serena threw a cheese cube at Olivia. The laugher got louder as Arthur the blonde tabby cat snatched up the cheese and ran for safety. It felt good to just relax and hang out with their friends. In another month all of their time would be focused on the baby and Allie and grown up conversation would be hard to come by.

"Aunt Kathy," Allie said as she came over to join the adults. She'd been weaving in and out of their space all evening, mostly because most of the stuff they'd been talking about made absolutely no scene to her. "Elie's awake. Can I play with him?"

"Sure sweetheart." Kathy said as she headed towards the port-a-crib. "Why don't we spread a blanket down so you can play with him on the floor?"

"She's going to be a natural big sister." Caroline observed as she smiled brightly at her granddaughter.

Alex smiled as well, "We've had a few melt downs, but over all she's handled all of this really well."

"Just keep in mind that once the baby gets here things will change." Kathy said as she rejoined them. "It's a lot different when the're inside rather then living, breathing, and crying outside."

Meredith laughed, "Zander tried to sell Caitlyn on eBay."

"Meredith put an intentional stamp on your head and set you outside by the mailbox." Caroline added as she sipped at her drink.

Blue eyes went wide and then blinked as Alex looked over at her sister. Meredith, like Alex, had blonde hair, which she kept cut short. She was slightly shorter then Alex, and her eyes were hazel rather then blue, but it was clear the two were sisters. "You tried to mail me?"

Meredith laughed even harder as she nodded. "To China."

Alex stared at her sister in shock and then just shook her head. "Gee, I love you too sister dear."

"You don't think Allie would…" Olivia cut off her own question as everyone looked over at Allie.

She could feel eyes on her and when Allie looked up she saw all the adults staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing." The group chorused and then started to laugh.

Allie blinked, shrugged, and then looked down at her baby cousin. "Lesson number one El. Adults are really really weird."

Several hours later after a ton of food, pink and blue cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, and every possible baby gift under the sun the gathering had trickled down to Olivia, Alex and they're two closest friends.

"You guys don't have to stick around." Olivia said as she shoved stuff into a trash bag.

"We're not going to leave you to clean all this up." Casey said as she glanced over at Alex who was laying on the couch with a sound asleep Allie. "Since it's oh so clear you'd be doing it alone."

Alex stuck her tongue out at her friend. "I'm pregnant leave me alone, and Serena, if you touch that cup cake your toast."

The blonde smirked at her friend, "And what, oh large one, are you going to do about it?"

"Max! Attack!" Alex called out and then laughed as the dog simply lifted his head and then flopped down again.

"I think guarding Little El wore him out." Olivia laughed.

Alex let out a tired laugh as well.

When everything was cleaned up and Allie tucked into her bed the four women sat around the living room talking and unwinding. "Really you two," Alex said as she smiled brightly at their closest friends. "This was amazing, thank you."

Olivia nodded her agreement. "You two out did yourselves." Her bright smile shifted easily into a teasing grin. "We'll have to repay you when you two start your family."

"Yeah," Alex piped in. "When are you two going to start a family? You've been together longer then we have." She watched the other blonde and redhead closely and quickly picked up on the look they'd hastily exchanged. "What? What was that look? You gave each other a look…"

Casey looked at Serena again before looking at their friends and blushing. "Well, we kinda sorta started looking at our options, and we kinda sorta started looking into adoption agencies."

"That's great!" Olivia beamed.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Alex asked.

The two women shared another look. This time Serena replied, "We didn't want to over shadow you two."

"Besides, we've just started looking into things." Casey added. "It could take years before anything actually happens."

Olivia suddenly started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked as she poked her wife in the side.

"Did any of you ever see this coming?" Olivia asked them. "The four of us, two couples sitting around talking about babies and families and all this normal life stuff?"

"Not me." Casey replied with a shake of red hair.

"Me either." Serena agreed.

Alex smiled, "Why shouldn't we be like this? We all do our part out there making the world somewhat better, why not take a little of that for ourselves?"

"Cause Liv's a cynic." Serena snorted.

"Not anymore, not really." Olivia defended herself. Yeah, there had been a time when she expected the floor to give out from under her every time she took a step, but she didn't expect doom around every corner anymore. She was still overly cautious, that came with her line of work, but life had become a whole lot brighter since she'd gotten Alex back and Allie came into her life.

"Alex's right," Casey started.

"I like hearing that." Alex cut in, her eyes bright and a goofy smile on her face. "What am I right about?"

"That we've all put in a lot and gone through a lot," Casey picked up after sticking her tongue out at the blonde. "We should enjoy the good stuff when it comes along."

Olivia nodded her head as she drew Alex closer and held her a little tightly. "None of us had it easy getting here. We had to fight and face our fears to get our relationships put together."

"Yeah," Serena glanced at Casey and then smiled softly as she brushed at the redhead's hair. "But it's all been well worth it."

"Oh yeah, so worth it." Olivia agreed before leaning in and kissing Alex.

Allie rubbed her eyes as she padded out into the living room. She was thirsty and wanted a glass of water but as she stepped into the living room she stopped short. Her tiny nose scrunched at the sight that greeted her. Her mothers were on the couch kissing. Her Aunt Casey was in her Aunt Serena's lap kissing. "Ewwwww!"


	43. Chapter 43

The courtroom was quite as Alex heaved herself out of her chair. She was huge and since the baby had turned and dropped, mobility was harder then ever. In all honesty she really should have been at home, but she just couldn't hand this case over to any of the others. It was a sexual assault case, it was her specialty, her passion. She'd gotten the case just before she'd officially gone on maternity leave and was the only one she'd been working. She felt more tired then usual at the end of the day, but she'd managed to get through the trial just fine. She had one more witness to question and closing arguments and then she could completely leave the legal world behind for the next three months. Hopefully, with one less sexual aggressor on the street.

"Professor Connerly, you have said several times that the events that took place that day were consensual." She began as she waddled towards the witness box.

"They were." The thin nervous looking man answered.

He was about to add more to that but Alex cut him off. "Say we believe your testimony over that of Miss. Copperfeild's, lets say it was at the beginning consensual. Lets say she did come to you and ask to be forced over your desk and stuck with a belt before having her jeans forcibly removed just to have the beating continued before you rap…."

"Objection!" Trevor Langon called out from his table. "She's giving us her closing your honor!"

"Is there a question in there somewhere Ms. Cabot?" The judge asked.

Alex nodded, "Yes your honor." She turned those icy, hard, blue eyes on the man. "At any point during those events did Miss. Copperfield say the word no?"

"We were playing.. Saying no it part of…"

"Did she say the word no?" Alex asked again. "It's a simple yes or no question Professor Connerly."

The man swallowed, "Yes, but we were…."

"Did she at any point ask you to stop?" Alex asked, "Did she in fact…" Alex hesitated a moment. She felt the slightest bit of pressure in her stomach, but just as quickly as it had appeared it was gone, so she went on. "beg you to stop? Repeatedly?"

"Yes, but…"

"Do you know the meaning of the word no, Professor? Are you familiar with the meaning of the word stop? Please? Please no more, please stop, please no?"

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn." Alex shot out. She continued to question him for several more minutes before returning to her table. After the defense rested the judge called for a one hour recess before closing arguments. Alex didn't say much to Potter who was her second chair, but instead gathered her things and went right to her office. She eased into her chair and put her hand on her stomach. It really hadn't dawned on her, but she'd been feeling this pressure on and off for about a week. She just thought it was because the baby had turned, she also figured that was why she was going to the bathroom even more, but this feeling of pressure was different somehow.

"Hey Alex?" Potter stuck his head into her office. "You ok?"

Alex nodded, "Just needed to catch my breath and rest for a few minutes. I'll see you back in court."

The young man nodded, hesitated a moment, but then left.

Her mind went over everything. For the last two weeks she shifted from being tried to bolts of energy which translated into her 'nesting'. She was either at the apartment or the brownstone, cleaning, decorated, getting everything just right. Three days ago she'd started having really bad back pains, and this morning she'd found a stringy brown mucus in her underwear, it wasn't bloody just kind of brown and sticky so she didn't think much of it, it was the mucus plus….. "Shit" She whispered as her eyes went wide.

Back in court Alex sat behind her table listening to Langan give his closing argument. She was preying that she could hold out until this was over, then she'd call Olivia. She could still have days, but then again… Alex had to swallow down the gasp, the pain was sharp, sudden, and then gone. She looked over her shoulder quickly and spotted Munch and for the first time in a two weeks she'd been glad Olivia had sent babysitters. She scribbled a quick note on a blank piece of paper.

"Ms. Cabot," The judge said to get her attention.

She hadn't noticed Langan take his seat. Alex looked up at the judge and nodded as she folded the paper and slid it to Potter before standing. Stepping out from behind the table she began her speech while watching Potter getting Munch's attention and handing him the note.

"What's the matter Pete?" Olivia said coldly as she pushed the crime scene pictures into the perp's line of sight. "Can't standing to see your own work." She and Elliot had been working on the guy for over an hour and he was nearly ready to crack. Elliot had stepped out of the room when they realized Ol' Pete was more scared of her then him. Pete was just about to open his mouth when there was a knock on the window. She ignored it.

"Detective," Cragen said as he opened the door and stuck his head in. "Now."

Olivia was pissed and it showed. Once the door was closed she turned and glared, "What the hell, Cap? I almost had him!"

"Munch just called." Cragen said evenly. "Alex thinks she's in labor."

Her mind stopped working and Olivia was frozen in place for moment before the panic set in. "Where?"

"Courthouse." Elliot said from the doorway. "Come on, Fin and Lake can finish Pecker Pete. I'll get you there."

"Why is she still at the courthouse? Why hasn't Munch taken her to the hospital?" Olivia asked as the three of them and Fin walked towards the elevator.

Cragen smirked, "She was still giving her summation when he called."

Olivia groaned and rolled her eyes while Fin laughed. "That's our girl!"

As soon as the gavel banged and the judge was up and on his way to his chambers, Munch was at Alex's said. "Are you alright?"

Alex nodded as she let him help her up. "I haven't had a contraction since before I started my argument. Did you call Liv?"

Potter blinked, "Contraction? You're in labor?"

The blonde A.D.A nodded as she put her things in her case and slipped her glasses off. "Since this morning I think."

"Alex!" Munch huffed.

She glared at him, "Don't give me that look, John. I'm fine. Now, did you call Liv?"

"She's on her way here." Munch replied as he helped Alex out of the courtroom.

"Good." She replied as calmly as she could. On the outside she was Alexandra Cabot, Ice Queen of the Manhattan District Attorney's office. On the inside, she was freaking out. "I'll need my bag from the apartment and someone will have to stay with Allie. Mrs. Margolis is with her right now."

"Don't worry, Alex, we'll hand…."

"ALEX!" Olivia yelled as she took two even three steps at a time. "ALEX!"

It took a lot for Alex not to melt and crumble, to let her emotions wash over her like a tsunami at the sight of her wife, but she managed. "It's alright, Liv. I'm fine."

"They said you were in labor!" The brunette said as she took up Alex's other side. She wrapped her arm around the blonde protectively, her heart racing, and a look on her face that dared anyone to get in their way.

"I am," Alex said easily as they made their way down the marble stairs. "But it's fi…oooh."

Olivia's heart stopped when Alex stopped and groaned, her hand going to her belly. "Baby?"

"Contraction." The blonde gritted out.

"Lets get her to the car," Munch said.

Olivia nodded, "Elliot's waiting."

They were at the bottom of the stairs when Liz came rushing towards them. She was still in her robes. "I heard one of the prosecutors was in labor, I figured it was you."

Alex smiled, the pain from the contraction fading. "What can I say, I'm dedicated."

"Insane is what you are." Liz scolded. "You should have been at home." She looked at Olivia. "What can I do?"

Her mind was racing, "Call Casey? She'll know what to do."

Liz nodded and then smiled, "Get her out of here before she had this baby on the courthouse steps."

With Olivia on one side and Munch on the other, Alex got into the blue police issue sedan. This was really happening. She was really having the baby. In a few hours she would be holding the tiny little part of Olivia she'd been carrying around inside herself for the last nine months in her arms. She was excited, scared, and a little panicked. The brownstone wasn't ready yet, they were half moved out of the apartment the other half in various arrays of packing. They weren't ready!

"Hold on tight." Elliot called out as he stuck the police light on top of the sedan and then hit the siren.

Liz must have gotten a hold of Casey because when they arrived at the hospital they were expecting them. Alex was helped into a wheelchair and then she and Olivia were taken up to the maternity ward, while Elliot and Munch were directed to a waiting area. Alex was taken right to one of the warmly decorated rooms in the maternity ward and then helped into a gown. She was laying on the bed trying not to have a complete freak-out until she and Olivia were alone.

"Dr. Kane will be right in." The nurse said before smiling and leaving.

Once alone Alex looked up at Olivia, big blue eyes locking with soft browns. "We're not ready Liv! We still have so much to do!"

"It's alright baby." Olivia said softly as she sat on the edge of the bed and brushed at Alex's hair. "It's not like we have much choice right now, but don't worry, we'll get it all together."

"But I'm not due for another week!" Alex was nearly in tears now.

Olivia leaned down and kissed her cheeks. "First pregnancy remember, two week window of possibility. This is why I wanted you to hand this case over to Potter, but you pulled it off baby, you got the case in and now you're gonna have our baby."

"I'm scared, Liv." Alex whispered.

"So am I." Olivia replied as she rested her forehead on Alex's.

Several minutes later Dr. Kane came in and began to examine Alex. Neither women dared to breath until she was finished. "It's official, your in labor." The older woman smiled as she pulled the gloves off and tossed them. "You're only partly dilated, so we still have some time, and it doesn't look as if your water's broke so you'd best get comfortable."

Casey slipped in just as the doctor was leaving. "Trying to beat Kathy out for the most dramatic labor and delivery?"

"No," Alex laughed, "She has that in the bag."

"Speaking of bags." Casey held up the duffle bag she snagged from her friend's apartment and the sat it on a chair. "Reenie's got Allie, and your mother's on her way. Elliot called the house to let them know you all made it here. So everything's covered, no worries."

"Thanks Case." Olivia said as she continued to cuddle Alex.

Casey smiled, "Anytime. Allie wants you to call her."

Alex nodded as she reached for the phone at her bedside. She smiled when her daughter's voice came over the line.

"Mama?"

"Hey baby girl." Alex said softly. She could hear the hint of fear as well as excitement in Allie's voice and she really wished she could hold the girl.

"Aunt Casey said you're in the hospital, that you're having the baby." Allie said almost breathlessly.

"I am," Alex nodded even thought Allie couldn't see her. "I'm ok, though. The doctor said everything looks really good and in a few hours we'll have a brand new baby."

"I want to see you." Allie pleaded. "Please."

She needed to hold her little girl so Alex agreed, "Ok baby. See if Aunt Serena will being you down, but you can only stay for a little while."

"AUNT REEENIE! WE CAN GO!"

Alex held the phone away from her ear and flinched. When she brought it back to her ear she heard Serena's voice.

"Alex?"

"I'm here." Alex replied.

"You sure it's ok to bring her?"

"Yeah," The blonde replied. "The doctor said this could be a long wait."

"Ok, we'll be right there."

She wasn't in a delivery room yet so Alex was still allowed visitors. Elliot and Fin checked in on her, Cragen had called, and her mother had arrived. She'd had another contraction, which was stronger then the last one, but still tolerable.

"Are you sure we should be walking around?" Olivia asked as she helped Alex down the hall. They'd walked to the end of the long corridor and were now on their way back to the room.

"Yes," Alex replied as she shuffled along in her hospital gown, robe, and blue slipper socks. "Dr. Kane said it helps with contraction pain, warms the muscles up and such."

Olivia smiled, "Alright, just don't have the kid in the hall. I don't think I could catch it, maybe I should get Casey to bring in her mitt."

Alex rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Mama!" Allie yelled out as she ran down the hall towards her mothers and then stopped short. She wanted to hug her mother but wasn't sure if she should.

"It's alright baby girl." Alex said, seeing the uncertainly in her baby's eyes. "Come here." Allie ran to her and carefully wrapped her arms around her as best she could. Alex wrapped her own around Allie and closed her eyes. She needed this, she needed to feel her child in her arms, to know everything was really alright.

"When's the baby going to come, Mama?" Allie asked after they'd returned to Alex's room.

"Soon baby girl." Alex replied as she held her daughter as best she could. "These things take time."

Allie nodded, "I didn't think it was ever coming out."

Olivia laughed as she leaned against the hospital bed. "Could be worse ya know. Elephants are pregnant for two years."

That caused Alex to groan. "Remind me to tease you when you're the one in this bed."

Alex felt that now familiar pressure that meant a contract was coming so she'd told Allie she had to go with Serena and Casey now and that she'd call her as soon as she could. She'd kissed her daughter's forehead and held her tight before finally letting the girl go. Allie was reluctant to leave but didn't really have a choice so she left the room with her aunts. The three of them went to the waiting area where they found Munch and Elliot talking to Caroline.

Caroline turned and smiled, "Oh good, Cassandra, Serena, I need a favor dears."

Casey held back a flinch. No one called her Cassandra but Alex's mother, even her own mother only used it was she was ticked off at her. But Caroline Cabot seemed to have something against nick names, she insisted on calling everyone by their full name with the exception of Cragen and Artie Branch. "What can we do?"

"I've been on the phone with the painters and their willing to work through the night to finish the brownstone." Caroline explained. "The boutique will be delivering the children's furniture, which Elliot will be putting together for us with the boys' help, but it's coming from their warehouse. I need you girls to go to the shop it's self and pick up the bedding sets."

"Grandmama, we don't know what the baby is yet." Allie pointed out.

Caroline smiled, "I've spoken with Dr. Kane and informed the shop of which set we'll be picking up." Opening her purse she took out one of her credit cards and handed it to Casey. "Make sure the set includes every last detail, wall trimmings, decorations, everything."

Casey glanced at the older woman then over at Serena who just shrugged and the over at Elliot who gave her a 'just do it - there's no winning' look. Then she looked back at Caroline as she took the card. "Ok."

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Olivia asked as she brushed back blonde hair that was becoming damp with sweat. The last contraction had been the most intense yet. "Because I do, and I always have, and I always will."

Alex was trying to catch her breath but smiled weakly. "I love you too baby, but if you don't stop cooing at me I'm going to hurt you."

Olivia laughed until she saw the look on Alex's face, then she wasn't quite as sure that her lover had been joking.

"Lets see where we're at." Dr. Kane said as she came into the room. She slipped on a pair of gloves and examined Alex again. When she resurfaced from between Alex's legs this time she smiled brightly. "Lets get you into a delivery room Alexandra, it won't be much longer. Olivia, lets get you changed into some scrubs."

Twenty minutes later Olivia found herself sitting behind Alex as the sweat drenched blonde pressed against her. It was a lot like how she supported Kathy in the back of the ambulance, but this was so very different. It wasn't just the setting or the lack of drama, it was the fact that it was Alex. Olivia had always known that Alex was an amazing woman, but watching the woman she loved push and pant as she delivered their baby, it was beyond words. It broke her heart to see Alex in so much pain, and yet her heart lifted and soared with each push. "You're doing great baby."

Alex grunted as she fell back against Olivia's strong body. This was harder then she'd ever imagined. It really was like passing a watermelon through the eye of a needle. "I'm tired, Liv."

Olivia took the damp cool cloth she had in her hand and wiped Alex's face with it. "I know baby, but we're almost there."

"I need a really big push on the next contraction, Alexandra." Dr. Kane called up to her.

Damp blonde hair that wasn't plastered to Alex's face waved as she shook her head. "I can't."

"Sure you can baby." Olivia said softly. "I know you're tired and you hurt, but you can do this. Just a few more pushes."

"I can't!" Alex replied.

Olivia kissed the side of her wife's head. "You can do it, Alex, you can do it because your Alexandra Renee Benson-Cabot and you can do anything when you set your mind to it. You've taken on drug cartels and won. You've stared down nine year olds having temper tantrums and come out on top. Hell, you put up with me, there's uncanny strength in that alone."

"Liv…" Alex hissed as another contraction came on.

"What?" Olivia replied, expecting to be called corny or sappy.

Alex grunted. "Shut up!"

"We have crowning," Dr. Kane said as Alex pushed. "Come on Alexandra, we're almost there, keep pushing."

"I am pushing!" Alex bite out as she bared down. She felt like she was being pulled inside out, but then just as she felt as if she were going to tear apart there was a sudden lightness. Her heart was racing, pounding from the excretion, her breath coming in great heaving gasps, and yet it felt as if she were frozen perfectly still. Then she heard it, the most amazing sound in all the world, her baby's cry.

Dr. Kane smiled as she eased the rest of the baby out. "It's a boy!"

Tears welled in Alex's eyes. They had a son. Those tears ran down her cheeks when the doctor placed the squirming blood and placenta covered baby on her stomach. She reached out to touch him and her heart felt as if it would burst. He was so tiny, so perfect.

"Come cut the cord, Olivia."

Olivia was in shock. Big brown eyes locked onto the squalling baby as she moved towards the doctor. So tiny, so strong, so clearly the very best of who she was nurtured by Alex into perfection. She made sure to pay close attention to cutting the cord and then watched as the nurse took the boy off to be cleaned up and to do the normal sight tests they did on newborns. When they brought him back over he was wrapped in a blue blanket. "My god."

Alex took her son from the nurse and held him close to her chest. She sniffled, cried, and smiled all at the same time as she lifted a tired and shaking hand to trace his small perfect face. "We have a son, Liv."

"He's beautiful." Olivia breathed.

"Hello handsome," Alex said softly to the baby in her arms as he began to settle into her arms. "We've been waiting a long time for you."

Olivia smiled, tears running down her cheeks. She kissed Alex's temple before reaching out and tracing a finger over the baby's face and then his tiny hands. "Happy birthday, little man."


	44. Chapter 44

Olivia sat perfectly still as she watched her wife and their newborn son as Alex laid in her hospital bed breastfeeding him. It was the most angelic and oddly erotic sight she'd ever seen. It would take a couple of days for his complexion to really set in, but it was already obvious that his skin tone would be close to her own, and his hair was going to be dark. His eyes, for now, were newborn blue but they were a dark blue. Olivia really hoped they'd stay that color.

"You're staring again." Alex said when she looked up from watching their son suckle.

A very light blush colored Olivia's cheeks. "You're beautiful."

"It's him, he's perfect." Alex replied as she returned her gaze to the baby.

"Because you are." Olivia countered. She got up and went to stand beside them. She titled Alex's head up and kissed her before leaning down and kissing her son's head. "I can't wait for Allie to meet him."

"They're on their way." Alex replied with a smile. Her son, her handsome, beautiful, son. It was still hard to believe.

Olivia held his tiny hand in her own and her heart pounded. He was so small, but healthy and strong. He was a solid six and half pounds and just shy of twenty-one inches in length. He reflexively curled his hand around her finger tip and she felt fresh tears burning her eyes. "Are we sure about the name?"

Alex nodded. It had taken some talking into, but in the end her suggestion had brought tears to her rough tough detective's eyes. "It may be a mouth full when he's in trouble, but he's an angle so that won't happen a lot."

She went back over to where she'd been sitting and finished filling out the birth certificate and social sectary forms. With that done she went back over to her wife and son just as a knock sounded on Alex's door. She smiled brightly knowing who it was. She'd told the guys about the baby but they'd wanted Allie to be the first to meet her new baby brother. She waited until Alex had covered up and then called out, "Come in."

Allie pushed the door open and stuck her head in. "Mama?"

Tears stung Alex's eyes as she looked up to see her daughter's bright face. "Come in and meet you brother, baby girl."

Allie came into the room and walked carefully over to her mother's bed. She stepped up onto a step stool that her mommy placed by the bed for her and then looked down at the small baby in her mama's arms. "He's so small." She said softly as she looked at him. A slow smile began to light up her face, her blue eyes began to sparkle as she reached out to touch him, but then she hesitated.

"It's ok," Olivia said with a smile. "You can touch him, he won't break."

Reaching out Allie brushed at the thin black baby hair on her brother's head. "Hi," She said brightly. "I'm your sister."

Alex knew it was gas, but why break the spell? "He smiled, I think he knows you baby girl."

That made Allie beam. "Welcome to the family…" She paused and then looked at each of her mothers in turn. "What's his name?"

Now Alex was the one beaming. "Oliver."

Allie giggled brightly. "Welcome to the family, Ollie!"

Olivia laughed and groaned at the same time. She'd never thought she'd end up one of those parents with cutesy matching names for their kids, but here they were. "Allie and Ollie?"

Alex beamed, "Sounds good to me."

"Me too." Allie replied as the baby took her finger. She smiled again. He was really little and although she knew she wouldn't really be able to play with him yet, she hadn't expected him to be this little. He kind of looked like one of her dolls. It was strange, she'd just seen him and yet she knew she loved him. "I'm gonna be a good big sister, Ollie, I promise."

Olivia wrapped her arms around the little girl and hugged her tight. "He's gonna be a good baby brother too."

"What's in the bag baby girl?" Alex asked, her throat tight from emotion. She'd met a lot of kids in her life, but none of them were as sweet as Allie and she didn't just believe that because she was her daughter. Even before they'd taken her in, Alex had felt that the girl was something special.

Allie smiled as she reached into the bag from the baby shop. She pulled out a very soft, very fuzzy teddy bear. "I got this for the baby."

"It's perfect," Alex said as she took the bear and placed it near the baby as he snuggled in her arms.

"I bet it'll be his favorite toy." Olivia added as she kissed the top of Allie's head. "He got you something too."

The girl looked surprised and blinked. "He did?"

"Yeap," Olivia replied as she went over to her ever present leather jacket. She reached into a pocket and pulled out a long pink box with a white ribbon. She glanced at Alex who was smiling, her eyes as bright as their daughter's. "Here ya go Allie-Cat."

Allie took the gift, looked at it and then looked at her mother. "You know I know it was you and Mama right?"

Olivia stuck her tongue out at the girl. "Just open it smarty pants."

The small blonde giggled. She pulled at the white ribbon and then opened the box. Bright blue eyes went wide as Allie gasped. Inside the box was a pearl bracelet with her name in little silver blocks. Dangling from the clasp was a small cat holding a heart with the words 'Big Sis" engraved on it. "Oh, it's so pretty!"

Reaching out Olivia took the box and removed the bracelet. She then put it on Allie's arm and then kissed the top of her head. "Very pretty."

Allie wrapped her arms around her mother, "Thank you Mommy!" Then she went back over to Alex and hugged her too, though she was very careful because of Oliver. "Thank you Mama, I love it."

"We're glad baby girl." Alex beamed. "We just wanted you to know how much we love you."

"I love you guys too." Allie said as she fingered her new trinket.

"Knock knock." Casey called out as she poked her head inside the room. "Um, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold back the masses."

Alex laughed. She was tired as hell, her body had never been so sore, but she wanted to share her son with their loved ones. "It's alright Casey. Come in and meet our son."

Casey smiled as she walked in. She was followed closely by Serena, Caroline, Elliot, Cragen, Fin, and Munch.

"Nice work." Fin said as he looked at the baby in Alex's arms.

Munch nodded his head in agreement, a huge grin on his face. "Mazel Tov."

"Hey there little guy," Elliot said as he stood near Olivia.

"What's his name?" Serena asked as she smiled down at the baby as she waved her fingers at him.

Alex looked at Olivia and smiled. His first name had been what she'd needed to talk Olivia into, and she'd agreed as long as she got to pick his second middle name. The only name both women had been sure of without argument or negotiation was his first middle name. For Alex, he'd been her first real ally and had over the years become a very close friend and confident. For Olivia, he'd become the closest she'd ever get to a father.

Olivia nodded and then looked at their extended family. "Oliver Donald Alexander Benson-Cabot."

A small, honored smile appeared on Cragen's face. He looked at both women before giving the slightest of nods of approval.

She'd been worried but as soon as Olivia saw his face, saw how much the gesture meant, she relax.

Allie beamed as she added, "We're calling him Ollie."

Elliot laughed. "Man, and you teased me about the world getting another Elliot Stabler. Now it has not only another Olivia Benson, but another Alex Cabot too."

"We're doomed." Serena teased and then hid behind Casey to keep Olivia from smacking at her as she laughed.


	45. Chapter 45

It wasn't until they turned north that Alex realized they weren't heading towards the apartment. Her attention had been solely on her children. She watched as Oliver slept in his car-seat and as Allie watched as the city passed by her window. It was an unbelievable feeling to be bringing their son home. Having Oliver, holding him in her arms, it was both thrilling and a little sad. When she held her son she thought about everything she and Olivia would get to share with him, all those firsts she couldn't wait to put in his baby book. But then that would make her think of all the firsts she and Olivia had missed out on with Allie. As they made their way through the city she made a mental note to call Sally and ask if Allie had a baby book. Why hadn't she thought of that sooner?

"Serena," Alex finally said as she watched the buildings pass. "The apartment's the other way."

"I know." The other blonde smirked.

Alex sighed. She glanced over at Olivia who just shrugged. The brunette looked just as confused as she did. Then she looked at Allie who was smirking. "Allie."

"Mama." Allie said brightly.

When it was clear the nine year old wasn't going to give up anything more Alex sighed. "I don't know what you guys have planned, and it's not that we're not grateful, but I really just want to get home. I'm tired and Ollie needs to get settled in."

"We're taking you home." Casey said from the front seat. Green eyes met blue in the rear-view mirror and all Casey did was smile.

Before Alex could protect further they turned onto the street where the brownstone was. She looked at her daughter who's face was even brighter then it had a moment ago. There was defiantly something up. "Alright, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything Mama." Allie replied with all the innocents in the world. "I've been staying with Aunt Serena and Aunt Casey."

Alex put a hand on her hip as best she could in the back of mini-van Serena had rented to bring them, and all the stuff she and Ollie had gotten in the hospital, home "What are you three up too?"

"Nothing," Casey replied with a smirk. "We're just taking orders."

"From who?" Olivia asked.

Casey pointed out the front windshield. Standing in front of the brownstone was Caroline, a big bright smile on her face.

Alex huffed. "Figures."

After they pulled up to the house Olivia helped Alex out of the van and then went for Ollie and his car-seat. She smiled down at her son as she stood there holding the handle of his carrier/car-seat/stroller. He was asleep and couldn't see her, but she had a feel he still knew she was beaming at him.

"Welcome home sweethearts." Caroline beamed as she carefully hugged her daughter. She kept her arm around Alex as she smiled brightly at Olivia, Allie and the baby.

"Mother," Alex said in a level voice. She didn't want Oliver picking up on any negative emotions. Not that her emotions were negative, if her mother had done what she thought she'd done she'd actually be grateful. It was just that she was still tired and sore and couldn't be held accountable for her mood. "What did you do?"

Caroline patted Alex's arm and then steered her towards the house. "I simply made sure your home was ready for you when you got here."

Alex and Olivia shared a worried look as they headed up the steps to the front door of the brownstone. They wanted to decorate the place themselves so it would be as much them as they could make it. Alex loved her mother, but their tastes were so very different. She held her breath in the entryway, but then let it out in an awed sigh when they walked into the living room. It was exactly how she and Olivia had planned it.

Olivia's mouth feel open. The place looked almost exactly like it had in her mind. The living room and entry had been done in what Alex had called a romantic style. It had actually surprised Olivia when Alex started sounding like an interior decorator, but her never-ceases-to-amaze wife simply explained her talent away by saying she'd had to much extra time on her hands in witness protection. The walls were done in an extremely light mocha color and covered in framed pictures. The sofa and chairs were a creamy colored leather, over stuffed and unbelievably comfortable. She just knew there were many nights to come where she'd come home from work and fall sleep the moment she sat down. The room's color came from pillows, curtains, nick-knacks and other things that had been placed on tables and shelves. The room as a whole was very warm and welcoming.

One of the pictures on the wall caught Olivia's attention right away. It was a black and white photo of her mother that she'd taken in high school for a photography class she was in. She reached up and traced the black frame with he finger tips as she looked into her mother's eyes. It had been a very long time since she'd seen the picture.

"I hope you don't mind darling." Caroline said as she came over to stand beside Olivia. "Meredith found it while she and I were packing up the apartment. It's really rather good." She paused a movement before adding, "Your mother was a striking woman."

"She was beautiful," Olivia said and then added so only Caroline could hear her. "at times." She caressed her mother's image and turned to look at Caroline. "Thanks. It's hard to remember sometimes that it wasn't all bad."

Caroline smiled as she hugged the girl. "I have something to show you later."

Olivia looked at her oddly but the older woman didn't say a word, so she rejoined the tour of her house.

The dinning room was done in a pretty rose color with white trim and furniture that was just slightly darker then the hardwood floor. A long hutch sat against the wall along with a drink stand. The dinning set was set on a cream colored rug who's oriental design was done in the same rose color as the walls. The kitchen, unlike the dinning room which was more traditional and the romantic living, was very contemporary, modern, and bright.

"Come on!" Allie said brightly as she grabbed her mommy's hand since her mama was holding Ollie. "I wanna show you the bedrooms!"

Alex was caught between tears and laughter. When she'd sketched this all out, she'd never expected it to be so close to how she'd imagined. It made her wonder if her mother had had professorial help. Alex laughed, of course she had professorial help, she was Caroline Cabot after all. "Ok baby girl, lets see the upstairs."

The first place Allie took her mothers was to her room. The walls were done in a very pale sky blue with picture fames and dragonflies the same colors of her bed spread hung on them. Her furniture was black which actually set off the color of the walls and the pink and green bed spread. There were framed posters from Wicked and Marry Poppins, as well as one of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and Máiréad Nesbitt. One wall had framed pictures of her and her favorite Wicked actresses, as well as autographed pictures and playbills. It was such a little girl's room even with the baseball gear which was neatly hung on the wall by the closet.

"Oh baby girl," Alex beamed as she walked around. "It's great. Do you like it?"

Allie nodded in that neck snapping way that only little girls could do. "I love it."

Olivia moved over to the bed and blinked at the three framed items above it, then she laughed. "So I take it there's a huge hole in the wall at the apartment?"

"What?" Alex asked as she came over to see what Olivia was looking at. Above Allie's bed, just below her name which hung in huge letters, was the portrayal of Olivia's badge that Finn had done on her wall at the apartment. Next to the framed chunk of plaster was a framed pair of Alex's black framed glasses, and next to it was the picture of Allie and Ollie that they took when she came to see him the first time in the hospital. "Who's idea was this?"

Allie beamed, "I wanted Mommy's badge so Uncle Elliot cut it out of the wall for me. It was Grandmama's idea to frame it and your old glasses."

"I figured since your prescription changed it would be alright." Caroline added.

Alex sat on the bed after handing Oliver to Olivia, and then pulled her daughter into her arms and hugged her tight. "It's perfect baby girl."

The nursery was next. The walls were a sandy color with green trim that matched the baby Snoopy border that ran all the way around the room at window level. Everything from the wall decals to the clothes hamper was done in the green and blue baby Snoopy theme they'd picked out. There was even a tiny little chair in the corner, and matching lamp on the night stand. Blankets, rugs, picture frames, even the mobile was all baby Snoopy.

"So what do you think Ollie?" Olivia asked as she held the baby close to her chest. "Do you like it?"

Alex came over and wrapped her arms around Olivia so she was supporting her arms, and there by their son, with her own. "We'll take your silence as a resounding yes."

Their bedroom had a warm Tucson feel to it with a matching bathroom. A little piece of luxury in the middle of Manhattan. After checking out their room, Alex took Ollie back into the nursery to breastfeed him and Allie took Casey and Serena outside to scope out the yard.

It was the oddest feeling to have an actual house. Alex would finally get to play in a garden, Allie would have a yard and lots of room, and so would Max, they had an office set up downstairs to keep the kids out of their work, and apparently since Alex had her gardening Caroline had decided Olivia needed hobby space as well.

"So what do you think?" Caroline asked as they stood alone in a small room in the basement that Caroline was having converted into a darkroom. "It's not quite finished because I'd only decided to do it when I saw the photographs we found."

"I don't know what to say, Caroline." Olivia admitted. "It's been awhile since I've done anything like this."

Caroline smiled, "You and Alex will find there are times when you need alone time. I thought this would work for you."

Olivia hugged the older woman. "I'm not use to people thinking of me like this, thank you."

"I meant what I said when you married my daughter, Olivia." Caroline said as she hugged the younger woman. Pulling back a bit she kissed Olivia's forehead. "You're very much my daughter now, so you should get use to having someone to take care of you, to fuss with you, and nag you."

The brunette laughed, "I think I'd like that, even the nagging part."


	46. Chapter 46

Burning charcoal and the smell of burning meat filled the brownstone's backyard. Music played from a portable CD player on a small table near the small wood deck off the backdoor, another fold-out table was placed to the other side and held bowls of chips, bags of buns, paper plates and other backyard barbeque must haves. Alex sat under the patio umbrella with Kathy, Serena, and her sister. Her bright blue eyes watched the back door carefully waiting for Casey to come back out with her son. When the screen door finally opened it was Allie, not Casey who came out.

Alex watched her daughter as she carried one of Olivia's vitamin waters over to Dickie who was sitting on a lawn chair still looking very pale. "Is he going to be alright?"

Kathy looked up and over at her son and laughed, "He'll be fine. I think he's still a little shocked."

"He didn't have a clue what a bris really was did he?" Serena asked as they all looked over at the pale teenager and the attentive nine year old.

"He knew it was a Jewish religious ceremony, but I think he might have thought it was more like a christening." Kathy replied.

It had been eight days since Ollie's birth. Alex, Olivia, Allie, Ollie and the rest of their extended family had spent the morning participating in a combined religious ceremony at the gay-friendly synagogue that according to Caroline "just happened to be in their neighborhood." Their new Rabbi and Allie's great-uncle, Father Brendan, presided over the combined Bris/Christening of their son. On the Christian side of things Alex and Olivia had asked Elliot and Casey to be Ollie's godparents. Both women had to admit that for such a good Catholic boy Elliot had been nothing but supportive of them from almost the get go, and this was their way of showing him how much his support meant to them.

For Allie it had all been different. After her adoption had been completed they'd done a sort of non-denominational kind of thing that had left the girl with three godfathers and two godmothers. Ollie would have only two of each. Along with Elliot and Casey he had John as his Kvatter and Sally as his Kvatterin. It really had been a remarkable thing to see when Sally had taken Ollie from Alex in order to hand him to John. Sally really had come a long way since her attack and subsequent stroke.

Ollie had been dressed in a white linen and satin tux like outfit that morning which had really set off his pale olive skin, dark hair, and darkening blue eyes. Alex was almost certain that by the time he was a year old his eyes would be a stunning midnight blue. It had only been the closest knit extended family at the service, so they'd all crowded around the small basin used for the Christening and then spread out a little more for the Bris. They were all still close together however so Dickie had gotten a good look at the actually circumcision and nearly passed out.

"I think someone has a crush." Meredith said laughingly as she watched Allie and Dickie from across the yard.

Alex blinked away her memories from that morning and glanced over at her daughter. She smiled as she laughed, "God, don't say that in front of Olivia." She chuckled as she glanced back at the door. Ollie had made it through the whole morning without spitting up on his little tux, but ten minutes in the little pale blue sailor's outfit she'd gotten him for the barbeque and he needed to be changed again. Casey had volunteered since Alex had been helping Allie out of her dress and Olivia had starting bickering with Elliot on the best way to start the grill fire. "Allie let it slip that she thought the boy down the street was cute, now the poor kid can't even walk his dog past the house without Olivia giving him a death glare."

The four women were laughing when Casey finally joined them. She had a bright smile on her face as she cradled her godson in her arms. "We're all set." She said as she handed the baby back to his mother. "Allie picked out the outfit."

"There's my little man," Alex said softly as she cuddled her son close to her chest, then she laughed carefully as she looked at his outfit. He and Allie were both wearing Yankee shirts and navy blue shorts.

"Hey, where's the Mets sleeper I got him." Meredith asked lightly.

Casey smirked as she sat on Serena's lap. "At the bottom of the pile under all his Yankee's stuff where it belongs." She teased.

"If you two are going to start fighting over sports I'm going back over to male side of the yard to discuss what color we should paint the beck so it matches the brick." Olivia said as she walked up to the table. She stepped up behind Alex and leaned over so she could kiss her wife's cheek while lightly caressing her son's with her finger tips.

"I'm ok now, Allie." Dickie said with an embarrassed laugh. "Thanks for the water."

"You're welcome." Allie said brightly.

"Hey you two," Fin called out from near the house. "We're headed to the park to shoot some hoops you two wanna come?"

Allie's eyes lit up. She glanced over at her mothers and yelled, "Can I?" When her mama nodded she grabbed Dickie's hand and started pulling him along.

Meredith laughed, "See I told you it was a crush."

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "What crush? Who has a crush? On who?"

Alex groaned. "Mere," She hissed. "I told you not to do that!"

Meredith laughed again, "Opps."


	47. Chapter 47

The clock in the living room chimed twelve o'clock and Allie practically jumped to her feet and ran for the stairs. It was Wednesday, she loved Wednesday. All the new comic books came out on Wednesday and the best part of her week was going to the comic shop in Time Square to get her favorite books. She went upstairs to get her mama and smiled brightly when she found her in Ollie's room. Her mama was sitting in the rocking chair holding Ollie close and slightly covered with a thin blanket. She knew this meant he was eating so she kept her voice soft as she spoke.

"It's twelve o'clock, Mama." She said as she came a little closer. "Can we go to the comic shop now?"

Alex lifted her head and smiled at her daughter before giving her head a little shake. "Not now baby girl. Mommy or I will take you after dinner, ok?"

Allie frowned. During the summer there were more kids her age at the shop during the afternoons. If they waited until after dinner it would be full of adults. "But we always go after lunch."

"I know baby," Alex replied. "but Ollie's probably going to sleep the rest of the afternoon. We'll go after dinner, I promise."

"But I don't want to wait until after dinner." The nine year old whined. "It'll be full of old people and tourists after dinner. I want to go now, please."

Alex held back a sigh and kept her voice soft and even so she wouldn't disturb Ollie as he nursed. "We can't go right now, Allie." Alex replied. "We'll go after dinner." She watched her daughter carefully and saw the next whining complaint coming so she cut her off. "We can either wait until after dinner or you can just wait until next week. Up to you."

Allie glared at her mother. She felt as if this were totally unfair. Ollie could nap when they got back, or even while they were out, it wasn't like he didn't take enough of them. Who knew babies slept so much during the day? What were they, vampires?

Her daughter seemed to be taking on more and more of her traits. The newest one was Allie's attempts at doing "The Look." Most of the time it made Alex want to laugh and cuddle her child, but that was only when Allie was trying to use it on someone else. Lately she'd been trying to use it on her, which of course never worked, she'd invented the look after all. Mother and daughter glared at each other until Ollie started to fuss, that's when Alex narrowed her eyes a little more.

"Fine," Allie finally gave in with a huff. She turned to leave the room, mumbling under her breath as she left. "Stupid baby."

Alex blinked, "What did you say young lady?"

Allie flinched, "Nothing Mama." She replied quickly as she looked at her mother over her shoulder. "I'm gonna go outside and play with Max."

Ollie was fussing so Alex didn't stop Allie. Sitting back a little more in the rocker she sighed. The newness of her little brother was wearing off and Allie was finally starting to see how having a baby changed things. Most of the time she handled it well, but then there were these little flare ups.

She loved her little brother, really she did, but she didn't like that everything had to change. They couldn't just pick up and go somewhere now. Before there'd been times when her mommy would just say lets go get pizza out of the blue, or her mama would wake up on Saturday morning and announce they were going to the movies. Now they had to work everything around the baby's schedule and when they did go somewhere they had to plan it out and pack him up. Allie half sighed half growled as she threw Max's tennis ball across the back yard.

After he'd been burped and changed into a fresh diaper and a clean onesy, Ollie was out for the count. Alex stood next to his crib and brushed lightly at his hair with a warm smile on her face. Then she turned on the baby monitor and headed down stairs. She grabbed the receiver for the monitor, which had been left in the kitchen, and then stepped out onto the small wood deck that served as a back porch. She watched Allie playing tug-a-war with Max for a minute or two before stepping down and sitting on the top step of the deck. "Allison," She called out softly. "Come here please."

Allie sighed. It was never a good sign when her mama called her Allison. She let go of the dog toy she'd had in her hands and then wiped her hands on her shirt as she headed towards her mother.

Alex tried not to cringe as Allie wiped dog spit and dirt on her white t-shirt. When Allie was standing in front of her she patted the spot next to her. "I think we need to talk, baby girl."

"About what?" Allie asked as she sat next to her mother. There were three steps below the one they were sitting on and Allie tried to stretch her legs out so her feet rested on the step next to her mother's, but she just wasn't tall enough.

"What you said upstairs." Alex said firmly as she watched her daughter watching their feet. "It wasn't very nice."

"I didn't say anything." She whined.

Alex frowned. "Allison," She warned. "I heard you. I know it isn't easy adjusting to how things have changed, but it really isn't Ollie's fault. He's just a baby, not a stupid baby, just a baby. Right now that means he needs to be taken care of in certain ways, which means sometimes we have to change how we do things."

"It isn't fair." Allie said as she continued to look at her feet. She'd crossed her arms over her stomach and was pouting again. "Why should we have to change everything, why can't we just do it like we use to only with him too."

"When Ollie gets a little older we'll be able to do some of the things we use to." Alex explained as she reached over and lifted Allie's chin so she was looking at her. "But for now you need to have more patience, baby girl. Mommy and I need you to be more understanding about things like this and chill with the attitude."

"What attitude?" Allie asked as if she didn't know her mother meant the pouting and flairs of temper.

"The one that could get you into some serious trouble if you don't nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand." Alex warned. Her voice was firm and she was giving her daughter a toned down version of "The Look." "I know you're trying to work through all of this, but that doesn't mean we're going to give you a free pass at acting spoiled and braty, that's just not you baby girl."

Allie just blinked as she looked up at her mother and then sighed. "I just wanted to go to the comic shop like we do every week."

"And I said one of us would take you after dinner." Alex replied as she continued to hold her daughter's gaze. "Wouldn't you rather go with one of us later and enjoy yourself instead of going and maybe having Ollie be fussy."

The smaller blond shrugged her shoulders. "I guess so."

Alex looked at Allie for a few long moments before finally asking, "What else is wrong, baby girl?"

Allie sighed. "Nothing. Can I go inside and watch TV?"

"No," Alex said firmly as she pinned Allie in her seat with a look. "I want to know why your pouting over this. I haven't said no you can't go, I said you could go later. Tell me what's wrong, baby girl."

"Nothing." Allie replied as she stood up and tried to walk back out into the yard.

Alex reached out and grabbed Allie's hand. She then made the girl turn and look at her before putting her hands on both of Allie's arms. "Allison."

Allie sighed out a long groan. "It's nothing! It's just you're always so busy with Ollie now. Mommy and I still spend time together but because Ollie needs you differently, you're always with him."

Alex was breast feeding and even though she pumped so Olivia could feed Ollie at night, she did spend a lot of time nursing him during the day. She made sure to spend time with Allie, but Ollie was always there too. They watched Hannah Montana while Ollie was napping, or Allie helped her make dinner while Olivia was giving him his bath. Olivia had taken Allie to the movies Saturday, they'd gone to the mall the weekend before that so Allie could make her and Ollie new teddy bears at Build-a-Bear, they'd even gone for pizza last night. She hadn't taken Allie out on her own yet. Alex sighed and fought the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry baby girl, I didn't realize. Tell ya what, when Mommy gets home she can look after Ollie for a couple hours. We'll go to the comic shop and then grab some Chinese, ok?"

"Really?" Allie asked.

"Really." Alex said and then pulled Allie into her lap. "Baby girl, we've talked about you needing to tell me and Mommy how you're feeling. You should have said something to me."

"I know Ollie needs you." Allie said as she let her mother hold her. "You're his birth mom, that's why he needs you differently then he needs Mommy."

Alex nodded, "That's true, but you need me too baby and I need to know how your feeling about that. It's a lot easier on all of us when you talk to us, baby. Ok?"

Allie nodded. "Alright Mama."

Alex kissed Allie's temple and wrapped her arms around her.


	48. Chapter 48

Casey had called her that morning and asked if it would be alright to stop by. That in and of it's self worried Alex. Casey and Serena were always welcome at their home, they were family after all, so when Casey had called and asked it really set off a red flag for Alex.

"You look worried." Olivia said as she watched Alex standing in the living room door way. The blond was sexy as hell leaning against the doorway with her hands wrapped around a coffee mug, her feet in red fuzzy slippers, her hair in a pony tail; and if it weren't for the nine year old laying in the floor watching what passed for cartoons these days she'd have said so out loud.

Alex smiled softly, "Jewish mothers always look worried."

That made Olivia laugh. She knew Alex didn't want to say anything with little ears around so she'd ask about it all later. "You're not Jewish."

"But my children are." Alex huffed playfully.

After a little more teasing Olivia got up from the couch and scooped Allie up off the floor. They were going to grab Ollie and head for Target for a couple of hours. Whatever it was that Casey needed to talk about, she needed to do it with Alex so Olivia thought she'd give them some quite space.

"I mean it Olivia," Alex said sternly as she glared at her wife who now had a cozy rigged to her chest so she could carry Ollie. "Don't come back here with more then two bags."

Allie snorted which got her a look. "Mama, that's impossible. That's like telling you not to go to Bath and Body Works when we go to the mall."

Olivia smiled brightly, "Yeah, it's impossible."

Alex rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh. "I knew being this close to a Target was bad. We're going to need a bigger house."

"No more then four bags." Olivia promised and then leaned carefully inward towards Alex to kiss her before adding, "Big bags."

Olivia and the kids had been gone maybe a half an hour when Casey knocked on the brownstone's front door. After getting them both coffee, Alex settled next to her friend on the couch and waited for Casey to start talking. When she didn't Alex decided to break the silence. "What's up Case?"

Casey looked up at the blond and smiled weakly. "You look worried."

"You sounded kind of lost on the phone this morning." Alex replied as concerned blue eyes looked into what appeared to be confused green ones.

Casey sighed, "I spent last night watching Elliot and Fin question a suspect. A father who beat and raped his fifteen year old until she miscarried, all because she'd slept with her sixteen year old boyfriend and gotten pregnant." The redhead explained, her voice soft and tired as if she hadn't slept in a week. "When I got up this morning Reenie told me that our adoption lawyer called. There's a sixteen year old willing to consider us for adopt her baby, but she wants to meet us before anything's agreed too."

Alex was thrilled at the possible adoption news, but she knew that now wasn't the time to focus on that. Casey was coming to a crossroads, one every prosecutor comes to when they work the kind of cases they did. Alex had been at that crossroad three times, Sam Cavanaugh, Cheryl Avery, Rafael Zapata/Cesar Velez. After each case she'd had a choice, though in the latter of the three the choice had been delayed by several years, but in the end she'd made the same choice. She'd come back. "I won't lie to you, Casey. It gets harder when you become a mother. The cases take on new meaning, you can't help but look at the faces of the victims differently. But it also adds fuel to the fire, it makes you want to nail the sick bastards even harder then before."

"That's just it, Alex." Casey sighed. "My passion for this has been waning ever since the Mills/Trent case. Then there was Picard, the Parker debacle last year, and now this on top of the shit with Lake, and what almost happened with Melinda."

"What almost happened with Melinda?" Alex asked.

Casey shook her head. "Don't ask."

It was the pain filled pinch to Casey's eyes that told Alex more then her words. Reaching out Alex put her hand on her friend's knee and looked her in the eyes. "You've been a hell of prosecutor, Casey. You went into SVU this little meek white collar mouse, but you busted your ass and earned your due. You're one of the best," She said, her smile proud before becoming warmer, more sisterly. "and it's more then alright if it's time to stop. You out lasted most processors who work special victims. You, me, and Donnelly." She teased lightly. "Toughest bitches to ever sit in that office."

"You don't think I'm giving up? That I'm quitting and taking the easy way out?" Casey asked. Even after she'd carved out her own place within the squad, her own place within the D.A.'s office, she still felt as if she were in Alex's shadow. She didn't resent it anymore, not since getting to know Alex, working with her and becoming so close as friends. But there was still this sense of big sister/little sister and she didn't want to disappoint Alex.

Alex shook her head, "No. Casey, you've done good. If it's time to go, it's time to go. You've got to do what's best for you, because what's best for you ties into what's best for you and Serena, and what's best for the family you're trying to start. If you're still comparing yourself to me and what I've done, knock it off before I smack you."

That made Casey laugh softly. "Thanks Alex."

Alex smiled and then leaned over and hugged Casey tight. "Any time." When they pulled apart Alex settled back into the couch and looked at Casey again. The redhead actually looked a little less stressed, but there was still something there. "What?"

"I'm worried about what the guys will say." Casey replied.

"Don't be." Alex said as she picked up the "I love my gay mommies" coffee mug Allie had gotten her at Pride last year. "They'll understand. The job gets to everyone, even Liv's taken time away from the squad when it's become to much."

"She went back." Casey pointed out as she wrapped her hands around her own coffee mug. She'd felt cold all night and all morning and if she could have she'd have sucked the heat from the mug in through her hands to warm herself. "You went back, you'd go back if it weren't for your pride."

Alex nearly choked on her coffee. "What's that mean?"

"Only reason you left was to get away from Elliot before you seriously hurt him." Casey replied. She looked up at her friend and the warmth in her eyes is what took the sting out of her words. "You'd go back if Jack offered it to you and you know it."

"Maybe." Alex replied after a few moments of thinking it over. She did miss working special victims, but to take her old job back would be step in the wrong direction. "What are you going to do after you talk to Jack?"

"Take some time off." Casey replied. "After that, Mary Clark has always told me I'd have a place in her firm."

Alex nodded and smiled, "You'll be a lot happier there."


	49. Chapter 49

It was the perfect summer day. It was warm and not a cloud in the sky. It was a little muggy, but not the choking on the air kind of muggy. The recent string of storms had curbed the weather just enough that Alex felt it was alright to bring the kids to the park. Her watchful gaze shifted between Allie who was playing with her friend Kelly under a tree near the bench Alex had set up at, and Ollie who was in his stroller. The bright eyed infant, who seemed to be fascinated by everything now, was gooing happily at his hands. Now that he was a little stronger, he could hold his head up and when they placed him on a blanket on the floor he tried those little baby push-ups, Allie was much more at ease with him.

"Here ya go beautiful," Olivia said as she handed Alex an orange mango banana vivanno. She sat her own lemonade frappuccino in the cup holder of the stroller and then picked up her son. "Hello little man, miss me?"

Alex stared at the cup in her hand and sighed, "I miss coffee."

Olivia laughed as she sat next to her wife and then placed Ollie in a sitting position on her lap. With his back and head supported by her chest it gave him a chance to look out at the world. "Only a few more weeks and we can start switching him to formula." Olivia said as she looked over at Allie. "What are the girls doing?"

"They're trying to teach Max sign language." Alex answered after sipping her drink. She smiled as she watched Allie and her friend. She'd never thought she'd be so happy simply staying at home like she had been, but as the new school year dawned ahead of them and the end of her maternity leave lurked closer she felt sad and even cheated in away.

"How's that going?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

"Not half bad when he doesn't get distracted by the squirrel in the tree." Alex laughed.

Olivia sighed in a sad sort of contentment. "It's so not fair that I had to go back to work. I miss doing this kinda stuff everyday."

Alex leaned into her wife as she put an arm around her. She rested her head on Olivia's shoulder as she used her free hand to play with Ollie's dark hair. It had been hard for Olivia to go back to work, it was going to be like torture for her.

"Ok Max," Allie said as she got her dog's attention again. She'd looked over her shoulder at her mothers and brother watching them and it made her smile. "Sit." She said as she and Kelly did the sign for sit. When Max sat both girls praised him. Then Allie got him to stand again and did only the sign. When he sat, the girls cheered and chattered to each other with excitement.

"What are you doing with your hands? You retarded or something?"

Allie looked up at the girl who'd come over to them, which in turn caused Kelly to look up. The girl was maybe a year or two older and a little taller then Kelly who was a little taller Allie. "It's sign language." Allie replied. If the girl had just asked the first question that would have been ok, but the second one made Allie frown.

"Sign language?" The girl asked. "So you are retarded."

Bright blue eyes narrowed carefully as Allie got to her feet. For some reason sitting and letting the girl look down at them didn't feel right. Kelly stood when she saw Allie stand. "No," Allie replied. "My friend can't hear, so this is how we talk to each other."

The older girl who had long dark hair and a deep permanent tan looked at Kelly who was pale, freckle faced and had wavy red hair. The girls were a total contest to each other. "So she's the retard."

That made Allie mad. She stepped closer to the girl and placed herself between her and her friend. "No, she isn't a retard. She's deaf, that's not the same at all."

"Sure it is," The girl said. "Do that silly hand thing again."

Allie was giving the girl her own version of "The Look" as she crossed her arms. "If you think that then your ignorant. Go find someone else to pick on."

"Why don't I pick on you small fry." The girl said as she poked Allie.

Before Allie could say or do anything she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she looked up she saw her mother standing behind her and looked between her and the girl.

"Is there a problem here girls?" Alex asked.

"She was picking on Kelly, Mama." Allie said she returned her glare to the bully girl.

Alex looked at the strange girl, giving her the full blow original Cabot glare. "Maybe you should run off and play somewhere else."

The girl looked up at Alex and shrugged. "Whatever, bye shortly, by retard."

Alex felt Allie jerk as if she were going to go after the girl but put her other hand on Allie's other shoulder to keep her in place. When she saw the other girl leave the area she looked down at Allie and Kelly. "Are you two alright?"

Kelly nodded as she signed, "Yes Mrs. Cabot."

"Sure." Allie said, though her narrowed eyes and flaring nostrils said other wise.

Kelly put her hand on Allie's arm to get her attention and then signed, "Thank you."

Allie sighed back. Between Kelly who'd become one of her best friends and her uncle's girlfriend she was getting pretty good at signing. "What for?"

"Sticking up for me." Kelly replied.

Allie shrugged but with a warm smile. "You're my friend, I stick up for my friends. She's a bully, I don't like bullies."

Alex smiled brightly. She was so proud of her little girl that she actually got the little cocky look on her face that she got when she won a big case. "What do you two say we ditch the park and grab some lunch? We'll even get ice cream on the way home."

Both girls seemed to brighten as they cheered, "Yeah!"

Later that evening after Kelly's mother had picked her up Allie seemed to become a lot quieter. She hadn't said much of anything at dinner and afterwards she'd gone up to her room. When Alex had taken Ollie into the bathroom for his evening bath, Olivia made her way up to her daughter's room and knocked softly on the door.

"Come in." Allie called out.

When Olivia walked in she couldn't help but smile. Allie was sitting at her desk with her laptop open but not turned on. The little girl's gaze was fixed on the window and whatever was beyond it. She had her chin in her hands, her elbows propped up on what space there was between the edge of the desk and the laptop, and she wore a very thoughtful expression that bordered on heartbreaking. "Hey Allie-Cat. You okay?"

"Yeah," Allie replied without looking at her mother.

Olivia walked over and sat on the edge of Allie's bed and watched her for a second or two before asking, "What's on your mind baby?"

It took several moments before Allie turned to face her mother. The questions in her head were shadowed on her face and for a moment she didn't know how to put it all into words. Finally she replied, "I was just thinking about what happened at the park."

Olivia patted the place next to her and waited until Allie came over and sat down before asking, "What about the park?"

"Why are people so mean?" Allie asked suddenly. "I don't understand it. Adults say that kids are mean and can be cruel, but adults do it too. I just don't understand why people have to pick on people who are different then they are. People pick on Kelly and Amy because their deaf, they say mean things about you and Mama cause you're gay, they say hateful things about Bubbe and Uncle John because they're Jewish, or about Uncle Fin because he's black." There were tears welling in the girl's eyes as she looked up at her mother. "Once when Nana first got sick Bubbe and I went to pick her up from her treatment and we over heard a woman nearly yelling at her. She was saying that it wasn't right that foreigners were coming to this country and stealing all the good medical care."

Olivia reached over and put her arm around her daughter then drew her close. She felt angry and sad and needed to take a moment to keep her own emotions out of her voice. Her little girl was trying to make sense of something that not even adults could make sense of. Olivia knew that Allie questioning prejudice this way meant that she'd lost a small part of that innocence every child has before the real world gets it's hands on them. It was killing her inside. "Prejudice and hate isn't something we can explain easily, baby. I don't know if it's something we can explain at all. There's just certain people out there that will hate someone because their different in some way."

"But it's stupid, Mommy!" Allie said as she snuggled into her mother. She never felt safer then when she was snuggled against one of her mothers, but somehow this time was different. Her mama had made the girl leave, but the words had already been said. "I mean, the girl looked like she was Spanish or something, she was different, she was something someone else would hate, but she still decided to pick on someone else even though she might know what it felt like."

"Sometimes when someone's been hurt, the way they deal with it is to hurt someone else." Olivia said softly as she began to play with Allie's hair in a soothing way. "It's their way of dealing with what's hurting them."

"Like when I don't know how to say what I'm feeling and I start acting out until you and Mama catch on." Allie said as she looked up into her mother's dark eyes.

Olivia smiled warmly and nodded, "Yeah baby, it's kinda like that."

"It's stupid when I do it and it's stupid when they do it." Allie huffed.

She couldn't help herself, Olivia chuckled. "Yeah, it is, but it can be a tool. When you do it we know your asking for help, when others hurt others like that sometimes it's their way of asking for help too."

"Only sometimes though." Allie said softly.

Olivia sighed. She let Allie's long blond hair flow through her fingers before reaching out to caress her daughter's cheek. Allie was getting ready for a growth spurt and not for the first time Olivia thought about how beautiful her little girl was, and would be when she grew up. She only wished she could keep her innocence intact, but the world at large wouldn't allow that. It was a good thing Allie was just naturally sweet and kind hearted. "Yeah baby, only sometimes. Sometimes, people are just mean because they are."

"Some people just wanna watch the world burn." Allie sighed with the kind of sigh that said she just understood something she hadn't before.

"Allison," Olivia said with a frowned brow. The line was a little to familiar. "Where'd you get that?"

Allie flinched a little. "A movie?"

"I thought so." Olivia replied. They didn't let her watch overly violent movies, and she and Alex had decided the new Batman would be to dark for a nine year old. Apparently someone else didn't. "When?"

Allie smiled, "Mr. Langan took us to see it when I went to T.J.'s last week." When she saw the look on her mother's face she rolled her eyes, "I'm not a baby any more Mommy."

Olivia looked at her daughter, her mind replaying what they'd been talking about and sighed. She caressed Allie's cheek again and then pulled her into a hug. "Yeah baby, I know. I don't like it, but I know."


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: I decided to take down my last chap and put this one up. I think I'm going to end this story at 55 chaps and than start a new one, and the last chap I had up works better closer to the end. So this is a new chap, by request, my take on Undercover. :) Enjoy.

* * *

She'd made the choice a hundreds times before without a second thought. She knew what her job was and she was willing to do whatever it took to get it done. Now was different though. Olivia's life wasn't the same as it had been when she jumped into this kind of choice. She had Alex now and their children. She had to think about them in making her choices. And she had, she knew that Alex wouldn't want her to do this because she'd understand the risks Olivia was taking. Olivia also knew that Alex was going to be mad as hell with her, but she would also understand. There was only one way to find out what was going on at Sealview. This was the only way to help Ashley and her mother.

"Captain." Olivia said as she walked with Cragen. "Send me to Sealview, undercover."

"Not a chance." Cragen replied as they entered his office.

"Why not?" Olivia asked. She wasn't willing to let this go. She had to do this and she needed him to understand. The bastard was throwing up roadblocks at every turn. Stealing the rape kit, killing Ashley's mother, scaring Ashley so bad she couldn't think straight. The only way they were going to find this bastard was for her to go after him on his turf.

"Because it's a suicide mission." Cragen replied as he looked her in the eye. He could see the determination in her dark eyes and sighed inwardly.

"I've done it before." Olivia argued.

Cragen shook his head and glared at her. "With a group of tree huggers, not a bunch of convicts and correction officers, and certainly not with a family waiting for you at home."

Olivia sighed as she flexed her hands at her sides. "I know. Alex and the kids were on my mind the whole time I was thinking this through. But Captain, I need to do this. Someone needs to stop this guy from raping these women."

"You go in there you have no power." He warned. Alex was going to kill him but he could tell he wasn't going to get Olivia to back down from this. "You'll be totally on your own and at their mercy."

"I know." Olivia replied. She and her captain stood there for several minutes staring at each other. Olivia stood her ground and waited hoping he would allow her to do this. Finally he nodded.

"Talk to Huang about setting up your cover." Cragen told her as he sat down and picked up his phone. "After you talk to Alex."

She knew what he was doing. He wanted her to talk to her wife first hoping that Alex would talk her out of this, but she couldn't Olivia's mind was made up. After returning to her desk she called George. She told him what was going on and asked him to come right over. Then she called Alex and asked her to come over as well.

There had been something in Olivia's voice that didn't set well with Alex. She made her way to the station as soon as she could. They'd finally haired a nanny that both she and Olivia liked, but it was still hard for her to leave Ollie with anyone who wasn't family. When she arrived at the station she found Olivia upstairs with George. "Liv?"

Olivia looked up when she heard Alex's voice. She excused herself from talking to George and then led Alex to the crib. She closed the door behind them and looked at Alex for several seconds. Finally she moved towards the blond and explained, "Alex, something's come up in the Tyler case. It goes a lot deeper then we thought." She took a deep breath before adding, "I'm going undercover."

Alex stood there staring at her wife while everything Olivia had been telling her about the case went trough her mind. Olivia had been troubled by this case. Something about Ashley Tyler had really triggered Olivia's compassion for her victims, and the abuse of power really pissed her off. Finally when the whole thing had played out in her head, Alex began to shake her head. "No. Absolutely not! Olivia, you cannot go undercover at Sealview! It's to dangerous!"

"It's the only way to stop whoever it is that's raping these women, Alex." Olivia replied. She'd expected as much form Alex. She was putting herself in a really risky position, and if there were any other way she'd do it, but there wasn't. "There's no one in there protecting those women when it's a P.O. who's abusing them."

"Olivia!" Alex said angrily as she stared at her wife. "You have no jurisdiction in the prison system! You'd be going in without backup, without a way out!" Then she had a thought that made her blood run cold. "If they found out you were a cop they'd kill you!"

Olivia went over to her wife and tried to put her arms around her, but Alex pushed her away and shook her head. "Alex, I have…"

"No, you don't have to do this." Alex cut in. "You want to, you feel like you need to, that's just who you are, it's what makes you a good cop. But Olivia, you're not just a cop anymore. What am I suppose to tell our children if you get hurt or killed?"

"Alex you're being overly dramatic, don't you think?" Olivia huffed.

Alex narrowed her eyes and glared at Olivia. "No, I don't. Excuse me if I don't like the idea of my wife being locked away in prison full of hard core convicts and a rapist with all the power."

"That's just it, Alex." Olivia said, her voice calmer then she was feeling. She really didn't want to go into this with a fight between her and Alex looming over her head. "This guy does hold all the power, it's why we need to find him and stop him. Sure these women are convicts but they don't deserve to be raped any more than any other woman."

"But why you, Olivia?" Alex asked. She was still angry, mostly scared, but her voice had leveled off. "Why do you always have to be the one on the line?"

"It's my job." Olivia answered honestly. She did what she could to separate her work life from her home life, and she understood that this crossed that line, but there just wasn't any other way.

Alex nodded, "But what about your life? Or is the job still your life?"

"You know it's not!" Olivia replied, her voice rising as she started at Alex. "You and the kids are my life, you know that."

"Then find another way that doesn't put you in so much danger." Alex said as she headed for the door. She paused and turned to look at Olivia, her fear bright in her blue eyes. "We promised Allie we wouldn't do this kind of thing any more."

Olivia didn't get a chance to reply. She watched as Alex walked out and then sighed.

Alex headed right down to Cragen's office. She knocked once and then let herself in. She glared at him when he looked up at her. There wasn't a need to say anything. He knew why she was there and she could tell by the look on his face that he'd tried to talk Olivia out of this.

"I'll do what I can, Alex." He told her as he looked up at her worried face.

"If she doesn't come home to me, I will never forgive any of you." She warned him and then turned on her heel and left. She couldn't believe Olivia was doing this, and yet she'd expect no less of her. Alex sighed as she hailed down a cab. Reaching into her pocket after giving her address she sent Olivia a text telling her she loved her.

"Everything alright?" George asked when Olivia came back.

Olivia sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck. "She isn't happy with this."

"Can you blame her?" He asked as he watched her pace like a cagy animal.

Olivia shook her head. "No. She was right about all the risks, but I just can't do nothing."

"Do you think Alex understands that?"

Olivia felt her phone vibrate and snatched it off her hip quickly. She opened the text message, read it, and then nodded at George. "Yeah, I think she understands, but that doesn't mean she won't be mad as hell when I don't come home tonight."

For the tenth time in an hour Alex looked up at the clock and sighed. She was about to pick up the phone to call Olivia, to ask her one more time not to do this, but then she heard the front door open.

"Mama!" Allie called out as she peeled off her backpack. "I'm home!"

Getting up from the couch Alex made her way to the foyer and smiled when she saw Father Brendan hanging up Allie's Hannah Montana backpack. "Hey baby girl." Alex said as cheerfully as she could. "Did you have a good time?"

Allie nodded. "I really like singing with the children's choir and we're starting not to suck!"

Alex laughed as she pulled Allie to her. She wrapped her arms around Allie, who had her back pressed against her knees, and then looked over at Father Brendan and smiled. "Thanks for bringing her home, Father."

The elderly priest with the soft Irish accent smiled a smile that reminded Allie of her Nana Dette's smile. "I enjoy our time together, so it was my pleasure."

Allie tiled her head up and smiled at her mother as she asked, "You and Mommy are going to be there Sunday right? We're going to sing."

"Wouldn't miss it baby girl." Alex said, though her smile faulted a little. She didn't know if Olivia would be home by Sunday.

She knew her mothers well enough to know when something was wrong, but Allie didn't say anything. She just smiled back. After hugging her great-uncle goodbye she followed her mother into the kitchen. She watched the older blond very carefully and then as she handed her a tomato for the salad she asked, "What's wrong, Mama?"

Alex looked down at her daughter and smiled as best she could. "Nothing, sweetie. I'm just a little worried about Mommy, that's all."

"Why?" Allie asked. Her mothers never outright lied to her, but they did hold back on things they thought she was to young to understand or thought might hurt her. She also knew that there were just some things she couldn't know. "Is she working a hard case?"

Reaching out Alex tucked Allie's hair behind her ear as she nodded. "Yeah, she is, and she might not be home tonight."

Allie frowned. She didn't like it when her mother didn't come home. It scared her to think about what could be going on, but she was learning that that kind of fear just naturally came with being the kid of a cop. "Will she call like she always does?"

"She will if she can." Alex hoped that all of this was worth it and that whoever this asshole was he got what he dissevered.

After dinner Allie sat on the floor plating with Oliver and waited for the phone to ring. As it got closer to her bedtime she kept glancing up at her mother who was stealing glances at the phone when she didn't think Allie was watching. "She's not going to call, is she?"

Alex got up from the couch and went over to the where her children were on Oliver's big blanket. She sat beside her daughter, pulling her into her lap and then kissed the top of Allie's head. "It doesn't look like it sweetie, but it's not her fault, sometimes she just can't call us when we want her too."

After Alex got Oliver down for the night she went back downstairs to watch television with Allie for a little while before putting her to bed. Half way through The Wizards of Waverly Place there was a knock on the door. Alex detangled herself from her daughter's limbs so she could answer the door. Peeking through the frost glass she saw a dilvery man on the other side.

"Mrs. Benson?" The young man asked after Alex opened the door.

"Yes." Alex replied.

"I have a delivery for you and a Miss Cabot." The young man replied.

Allie squealed. "That's me!"

After signing for the delivery Alex was handed a large white box while Allie was given a smaller one. Alex lead Allie back into the living room after tipping the delivery boy. Alex knew that this meant Olivia was on her way to Sealview, which upset her but didn't really surprise her. Alex smiled at Allie who was way to excited just before bed. "Go on baby girl open it up."

Her mommy had sent her nine pretty pink roses for Valentine's Day, and she got lilies for her birthday just like her mama, so Allie knew that getting flowers was special. Opening her box Allie's eyes got huge and bright as she squealed. "Mama look!"

Inside the box was an arrangement of purple lisianthus in a pale green vase. At the base of the vase was a small brown teddy bear that hugged the vase as it turned it's happy little face out towards side. "Oh that's so pretty, baby."

Allie plucked the card from the flowers and read out loud, "Pretty little flowers and a new friend for my pretty little Allie-Cat. Love you so much, Mommy." Allie beamed as she said, "I love you to Mommy." Then she grinned up at her mother. "Open yours Mama!"

"Ok baby." Alex said as she opened her box. Inside were the most beautiful orange tiger lilies, which where her favorite, and six red roses. Picking up the card she opened it and sighed as she read; Please forgive me, I just had to. I love you, always have, always will. Olivia.

"Ooo! Those are you favorites!" Allie said brightly.

"They sure are." Alex said with a smile, which she wore just for Allie. "I told you Mommy would let us know she loved us." She stood, picking up her box of flowers and added. "Lets get these in water, ok? Then we'll put yours in your room."

As she got Allie ready for bed that night, Alex kept looking over at the flowers now sitting on her daughter's dresser. She kept her sighs to herself as she hoped and preyed that Olivia was all right and would be home soon.


	51. Chapter 51

Oliver giggled from his swing as Alex worked quietly at her laptop. She was checking email, IMing Serena, checking Allie's agenda for the week, anything to keep her mind off the bad feeling that had settled in the pit of her stomach. Cragen had let her know that he'd managed to get Fin in as backup, but that only helped a little. She still needed to hear from Olivia, she needed to hear her voice, to hear it from Olivia herself that she was ok.

A knock on the door brought Alex's attention back from her worries. Getting up from the couch she picked Oliver up from his swing as she passed then headed to the door. She was more then a little surprised to see Melinda standing on the other side. Opening the door she asked, "What's happened?"

"We need to talk." The medical examiner said as she stepped into the brownstone.

Alex nodded, "Go ahead through, I'm just going to put Ollie down for his nap." Alex's mind raced with reasons why Melinda would come to her home to talk about something. If something had happened to Olivia Elliot or Cragen would have come to tell her. After putting Oliver in his crib and turning on the musical nightlight that projected stars on his ceiling, she went back down to the living room where Melinda was waiting.

"He's getting so big." Melinda said when she saw Alex enter the room.

"I swear he grows a little every time I turn my back." Alex replied and then added, "What's going on, Melinda?"

Melinda sighed, "Elliot said you came to the station to see Olivia before she went to Sealview?"

Alex nodded. "She called me over to tell me she was going undercover. Why?"

"Alex," Melinda began carefully. "Ashley Tyler is in the hospital with multi-drug resistant tuberculosis. It's spread through close contact with an infected person. Alex, you and the kids need to be tested."

Alex felt her blood run cold with fear, not so much for her self but for her children. They were both so small, especially Oliver; something like this could be devastating. "When?"

"As soon as possible." Melinda said. "I have my medical bag in the car, I could do it now."

The blond swallowed the lump in her throat as she nodded. "Allie will be home from school soon. Do you have time to wait?"

Melinda nodded. "I'll go get my bag and we'll do you and the baby first."

Half an hour later Alex was sitting at her kitchen table with Melinda waiting for Allie to come home. As she chatted with Melinda, her gaze kept drifting down to the spot where Melinda had put the test fluid just under her skin. She wanted to be angry with Olivia for putting them in this situation but she just couldn't do it, at least for the moment. The fear over one of her babies testing positive was just to strong no matter how low the changes where that either of them were infected, Melinda was just being overly careful.

"Thanks for walking me home Mrs. Lewine! See you tomorrow Carrie!" Allie called out as she waved to her friend before closing the door. She quickly wiggled out of her backpack, which she left on the bottom step and then hung up her coat before calling out. "Mama, I'm home!"

"I heard." Alex said as she came out of the kitchen. She smiled when Allie gave her a hug.

Allie smiled up at her mother, she was excited about talent show her school was having and couldn't wait to tell her mama about it, but the look on her mother's face curbed that a bit. Then she saw who was standing behind her mama. "Hello Dr. Warner."

"Hello, Allie." Melinda said as she returned Allie's warm smile.

"Sweetie, I need you to come sit with me in the kitchen ok." Alex said as she took Allie's hand. "Melinda's here cause she needs us to do a test to make sure we're healthy."

Allie blinked but nodded. She had her own doctor, one she really liked, but if her mama said Dr. Warner needed to do a test then it was ok by her. "What kind of a test?"

"You've had a T.B. test before, right Allie?" Melinda asked as she opened her bag.

Allie nodded. Her bright blue eyes got a little wide at the sight of the needle, and she wrapped her mama's arms around herself as she sat in her lap, but she didn't try to fight it.

So many things were going through Olivia's mind as she tried to make sense of what was going on. A deadly outbreak of T.B was going around. How long? Had Ashley been exposed? If the girl had been then that meant she could have exposed Olivia before she'd come to Sealview. As she watched the slimy C.O. coming towards her table all she could think about was Alex. If she'd in anyway caused Alex to get sick, or God forbid one of the babies, she'd never forgive herself.

"Get up fish."

"What for C.O?" Olivia asked as she forced herself not to flinch too much at his touch. She couldn't bear it when they put their hands on her and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep herself from reacting like a cop again.

"For whatever I say, now get up."

People think cops were cocky, she thought with a huff, but cops didn't have anything on correction officers. "Hold on, I didn't get my shot yet."

"You'll get one later. Maybe even two pricks."

A hard painful knot formed in Olivia's stomach. There was a look in the C.O.'s eyes that she knew all to well; the look of a predator. Her mind shifted as she wondered if this was the moment she'd been looking for, the bastard she was there to hunt, she was so centered on the caller that everything that happened next went by in a blur.

"If there's some kind of outbreak we have a right to know."

"Sit down and shut up."

"We have a right to the truth."

"That's right. Tell us what's going on."

His hands where on her again, his grip harder then it needed to be. She heard the women shouting, the voice of the captain over the intercom, she could see out of the corner of her eye the riot team dressed in their black swat gear. She felt the cold surface of the table as the C.O threw her down as he put the cuffs on her, and Olivia found herself carefully controlling her breathing, trying to counter act the impulse to react using well-honed skills that no battered junkie would know. She had to let herself be subdued and it wasn't easy, every fiber of her being was screaming at her, she was too strong to be this damn weak.

"Who started this?"

"This one."

Olivia wanted to say something, to argue, but she didn't she just allowed herself to be lead off. It wasn't until she realized they were going the wrong way that the real panic set in. They were going down several fights of stairs on the other end of the prison. Olivia's heart pounded painfully in her chest as she tried to point this out but when she turned to look at the C.O captain, she suddenly knew why her own captain had been so dead set against this. Olivia was in trouble and she knew it.

"Captain, I'm sorry I freaked about the outbreak. I apologize." She breathed out in short gasps as if it were suddenly painful to breath.

"We're long past apologies now." The captain replied. "Now shut up and do as your told."

Brown eyes took in the mattress as fear ripped through Olivia's body. As the adrenalin kicked in, she could almost feel herself shifting into fight or flight mode. She was still cuffed, that made it harder, but she would be damned if she let this bastard rape her. That's when it hit her, it wasn't the puck ass C.O Fin was working with, the prep was the captain.

Olivia felt his hand squeeze her face, she felt his other hand on her as he pushed her to the mattress, she watched as he hovered over her, but her mind could only think of two things; how she was getting herself out of this, and Alex. Her beautiful, strong, loving Alex who all but begged her not to do this. She couldn't, wouldn't, let this son of bitch touch her, he had no right. She was Alex's and only Alex's.

Olivia screamed, she begged, she would do anything to make him stop. For a flash of a moment she wondered if her mother had felt this same crippling fear when she'd been attacked. Then he made his first mistake, which drew her away from thoughts of her mother. He untied her hands. Olivia ran. She needed to find a way out; she needed to buy time for Fin to find her. As she crouched in her hiding place, Olivia found herself preying, something she hadn't done in years. When the light of his flashlight hit her, she remembered why she didn't prey anymore. Her panic rose as he threw her against the door. The tears she'd been trying to hold back washed down her face in hot streams as he cuffed her to the door. She could hear herself screaming no over and over as he undid his pants but her own voice sounded so far away. Her mother, Alex, Allie, Oliver, they all passed through her mind as she found herself staring at his penis. She could smell the stink of him, feel the warmth of him on her face, and it caused bile to rise in her throat. Olivia screamed while in her head and in her heart she begged for help.

It was a sharp physical pain that Alex couldn't explain but she understood nonetheless. She gasped as her hand went to her chest. "Olivia." Dropping the mug she'd just taken from the cupboard to make tea she called out in a tightly controlled panic. "Barbara!" She rushed from the kitchen to find their new young nanny playing with Oliver. "Barbara, I need to go, please keep an eye on the children."

"Sure, Mrs. Cabot." The young grad-student replied. "Is everything alright?"

Alex wanted to say no. She wanted to say something was wrong with Olivia, but she didn't. "I just need to head to Olivia's station. I'll be back in while."

She hadn't trusted herself to drive so Alex took a cab to the station. When she burst though the doors she made even Elliot Jump. "Where is she?!"

"Alex, calm down." Elliot said as he got up to meet her. "I tried to call the house but your nanny said you'd already left. Liv's on her way here."

"What the hell happened?" Alex demanded. Her hard, icy blue gaze shifted between Elliot, Munch, and Cragen who'd come out of his office as soon as he'd seen her. She noticed the way the three of them looked at each other and asked again, her voice low and threatening. "What the hell happened to Olivia?"

Cragen took Alex by the elbow and started leading her to his office. "She's alright, Alex. She's on her way here now, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."

Olivia hadn't even bothered to change out of her prison jumpsuit. She just wanted out of hell, she could have been naked for all she cared, she'd just wanted out. As she and Fin pushed Harris into the squad room she finally felt safe for the first time since stepping off the bus at Sealview. She managed to keep it together as she passed Elliot and Munch as she and Fin took Harris to interrogation, but when she saw Alex standing behind the captain she nearly faltered. After cuffing Harris to the table, which she found only fitting, she gave him one of her best smirks. "Welcome to my house. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back."

When she stepped back out into the squad room she looked around for Alex. Elliot told her she'd gone up to the crib. Olivia took the stairs three at a time and then ran for the back room.

When the door flew open Alex saw Olivia came in with tears welling in her eyes. Her wife didn't need to say a word, Alex just knew that something had happened and that whatever it was, it was bad. Alex took several quick steps and before Olivia could even open her mouth the blonde had her love wrapped tightly in her arms.

Feeling Alex so close was all Olivia needed to build her strength up again. She knew that at some point she'd crumble, but not now, not yet. Olivia clung to Alex as if she were a lifeline until she felt she could stand on her own two feet without her knees giving in.

"Olivia, are you alright?" Alex asked when they finally pulled away. She reached up and lightly brushed at the huge bruise on her love's cheek and found herself somewhere between tears and blind rage. "What happened?"

Olivia nodded as she tried to get herself to stop shaking form the emotions ripping through her body. "Better now, and we'll talk about it when I get home, ok? I really want to get cleaned up right now and I really need you to just stick close, ok?"

Alex nodded. "Of course, baby. I'm not leaving until I can take you with me."

"Thanks." Olivia sighed.


	52. Chapter 52

A muffled gasp passed Olivia's lips as she bolted up right in bed. Every night since Sealview her dreams had been nightmares. She relived those hellish minutes in the prison's basement every time she closed her eyes. She'd gotten more sleep when Oliver was a newborn then she was getting now. The dark haired detective drew her knees to her chest as she scrubbed her cold sweat soaked face with her hands and took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding painfully in her chest as she tried to calm herself as quietly as she could. She didn't want to wake up Alex, or Allie who'd climbed into their bed a few hours ago after her own nightmare. The hand suddenly rubbing slow circles on her back told her she hadn't succeeded.

All Alex did was offer her silent support, and for that Olivia was grateful. She wasn't ready to talk about it yet, but feeling her wife's arms around her helped Olivia feel a little stronger. Several long minutes passed before Olivia lifted Alex's hands to her lips to place a soft kiss on them. Then she slipped out of her love's arms and their bed. "Go back to sleep, baby." Olivia whispered. "I just need a moment."

Alex nodded and watched as Olivia made her way to their bedroom door. She wished she could do more for her wife, but she knew Olivia well enough to know that pushing her was a bad idea. It frustrated Alex to no end that she couldn't take a more active role in her wife's recovery, it made her feel helpless and she really hated feeling helpless.

Olivia paused in the doorway to watch as Alex settled back into bed, her protective, loving arms now wrapped around their sleeping daughter. A flash of a smile tugged at Olivia's lips when her dark eyes caught Alex's blue ones. A few years ago, before Oliver, before Allie, before Alex had come home, something like this would have crushed Olivia completely. She knew that she had to get over this, to heal for herself, but it helped knowing that she needed to move on for her family as well.

After checking on Oliver, who was sound asleep with the sweetest smile on his face, and making a cup of tea Olivia found herself in their dinning room, which they'd come to call Allie's war room. She had seen a touch of competiveness in Allie when it came to softball, but that completive streak really came out at the beginning of cookie season. There were maps of the neighborhood, lists of neighbors who had bought, whom hadn't, and whom they still had to try. Allie was even making a list of who bought what so she'd know for next year. The littlest blonde Cabot had even perfected her sales technique. Dressed in her uniform Allie would give her little sepal about the cookies and then top it off with a look so sweet it could be a cause of concern for diabetics. As she'd watched her daughter in those moments there was no doubt what so ever that the little girl was Alex Cabot's daughter.

Olivia sighed as she sank onto the couch. She'd been putting off taking the next step in her recovery. She knew that she needed to talk to someone, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to setting up an appointment with anyone. It wasn't like there was a lack of people she could talk to, professionals in the field that she trusted. There was George who she'd gone to for help before and Elisabeth who was still seeing Allie once a month, but they were both just to close personally this time. Alex had given her the card for a therapist who dealt mainly with military victims, and Olivia had thought maybe she'd met with her, but she'd been dragging her feet. She wondered what it would take to finally make her make the call, but she never would have thought that it would be snapping at Allie for no reason. Sitting there thinking about it, Olivia couldn't even remember what Allie was doing, all she remembered was snapping at her, "Allison, knock it off!" and then the look of confusion and hurt in those little blue eyes she adored so much. She called and made an appointment right after that.

It was the sound of footfalls on the stairs that brought Olivia out of her thoughts. She looked up just in time to see Alex coming down with their son in her arms. Olivia couldn't help but smile. Alex was dressed in a gray Yankee's t-shirt that reached her thighs, and her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail. Even this early in the morning the woman was breathtaking.

"What are you smirking at?" Alex asked as she headed towards the kitchen.

"You." Olivia replied easily as she got up to follow Alex.

Alex settled Oliver into his high chair and then went to the fridge for a bottle of breast milk. While she reached for the box of baby rice cereal she watched Olivia making coffee out of the corner of her eye. "You didn't come back to bed this morning."

"I meant to." Olivia replied as she put the little white cup of Alex's favorite coffee into their Keurig coffee maker. It had been a Christmas gift from Caroline and was still taking some getting use to. She slipped Alex's 'Lawyers never lose their appeal' coffee mug under the maker's spout and then set it on the table while Alex put on Oliver's 'Trust me, my mommy's a lawyer' bib. She couldn't help but smile as she reached for her own 'Married to a Lawyer' mug.

She was just pouring Allie's PediaSure into an NYPD mug when the tiny blonde came in rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Morning Allie-Cat." She held her breath, waiting to see if her daughter was still upset with her for snapping at her the night before.

"Morning Mommy." Allie replied as walked over and wrapped her arms around Olivia.

Olivia sighed in relief as she hugged the girl back with one arm while smoothing her hair with the other.

"What am I chopped liver?" Alex asked as she held out a baby spoon full of rice cereal for Oliver.

Allie, who'd been resting her head on her mother's stomach with her eyes closed, peeled herself away from her mommy so she could kiss her mama's cheek before plopping into her chair. She sipped at her mug full of orange cream supplement drink and then took a big drink, just the way Olivia did with her coffee every morning.

"Will you take Max out while I get the kids ready for church?" Alex asked as she continued to feed the baby.

"Sure." Olivia replied as she watched Allie with a smile.

"Are you going to met us at the diner for brunch?" The blonde asked.

"Actually," Olivia said as she wrapped her hands around her own mug of hot coffee. "I thought I'd go to mass with you this morning."

Both Allie and Alex looked up at the same time. They gave each other a quick look before Allie looked at her mother. "It's not a holiday."

Olivia glanced at the little girl and nodded while she shrugged one shoulder. "I know, I just thought I'd come along. If that's ok with you."

Allie smiled brightly. "Yeah! Of course it's ok!"

After sending Allie upstairs to get dressed Alex looked over at her wife, watching her carefully.

Olivia knew the look and it made her smile. "I can't explain it, Alex. I just feel like going."

Alex got up and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. She kissed her softly. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Liv."

"I know, but I want to, I just can't right now." Olivia replied. She sighed as she held Alex tightly.

She couldn't help but feel a little out of place in a church. Olivia really wasn't much for this type of thing; she left the religion stuff up to Alex, Elliot, and Munch. But sometime around dawn she just started feeling as if she wanted to be here with her family. After mass as they made their way towards the door Olivia blushed a little when Father Brandon smiled at her.

"It was good to see you with us today, Olivia." The old priest said, his Irish brogue only slightly faded from his time in the States.

"Thanks." She replied, unsure of what to say. After they left the church they made their way to the same diner that Alex had taken Allie to that very first time they'd picked her up from the children's home. It had become a tradition and for Olivia it made her feel safe, normal, as if the last few weeks were just a sliver in an other wise happy life. She and Alex would take the kids shopping after brunch cause Allie needed new tennis shoes for summer and Oliver needed a few new things because he was growing like a weed. When they got home they'd watch whatever movie had come in the mail yesterday, make dinner, and go through their nightly routine. Everything would be fine until she closed her eyes and the memories came back.

Alex found herself watching Olivia whenever she had a chance. It was hard watching Olivia pull away just out of reach, but she had faith in her wife. Alex knew that Olivia wouldn't pull to far and that when she was ready she'd talk to her about it all. It was just that even a small amount of distance between them made Alex uncomfortable. As she watched Olivia helping Allie try on the police car light up Sketchers she'd picked out, Alex found herself really wanting to kill the son of bitch who even dared to touch her love. She'd been so upset the day after Olivia came back from Sealview, Alex had thrown a wild punch in her kick boxing class that nailed poor Casey right in the eye.

Not for the first time Alex wondered how she and Olivia were going to be able to keep their promises to Allie about always being safe when it came to work. "Baby girl, are you sure you want those? They're boy's shoes."

"But they look like cop cars and they light up, they're so cool!" Allie said as she walked around in the pair she was trying on. "I'll get girl Crocs, that'll balance it out."

Alex laughed. "Alright, if you're sure."

After paying for Allie's shoes and a cute little pair of sneakers for Ollie, they took Allie to the little play area. Alex switched her gaze back and froth between Allie and Olivia.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked after noticing Alex looking at her again.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" Alex asked as she reached into the diaper bag to avoid looking at Olivia.

Olivia sighed. "You keep looking at me as if I'm going to vanish or wither away."

Alex blushed. "Sorry."

Olivia shook her head. She lifted Oliver out of his stroller and held him on her lap while she said, "I hate that this crap is seeping into our lives."

"It's alright Liv." Alex said as she handed her a teething biscuit for Oliver.

"No, it's not." Olivia replied. When Oliver started to fuss she took a deep breath and then quickly changed the subject. "Let's go see what your sister is up too over there."

Alex sighed as she watched Olivia and the baby heading over to where Allie was playing.

"Mommy?" Allie asked later that night as Olivia helped her get ready for bed.

"Yeah Allie-Cat?" Olivia replied as she brushed out Allie's hair.

Allie shifted so she could look up into her mother's face. "Is everything ok?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Why do you think it's not?" Olivia asked. She could feel a knot forming in her stomach as she looked down into those innocent blue eyes.

"You and Mama keep looking at each other as if you're waiting for something to happen, you keep going," She sighed deeply like she'd heard her mothers do, "and you yelled at me last night."

Olivia hugged her daughter tight. "I'm sorry about that, baby. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"I was really mad at you, but Mama said you didn't mean it." Allie replied. "Is everything ok?"

"It will be, baby." Olivia promised. "Something happened at work and I'm just a little on edge, that's all."

Allie wrapped her arms around her mother's neck.


	53. Chapter 53

The moonlight coming from the bedroom window cast silvery shadows on Alex's body as Olivia caressed her wife's breasts and placed soft kisses on her firm stomach. Alex had been more then a little determined to keep her figure after the baby and as Olivia made her way south she was finding it easier to over look the slight obsession because it was so clearly worth it. They had been moving slowly when it came to sex. Alex had been understanding about Olivia's need to ease back into some things, but Olivia was finding that need more then a little frustrating. The support group meetings she'd been sitting in on helped a little, her sessions with her counselor helped too, but she was still being rather distant when it came to Alex. In some weird way Olivia felt as if she had to protect Alex from the truth. Alex knew what she was doing of course and that had made the blonde angry. They'd been arguing over little stuff and Olivia knew it had to stop before things got to out of hand. She just didn't know how to go about that, so she'd hoped an evening alone with her wife would help.

Olivia paused to listen to the sounds she was electing from her wife and then lowered her mouth for the familiar sweetness. She moaned a bit herself until she felt Alex's hand on her head, holding her in place. Olivia's worse fear surfaced when the memories of the assault flashed in her mind. She tore herself away from Alex, her breathing deep from fear now rather then excitement.

"Baby?" Alex asked, her heart pounding at the terror she saw in Olivia's eyes. "Baby what is it?"

The dark haired woman shook her head as she sprang from the bed. "It's nothing."

Alex got out of bed and headed towards Olivia, but stopped when Olivia held out her hand in warning. "Liv that wasn't nothing. What did I do? What happened?"

"Just give me a minute, Alex!" Olivia snapped. She closed her eyes in an attempt to shake off the memories and the anger. Invading her dreams was one thing, invading her private moments with Alex was another.

"Olivia!" Alex demanded. "Please talk to me! I need to know what I did that caused that look in your eyes."

Olivia opened her eyes and looked over at Alex. The understanding, the pleading in those blue eyes she loved so much just pushed at her even more. Tearing her gaze from Alex's Olivia began to gather up her clothes. She dressed quickly as she tossed out, "I need some air."

Alex grabbed her robe and followed Olivia as she headed for the front door. "Olivia stop! Talk to me, damnit!"

"I don't want what happened anywhere near us, Alex." Olivia said with her hand on the doorknob. "I just need a little more time to work through this, ok?"

"No, it's not ok." Alex replied. She walked over and put her hand on Olivia's shoulder and turned the other woman to face her. "The assault is already here with us, Olivia. You can't keep protecting me from it. I can't keep walking on eggshells, we can't keep fighting over nothing, and I need to know what I did that hurt you so badly. Please talk to me."

Olivia sighed. She put her hand over Alex's as she said, "You didn't hurt me, Alex. It was just a flash, just a moment; I just need time to shake it off. I'll be back."

Alex was worried, scared, and mad as hell as she watched Olivia walk out the door. She went into the living room and flopped down on the couch, tears welling in her eyes and then rolling down her cheeks. She was going to wait up until Olivia came back and then they were going to have this out, even if Olivia didn't want too.

She didn't know where she was going. Olivia just got in the car and started driving. She was angry as hell so she was driving a little faster then she should have been. It had been a wonderful night right up to that moment. The kids were with Caroline so she and Alex had spent the whole evening together. A nice dinner, a show, a long walk just talking and holding hands, and finally a cozy evening in their living room with a bottle of wine that had lead to their love making in the bedroom. She'd been fine as Alex touched, kissed, and caressed her. She'd been fine returning the affection, and then in the blink of an eye it was over. All it took was a flash of that bastard's hand on her head pushing her towards him and that was that.

The sound of sirens finally brought Olivia out of her thoughts. She glanced up into the rear view mirror and swore. She pulled over and then waited. When she looked up at the officer who tapped on the window she sighed in relief.

"Olivia?" The uniformed woman asked as she glanced down into the car.

"Hi Connie." Olivia replied sheepishly.

The redhead smirked. "Did you forget to put you light in the window or are you late for a hot date?"

"Neither, just being an ass apparently." Olivia groaned.

The two women had gone to the academy together and had remained friends. Connie Morgan had been one of the first people outside her unit that Olivia had come out too. They still had lunch at least once a month, and Connie had even been over to the house with her family. So it wasn't too much of a surprise that the uniform cop knew the look on her old friend's face. "I'm off in fifteen. Lets get you off the street before you try to enter this cute little car in the NASCAR circuit. You know the diner on 34th? Meet me there."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue but Connie didn't give her a chance. Half an hour later she was sitting in a booth with Connie who was trying to get her to spill her guts over coffee and cheesecake. Half a cheesecake later Olivia was explaining what happened not only with Alex but also at Sealview.

Connie looked at Olivia with sparkling green eyes for a long moment before finally saying, "Olivia, you're a goddamn idiot."

Brown eyes grew large before blinking in surprise. "What?"

"You're an idiot." Connie repeated. "Yeah, sure, what you went through was a kind of hell that no one should be put through, but it could have been worse and you did come out of it relatively unscathed." Connie held up a hand and added, "I'm not saying you weren't traumatized, hell anyone would have been, but you're a strong woman Olivia and you know damn well there's worse in the world. You're dealing, you went for help, you're working through it, and I'm proud of you for it. A few years ago you would have drunk your way through it rather then talking your way through it." She paused to sip her coffee and then went on. "Do you wanna know why you're an idiot though?"

"Go for it." Olivia huffed. She should have seen this coming. Connie wasn't known for being tactful, she was blunt and to the point. It was one of the reasons they'd become such fast friends in the academy.

"You're out butching yourself. Hell, you're being more macho then your caveman of a partner." Connie said as she pointed her folk at Olivia. "You haven't talked to Alex out of some macho bullshit idea about keeping her safe from what happened. She's a strong woman, Olivia, the prefect partner for you because she doesn't have any illusions about you or the real world. She loves you; she can handle hearing the truth, the details. I bet when you do tell her, you'll get over that hump that you slammed into tonight." Green eyes locked with brown as Connie added, "Stop acting like your idiot partner and talk to your wife."

Olivia glared at her friend. "What's your beef with Elliot?"

"Nothing, he's great. Irish, macho, bullheaded, hot as hell. Another lifetime and I'd be all over that." Connie said with a wicked smirk. "It's just that in this case you're acting just like him and it isn't as hot on you."

"You'd make a hell of detective." Olivia laughed. "It would be fun as hell watching you slam a perp with his own stupidty."

Connie smirked. "Go the hell home to your wife, Liv. Talk to her, cry your heart out, and let her help you heal."

Olivia sighed as she looked down into her coffee mug. Her mind raced for a few seconds and then she finally nodded. "Thanks Connie."

"Anytime, Liv." Connie replied. "But you come speeding through my sector again and I'm busting your ass."

When Olivia got home she found Alex asleep on the couch. She sat on the coffee table and just watched Alex for a few minutes. She thought about what Connie had said and about all the things she'd said herself to victims over the years. It wasn't going to be easy, reliving it yet again and watching the emotion play out in Alex's eyes, but Connie was right. This could be the last thread she needed to let go of to really move on.

"Alex." Olivia said softly as she reached out and shook her wife's shoulder. "Baby, I'm back."

It took a few seconds before Alex came to and for her mind to clear. When she was thinking clearly she sat up right. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Getting pulled over for speeding." Olivia said honestly.

"Olivia!" Alex huffed, and then her anger flashed in her eyes. "I asked you to stop, to talk to me, and you walked out! I can't take much more of you shutting me out, Olivia, we need to talk about this!"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Alex was ready to launch into the tirade she'd been planning but as she watched her wife all but deflate she lost her momentum. "Liv?"

"Connie pulled me over tonight and then proceeded to call me a macho, butch, idiot and she was right." Olivia said slowly as she lifted her eyes to look at Alex. "I was trying to protect you."

"I don't need to be protected, Liv." Alex said as she reached out and took Olivia's hand. "I need to be able to understand, to help. I know that the assault happened to you, but wither you like it or not it's touched me, and the kids, because we love you and we're connected to you. Please, Liv. Talk to me."

Olivia wrapped her hands around Alex's. Her eyes locked onto their wedding rings before she looked up again. A flash of anger brightened her eyes when she saw the pleading and the openness in Alex's, but it passed quickly and was replaced with a painful need to finally let it all out. Olivia took a deep breath and then told Alex everything. She told her why she'd felt so compelled to go to Sealview, her need to help, to fight the monsters, and that even though she no longer fought the monsters because of her mother, she was still fighting them for Alex's sake, and for Allie's and for Oliver's. She told her what it was like to work out her cover with George. What it was like to be plunged into the prison system, and finally what happened in the basement.

There were tears in both women's eyes when Olivia finally stopped. Alex slowly got off the couch and sat next to Olivia on the coffee table. She wrapped her love in her arms and just held her. The two sat there for quite some time before Olivia asked, "Do you blame me?"

"I did." Alex admitted honestly. "I was angry with you for putting yourself in that position. I was scared when I thought there was a chance the kids could be sick, so I was angry with you for that. But in the end I was more angry with myself because there was nothing I could do to keep you safe, and nothing I could do to make the bastard pay, and because I couldn't seem to offer any help to you at all."

Olivia took Alex's hand and lifted it to her chest where she held it close to her heart. She closed her eyes and sighed before looking at Alex again. "I'm sorry for putting you through that."

Alex reached over and caressed Olivia's cheek. "I know you are."

The two women sat there for a little while digesting everything they'd said so far. Olivia wasn't sure what she had expected Alex to do, but she was relieved that Alex didn't break. Why had she been so sure she would? Maybe because she herself had nearly been broken, a feeling she hadn't had since her mother was alive. Alex shifted between hurt on Olivia's behalf to out right rage. If she ever saw that sick bastard she'd kill him, or at least use a dull knife to cut it and his funny mole off.

"Do you know what I was thinking when he was trying… when I knew what he was after…" Olivia suddenly asked.

Alex's throat was dry so her voice sounded even more cracked with emotion. "What?"

"That he couldn't have me because I was yours." Olivia said almost shyly.

Alex placed her hands on either side of Olivia's face so she could turn her love to face her. She placed a soft kiss on Olivia's trembling lips and whispered. "You are mine, Olivia, in every way; just as I'm yours. No one can ever take that from us."


	54. Chapter 54

When Alex first returned from witness protection she'd felt as if she'd had a second chance at life. She'd actually thought of it as a type of resurrection. The Alex Cabot who'd come back to New York wasn't the same woman who left that night in the dark. This Alex Cabot had had new dreams, new desires, and new plans for her life. But not even the new Alex Cabot could have dreamed of the life Alex had now. As she watched her children playing with their mother, she felt a swell in her chest that consumed her. Never before had Alex felt such love and contenment. Sure, she had a good childhood, her parents loved her and she never wanted for anything, but even it couldn't touch the way her very own family made her feel. All those years chasing the D.A.'s seat never made her feel the way being a wife and mother made her feel.

Bright blue eyes shined with love as Alex watched Olivia set their son on his feet. She smiled as the dark haired tough as nail yet soft as a kitten detective stood behind Oliver, who had a two fisted death grip on his mother's fingers while he took shaky steps towards his sister who was cheering him on. Alex's thoughts drifted towards the past for a moment as she watched. It was hard to believe that it had been nearly two years since she and Olivia had decided to add to their unexpected but very much cherished little family. The nervousness and fear over the procedures', the pain of the failed attempts, the hope and silliness that came with Allie's little toy chicken, the sheer joy of finding out she was pregnant, the absolute bliss of holding her newborn son, and the love she felt for Olivia, for Allie, for her son all crashed over Alex in a tidal wave of emotion as she watched the result of all that emotion learning to take his first steps. Oliver was a marvel and still held his mother enthralled with this very existence. He was such an easygoing little boy and yet had this intensity about him that at times made him rather comical, but also made Alex feel as if he would be a force to be reckoned with when he was older. He could get so flustered when learning a new skill, he'd scrunch up his little face and ball up him little fists, his chubby little face turning red as his little nostrils flared, and then in the blink of an eye he'd be giggling and babbling happily as if everything around him were merely there for his entertainment.

Alex knew already that Oliver would be just as stubborn as she and Olivia were. Just the other day she'd watched as mother and son locked eyes, dark blue staring just as stubbornly into brown, over his bowl. Olivia wanted to take it off his high chair tray to wash and Oliver wanted to hold on to it so he could squish his fingers in his oatmeal. When Olivia had taken it away from him he screamed at her. Olivia scolded him for it and so started the face off. It took a lot for Alex no to laugh as she wondered who'd win. She never got to find out because as soon as Allie walked into the kitchen Olivia had been tossed aside like an old toy. Oliver adored his big sister and whenever she was in the room all his attention was on her. Alex knew that it sometimes annoyed Allie, and most likely would for the next twenty years, but Allie took it in stride. She loved her baby brother as much as he loved her. If there had ever been any doubt of how much Oliver adored his sister, not that there was, it was swept a way when Oliver said his first word.

Oliver had been sitting on his blanket in the living room floor gnawing on a soft block while she and Olivia were sitting on the couch. Allie had been out with Cassie for the afternoon and when she came in Oliver's whole face had lit up. He'd raised his arms up to her and yelled out, "Awie!" At first she and Olivia had thought he was saying owie, as if he'd hurt himself, but then he started sing-songing it when Allie knelt down to hug him. "Awie! Awie! Awie!"

Allie had been so touched over the fact that her brother's first word was her name that she'd cried. Hell, Alex had cried too. Since then his vocabulary had exploded. He was saying Mam for her, and Ommi for Olivia. He said Max clearly, though both Max and Arthur the cat were Max to him, and few other words with new ones popping up nearly everyday. Alex couldn't believe he was growing so fast and even though she took so much pride in him as he developed, each new millstone also broke her heart because it meant her baby was growing up. Soon he'd be a toddler, then he'd be five, school would soon follow that and before she knew it he'd be sixteen and asking to use the car, dating would follow that and in a blink of an eye they'd be taking him to college. Alex had to shake her head a bit to stop her thoughts from speeding to fast into the future. She didn't want to worry so much about him growing up only to loose out on watching him grow in the present.

She tended to do the same thing with Allie, stopping herself just short of dancing at her daughter's wedding. Allie was an amazing little girl. So bright and loving with just enough determination and stubbornness to make Alex forget that she wasn't biologically hers. Had it really only been four years since Allie had come into her life? At times it felt as if Allie had always been in her life, but then there were the times when Alex actually felt cheated because she'd missed out on the first six years of Allie life, and jealous of the people who got those first six years. But those emotions never lasted, she was just too grateful to those people for Allie to feel jealous of them for long. Despite all the bad linked to how they'd gotten Allie, Alex knew they'd been blessed. She truly felt as if everything, good, bad, and downright awful happened for a reason. She felt it down to her very core, down to very marrow that Allie had been meant for them.

This time Alex felt her thoughts shifting to the future as she watched Allie laughing at Oliver who was grunting to get back on his feet. What would Allie become when she grew up? She talked about being a cop like Olivia, much to Olivia's horror. Her new favorite game was to dress up in what she called her power suit, a gray skirt, her school uniform blouse, and a gray blazer she'd asked her grandmama for, slip on her play glasses, and pace in front of Oliver's play pen while arguing her case before the jury as to why the accused stuffed animal, or Max, was guilty. But she also had a very strong talent and passion for the arts, she was still taking violin lessons, she loved to sing and dance, and she was still very into drawing and painting. So many choices, so many possibilities, that it made Alex's head spin. She laughed a little, she even remembered Allie saying once in passing that she might be a Rabbi. Her baby girl's future was bright and Alex couldn't wait to share in it.

Again the blonde brought herself back to the present. No matter what Allie choose to be when she grew up, Alex wanted to enjoy the actual growing part. She didn't want to miss a moment, and she knew Olivia felt the same way. Her blue gaze shifted to her dark haired love, who was laying flat on her back while Oliver climbed over her bent legs as if she were a jungle gym. Allie was hovering over her head, intense blue eyes staring into giggling brown eyes as she asked yet again to go to the skateboard park later. At the very core of her world, at the very center of her everything was Olivia. If it weren't for her Alex wouldn't be standing here watching her family play, she wouldn't even have a family. Without Olivia she wouldn't know what it meant to feel love, or hope, or happiness. Without Olivia she wouldn't know the ache of heartache, the frustration and anger that came along with the ease and happiness. On her own Alex had been a formidable woman. With Olivia at her side Alex felt both humbled and unstoppable.

She laughed at herself again. Her mid drifting to a science project she'd just helped Allie with. Allie had done a research paper on big cats and Alex suddenly found herself comparing herself to tigers and lions. Before Olivia, Alex had been a tigress, a solitary creature living, mating, and hunting in her own personal home range. Olivia was the same way when they'd first met, and although their territories crossed at times, they never quiet became one. But now, now they were more like lionesses living their lives together in a pride. But the one thing that remained the same was the strength and furiousness of each woman, made stronger by the other's presence.

Alex was brought out of her strange thoughts by a pair of arms wrapping around her waist. She leaned back against Olivia, her head resting on her love's shoulder, and sighed as a smile spread slowly across her face. Olivia was sweaty from playing with the kids and Alex breathed in the scent like it were a fine perfume.

"What were you so deep in thought about?" Olivia asked as she held her wife tight.

Alex laughed, "I think we should take the kids to the zoo."

The look on Alex's face had been so intense that when she said the zoo it took Olivia aback. "The zoo?"

"Mmmhmm." Alex replied as she closed her eyes and soaked in Olivia's presence. "I've a sudden urge to see the lions."

Olivia looked at Alex for a long time trying to figure her out. She'd thought for sure the thoughts she'd seen passing in the blonde's eyes were deeper then lions. "Um, ok."

Alex laughed again as she turned in Olivia's arms. She slid her own arms around Olivia's neck and then leaned in slowly to kiss her passionately.

The emotion behind the kiss startled Olivia but she quickly melted into it and returned those emotions. The only reason they stopped was because Allie was laughing in the background. She hadn't reached the age where seeing her parents show affections was gross. She still thought it was cute.

"Mama, did you say something about the zoo?" Allie asked.

Alex smiled at her nine year old. "Yeap, what do you say we forgo the skate park and head to the zoo."

Allie smiled "Cool! I can test out the new camera Grandmama got me!"

Olivia laughed, "Guess we're spending the day with lions, tigers, and bear little man." She told Oliver as she picked him to get him ready for the day's outing.

"Oh my." Alex added with a laugh. This was good, her life, and no matter what lay ahead of them, or behind them, she knew it always would be.


	55. Chapter 55

If someone would have told Olivia when she was sixteen that she would someday be married to a woman, happily married at that, with two kids and future prospects for more; she would have laughed in their face and asked what they were on. A happy home life seemed like a pipe dream to Olivia when she was younger. Hell, it was a pipe dream right up to her thirties. Right up to the moment she'd first seen a glimmer of something better, a glimmer caused by a casual evening of take out and wine at a certain A.D.A's apartment. She couldn't remember the exact case they'd been working, but she could remember how they'd slipped into talking about themselves rather then the case. She could remember feeling the spark of connection between her and Alex. After that they'd started spending more of their free time together. They became friends, they became close, and Olivia found herself falling in love. Then it all went to hell.

Olivia had reverted to the way she had been before she'd met Alex, there for everyone else, but distant when it came to herself. She'd gone into some kind of emotional hibernation, one that she remained in until she'd found herself in Alex's arms. Her life hadn't been made simple or easy because of Alex; they were after all a lesbian couple raising a family in a climate where they were still looked down upon, but it had been made happier, fuller, and complete.

A victim once asked Olivia to define happiness. At the time she couldn't and she had agreed, to herself anyway, that happiness was an illusion. She'd been wrong, so very wrong. Happiness was waking up with Alex in her arms. It was the sound of Allie's giggle. It was the weight of Oliver asleep on her chest. It was laughing with the boys at Clancy's. It was watching Casey playing softball. It was learning to cook from Sally. It was running in the park with Max. It was living her life and remembering to take in every detail.

Olivia's life was so vastly different then she'd pictured it would be when she was younger. After all here she was sitting in a pew at a Catholic mass with Alex and Oliver to her left and Allie to her right, when she'd vowed never to go down this road again. But sitting here with her family just felt right to Olivia. The sense of peace that washed over her still unsettled her at times, but more and more it started to feel like a warm and welcomed hug from an old friend.

"So where are we having lunch today?" Alex asked at the end of the service as they made their way towards the front doors.

"Mama!" Allie said as she slipped past Olivia and held her hand out to Alex. "I need a dollar please."

"How about Indian?" Olivia asked as she watched Allie take the dollar from Alex and run over to the statue of St. Michael. Every Sunday Allie put a dollar in the donation box and lit a candle at the foot of the St. Michael statue while asking him to watch over her mom and uncles.

"Sounds good to me." Alex said while they waited for Allie to come back over. When the little girl was at their side again she asked, "Mommy wants Indian for lunch, how's that sound?"

"Can I have spicy curry?" Allie asked hopefully.

Olivia laughed. "You can have some of mine."

Allie smiled as she took her mom's hand. "Deal."

Happiness was the feel of her daughter's hand in her own, the sight of Alex's smile, and the sound of her son clapping his hands. Happiness was feeling at peace and content even in the worst of times. Happiness is what Olivia had, and as they walked out of Father Brandon's little church, she sent up a little prayer of thanks to whoever might be listening. And when Alex smiled at her over the roof of the car, somehow she just knew she'd been heard.

The End

Author's Note: I know it's been another long drought but life some times likes to knock you around. I've started working on season three so stay tuned to your inboxes for the next installment of Alex and Olivia and their lives.


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